Gritting Teeth...

14 years ago

BM has the two SKids full time. A few weeks ago as I had posted, BM put her hands on SS and was hitting him in the head. DH called me and asked that I call the police to check on the kids while he was driving and trying to keep SS on the phone with him till they got there to see about them. Since then BM has the kids lying to us and keeping everything blacked out on her and her Looser live-in BF also have posted about.

I asked SD a question on her Myspace account which she hasn't answered. SD always answers me on Myspace for a long time we talked daily there. That leads me to tell DH that I think BF has pawned the puter again, come to think of it SS hasn't been talking about X-Box either...DUH PAWNED!! DH picked for info regarding this because when this happens a fight follows and the Kids are in the middle of a fight between Mom and her BF. Things get broken, spitting choaking...you name it. Last time she wanted him out DH wanted me to help her get rid of him because he is very simular to my X-Husband.

All that being said she is now having the kids lie to their dad and cover up what dangers they are involved in. I looked at a public website that tells you about what is on our states county dockets. Shockingly enough, BM has a DV court date vs. BF on monday, and BF also has a case pending at the same time for BF. So what ever happened it was BIG!! She is still lying to DH about what she has exposed the kids to. If she is going to continue this cycle with BF I wish she would just give us the kids so she can play this game with the kids out of the way.

Comments (10)

sylviatexas1
14 years ago
sorry to be uninformed, but...
what is DV?

I bet you can find out what the charges or issues are;
it probably is public record.

sending best thoughts to those kids.
wild_thing
14 years ago
I am sorry I don't know more of your story already nike....but why does she have custody and what is she getting out of keeping them...does you dh support her? ie alimony or child support? (if there are older posts you could direct me too that would be fine if you don't want to answer)
i would want to wring her neck too.
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Ok, to clarify, my issue is not what their rules are. Its the dont tell or your in trouble policy. This goes back to the inappropriate touching issue. My youngest DD in trouble for telling me that the step-sister had touched her inappropriately. Yes, call it nosey, call it controlling whatever, but when I get the "I'm not supposed to tell" speech that's when I get upset. THere is a history of I'm not supposed to tell stuff that has gone on. Getting in trouble specifically, the girls will figure that part out, and stay under the radar eventually. The kids are not allowed to call the OP and whine about being in trouble. That goes for both houses, so we are on the same page. Even if they did call their dad, I have nothing to hide and will not prevent them from telling their dad they are in trouble. TO KATHLINE, to answer you. Funny because as I was responding back to SM yesterday as she asked me what I thought of her parenting style. My thought was...well on one hand you are too lineant (sp) and then on the other have some really unreasonable strict that's how it is kind of rules. So how do you decribe that parenting style? Two complete opposite sides of the spectrum. She allows the girls to dress like tramps....that's not strict. But then has a rule that step-sisters cant be friends with each others friends. That doesnt make sense to me. They are all close in age and we live in a very small town. Too me...just doesnt make sense. Why can't they all be friends? Not that I'm gonna go discuss this with SM just my thought on the idea. Secondly regarding my son and his older friend. I never said anything while it was going on.... but after the fact, yes reminded him she was the one I warned him about in life before I sent him out on his way into the world. No I do not need to control my son's love life and havent. I will however tell him if I am concerned about something. Sometimes he listens, sometime he doesnt. As in the past I will always be there for him regardless if his choice is one I agreed with or not. He will eventually figure it out and luckily we have that type of relationship we can talk about this kind of stuff. Yes, I have been forced to deal with SM because EXH cannot take care of anything. Sooo this is the only way as parents we have been able to coordinate crap. I realized the other night how angry I actually am with EXH when he wouldnt talk to me. He's letting his wife handle everything, just like he let me handle everything when we were married. So her and I are left to deal with each other. I resent that a little bit I guess because he is still not being responsible for choice making, again! Yes, I do need to make some changes and that is what I am working on and hence the whole reason I put my foot down with SM. It really shouldnt be this difficult EVERY day! I am a very strong woman and for the sake of peacekeeping have turned the other cheek and bit my tongue more than you could imagine, I have tried to build a relationship with this woman which I thought was in the best interest of my children. Instead I have become the mat for her feet wiping and I'm done. Call it controlling if you want. I am taking my space back. Believe me, the less I have to hear from the otherhouse the better. I have a wonderful life right now with my husband, our new baby girl, my job, and my relationship with my kids. Everything else is great! I just have this rash....and it won't go away. So.....this forum is my venting space and I will not engage with her any longer other than one liners. I have too many wonderful things going on in my life to let this black cloud ruin my sunshine.
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kkny
14 years ago
Domestic violence?

