Return to the Stepfamily Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
nothing changes

Posted by wild_thing (My Page) on
Wed, May 13, 09 at 12:09

So SD has been in counseling for around 3 months or something. During that time she has been saying she is trying, etc. What they are focusing on right now is her grades. She is trying to get her F's and D's up to at least C's. She tells us she has been working hard, blah blah blah.

I was looking at my son's grades and assignments on parent connect the other day, and checked my SD's while I was at it. Well, I will give her credit for raising the F's to D's so far. But in her history class there are assignments that she didn't even turn in. One very important one for example, that was worth 100 points. It was a project.

She says she just didn't want to do it because it was too boring. Then the next day in counseling she changes her story and says that she didn't understand it. That is always her EXCUSE. It was just a freaking report she had to do! On one person. What is there to not understand?! Unless you just flat didn't read it.
Then she was doing a paper for English, and I noticed that she was using her book an awful lot. I asked what the assignment was, and read what she was going to turn in. OMG!!!
She said she had to have a one page report on the book. OK......but her one page consisted on nothing but quotes out of the book, written in huge lettering. @@ WTF?!!
This is her "trying".

This just proves my whole point that she is just flat out lazy, and is getting F's because she just won't do the work. Which is what her counselor even told her, that F's mean you just are not doing the work period.

I don't know. She is the weirdest teenage I have ever encountered and that says a lot coming from me!
I have never met a teen who had no interests, no friends, no ambition, no goals, no personality, no nothing. It is such a strange and bizarre thing.
She keeps saying she has all these friends and yet, she doesn't do anything with anyone.
Her dad told her to invite a friend over at least once a week, she won't even do that.
Yet she gets totally pissed when you suggest she has no friends. Sorry if the truth hurts.
She made a huge deal out of her 16th birthday and supposedly invited her friends, and no one showed up. Her original idea was to get a hotel room. WTF?
I just do not get this girl. AT ALL!
She is disturbed is all I can say. She has issues upon issues upon issues and it is just crazy.
She lies like she breathes. It is just no big deal to her. Doesn't bother her in the least.

I am thinking that on top of her Victim mentality, she also seems to give up very easily if she tries at all. We have found that whenever she thinks something is hard (or too much work is another way to put it) then she just quits and doesn't do anything. Such a lazy way to approach things, and life.

It is almost sickening to me the way she is. I just don't get it. I am sick of trying to understand something that makes no sense and lacks even the most common sense.
The whole situation is like Chinese water torture for me.

Thanks for letting me vent.


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: nothing changes

wild thing

I can relate to that with my SD-18 in some ways. She actually does have friends that she hangs out and goes places with, but as far as having any interests, hobbies or so on, she never really has, besides watching movies and reading books. Her grades in school have always been a disappointment and they are only that way because she puts absolutley no effort into her school work. Now we can't even get her to go back to work! It's been nearly five months since her last job. She spends nearly all of her free time laying around her boyfriend's parents house... I totally would not let that fly in our house!

It's hard for me to understand because I was always doing some sort of extra-curricular activity at her age. I loved to work and always went places and did things with both my friends and my (blended) family. My grades were never an issue, I was always an A-B student and didn't have any trouble getting my school work done.

I have to believe some of these kids today, especially ones that have confidence issues, weight problems or are just plain introverted use their tv's, cell phones and computers as their social outlets. It, honestly, was much easier when I was a teenager because we didn't have those distractions and frankly, my parents would put a boot in my hiney to get out and do things.

I truly feel for you. It's got to be so frustrating!


 o
RE: nothing changes

I think its part of her personality as well. I noticed some kids actually do give up with they are not good at something or they get disappointed really fast and give up!..its in their character and its also a learned behaviour from very young. You have to instill 'to keep trying' no matter what and no matter how many times you fail, from a young age.
With my son i noticed he has a stubborn character. Even at 3 1/2 he's persistant...on ps2 games we tell him, keep trying, it ok to fail, its how we learn, keep going .....other times he'll want me to play so he can study what i do. Its quite amazing.
My ss has a no ambition streak but if you know how to talk to him, how to encourage him, he get confident and wants more. he's such a good kid , i just wish i was was around him more to encourage him with homework. He's failing a few classes and i wish i was there for him.
My sd is the opposite of your daughter...has friend,s loves her homework and she's great at certain subjects and mediocre in others.
Maybe your daughter has too much counciling????? maybe at her age she feels there is something really wrong with her to go talk to professionals and has a low selfesteem????
Where is her mother in this? Does she have a close relationship????
Have you seen any of her friends in school? Maybe she's embarassed to tell any friend that she's seeing a councilor for fear she maybe looked on as a wierdo or outcast????


