Trying to figure out how to be a good adult stepdaughter...
LindaLou22
10 years ago
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Amber3902
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoLindaLou22
10 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
Trying to figure out how much and what to plant is killing me
Comments (9)I feel your pain, this is my first year market gardening as well. In the past, my garden was large enough for friends and family--this year it's an acre with other smaller plots spread around the farm. Boy, did I underestimate the amount of seed I needed. I know the people at the seed companies are laughing their heads off at my many extra orders. Stupid Me. I noticed you left out sweet corn. But maybe you're like me and decided that the risks (violent psycho deer and Jap. Beetle invasions, space hog, etc.) outweigh the rewards. In my lurkings at the farmers' markets around here last year, new and fingerling potatoes sold real well, but it's probably too late to get good choices now. Banana Peppers, hot and sweet were popular, as was the sweet pepper variety Carmen if you don't have an aversion to hybrids. Peas and spinach are also reputed to be money makers in spring. Those guys, along with a variety of lettuce and radishes and speciality green mixes are how I plan to start my season. But, yeah, being new to this is killing me too, but I love it. I love the fact that I have finally learned to drive a tractor, although I had plowed about a fourth of my field before my uncle (farmer for 80 years) comes rushing down and it becomes clear by the look on his face that there are some things you can't learn by reading about. But that was cool in itself, because now I know half the field is done right and I did it myself. Oh, I'm so proud. Now if the weather would just cooperate so Farmer Susan could plow the rest of her field I'd be in high cotton. Right now I don't like the fact that I just spent all day searching for a more energy efficent way to heat my makeshift shed/greenhouse only to discover at 12 o'clock tonight that if I hung plastic down from the loft, the inside temp raised 10 degrees right away. Note to self--keep little space heater--take back 200 dollar propane heater and never listen to that salesperson again. But tomorrow, I'll slap myself on the back for being a genius. Now if that irrigation system I pondered over for weeks on end arrives and works the way I plan...but there's fun in that too. I love this. Wish you much luck this season, and may we both be successful at juggling all these little balls in the air. Oh, shoot, sorry. Got off topic there and forgot--have you thought about investing in strawberries, blueberries or other small fruits? It may take a few years, but the end returns should be worth it. I'm starting out with strawberries and blueberries (hoping to add year by year) and plan to spend any extra time I have this season getting some land ready for bramble crops. And easy cut flowers, maybe?...See MoreAdult StepDaughter hates me and never forgets.
Comments (4)I can't offer any advice except to move away if possible. That is the only way to be free of it. I offer that suggestion because my son went through a situation similar. He is married to someone like that and it got so bad he wanted to hit her. When his company closed for a 2 week shut down he checked himself in the hospital mental ward for help. They counseled with him and finally told him the marriage is dysfunctional and the only way he will ever have a normal life was to move so far away she couldn't follow him. At one time he moved two states away and she followed him. He didn't leave her and he is still fighting the same battles. They will never end....See MoreI need to talk about my adult step-daughter
Comments (5)Shakti, I have to wonder if you have ever been in a stepfamily! Rob says he has been the father figure to his stepchildren for 28 years! That's hardly "only a friend." Would you tell an adoptive parent that they were "only a friend"? It sounds like he stepped in when their biological father had done them some pretty awful physical and psychic harm--that's not "just a friend" stuff, either. Sure biology and genes are important, but the day to day raising can be almost as powerful. Rob, I am closer to your age probably than some of the other wonderful posters here, and I might be able to offer some insight? Wish I could be of more help. One thing that occurred to me reading your anguished words is that you are at the age where we start to think more about our place in the world, what we have done, life review and all that. And seeing where we are peched on a family tree is so important to us all of a sudden. Whereas the young people in our lives are intent on making their own families, making their own way in the world--it sometimes feels like they have no time for us, like we are no longer important in their lives. And it sounds like although you feel your SD strongly prefers your wife over you, it also sounds like she is "buying" the favor, making herself indispensible by providing all those practical services for SD. (Didn't mean for that to sound negative--it's the way of the world.) Is there a reason you don't go along to visit your grandkids? (I didn't say "stepgrandkids" because I know so many stepparents who would never dream of calling their SKs their "children," but for some reason are comfortable without the "step-" with the next generation. Maybe because the grandkids never knew a time without them--or maybe because grandkids already have four grandparents, why not add another one?) Here's something else I discovered as I was thinking these things through in my own life. With my SDs, I am more quick to perceive slights and insults. But when it is my own children I find myself thinking "oh they're just kids." I try to apply that test when it seems like my SDs are ignoring me or not as receptive as I would like to an activity or something--I say "what if it was my biokids" and then it doesn't hurt so much--I find myself in the "they're just kids" place. Have you talked to your stepdaughter about missing her and the grandkids? Do you and your wife ever babysit? Your relationship with your grandkids will soon grow on its own, apart from their mom....See MoreAdult Stepdaughter Still Resents Me After 20 Years
Comments (6)Greetings. I also have no specific advice for you, however I can tell that this is a huge ongoing disappointment for you. Very unfortunate for sure. I would like to offer several observations from my own experiences. It seems to me that this general attitude from your stepdaughter is not specifically related to your "Step" relationship with her, rather it is likely due to her poor attitudes and values/priorities towards life and family in general. This negative attitude could also be largely due to her own personality traits and the broad family dynamics that all families experience. I have seen this negative ignoring attitude situation with grown children directed towards their intact family biological parents, and certainly towards their siblings. Parenting is an inherently flawed process, and mature adult children will rise above the past, forgive their parents (step or not) and work to build good family relationships, if that is important to them. This ignoring behavior from the stepdaughter is probably not about you specifically, however you make a very convenient target. One thing I had to teach myself is that when I give a card or gift to someone, I would simply enjoy my internal feeling of love by giving the gift, and to not expect any loving response in return. A loving act in return would just be some unexpected and wonderful "icing on the cake," if you know what I mean. If you don't truly enjoy the giving of the gifts and cards to your stepdaughter, then there is no point in continuing to give them. You might leave this card/gift duty up to her other parents and just go on giving to the ones that will actively participate in life with you in a positive way. Leave the door open for your stepdaughter to mature, however life is short and I say enjoy the loving relationships you have with your other family and friends, and let stepdaughter chart her own course without your concern. Good luck! I hope that my comments help in some small way....See Moresylviatexas1
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