I am so sorry about this entire situation. Your DH must be restraining himself from going over and beating the c**p out of this guy.

If you and DH provide any computers etc to the kids, may I suggest you first record seriel numbers etc. Tell Dh to tell X these are HIS computers and are only to be avaialbe to kids and if they go missing he WILL file a police report.

Can DH ask for temporary custody?
organic_maria
14 years ago
Its sounds here like you have enough proof to show unstable environment and take those kids outta there!
How old are they again????
blueangel43
14 years ago
I would have DH call Social Services and tell them that his kids are in a violent situation at their mother's house. He should mention the court case the mother has against the BF for domestic violence. I'd have the case number handy in case they ask for proof.

I was in a similar situation, except I was the child stuck living with my mother. The court was all pro-mother and anti-father, so no matter what my mom and step-dad did, they wouldn't grant my dad full custody.

In case you're wondering, I ended up living with my dad. Apparently, the only thing that will make a selfish mother give up custody is threatening to have her DH arrested for doing drugs. Step-dad was supposed to be having periodic drug tests and wasn't. So, dad's lawyer demanded he take a drug test. Mom knew he would fail, so she dropped me on dad's doorstep. Nice mom, eh?
imamommy
14 years ago
DV is domestic violence and if there is a case pending, it's usually public record. Your DH needs to get a copy of the court filing and if possible, a copy of the police report to see if his kids were in any way involved or present when it happened. Then he needs to seek a protection order or change of custody to get the kids in a safe place. Good luck!
kkny
14 years ago
Ps my comment about the computers, xboxes, etc isnt so much I care about the computers, but unfortunately in order to build a police file.
mom2emall
14 years ago
How sad for the kids! To have their things pawned and be sworn to secrecy. And to be exposed to violence. Grrr! Makes me so mad that some women will let men treat them that way. And they keep going back for more and exposing the kids to it. Pathetic!!

I would definately get social services involved while this is all still fresh. They may not do much this time....but at least their eyes will be open to it now. And if this is a pattern between bm and her man then social services will eventually step in on the kids behalf.
nikemama
Original Author
14 years ago
Well we don't know what happen in court but DH's uncle works in court not where she was. He told DH that she can't drop a DOV anymore. They had to have both appeared. The Felony Theif charge didn't go away on its own either but again we have no idea. All we know is the night before court they were all going out for Ice Cream like a big happy family!

Social Service would be wonderful if it would help. The thing is when we called the police that night. Soc Ser said that they wouldn't open a case unless the police found reason to do so. I don't know maybe I should try again. We live in another county. If I do it I will look like a jeolous SM. DH will not do it because he is afraid of how it will effect the kids and how they might hold it against him and or me. Or that she will not allow him to see the kids. I think he needs to put her in her place because she is doing wrong by the kids.

To top it all off, Last night SS told DH that he and his sister aren't planning on coming this weekend unless we have something good planned to do. Next weekend we was planning on taking them an extra weekend to go on a fishing trip. He don't think he wants to do that either. (I think they are afraid to come that they might spill BM beans) They don't know we know all but the details already.
finedreams
14 years ago
still call child services. document everything.

Gritting Teeth...

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Gritting Teeth...

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