--" I had to put my foot down back when she was asking for diapers, daycare, etc because we also had two really little children in our home and were making exactly what she was making. She only had the one kid. I wasn't getting my support. I have never gotten regular support for my one child. We couldn't continue to give give give."--

Since when is providing and supporting for your two children (when their father/s does not support and your job is not sufficient) a priority and justification of telling DH he can not provide for his own already existing child? Perhaps you all needed better jobs and/or worried about supporting numberous children prior to assuming the responsibility. How did that work exactly 'no, DH you can not buy diapers for your kid because my kid needs them out of your pocket'?

--"Why is it ok for her to skip weekends because she has to work or her man has to work? Why is that ok but it's not ok to skip when my ss has something?"--

Ask the judge who court ordered the arrangment if he cares what you think is ok or not.

--"She has told my ss she'd come to some of his games... this is the ideal opportunity for her to do it and still get to spend time with him"--

You're still failing to understand that you are not in control and how and what you think in the thick of this does not matter. You have a court ordered plan. Does it actually say 'this is how it works unless the SM decides it is not fair and should be adjusted at will to accommodate a baseball program she went ahead and signed him up for that she knew he would not be able to finish and now wants to guilt trip BM into tweaking the plan'.

I'm really glad that you and your SS have a great relationship and that you both love each other blah blah...but this really has little to do with the issue at hand. As long as there is indeed a BM in the picture that has been awarded 8 weeks in the summer and the visitation schedule has not been adjusted per court and/or mutual agreement I doubt the judge will care if you think this is a perfect time for BM to come to your town and spend a week or not.

Throughout all your posts, I have not read one word about the child not desiring to visit his mother or that child does not have fun at mom's or that anything but sports you keep dangling under his nose is an actual problem with this kid. I've read plenty about what you think of BM and how you think/feel things should be...obviously the judge did not agree with you.

My husband has a child with me as well. He had to support my son as well. We were married, our money went into one account, I worked 2 jobs, he worked one. Honestly back then I made more money. Rent, utilities, water, etc needed to be split between us. I had the only car, we shared it until we bought another car. I was honestly doing just fine till I met my husband and had to start forking out money for my ss. Yes, I loved my husband enough to help him out. That's what people do when they love each other. He felt guilty for not being with her so he went out of his way to spend extra for him. It got to where it was hurting us. It was hurting my children. Again, I made more money. He makes more now, we are better off now but we have custody now as well.

I shouldn't have had to do nothing on my weekends because I was broke while she was out having a blast partying and asking us for lots of extras.

My husband has since adopted my son that I didn't get the support for... so now YES, he is legally responsible for providing for my son. I love my husband, I'm not with him for that support, I'm just stating that she expects everything to go to her son. That's not how it works.

Our court hearing was scheduled for a half hour. Our lawyers prolonged it an extra 45 minutes. Her lawyer wouldn't shut up, they both lied in court. He made the decision right then and there about the eight weeks. If we had had more time to get down to the nitty gritty of things he would have seen more about her. Also, this was the 2nd judge we had, the first judge recused himself because bm lied during court, got caught with printed text messages.... so her lawyer threw a fit, accused judge of "winking" at our lawyer... he was making a gesture at the court reporter... but her lawyer was a drama queen and needed to save her butt. That judge would've probably seen through bm but we had to go to a diff one. We left everything the way it was because our lawyer was double the price of hers, we were already $4500 in in fees. She's not going to take us back to court. She threw a fit the first time having to go there.

My ss does want to visit his mother. We want him to visit her, he just doesn't want to be there so long. He tells her these things. I've actually gasped at hearing the conversations between them. He's not allowed to speak to us the way she allows him to speak to her. He has openly told us he is bored to tears at her house.

He will tell her how he feels, I have no doubt about that. I also have come to the conclusion between what he wants and what my husband has decided to offer her.... more time at Christmas, he'll get to finish.

By the way, I'm not the evil one here. I do way more for him then she ever could. She is one of those people who should've had a license to have a kid before she had him. I'd like to hear you explain to a 10 year old that he cannot be signed up for a sport because his mommy went ahead and moved away, therefore he has to leave before the season is over, he'll have to sit on the sidelines and watch his three brothers play. We've heard over and over and over how it's not fair that other's children have to do that because of their bio parent. So, if I don't sign him up, I'm the one who gets blamed for it. I watch my 15 year old have to sit and watch because of an injury, it sucks bad!! I'm not going to tell him no because she sucks. We will let him know if she decides he really can't finish the tournament that next year it won't be fair to the team to put him on the team and not finish. That he won't be able to play next year. We will see what happens. I'll bet money on it that he throws one of his little fits and gets his way with her. Then next year this will all happen again... even though it'll be her that told him it was ok.

Oh and he does hesitate to go to her.... I've had to have my husband physically put him in the car and slam the door shut, I lock it and quickly drive away.... listening to him sobbing because he doesn't want to go there. I was literally shaking when we got to the meeting point and ready to cry myself. His behaviour gets 10 times worse at our house in anticipation for the visits as well, then when she calls to cancel he returns to his normal self.

You're quite the Drama Queen. Again, where did anyone say you were evil? All that was said is that you set this 'ball' into motion by enrolling child in what you knew he could not/might not be able to finish... you have order plan in front of you, you know what it says you just choose to believe you could ignore it, both you and SS could toss hissy fits and ta-da, no problem. Basketball, now baseball and this fall football already is on the agenda. You told child he can do what he wants as far as football...I hope when you actually look at a calendar that this 'promise' does not interfere with whatever additional time you're planning to offer BM. Maybe you could just tell the judge sports come first, kid hates BM's house and he's a horse's behind if he overrules you. You could try tossing in BM moved blah blah blah...bet judge will be real impressed.

