Court with BM today... Me, not DH

12 years ago

Yes, I sued BM. and sorta won today.

I posted a while ago how BM's mother picked up SD last month & got her bloomers in a twist because some shoes were confiscated from SD & she bought them. I called grandma to explain that SD had not been taking care of her things & I took them as a lesson & she could get them back if she did what she was supposed to. Instead, SD told grandma that I took her shoes away & won't let her wear them. (I don't know if grandma asked her where they were or if SD was "tattling" on me to get grandma riled up... doesn't matter really) I called grandma to explain the situation & she starts yelling at me that I have no right to take stuff she buys for SD. I told her that when she buys something for SD, it becomes SD's property & since we are raising SD, it is up to us to discipline & taking the shoes was the same as say, taking her cell phone or a favorite toy away. She wasn't taking care of her clothes so her favorite shoes were taken... it wouldn't have mattered who bought them. So, grandma proceeds to tell me that I have no right to make any decisions regarding SD because SD has a mother. I was angry & told grandma that I'm more of a mother to SD than BM... that BM needs to get off her lazy @$$ and come get her daughter herself instead of sending grandma all the time... then grandma said she was going to get an attorney & I told her go ahead, they can bring up the shoes in court but they are not going to change the rules in our house. Then BM got on the phone & started yelling at me about court & how she thinks I am abusing SD. They started saying that we dress SD in rags & all I told her was that she needs to stop playing farmville all day & be a mother to her kid. (I did use the F word many times but that's the clean version of what happened) I had no idea that SD was in the room with her mom or that BM had even put the phone on speaker.

Anyway, BM went on Facebook that day & wrote "So I am being harrassed and threatened by my ex's wife on facebook, can everyone check to see if you have either a "my full real name" or "my husband's full real name" on your friends list and let me know. She is STALKING MYSELF AND MY DAUGHTER!!!!"

Well, it's not true. I have never threatened her... well, I did tell her that I would be bringing evidence to court to prove she is a liar, so maybe she considers that a threat? and I did say the F word a few too many times & I did call her lazy & a bad mother... so maybe she considers that to be harassment. But, apparently it is not in the eyes of the law. The Judge told her she crossed the line by writing that stuff. She openly admitted she wrote it because I made a reference to her playing farmville all day so she was angry. I told the Judge I would like her to stop lying about me to anyone that will listen... now she is using my full name on an internet site which could potentially be seen by hundreds of people, which damages my reputation. There were nine people that wrote responses. Two responses talked about sending people over here to "take care of business" and BM was encouraging it, not saying that she doesn't want anyone to get hurt! So, I filed a defamation of character/libel lawsuit in small claims court. In CA, the small claims court limit is $7,500.00 and since I didn't want to spend hundreds on filing fees & attorney's (because I know I won't collect on it), I filed it for the maximum of $7,500.00.

The Judge agreed with me. He said she was wrong but he was reluctant to give me a Judgment because he cited the ongoing family law case with DH. He said there were probably many other issues and that her doing this should be brought up in the family court... (if only he knew the half of it) When I told him about her badmouthing me for years, he did issue a conditional judgment against her saying if she says anything about me in the next six months, I can come back & he will award me the $7,500.00. So, I was pleased that the court did not throw it out and give her the message that what she did was excusable. He flat out told her she was wrong. She asked the Judge to make the conditional judgment go both ways so I would have to pay her if I said bad words to her again. The Judge laughed and said it doesn't work that way, so he told her no.

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Comments (12)

justmetoo
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
--"I was pleased that the court did not throw it out and give her the message that what she did was excusable. He flat out told her she was wrong"--

That is really what it was all about, getting BM to knock the crap off. Maybe she'll take the judge seriously and stop putting your name and especially the untruths out there. It was a stupid thing for her to have done...hopefully she got the lesson.

So, what happened about the shoes? Did you have to give them back before SD earned them back?
parent_of_one
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
i am glad it turned out this way, good for you for suing her not putting up with nonsense. same as justmetoo, i want to know what happened to "damn shoes" LOL
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imamommy
Original Author
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Nope. The shoes remain in my closet. DH got another text from grandma... this time all sweet & nice since being nasty didn't work... telling him to have SD wear them back & they will keep them there for her to use. At this point, they've made such a big deal over those stupid shoes that it makes it harder for me to give them back when she does earn them. I really want to avoid the appearance of BM or grandma being the reason SD got her shoes back. That is what really pisses me off about the whole situation. We are trying to teach a lesson & they are too wrapped up in fighting with us to see that. If they are going to undermine everything we try to do, I've been inclined to ask DH to let BM have custody so it can be her problem. BM is teaching SD how to behave, but then complains when she misbehaves at her house. Our influence goes out the window when BM tells SD that what we say doesn't count.

