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Update....

Posted by mom2emall (My Page) on
Mon, May 21, 12 at 12:25

Haven't been on here in what seems like forever!!!

Kids are doing pretty good :) Baby is getting big. DS is happy and doing well. SS is doing great. His teacher actually told us that he is probably the best student she ever had (and she has been teaching 20+ years). Oldest sd is loving high school and very involved in activities and staying out of trouble. Younger sd (freshman in hs) is giving us some trouble though :( I guess 1 out of 5 giving us trouble is pretty good though, right? lol

She has always been kind of rough, but it has gotton better and then worse. Lying has gotton worse. She acts as if she really thinks we are stupid because her lies are not even believable and she always gets caught. She has had some friends we disapprove of and has gone boy crazy. We recently found her "sexting" late at night. The kicker was we had just had a serious birds and bees type conversation earlier that night with her because we had our suspicions about her friends and her behavior.

We talk to her and she acts like she understands and says what we want to hear, but then she goes and does the opposite. We have tried punishment, showing disappointment, talking kindly, and talking pretty harshly. It all seems to make no difference. Even her grades are slipping because she has blown off quite a few big projects this year. And we can't go to school with her and write down her assignments. When we have found out about each project we have made her do them anyways, sometimes for no class credit. We had hoped this would show her she can't avoid her responsibilities altogether.

I just don't know what to do anymore. Hubby and I are starting to fight about it. Just this week the sexting incident happened, we found out she skipped a big project at school and today we caught her lying about something before she left for school. I didn't punish her for anything, but I gave her lectures. Dh tried taking the friend approach with her and is telling me I am being too hard on her!!!! Hard on her??? All I did was lecture her on her behaviors!! If I yelled at her, grounded her, beat her and locked her in her room that would be hard. But lecturing her is not hard in my book!!

Uggghhh....so that is where we are at!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Update....

--Dh tried taking the friend approach with her and is telling me I am being too hard on her!!!! Hard on her??? All I did was lecture her on her behaviors!! If I yelled at her, grounded her, beat her and locked her in her room that would be hard. But lecturing her is not hard in my book!!"--

Lecturing will get you nowhere. She's a rebelling teen. To her you currently are a load of hot air who knows not a clue of how 'life' really is. She's 14. You are old and not cool and just don't understand. You might as well be jaw jacking at the wall...it's going in one ear and right out the other. She's 14, dont ya know! She knows everything, is all grown up, school is worthless, boys are where the 'actions' at and besides, all her firends do it so surely it's ok.

Husband is trying the 'friend' approach? Pfft. The girl does not need another friend, she needs a father. I certainly hope he had enough sense to take the cell phone away from her. I mean for like the entire summer and not given back until she knocks off the 'tude and earns trust worthiness.

Husband has one chance here to get through to this girl. He is not going to get it done by being her buddy. No, youo can't lock her in her room, but you can certainly step up the limitations of kid perks. Phone, gone. Extra activites, gone. I don't consider 'grounding' a child as being too hard on a child. If limiting a child's abilities to what you can trust her on is what it takes, then by all means, ground the kid. Has she earned trust and privileges? What does husband suggest you do to handle a young teen that refuses to tell the truth, blows off the importance of her school work and tosses sexting out to anybody who cares to read it?

Sexting? I hope Miss All Grown-up n Knows It All is ready for the day these guys she's texting to just might go all mass text with whatever she is sending them. Has she thought about how she will handle it when this guy/s smack whatever she's up to all over facebook? Is she ready for the possibility that the guy is sharing these texts and some other guy is getting the wrong impression...one where he might just jump on her and take advantage of?

Of course she isn't thinking of any of this nor worrying about how she'd handle it all. Because nothing will happen to her. Her friends do this all the time and nothing has happend to them. What does Mom2 know about anything anyway? Mom2 is just a mean old lecturing blah blah.

Sign the kid up for some volunteer services this summer. Let her work at putting in some hours of community service like duties. It will give her less time for the friends, perhaps teach her a bit of responsibilty and maybe even give her a chance to learn something about real life.