Good luck to the kid by the way.

you know what, immamommy and myfam and a few others saw what I was getting at. Some of you guys picked on Mrs. P too. This is rediculous. The football is over well before Christmas, the only time it might interfere is with a weekend visit here or there. I already said he may miss one or two games for that. He asked me if he could play, this again is something my sons do. I'm not going to make him sit on the sidelines and do nothing. As other's have said, that's mean. Last summer when my ss was living with bm we let him play his games and if we couldn't make it to one and it was supposed to be our weekend we made it up later. She knew what this child loved to do when she made the choice to move away from him. I'm just saying, she made this choice and now he is suffering for it.

SS wants to visit bm but not for such long lengths of time. Good lord, I saw in previous posts by other people where you were accusing her of nitpicking... I feel like I can say nothing right here because you are nitpicking me.

Eventually if we do go back to court it will be because we have found where she is doing the drugs we suspect her of doing. Then I guarentee she won't be getting all these visits.

Oh for Pete's sake, now big bad JMT is picking on you. Nope, just stating facts as you've presented them.

--" I'm just saying, she made this choice and now he is suffering for it. "--

Which is why it might be best to not sign up for all the never ending activities...I get it, it's fun and kids should get to do these things if they want to and Dad/Mom whatever can afford it and have the schedule to accommodate it all. But you have one child in your home that is not in the same carefree situation that the other children in your home are. This little guy has one more person to think about that the other children do not. Why keep setting up the fall and/or instigating the BM fight.

Until or unless Dad can get a different schedule this is what it is. You're making it harder on the child than need be. Yep, BM made her choice, but for right now she has the backing of the court. Do I think she could wait a week and make it up later? Yeah, I do...but what I think or what you think are not the court ordered plan.

If BM is an unfit parent and should actually be denied visitation (for other reasons than kid would rather play sports of course) than I do hope judge takes it seriously when proof is presented. If drinking abd partying were from years ago, this behavior will not be considered in recent happenings that can and/or will affect her current visitations. If she's drug using/dealing/drinking whatever nowand it can be considered harmful and dangerous to SS's wellbeing and safety being around her, I do hope you can find the proof you need to assure his safety/wellbeing.

Odds may also be in your favor that BM will grow tired of summer tied down to a child... it appears she's never much cared to play mommy 24/7. Who knows. Maybe by this time next summer she'll not want SS 8 weeks if these 8 weeks don't go well. Maybe instead she realize that sports in the summer are more important to child than 8 week visits with her and become more agreeable. You have no way of predicting the future, you just need to focus on now and immediate and deal with what you can control. Which would also include helping child adjust to his 8 week absence from home instead of putting him in a position to have to choose and then set up additional friction between yourself and his mother.

You're not evil. You're not wrong in being frustrated that child is in a different situation than your other kids. This is not about telling SS he can play when you know he might not be able to just because you have no intentions of making him sit out while others play...this is about a court order that says at this point in time you have little choice but to follow and accepting that in making schedules and events that he can partake in without violating the plan. Pitting kid against order to justify the wants and needs of other children in your home is not going to sit well in appearances to judge that you are being cooperative.

I do understand where you are coming from, but I did not make the parental plan nor grant dates and schedules inwhich you must abide by. You can change the fact that you are treating all kids equally without consideration to the fact that one of these children has indeed different 'rules' currently ordered to follow. You're in a power struggle between a judge and your own wishes here it has nothing to do with not understanding or sympathizing with your situation.

I do understand but I never tell my child it's her FATHER's fault. I explain to her that since he doesn't get her much that the summer is his. It tears me up inside but I never let my child see it because if I am anxious she will be anxious ... If you are almost in teArs your ss is going to be in tears. I asked my dd if she understood why she couldn't be in her school program and she said her dad told her it's because they have plans to spend time together on their one day that week. I think he is a jerk but my dd understands and is ok now. I think if you don't make a big deal about it, he won't make a big deal about it. And you can put him in activities that aren't competitive in nature and he will be very well rounded in the end.

How is that you had him for most of his life when he lived with BM and she had custody until October of last year?

hard to keep track of the different stories...

OP, are you really, truly, for real?

I think everyone understands that you might feel upset about the situation, but there is a court agreement and parenting plan that gives mom 8 weeks for summer. Agreement is between mom and dad. If dad is unhappy with court order he could file again. If kids doesn't want to go to his mom, then again maybe dad could talk to a lawyer. If mom is unfit, then again dad should address it in court.

I don't really see what and how we can advise you differently. It doesn't matter how we feel about your situation, we are not a judge. You asked what are our thoughts, I think everyone acknowledged how you feel and told you that court orders cannot be randomly broken just because you think mom is a loser or baseball is more important. I am not sure what else are you asking?

Sylvia, you were rude from the beginning....

po1, I also said that from the beginning she would ask us to keep him most of the time. We were paying child support to her, she was listed as custodial parent but we really did have him most of the time. Every weekend after he started school, every break, all summer... until he started baseball. If you add up overnights, time spent with child, ours would equal way more.

She's just not a normal mom. She gave him up over a text message for heavens sake. Ok, so I get you guys are understanding she's a loser. I'll let you know if she accepts my husbands offer of more time at Christmas for these few days to finish tournament.

I don't know if you read above... I would be willing to let her stay here to watch tournament. I'd hate every last minute of it but I'd be fake nice to her and do it for my ss happiness. She's not working.... she has the time. She is just one of those people who can't be alone and won't go anywhere without her man.

Little miss texas has a history of responding with non-productive, troll-ish commentary.