One thing I noticed when going through all our court documents from the past four years is that when DH asked for support & BM started making accusations that I am abusing SD, she also said SD was doing terrible in school. This was just toward the end of SD's 1st year with us when she was finishing 3rd grade. In reality, SD was actually improving. She had problem at the beginning of the year, I think because she was so devastated that her mom moved away. But, I worked with her a lot throughout the year & she was doing pretty well that year. When we pointed out she was actually doing better, BM's argument that she needed custody because we weren't helping SD with school went out the window. Coincidentally, when SD came back for 4th grade and immediately began failing. Five months later, she admitted to her counselor that she was failing on purpose so her mom could win custody of her. Hmmm, I wonder where she got THAT idea?

I could have argued a little harder & gotten him to give me the money Judgment, he had no legal basis to deny it since she admitted she wrote it and offered absolutely no justification for it. It wasn't about the money at all because I would not likely ever collect on it anyway. It was about her being told what she's doing is wrong and hoping that by having a Judge telling her, not us... that it might sink in. That's two Judges in two weeks that have told her. She still told the Judge, in a tone like I was the bad person, how SHE put her phone on speaker while I was saying bad words to her and her kids heard the commotion & came running in to hear it all. She really expected the Judge to admonish me? Her attitude was like "how dare Ima talk to me that way in front of my kids!" but the rest of the world can put it together that SHE put the phone on speaker, knowing what I was saying... SHE left it on speaker when the kids came in & she allowed the kids to keep on listening because she wanted the kids to hear how bad Ima talks to mommy. What the kids heard was Ima telling mom to "be an F-ing mom to your kid!" and if SD has a problem with me for that, then I can live with that. I have only tried to do what I hope is best for SD & while I probably should have hung up when BM got on the call, I feel I said stuff that needed to be said & it was in standing up for SD.
myfampg
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Good for you girl! I want to sue SM for ruining my reputation at dds school!!

I would say that was a good win and I would want to burn those shoes honestly lol
silversword
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
OH. MY. Goodness.

Hands down. You win. I'm still laughing in disbelief "can't you punish Ima too, she said bad words...". ROTFLM-F-ing-AO
myfampg
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Ooh silver you said the F word AND the A word lol

Have you seen that movie A Christmas Carol?
'he said the F--- word... Oh my Go-!'
parent_of_one
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I would make shoes accidentally mysteriously dissapear LOL I wouldn't make SD to go barefeet, so i would buy her new nice pair
justmetoo
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
I think making them disappear would be wrong, especially as they've already caused so much BS...but I'd be real tempted to leave them in the closet the large share of the summer (maybe even until you can pretty much guess they won't fit by the time they're earned back).

SD has to go to Bm's for the summer if IRCC? I'd not send the shoes to BM's for the summer. Nothing stopping BM/GMA from buying her another pair for the summer. I think the test of earning the shoes back will come during the weekends back home...if SD is sneaking in the make-up or dumping the clothing you provide carelessly around blah blah that got the shoes taken away to begin with, the shoes can continue to rot in the closet.

Being the shoes caused so much chaos I'd hope BM (and SD) have both learned lessons. Their display of rebelling got them smacked in court by a judge...hopefully BM will think twice about sending things home that might cause issues ( I remember what she bought for SD to wear first day of school) and SD will think long and hard about sneaking things in and/or disrespecting the things provided for her in her home by Dad/Ima. Little girl can't have her cake and eat it to...SD and BM are their own worse enemies and sad part is, they don't even realize it.
pseudo_mom
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Do you think she will stop ... or went home and looked at a calendar put a star on 6 months from now ???

I like JMT's idea giving them back just before they do not fit anymore :) wouldn't it be funny if you found "those damn pants" and let her wear them and the shoes to mom's! as long as neither of them fit.

The best thing I ever did was file charges against mom ... it is still an open case pending investigation for identity theft ... I can go back at any time and re-open the claim and mom would be charged .... but since that time 2+ years ago she has not caused me or hubby any grief her daughter on the other hand well ... but mom has backed hubby up 99% of the time with regards to the children .... and not brought me into their discussions since then ...

identity theft = mom changed my address with the MY insurance company and pretended to be me with the insurance company to gain access to the medical records for the kids ... all under the guise of "best interest of the children" ... she wasn't on MY policy but wanted access to their records who were covered under my policy so she changed the online info to her email address and changed my mailing address to hers.
mattie_gt
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Good for you! I'm glad you stood up for yourself. Even if you never see a penny it doesn't matter - at least you are letting BM know that she cannot continue to just do whatever she wants without consequence (in theory, anyway).
lovehadley
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Good for you Ima! I'm glad you stuck up for yourself and that the judge agreed with you.

It's gotta feel good to be validated!
ceph
12 years ago
last modified: 9 years ago
Pseudo said: "Do you think she will stop ... or went home and looked at a calendar put a star on 6 months from now ??? "

Hahahahaha!!! That's totally what she did.

Court with BM today... Me, not DH

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Court with BM today... Me, not DH

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