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failing

Posted by wild_thing (My Page) on
Mon, May 4, 09 at 12:15

Ok, sd is failing two classes. She has to sign up for summer school so that she has a spot if she needs it pretty much.
She has been going to counseling for about 3 months. During that time they have discussed her grades and it was said that she has to maintain at least a C average. It was also agreed that this was not an unreasonable demand. If she does not follow through with it, she was going to have to give up her job. Well now it looks like she will have to give up the job.
I don't think she took dh or the counselor seriously. Because we just found out that she was failing the two (almost 3) classes. The funny thing is, she was supposed to bring home these weekly reports signed by her teachers. She had been slacking the last few times, according to dh. Not bringing them home. I don't look at them so I don't know. It was supposed to help her be more accountable for her homework etc.
If she pulls D's she won't have to do summer school since a D is passing. But it is still not up to the standards set and no job. I guess that is where I have issue. What the heck is she supposed to do at home all summer if she isn't working??? Should I just teach her how to clean a house from top to bottom? How to cook? Not how I want to spend the summer.
So I know there has to be follow through, but this is looking grim for me. How can we still have a follow through punishment of some sort, but still let her keep the job???? Help me!


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: failing

I would be more concerned re school. Will school allow her to retake class in summer school to replace a D? DH should be down at school right now -- this is serious.


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RE: failing

And allowing her to 'slack' and not bring home the teacher reports is also no good...
Don't think for a minute that SD wasn't counting on that!
If you two intend to lay down some consequences, you have to be prepared to stick with it even when things get uncomfortable. (And they will)

Maybe, given the time of year, you could come up with a consequence other than giving up her job. I mean, school's just about over, and having a job during the summer makes sense.
Of course, if she has to go to summer school, giving up her job might make more sense.

Do you have the option to insist she go to summer school if she doesn't fail? That was possible where I grew up, but is not something the school allows where we live now.


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RE: failing

Yep, tell me about it ladies! I am seriously always "nagging" dh about all this.
She has always just been hanging in there as far as school is concerned. Per the counseling sessions she is just basically being lazy and not doing the work. Nothing in her test scores that says she can't do the work, just more concerned about what people are thinking and doing around her. That and way too many teachers let these kids do so much extra credit to bring a grade up, and she is used to just doing the bare minimum and skating by. No matter what we say or do. She has spent summers doing nada because of this issue. She likes it! She doesn't have to put forth effort to be someones friend then, cuz we are still working on that issue too. She still doesn't do or plan any outside activities with friends. This girl does nothing, so it is hard to give any kind of consequences. This is the same girl who freaked when her dad told her to invite one friend over a week! Yeah, that plan so hasn't worked out either lol. I am telling you ladies....my sd is one strange duck!!

Great thoughts ladies!

I would love to come up with another alternative, because yes, if she pulls D's she doesn't have to do summer school. But it fails to comply with the preset "rules" if you will, that were agreed upon by her and her dad. But yes, it does seem strange to make her give up a job she has had for a year. I told dh to make her give up the job during the school year....cuz she had D's. He balked, now here we are!! Oiy! No one ever listens to the SM! On the other hand, if she fails and does summer school, then yes, totally makes sense to give up the job, because she would have to work her a** off in summer school. The highest grade they can get in summer school is a C. That is what was asked of her in the beginning.

I didn't like the slacking part of bringing home the teacher reports either...in fact I was looking at one of them yesterday, and some of the signatures even look forged. Crazy. I asked dh about it, he agreed and said he already talked to her about it.
She counts on him to be gullible, and I am naturally skeptical of her given our past situations.

It is just laziness for why she is failing. It is Geometry, and English that she has F's in, and a D in Biology. Those are pretty much the three classes that you have to do any kind of work in to pass. I think that is her problem.

Dh is going to go in to talk to her nit wit of a counselor. Because we discussed this yesterday.....my son is a freshman at the same school, and earlier this year he got an F on a Science test, because he didn't want to take it and marked all one answer on the test....well, teacher let counselor know and I get called and then we have a whole meeting with all his teachers etc....and the only outcome from the situation was that he got bumped up to Honors Geometry, and they got to hear from him that he was just having a bad day and didn't want to test on that info....lol....thats the short story.....but for sd to be failing so many classes and for no one to EVER call is just crazy!

Anyway, I am not sure if they will let her do summer school with D's. I think it is just if she fails classes. Because they say that it is free to freshman and sophomores. I think she might have to pay if it is just trying to get grades up to a C from a D. Not positive on that. Just my idea there.

The funny thing is....my son wants to do drivers training this summer, and find a job so he can have his own money for car and things....well now all of a sudden sd wants a car and to do drivers training....she could have done this last year, or even all through out the year, but she just didn't. She is looking at cars to buy etc....I am thinking, yeah right. What freakin' parallel universe are you living in?!