Glad it's not just me domino!

Just so we're clear here as well.... bm isn't wanting to go by the guidelines either. She's never wanted to. That's why she didn't want to go to court... her exact words were... "no judge will tell me how to raise my son"

our orders states "The Petitioner Mother is granted parenting time with the child fore eight weeks during the child's summer vacation from school, on at least one weekend a month, over the national and religious holidays according to the same schedule that has been the historic practice of the parties; and at all other reasonable times and places as the parties may agree. In the event there should arise a dispute as to parenting time then the terms of the ...... (insert state) Parenting Time Guidelines when distance is a factor shall control."

This is what the guidelines state
"During any extended summer period of more than two (2) consecutive weeks with the non-custodial parent, the custodial parent shall have the benefit of the regular parenting time schedule set forth above, unless impracticable because of distance created by out of town vacations. Similarly, during the summer period when the children are with the custodial parent for more than two (2) consecutive weeks, the non-custodial parent's regular parenting time continues, unless impracticable because of distance created by out of town vacations."

She absolutely refuses to believe she has to give him that one weekend he would be entitled to. So.... you see, we aren't the only ones who have a problem here.

If he leaves after the game on the 25th and comes home on the 15th of August for school on the 16th that is 7 weeks plus a couple days. Maybe if Dad offers like the Labor Day weekend (yeah I know extra traveling sucks but if it's worth it to the SS...) she will more or less get her 8 weeks during summer. Labor Day Weekend is basically thought of as the grand final summer weekend and kids do have it off (school vacation day).

Then if she still wants an extra few days at winter break , give it to her. It's a fair offer and reasonable compromise. If she turns Dad down she gets to pick up the phone and personally explain to son why it just won't work for her.

The language in your agreement is pretty loose. It really does not say must be 8 straight weeks and as it appears to be a loophole use it (can't hurt to try).

Next spring long before baseball season, have Dad phone to make definate summer 8 weeks plan.

While it is considerate of you to offer your home as a landing pad for BM...what ARE you thinking? LOL. I really think that is asking for problems. Picture it now 'BM and BF opening beers and tossing themselves all over your sofa and asking when dinner is served'. I can have the patience of a rcok wall and an ever so pleasant poker face and attitude after years in PR/HR, but even I would lose it after a few days of that.

That's an excellent idea justmetoo!!! It's our year for holidays so if he offers that then she may just budge. Thanks!!!!! I will bring it up to him.

I really don't want her in my home... I work odd hours and wouldn't want her here alone snooping. BUT... like I said, I'd do whatever for my ss. I don't believe she'd really go for it anyway.

sylvia always responds with very to the point comments, never unproductive. I don't even know who dominoswrath is? Don't recall anyone under this name posting on this forum.

I still think that weekends, breaks and summer is not MOST of the time. My ex had DD for that much, I would be surprised if he said he had her most of time, A LOT of time maybe, but not most of the time. And I think it is great that kid was that much with his dad rather than 24/7 with mom.

I think that if mom is willing to accommodate kid's sport schedule, fine. But if she doesn't, I think dad has to follow court order or bring it up in court again. Again if she is good or bad mother or likes to shop or whatever she is beyond the point, either follow CO or file in court.

i have stayed in ex's and his wife's house previously and he stayed in mine. But there is no animosity between any of us. I think it would be a disaster in your circumstances.

po1.... We had him so often before he started school that he called me mama until I tought him differently, I never tought him to call me mama, we just had him so much I guess it confused him. I toght him to walk, tie his shoe, write his name, ride his bike, the list goes on. Her mother even made comments that we had him more then she did. If that weren't the truth he wouldn't have fought me so hard EVERYTIME I had to give him back. You know how infants and toddlers hang on to you when they don't want to go to someone? That's what he did to me when I would take him back to her. Again....i had to take him back cause my hubby worked nights. We had him that much till he started school..... Then we still had him every single weekend and anytime he had a break. There were even times she'd have us keep him from school cause she had something going on. So, add up all the hours we have spent with him and add up hers.... I guarantee ours accounts for many more. I think now you are just trying to be argumentative. Justmetoo was helpful.

I don't argue with you that he was with dad very often, I just don't see how it is wrong or how it is most of the time when it was weekends and breaks. But even if it was most of the time, I see nothing wrong with child being with his father so often, how is that bad or that unusual? My DD was with her father very often as well. I think it is good, it is a foundation of good relationship in the future. Even a child is with dad more than with mom, I see nothing wrong with that. Plenty of SMs here have their SKs 50/50 or more. Maybe because your own child was abandoned by his father you might think that fathers having their kids with them a lot is somehting unique. There is nothing to be argumentative about. It is normal.

I still think that unless mom is willing to be flexible and take him a week late, dad has to follow CO. If mom truly drinks all the time then dad should file for no unsupervised visitations for her. Child should not be exposed to this nonsense. But I would not go against judge's decision just because BM is not up to my standard.

No she's not arguementative I think your defensive to anyone that questions what you say. Who cares how many hours more you've had. You have custody now so what different does it make. She's still his mom. Loser or not. You cannot dictate what she does with her 8 weeks. I agree that she could wait a few days but maybe they already have plans? Who knows. I tried to get exdh to take dd to a July 4th parade several yrs ago that she was participating in... He got her July 1-31. It was on the 4th. He wouldn't budge. I learned then to not fight his time. It's his time, not mine and even though I've had her more than he ever will be ever to make up for... I cant use against him that in the past he didn't have her so NOW h shouldn't be able to exercise his rights. Won't fly. And that's just how I deal with it. I sure hope she let's your ss stay a few days so he can finish the season.

