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Is it a visit or is it going home?

Posted by mattie_gt (My Page) on
Thu, May 27, 10 at 13:04

I was thinking about something I'd posted and was wondering how everyone else handles when their kids/skids are with them, as to whether it's more of a "visit" and a lot of time is spent with them doing special things, or whether it's viewed as being at home and so everything is as normal.

Since SS sees BM so infrequently he tends to view it as a "visit" and would be perfectly happy if all 48 hours were devoted to him; in his mind I think it's like when he goes to visit grand-parents. In addition he doesn't have his own room and, apparently due to space constraints, has one toy up there, and no clothes. So I can understand why he would feel that he's a visitor in that situation. And when I was a kid, I'd feel very frustrated when my brothers and I spent most of the summers at my father's; we too had very little room and very few things to occupy our time. BD and SM would be gone at work all day and we used to be horribly bored (we'd amuse ourselves by bickering with each other, of course!)

And obviously, for someone who has anything close to 50-50 custody, the kids are "home" at both houses, and working, laundry, cleaning, etc. still have to be done so neither parent would (or should) have every single minute of the day revolving around the non-stop pleasure of the kids.

I was wondering what happens when it is more EOW custody or something like that. Do people tend to do something special one night and just have normal family life the rest of the time, or what? I'm just curious.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: Is it a visit or is it going home?

Good frickin' question!!!!

DD feels like she's on vacation when she visits BD. She has her own room but things are pretty lax. I used to feel like I was half visiting half going home when I went to dad's as a kid.

When SD comes it's fully not normal. We try to pack in as much as possible because she has a big family here that never sees her. So it's gogogogoggo the whole time.

RE: Is it a visit or is it going home?

Mattie: For us it is more of a visit. We try to plan the fun things for when we have the kids. They each have their own room, toys, clothes, ect.. But they are only there EOW. Their moms house is their home and has been since they were born so only natural in our case. I think they feel at home (ie. comfortable) with us not like visiting grand parents or over at a friends house but they live at their moms, thats where all their memories are.

We make sure to have fun with them, have dinner together whether at home or out and to all go to church to worship together. Those are the important things to us when we have them. They are busy kids with all the activities so it can be a struggle to just get those things in such little time.
Also they are the only kids we have so if we had one or more with us all the time and then they came EOW I'm not sure how we would balance that out to work for everyone.

RE: Is it a visit or is it going home?

SS visits us- EOW, 8 weeks in the summer, and select school breaks. He has his own room, clothes, toys, etc. We try to do something fun like play a board game, take a little trip, or have a special meal. But for the most part, its normal time. He has chores and responsibilities here. Actually for SS, going back to BM's house is like a vacation.

RE: Is it a visit or is it going home?

DD lived with me most of the time, and in my mind it was more like visits at dads, but she always had/still has her own room and she had basic chores at dads. I know she felt at home there because I did ask years ago but still I think not fully home like at my place.

DD22 just finished her classes and has internship in two weeks, so she took a break and flew to dads for few weeks. Now when she visits me or dad it is always gogogo in both houses. LOL Well she is an adult, so it is irrelevant. But I still have "her" room. But i notice DD does not refer to neither mine nor ex's place as "home" anymore. Just "moms" or "dads". :( I noticed it this year, maybe because she is graduating college...

Sorry I am off topic.

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