Remind husband too that you have a younger son watching. How husband deals with this and/or what he allows daughter to do and/or get away with will not escape the attention of the younger brother.


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RE: Update....

DH didn't want to ground sd. He didn't want to push her away. He thought by taking the "friend" approach it would keep lines of communication open.

Well that backfired!! The one thing he thought he made clear to her was that she was to delete that boys number and facebook and never speak to him again. She doesn't go to school with the boy.

A few days after this I had a family member come babysit the baby because hubby and I had plans with some friends. Older sd had plans that night and I don't trust younger sd with the baby because she doesn't listen. DS is good with the baby, but I only have him help out when I am home and trying to get things done around the house.

Anyways when we got home the family member told me that something was up with sd. Said she was on her cell all day and everytime she walked into the room sd would stop talking and walk away. SD was also on her IPOD and making sure nobody was looking at it. So when SD walked by me with her IPOD I asked to see it. She then started acting wierd telling me it was almost dead and she had to go put it on the charger. I said nope...hand it over. She actually tried to run!! I got in front of her and blocked her from going up to her room and took the IPOD. She got teary eyed and as soon as I moved she ran up to her room.

What was on the IPOD??? More nasty texting about sex stuff. Seriously it was more like a porno....as I read this I was thinking OMG where did she learn to talk like this! It was stuff that as a grown married woman I would be embarassed to talk like to dh!

She downloaded some texting app so she could text the boy on there and thought we wouldn't notice. Then I took her cell and noticed that she was talking to someone off and on all day who called her from private numbers. She thought she was sooo slick!

Hubby wanted to avoid it all. Got mad at me for snooping and starting another issue!! He told me that he was just going to give it back to her and tell her how upset he was.

I was so mad! I told him not to come to me for support when his daughter gets raped, called a slut at school and doesn't want to go, runs away, gets an STD, or gets pregnant because I am going to remind him he wanted to be easy on her and ignore the problem. I said have fun every time your daughter goes out with her friends because who knows what she will be doing! If what she wrote is any indication then good luck! I also told him not to give me an attitude because his daughter was acting this way.....if he wants to dish out attitude give it to the girl who deserves it.

He came around and apologized to me. We talked to her together about the disobeying our first request to be done with this boy. We talked to her about trying to be sneaky and told her she has lost our trust. DH took away her cell, IPOD, and computer. Told her no electronics because we can't trust her on them. Her friends wanted her to go to the movies the other day and DH said nope...told her we had no trust in her and for all he knew she was going to try to meet up with the boy she had been texting and then she would be doing what she texted about.

I told her all about teenage boys. I told her that the stuff she was talking about doing with the boy in text (sex stuff) was now all this boy would want from her. I told her that she will be the girl he used for that stuff and not the girl he takes out fun places and with friends and family. I told her that girls who do those things with random boys get used and are not important to those boys. And when other people find out about it they will call her names and make her life miserable. I told her the way to get boys to like you is to be yourself and do the things you enjoy doing with your friends.

We told her that we knew eventually she would kiss a boy and want boyfriends. And we know that someday she will have sex, but that sex should be special and with someone who you really care about and who really cares about you. It is not something you do with lots of different people and with someone you barely know. Its also something that takes planning and birth control, etc.

Stepdaughter has been okay with it all. She is being a little mopey but oh well! Don't know how long we are going to keep her on lock-down from her cell, computer, and IPOD and going out. Not even sure if this punishment will make a difference.

In the meantime I deleted the girls number who was friends with this boy. I deleted the boy and his friends numbers from her cell too. I also went onto her facebook and deleted the girl and both guys. And I sent a message back to the guy she was sexting with telling him that this was her parents and we read the texts and that he needs to delete her number and never contact her again. We said if he did contact her that we would be contacting his parents and showing him all the texts. He texted back a bunch of .......

Not sure what he meant. But we have all her stuff and he has not sent any messages since.

I want to take her to counseling because I think this approval from boys thing is partially stemming from her mommy issues. Add hormones, a few bad friends, and some curiosity and we have her. DH doesn't want to do the counseling route, he feels we can handle it. So we will see.


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