Exactly, myfampg. It would be nice if mom picks him up later, but if not well that's how it is. Noncustodial parents have legal rights to see their children, and courts recognize that. The fact that kids was staying with the other parent a lot or noncustodial parent is a loser is not relevant here. Plenty of people think their exes are losers, not good enough reason to go against judge's decision. I never had CO yet I think it is there for a reason. If mom is unfit (by legal standards not SM's standards), then it is entirely different issue.

Dominoeswrath, who on earth are you?

I wouldn't call OP's claims of superiority "standards".

She's just manipulating the situation so that the mother can't win & OP can blast the child's mother while patting her own self on the back;

OP &/or her husband signed the child up for competitive sports although they knew that
1.
the child wouldn't be able to complete the season at his mother's & that
2.
they couldn't keep him from his mother because of sports.

I'd bet a Coke that, if this mother agreed to "wait a few days", it still wouldn't be good enough.
OP would blast her for not caring enough to "be there for him".

Every post has focused on what a bad mother the mother is & what a good mother OP is & not on the boy.

This boy is being used so his stepmother can feel superior to his mother.

amen sylvia

Why would you ask "Dominoeswrath, who on earth are you?"
Really??? She is another poster that does not agree with you so your question who she is. What kind of explanation are you looking for?

Momof3- I think it it terribly selfish of BM to not give up a few days so SS can finish baseball. My SS11 plays competitive baseball so I understand how important it is to the kid and his team. Should you have signed him up? Well that seems to be up for question. I say when you have 4 boys it would be very difficult to tell one "sorry but your Mom does not support you in this activity so you will have just go to everyone else's games and watch them play". Some of these ladies may want to think they would have made the "right" decision but I dont they even they would have had the heart to tell the kid that. We are super busy with my Sk's. We run from activities to church and back all the time. Sure its not a stay at home relaxing weekend all the time my my kids are having fun and enjoying their childhood. Thankfully for them we all fully support them. I say dont listen to the harsh comments form these ladies. PO1 raised 1 kid, that she said did not play sports and obviously her opinion of sports differs, so I dont think has a clue of your situation. I dont know about Sylvia but I cant remember her saying anything helpful or nice on here. Too bad there is not a button to ignore user on this forum. Anyway, I just had to say something becasue I have been reading all the ugle things they are saying, it does not take much for some people on here to form their opinion and start analysing you and then they can even start just making things up. So just pretend you have that IGNORE on. Good luck, I really do hope that BM will give in and you can make up that time with her the JMT suggested.

Well, who *is* dominoeswrath?
no answer yet.

While I do try to be helpful, I am not "nice" about the mistreatment of children or the use of children as weapons in battles between adults.

Sylvia, I thought your first post (first response to Op's post up the top) was spot on and after reading all other posts (pfew...) I still think that is the best post.

I think the reason for asking who domino is is because the opinion was do strong towards someone who is a consistent poster where none of us have ever seen a dominoeswrath post before. I think that was the only reason to ask. Just my opinion of course

jess, maybe I raised one kid who isn't into sports but you didn't raise any kids! So I don't see how it is even relevant who raised how many kids and what their kids did. By your logic you shouldn't be posting on anything kids related due to having zero experience on the issue.

My DD is into other things, there is more to life than sports but in any case she was never made to choose between her parents and activities and she was not put in the middle of any adults disagreements by neither me nor her father.

jess, you misunderstood the whole point, this is not about importance of sport activities, but about importance to not put children in the middle of adult issues.

Also well rounded upbringing involves more than taking kids to play baseball. There is art, music, books, travel, and old fashioned discussing life with them. And don't forget about being a role model with good values (this one is the most important and beats any baseball games). It is naive to assume that running kids to games and arguing with the kid's parent is the best parenting.

"my kids"? You don't have kids.
Yes i agree with yabber, the first sylvia's post on this thread is the best and pretty much addresses the issue 100%

Bright side ... he got to play most of the season...

okay, I feel like mom3 is getting a little to much harshness floated her way. I realize that she is frustrated... I mean why can't Bm just arrange things a few more days? Why can't she just come to town one time to see him play? And really, can I just say these kids can play a sport but you can't?

I can understand her frustration... I don't care where you are at or what circumstances... a text message to say you can have our kid full time shows little to no caring... moving without consideration of your own childs feelings and how things will actually work out is infuriating.

I think mom3 has a lot of pent up anger at the way BM dismissed all of the considerations of just moving away and saying you take the kid...

I mean I would fight heaven and earth for my kid.. but to just randomly say whatever... doesnt show the kind of caring most of us are used to or think about...

If nothing else I think she should say talk to your mom... who cares if he doesnt finish the season... it is not life or death... it is not college or even high school level... this will not effect the rest of his life. The only thing this will effect is parents being frustrated. And, I am sorry who cares if the team is dissappointed... in this day in age parents are divorced...things are complicated...but the important thing is he had fun and learned teamwork... heck tell the coach ahead of time custody arrangements say x and we hope for y but just in case you are aware.

And always always make kids talk to BM... if she doesnt want to help or handle certain things let her explain it. It is her decision ... let it be her decision.

Wow. It's hot in here....

Domino has probably been lurking. I lurked here for over a year before I said anything.

I didn't hear OP say anything about "I" signed him up. I heard "We, we, we, we, we" so to say she started this and it's all her fault seems to be stretching it a bit. Surely dad wouldn't stand by idly while this evil SM pumped his kid's hopes and dreams up in anticipation of them falling to the ground.

There are so many lifestyles. Some regions are completely centered around sports, and for them, "normal" is baseball. Slap some Apple pie in the kid's hand and you have an icon. Her SS won't have a "normal" childhood because the other children in the house (what we are using to judge the "norm") play baseball, and he loves baseball, but he can't play baseball... So, in their house that's abnormal.