It is sad, because the more we try with her (and I have said this a million times) the more we try to be "good" to her and "fair", the more she takes and the less she gives, and then we have to go back to square one. I think it is her victim personality....she wants to do and have but once we ease up and give her some wiggle room with responsibility, then she gets super lazy and stops doing in return, and then we have to give consequences and -poof- , we are the bad guys (in her eyes) and she is once again "poor me" (in her eyes). It is such a vicious cycle.

Ok but still no solution to the summer school / job situation. I guess we will have to play it by ear. She has counseling tonight.


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RE: failing

I think Dad needs to meet with Ds guidance counselor immediately. A "D" frequently means that the child has not learned enough to succeed next year. He should argue it will cost the school more if they delay dealing with this.


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RE: failing

I would say let her keep the job. I did not do well in school and having a job as a teenager taught me responsibility and being on time, working with bosses etc that I have a hard time learning in a school setting. I think some kids just don't do well in our school system, it really is a set way to learn that not all people can follow or learn best from.

I would also follow up with summer school if you can.


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RE: failing

" think she might have to pay if it is just trying to get grades up to a C from a D. Not positive on that. Just my idea there."

Well, if that is the case, what about letting her keep her summer job but asking her to contribute a certain amount to pay for summer school?


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RE: failing

If she gets the Ds, how about you let her keep the job, but you take half the money and use it to pay for pre-emptive tutoring for the classes she'll take next fall? Have her start the tutoring in the summer, so that she'll be in a better position to do well in the classes once they begin. And you and your husband can explain that the reason she has to do the tutoring in the summer is because she did so poorly in school, and you wants her to do better.

That way, she's not getting off the hook for doing badly and you're also setting her up for success in the future.


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RE: failing

Hey all!!

We came up with a solution! We bounced it off of her counselor and she agreed.

The deal is...if she does get the F's of course she will do summer school.
If she gets D's. She won't have to, but she will not be able to take drivers training or get the car she is wanting. She is wanting this bad! So she has reason to be working her butt off right now.

She will keep the job.

But the same punishment goes if she gets F's...no Driver's Ed, and no car. plus less work hours because she has to be in summer school.

We feel the job is the one steady, responsible thing in her life right now. She has been very excited about the possibility of buying a car of her own to drive. But that will not happen if she does poorly in school.
She seems to understand, and has discussed that she knows this info, and it is really hard, but she is trying, but she really doesn't like the "make up work" in both school and for at home for the behavior she has had. Which tells us that she has been thinking about her situation. For that I am pleased.

The thing with the D's is that this is her last year of math that she HAS to take, so a D is still passing. She has to live with it. She just guaranteed that she won't be going to college but, we and her counselor have been telling her for months. But, you know, some people are not cut out for college and that is okay.

I like the tutoring idea! But, she won't have math next year. English she should be able to pass....she just has to put a little bit of effort in.

I will keep you all posted on how her grades turn out. I have my fingers crossed for her! If she pulls some C's out of her a** I will be soooo happy, and I will help that girl celebrate! LOL!


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RE: failing

How could she "gurantee" she wont go to college? I find that a pretty strong statement. At a minimum, where I live, any HS grad can go to college. But more importantly, has dad spoken to her re sitting down and discussing after HS plans.


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RE: failing

Community College is generally an option for any HS grad, isn't it?
NOT to say that everyone has to go to college.
Trade and vocational schools can also be excellent.


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RE: failing

well lets talk about the whole college thing then shall we???

Sure, if she wants to pay for community college she can go right ahead. But probably will not happen. Just telling things like they are ladies. We don't have a lot of extra money, and we have always told the kids that if they have any plans to continue their education, that we encourage that completely, but we will not be able to contribute to that education. They will have to rely on scholarships, etc. so they had better get good grades.

But here is the thing...I know my step daughter pretty well, to know that she won't be choosing college. A trade school would probably be more to her liking to be honest.

I just said she guaranteed no college, because of the crappy grades. Because, hello.....poor grades do not equal scholarships. I was purely speaking from our POV and didn't think to explain that here. So sorry.

I am not saying in any way this makes her "less of a person" or anything close to that. She already is a hard worker and is pretty responsible when it comes to her job, so I have no doubt that she will go far in what ever she does decide to do job wise.

AT this point, we are just trying to get her through high school and get a freakin' diploma. That in itself will be a huge accomplishment. Especially considering that her mom never graduated, and her brother didn't as well. No one in that side of her family pushes school as important, and she only has one aunt out of four on that side who did graduate, and all of her cousins are well on their way to dropping out as well, because the three oldest already have. So again, it is purely, point of view.

So no one needs to get all bent out of shape just because I said she isn't going to college....that was her decision.


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RE: failing

No one was getting bent out of shape. Of course she should be proud of graduating. People just had suggestions.


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RE: failing

right kkny....right.
Anyway.......I already thanked everyone for the great suggestions and comments.


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