 o
RE: nothing changes

Poppin, thanks. It is very frustrating. Something I just don't get. I try to understand it, and I have tried looking at it from other perspectives, and things never really work.
I was always doing things as a teen too, and you couldn't keep me away from my friends unless I had no choice lol. We were always doing things together. I wasn't a great student, but i knew that if I didn't put some effort in, that I would fail, and I knew that if I did try, then I usually did pretty well in school.
I agree about the kids these days. All the technology and television programs make it possible for them to just sit on their butts and do nothing.

Maria, She has been in counseling for about 3 months. She needed to go. Too many issues for her not to be there. I absolutely believe she has low self esteem. She tries to compensate for it by wanting to dress trashy and act out.
Her mom isn't around much. She is the one who wrote her mom a letter to let her know her feelings, and her mom showed everyone and they all feel that she is just "bashing" her. She doesn't talk to her mom anymore, because her mom doesn't give crap about her. That was one big reason for the counseling, and she kept targeting me with her anger about her mom issues. So no, they are so not close at all.
We met one girl from school, and she tries to hang out with a couple of older girls. But they never call her to invite her out. She has tried calling them and they don't return her calls. We feel she is more of a "pet" to them than a friend.
The friend issue has been an on going one. She has spent the last two summers doing nothing with anyone. She is on her way to her third.
She takes a big interest in boys. But no boy friends. She just likes to flirt and say that this one and that one has a crush on her or likes her etc. She tends to like other girls boyfriends too. The taken boys. Again, no boys call either.
She is also the same girl who had issues with getting involved with the gang kids in our area. When she started high school, she was hanging out with them and I think that tarnished her reputation right off the bat. I still think she is friends with them, and that is why she doesn't have anyone to come over to our house or to go do things with. She is a totally different person when she is around others. She has many hats. VERY immature for her age.

It is just frustrating. She is ruining her own high school experience. I myself didn't much like high school, but there were certain things about that time that I enjoyed, and hanging out with my fiends was definitely one of them. It was a big highlight thinking back...that is what makes me smile about my time in high school. It is just sad that she is not making those kind of memories for herself.

I just get frustrated. I make sure my own kids do things and are involved and have friends over etc. We have tried to encourage these things in her as well and she just doesn't budge.


 o
RE: nothing changes

She definitely is in a rutt...big time. Her mother is a downer in her life and she does things to seek attention and to 'fit' in. Naturally actually....but can be dangerous if mixed with the wrong crowd.

My high school years were not my favorite either. i had a few selected friends..mostly boys actually. I was a tom boy adn didn' thave too many girlfriends....wasnt' into the makeup or giggles...thought theywere all stupid. Hung out with a specific gang at school, never brought any of my friends home. Only one girlfriend fromchild hood and 3 boys from childhood neighbourhood...thats it..
She's grow out of it...in college she will flourish...i did.
But how about encouraging a camp activity forher this summer. She can go for 2-3 week camping on site with other kids across the country. Its a great experience and tons ofcouncilors on the spot for many of the kids iwth their share of problems...you never know. She may get a pen pal.


 o
RE: nothing changes

A rut...that is one way to look at it.
She isn't a tomboy, she is actually pretty girly when she wants to be. She is cute, too so no problems with the boys lol. Just no b/f yet, but we certainly are not complaining about that.
When I say gang...I really mean gangs. Like the kind that are into drugs, flunking school, getting "jumped in", spray painting buildings, fighting, etc.
She isn't going to college. So no where to flourish there.
We can not afford to send her to a camp, and she would never be interested in one to begin with. But it is a nice suggestion.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Stepfamily Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here