I agree the best situation is to downplay it with the kid, talk to mom about switching some days and hope for the best. It is hard when one kid can't do what the others do. I had a stepsister and sometimes it was really hard because one of us would get to do something and the other wouldn't... simply because we had different parents.

"I think mom3 has a lot of pent up anger at the way BM dismissed all of the considerations of just moving away and saying you take the kid..."

yes but it seems she was angry even when kid lived with BM 2 hours away: the kid was staying with dad on the weekends and school breaks (how is that bad or most of the time?) and then mom was getting $58.00 a week CS and dared to ask for help with diapers while SM never asked her deadbeat ex for anything (nothing to be proud about). And now SM thinks BM is doing illegal drugs because she looks awful. Gee..It seems that SM just dislikes BM. And I don't even think this anger has anything to do with SS.

Also nobody denied SS playing baseball, BM wanted to sign him for summer at her location but SM says it is not competitive enough.

First, Jess, Mof4 and Silversword, thank you very much for understanding!!! You get it!! I was very very angry at his bm when she had custody of my ss po1 because she didn't really EVER take care of him. While she was asking for all of the extras, diapers and such she was also smoking like a chimney, drinking like a fish... going out EVERY weekend to the bars, tanning, etc. During the 4 months my ss was alive and my husband and I were not together he was giving her cash before the court order... she was doing all these things yet he was living with a friend barely eating to provide for his son... yet she's living it up. She continued to live it up.... heck, she's still doing it. She puts herself first ALWAYS, and again.... I had him way more when he was an infant/toddler then she did. I've explained this.

To clear up my son's father.... I did fight for child support. I've been fighting for my back support for 11 years. No... I didn't ask for EXTRAS!!! What point is there to ask for extras if I can't get my court ordered $51.41 per week? He owes me $12,000 in back support right now. Yes... at times he paid here and there, that's why $51.41 x 52 weeks per year x 11 years doesn't add up to $12,000..... we seem to be getting a little picky here so I'll explain that. I've gotten one tax check from him, one lump sum of $1500 and a few months of payments here and there. My last payment of $75 was made May 5 this year... that was to keep him out of jail... didn't work.... for the first time.... he was sentenced to serve an actual 9 months in jail for nonsupport of a dependent. Yes, he is reporting to jail on May 19 to serve. I fought very very hard for that but I cannot ask for him to give my son extras when I can't get what's court ordered. As far as my oldest son...... his dad does pay his support, I didn't ask for extras because I thought that's what I get support for. As he's gotten older I have never even bothered to get my support raised... he's doing what he's supposed to do therefore I don't want to rock the boat. The guy that hasn't paid me calls me a money hungry b word for simply wanting what he owes... it's not like I'm ordered thousands a month, I just wanted him to take care of his responsibility.

Back to the originial topic.... Bm did NOT want to sign my ss up for baseball at her home. She couldn't, baseball games start in May.... she didn't even want him till June 20.... like I said that's the last full week of baseball. She wants to sign him up for daycamps at the Y. It's not even close to the same thing. Also... bm has NEVER looked this bad. She has sores around her mouth, big black circles around her eyes, she's slurring her words on the phone to dh, when we went to court her hair was a mess, looked like it hadn't even been brushed. I've know her for 10 years, I can tell something is definately up. Also, her new bf or husband whatever he is... his sister just got arrested for heroin posession. I've spoken to the mother of the child he abandonded and she said that he and his brother smoke pot all the time. Both the bf and bm's teeth are horrible now. These are all reasons to believe that she's doing something. I just don't have to absolute proof in my hands... which is what you have to have to go to court.

Honestly I can say that I HATE what she's done to my ss. Him throwing huge fits to go back to her, her calling my dh at all hours because she can't get him to do anything for her, her leaving him alone 8 hours a day at the age of 9, him begging me to find him something to do... even when bm had custody.... at her location cause she wouldn't, him outright being afraid of alcohol, the look on his face when we told him she decided not to come back for him, the things she told him before she moved, the fact that she tought him to lie to us so she wouldn't get in trouble... I still think that's going on. There's plenty more. It's not just because she wanted us to basically provide everything for him while she spent all her money on her. At one point... my husband was between jobs, I had the money (from my job!!!) so I went ahead and paid her support really far in advance so that would be out of the way till my husband could get another job. When I saw her next, I asked if she understood that that was payment in advance and we wouldn't be paying again for awhile... she said "Yep, and I was so excited, I got to go out and buy my pink razer"... that's when that phone was cool. Anyway, that really upset me. I understand that sometimes the support may not get used directly for the child, just so long as the child has everything he/she needs. BUT... she still asked for extras for the child cause she ran out of money. She knew I paid that..... if that's what you do with the money, whatever but seriously keep it to yourself!!!

She also recently picked a fight by text message with my husband. She demanded to begin having my ss every other weekend (we knew she wouldn't follow through... but she was fighting)....the court order obviously states one weekend per month. At 4 plus dollars a gallon there is no way to go every other..... anyway, my husband told her he couldn't afford that.... she then said "Don't tell me you can't afford it, you got a pretty good deal in this whole custody thing.... not only do you Not have to pay me anymore but I pay you.... that should be an extra $500 per month in your pocket." We paid $58, she pays $56... it's the same money she was getting. Then my dh said "If I meet you eow it'll cost me over $400 in gas, there goes the support"... she then said "just for the record, $58 per week for 10 years didn't cover *&$#" Ok.... so, when she had him she was poor and it didn't cover anything.... when we have him this support makes us rich!!! Hardly... the kid eats like a horse and like I said, we are including him in activities. I also make sure he has clothes that fit him nicely. She NEVER did that. He looked like an orphan with her unless we provided the clothing. He was getting bullied at his old school, he's very popular and a leader here. His grades went from all B's to 4 A's and 2 B's. He NEVER turned in homework there.... he's always turning it in here. She had one child, she couldn't help him get his homework done.... we have 4... they all get it done. So..... am I upset that my ss has to have a pos for a bm, YEP!!! Do I despise her... YEP!!!! Is it because of any bad reason? I don't think so.

And you know..... at one point she had us believing she was getting physically abused at home. I called her myself because my husband didn't want to. I called her and offered her a place to go if she really needed it. Come to find out... yes, they got in a physical fight, but she fought just as hard and it was because she cheated on her ex-husband and got caught by her ex-mother-in-law.

I've tried to be nice to her in everyway possible. When you see a child getting treated the way she treats him.... and only wants to see him when it's convenient for HER, why should I have compassion for her? Yes, I get we have to follow the court order and we are prepared to do so. I just know that in my situation with my oldest son, his dad would let him finish because it means so much to my son. BM again, just wants to see him when it's convenient to her. BOTH times she's had him for a week or two since the custody change, she's called us and asked us to come get him early. SO.... if that's going to happen and she's going to give up days anyway, can't we make it at the beginning for his sake? No... that's not convenient for HER. No.... this isn't High school or college, this isn't life or death. BUT... it is something in my area that if you don't play at a young age and become great in it, you won't get to play at those levels. You have to start young cause everyone does.

Also, I have had to force him to call his mom... by dialing and handing him the phone. For her birthday, holidays, etc. He always says "I will" then doesn't. I force him to speak to her. It usually only lasts a couple minutes, but once he's on the phone I can't control how long the conversation lasts.

Mom of 3.... just a nugget of advice. You don't need to hash out every detail. People will pick at your story until you're running in circles defending yourself.

There are two ways this could go. Either you're dogging BM or she's really a crackpot.

"Nobody on this board ever says that kids should stay with BMs doing activities because activities are more important than dad. Yet activities are supposed to be more important than mom. Double standards...."

It's true. My SD's BM makes SD choose all the time. Fun activity or Dad. But this is one week. This is not a sleepover or Dad's house this weekend etc. story. And actually, BM last time let SD miss a day of her reading program so she could stay longer with us and go to a family gathering... that was pretty generous, I thought.

This is a long-term activity that overlaps the time another parent is entitled to. My ex and I work it out so that DD can finish the activities she started during the year before she goes to see him for the summer. It's only going to hurt/help the kid if they get to finish. If Ex said "no, DD can't participate in the play because she needs to leave the day after school gets out... I would be upset too.

But I should anticipate that when DD goes to try out for the play and I realize it's going a week into summer. That's the time to say, DD, you'll be with dad during that time. And if DD really wants to do it we can try to work something out. If you can't... well, sorry kid. It sucks. But there will be other things for her to do. What is really disturbing in this is that the BM doesn't appear to have anything pressing going on, she just doesn't want SS to do what you want him to do. So instead of looking at what is best for the child, she's looking at even-steven.

Why has no one brought up the police coming to the house because a 9 year old was left alone? Why are we harping on conjecture like SM never asked deadbeat dad for anything... etc? What does that have to do with anything?

Like Myfam said... sometimes the other parent just doesn't want to budge. And the kid is the one who doesn't get to do what they want. And at that time it's the other parent's job to say "oh well, I'm sure you'll have a great time with your mom/dad". And not rub it in their face that they can't do whatever fun thing it is they're missing.

The kid will be fine if he doesn't play baseball, I'm sure. But that's not OP's point.

PO1:

"jess, maybe I raised one kid who isn't into sports but you didn't raise any kids! So I don't see how it is even relevant who raised how many kids and what their kids did. By your logic you shouldn't be posting on anything kids related due to having zero experience on the issue.

*snip*

"my kids"? You don't have kids."

Wow. And you're running around crying foul because I said your relationship to the SM role is different than others because you met your Skids after they were raised?

It's my understanding Jess has been helping to raise three kids for the past two years (that she's been legally married at least, who knows how long before that).

All Jess was saying that perhaps, because your child was not interested in sports and it wasn't a big deal in your family that you don't understand the importance. That's it. And you come back with this?

How dare you?

Thank you for understanding Silversword!!!! I feel better just knowing some people understand.

I also promise you, I'm not just dogging bm. I was not home when my dh got the text to keep my ss and enroll him in school. He called me, I immedietly burst into tears. 1) Because I was happy for my dh 2) I was sad for my ss 3) I never believed she'd stoop that low and I just couldn't believe what was happening. Yes, she's his mom and he gets to spend time with her. When the kids are grown.... really, who's going to be more damaged? My son who was abandonded early and didn't have to go through all this drama.... or my ss who will have to live with what she does to him forever. I guess in the end I'm glad my son's dad just left and never came back. He now gets a dad that loves him uncondionally and doesn't give him all this crap.

You know, waaaaaay back in the original posting, dated May 7, Mom Of 3 said "We put my ss in baseball this year. His bm knew we were doing this. She said nothing about it, just let us do it... Last night she texted my husband asking when school was out because she was going to be getting him as soon as it was done...."

BM obviously did not have immediate plans for SS - she didn't even know when SS's summer vacation began! It sounds like BM is entitled to most of the summer, by CO, so one could assume that a reasonable person would be picking SS up within a certain time frame. But then, a reasonable person doesn't just announce that they're moving out of state with a new BF and leaving their child behind either.

Our BM is entitled to one week of summer vacation this year with SS. She has not even mentioned it yet. We have no idea when or if she is planning to do so. By the "Mom has the right to custodial time according to CO and no interfering with it" argument, we are unable to sign SS up for anything this summer - until such time as BM chooses to let us know if and when she might deign to see him. Makes child care arrangements just a bit difficult, don't ya think?

To me, it's a huge difference between Mom of 3's SS being signed up for something that they knew, without a doubt, that he would be unable to complete - and his being signed up months ago for something that they did not, at that time, know whether he'd be able to finish or not. The latter is a very poor situation - it becomes a guessing game for all of them as to whether or not SS can sign up for, and complete, activities - or whether he sits them out and then it ends up that he would have been able to play.

Agreed Mattie.

Proactive, involved, child-centered parents would do their best to make sure the children have an even "ride" between the different homes. Children need stability.

A lot of parents would rather play out their personal vendettas against the other parent rather than do what is best for the child.

Mom3 said that any man who wants to see his child has the resources to do so regardless of BM. That may be true. I know personally as a child that my mother made it next to impossible for my dad to see me. Looking back it's really obvious. My dad choose not to fight her but to be there when he could. I have more respect for him for not dragging the whole relationship through the mud. It could have been ugly.

My DH chooses to let SD finish out her activities, do her projects, and not battle her BM for his "due". I sincerely believe he is doing the right thing in his situation. We are here for SD, she knows she is always invited.

So yes, my DH could see his DD more. But it would drastically increase the stress on DD. I'm not sure that would be better....

That's another GREAT point Mattie!!! I keep a record of everything... so here it is...

Bm gave child up Oct 24, had him for Holloween weekend so that we could then go to her old home and grab all of his stuff. She saw him next for Thanksgiving, all 4 days. Then she saw him Dec 23 to January 1, she was supposed to keep him till January 2.... but asked us to come get him early. She said she wanted him for her January weekend January 15, she cancelled then said it'd be the next weekend, she again cancelled, same with the next. She said she'd just get him Feb 19. That's when my ss asked his mom if he could stay with us. She allowed it, she then said herself that she'd wait to get him for spring break. He went for Spring break from March 19 to April 1, yes, she made him miss a week of school to make up for her back outs, they did not leave for Florida till Mar 24, so there were a few days there that ss missed school but sat at her home doing nothing. I'm against that but whatever. (She DID NOT have him do his homework that was sent either... we made that up with him during the week we had him after this).... She was supposed to keep him till April 2 but again asked us to pick him up a day early. (Do you see a pattern? She likes Saturday nights to herself... I wonder why?!?!) He then went with her April 22 and she wanted us to pick him up at 2:00 on April 25. Fine with us, our Holiday.... but still 2:00?!?! Now she doesn't want him again till he comes for the summer. SO... it's always only when convenient for her. There's no rhyme or reason to any of the visits. We cannot plan anything because heaven forbid we "deny" her her visit when she wants it. I've asked my dh to please please please get it as a set weekend every month so that we and he can plan our life. Our state guidelines also state that bm has to tell dh what dates she wants him by April 1, she DID NOT do that! So.... by law, he's supposed to be able to decide. Yes, I know she still is entitled to her court ordered 8 weeks. I'll bet money on it we get him back early though!

I forgot to add, she wanted him last weekend for Mother's Day, he asked to stay. AND.. everytime he asks her to stay with us.... I have had NOTHING to do with that. My husband informs me after the fact that he's asked her to stay with us and she's allowing it.

"at one point she had us believing she was getting physically abused at home."
I called her myself because my husband didn't want to. I called her and offered her a place to go if she really needed it.
Come to find out... yes, they got in a physical fight, but she fought just as hard and it was because she cheated on her ex-husband and got caught by her ex-mother-in-law."

So this woman got hit but it doesn't count?
she was asking for it?
she deserved it?

Maybe you could find a hobby that doesn't involve obsessing about this woman...

PO1: "jess, maybe I raised one kid who isn't into sports but you didn't raise any kids! So I don't see how it is even relevant who raised how many kids and what their kids did. By your logic you shouldn't be posting on anything kids related due to having zero experience on the issue.

"my kids"? You don't have kids."

By the same logic you should not be posting here. I am helping to raise "my kids" along with my husband and their mother. My point was that you do not understand having a kid in sports and what that means to the kid.

I believe it is relevant. You have never been in a situation of having more than one child nor have you ever had to try to please 4 kids, a BM, and a DH all at the same time. YOu have no clue how OP feels, you just like to be ugly to people to make yourself feel better. You had a little fit when you thought Silver told you that you dont belong here because YOU are NOT a stepmom. You have been told that several time on here because its TRUE. You can act like whatever you want to but legally your not. You have complained about your SO's adult daughters, stealing your stuff, not taking care of your house,being selfish and spoiled, and about BM being drunk at Her own daughters wedding and how you saved the day. Wow seems you have some BM bashing in your history. I think you want to be SM but for some reason you still are not married to your SO. I think you even moved out for some time and moved back in not too long ago. Now you want all of us to think your SO's kids love you, and its all great and full of sunshine and butterflies. We are not fools and can see through you Miss PO1.

PO1 "Also well rounded upbringing involves more than taking kids to play baseball. There is art, music, books, travel, and old fashioned discussing life with them. And don't forget about being a role model with good values (this one is the most important and beats any baseball games). It is naive to assume that running kids to games and arguing with the kid's parent is the best parenting."

You are so narrow minded. So you think that kids that play sports (its not just baseball) know nothing about, art, music, and dont read books and that they are not receiving a well rounded upbringing. Really??? We do not put our kids in the middle, we all make sure they get to start and finish whatever activity its is. Momof3 is not putting her SS in the middle either she just wants whats best for him and is willing to fight for him, while his BM is won't.

Thanks Silver, I had not had a chance to read the post and respond.

Some people are physical. My DH used to get abused by his wife. It's a matter of public record.

All women who cry domestic abuse are not abused... BM in our case tried to tell the police that DH was hitting her and the police took one look at DH's defensive wounds and laughed. They could tell she had self-injured and was the initiator.

Domestic abuse is no laughing matter, no one ever deserves to get hit, and it always counts. But the woman is not always the victim.

I am absolutely NOT saying she deserved to be hit. I'm saying she started it. She threw punches as well. She's my size, about 5'7" and 130lbs, her ex-husband is NOT even 5' tall. Yes, he's still a strong man but if she was hitting him too they are both at fault. Maybe you should do something over decide how to argue with me next. Just stop answering my posts.

Thank you Jess for understanding!!! And just to throw this in there.... My 8 year old LOVES art, that's what he says he's going to be when he grows up... an artist. But... he plays baseball so I guess he probably won't get to. Ha! That was sarcasm!! He even has a picture framed and hung up at the school.

$58 a week doesn't cover the cost of afterschool child care for my dd10.... During the school year, summer care is double the cost it is now...
Just saying

I understand that... but we only get $56 now!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all the same!! It's the same either way! We have to pay for what she was paying for before! Yet now with her $56 we are rich but when she got the $58 She was poor. That DOES NOT make sense!! Plus, we always bought him clothes, paid for sports etc. BM has not paid for any sports since we have had him nor has she sent one piece of clothing home with him.... to include Christmas time.

Mom3S1, what's the 'plan' for your SS if things turn out badly at his BM's? Does he have a cellphone that he'll be able to keep and carry? Has there been a discusion on what and how to reaction if something unexpected and/or worse happens?

While you certainly don't want to scare him or do an 'anti' speech, with this BM under suspect of serious drugs and lots of drinking ...does he know what to do if (heaven forbid) she left him for extreme lengths of time or was so drugged up/drunk that he was on his own? This is like the first extended stay in the new state and with the BF. How does BF and SS get along?

While the posting have basically been baseball, baseball, baseball for the majority of this thread, there has been things in your own postings giving concern about actual safety and well being. Not what BM did years ago or even last a year ago (all that is over and past and can't be currently used)...I'm talking since the move in October. How has the visits been for SS since this move and this new BF?

I never said my child was not into sports I said she was not running to many different sports and it certainly wasn't baseball, she was in equestrian sports competitively. But it is really beyond the point.

And jess you seem to have difficulty with understanding logic "You have never been in a situation of having more than one child", yes it is true I have one, but I don't understand your argument? I understand one child is not that many, I wasn't able to have more, but with all due respect it is still more than none. So what is your argument?

You seem to be very angry about something and need to release it here, it is fine with me if it helps you. I really do not know what you are screaming about. As everyone here I have my struggles but I certainly have never slept with anyone's husbands, and just a recently you weren't allowed around SKs because how disturbed they are over dad's affair with you. I never slept with other people's spouses and I was never not allowed around anyone's children.

It is true we aren't married yet as many others on this post we decide to live together first, we are taking our time in deciding to marry, but really it is neither here nor there. No matter what we do it is better than sleeping with other people's spouses. No taking kids to sports and watch them play games will ever fix that. I raised only one child but I taught her values by being an example. You can take three of them to sports it is fine, but it is not what is important in life. I wish your stepkids the best.

I recall that just a year ago your SD plotted to suffocate or kill you with a knife, to all honesty I will take my not real not legal (since I am not married LOL) SD, who leaves a mess in the kitchen over your situation(she is here now since last night and already used a roll of toilet paper LOL). I was never hated like this by anyone, I never gave anyone a reason, but you did. It doesn't matter if you think i belong here or not. I think you need to do more reflection on your life, possibly therapy could help, good luck.

Momof3 you take my post as a slap at you. Please stop being so defensive. MYBAD!! I meant $56/week. Sheesh!!

justmetoo... He has a cellphone. He is really bad about having it on him or charged though, he also loses it all the time. His mom got the phone for him when she was leaving him home alone. I really don't think he's old enough for it. He's far too irresponsible but.... Ohh well, and I will be glad he has it there. I am really really afraid she's going to leave him home alone again or home with her mans kid. He's 11 but even more immature then my ss. He's a brat and I don't trust him at all. My ss has videos of him blowing up pop bottles and knocking over furniture by running and jumping on it. Yes, I'm also afraid he will be around the drugs. I'm trying to speak to him about them now but randomly and kinda sneaky so he doesn't think I'm attacking his mom. For ex: I met a boyss mom that goes to school with my 11 yr old yesterday.... I thought she looked like a crack head, I actually said to my ss that I thought she looked "rough".... He thought I meant physically abused. So I mentioned the DARE program. He got it. I've also shown the boys pics of people who haad been on meth. We will get it figured out before he goess. I am very very nervous though. I think he gets along ok right now with the new man but he has never spent this much time with him. I know he finds the kid annoying. So that should be interesting if they get into fights.

tonight he mentioned something about how he used to get bullied at his old school. He then said it doesn't matter cause he's in a much better place now. He said he never wanted to go back to that life again. My dh was trying to get him to elaborate but he kinda dropped it. He even mentioned calling me mommy again. I told him he doesn't call me that. He said he could call me step mommy. I just laughed. He can call me whatever he likes when he gets older but right now I think he should stick to my first name so his bm doesn't have a hissy.