Mullenium, Petzold gave you good advice on watering deeply. Another thing to check is how many emitters you have on each plant and how much water they deliver. One gallon-per-hour (gph) emitters are common and when landscapes are installed each plant usually only has one. Keep in mind that one gallon of water will moisten about 1 cubic foot of soil. While that may be enough for small plants, larger shrubs and trees will need much more. If you have 1-gph emitters, I'd recommend you set your timer to run at least 2 hours which will not only moisten the rootball but surrounding soil as well. The longer you can keep moisture in the root zone the less often you will need to water. This time of year watering once a week for 2 hours should be adequate. As temperatures rise above 90 degrees once every 5 days should be good. By June and through the summer apply water once every three days. When nights begin cooling off in September, you can extend the interval in between waterings again. Deep and infrequent is the key. Soggy soils will deprive roots of needed oxygen and promote bacterial and fungal rots especially in summer. Here is a link to watering guidelines in the metro Phoenix area. Here is a link that might be useful: Landscape Watering Guidelines

I am not the judgmental type, and I really believe you never know the reasons for someone else's decisions until you walk in their shoes (if you ever even can). I also do not consider myself terribly naive. But I have wondered time and again why my BF's EX did what she did. By that I mean, have an affair, decide to leave her husband after getting a new mortgage and breastfeeding second daughter, ransack the house while BF was at work and leave a mess in front of her daughters, use BF's inheritance money to move them several states away, secretly remarry, and buy and subsequently have to sell several houses and have the kids change schools because she and new hubby did not plan their budget well. I have wondered to the point where it is unreasonable of me - some things do not and should not make sense. Her actions are, of course, more of a function of her personality and whatever she felt the situation was than the fact she is a bio-mom or whatever other role she may fall into. If someone has a history of displaying weak, selfish behavior, the same can be expected in the future. Even if she despised her husband, anyone who knows him could see what a devoted, capable and attentive father he is. It is really a shame to have moved so far away for the convenience of having built-in babysitters in the form of relatives. I am always shocked to hear when her plans for bringing them north every other month (per court order) inevitably "don't work out" that she tells them, "I don't know why you can't see your dad - ask him to explain." Whenever I enter into an agreement with someone, if I am compelled to leave it I do so with dignity and respect for all involved. The saddest thing was when his older daughter at the age of 8 said to us, "Mom said she left you so that she could finally be happy in life. But she still doesn't seem happy to me." Kids should not be burdened with worrying about these things. I am a child of divorce and I remember the pain well.

SS is inconsiderate ... Mom and Dad don't care ... stop stressing yourself out over stupid stuff. So what if he goes to live with mom then she can let him harass her for not being on-time, she can let him wither away in his room. After a few weeks of him ignoring her and not helping out around the house she will be calling saying he needs counseling if not her the school will tell her about it. Let it go enjoy yourself and your time with your daughter. Let hubby worry about his kid yeah you will have to deal with it again but until then let it go.

Vicky, I had to go back to the original post to get a reminder of what advice you are looking for because you seem to have an retort to anything anyone has to say that isn't what you want to hear. "I would like to know from some of you how you handle "EOW mom" when you do more of the parenting than BM does. I also have a hard time with her phone calls that interrupt our family (bonding) time. Also, when BM calls a few days in a row SS starts expecting her phone call around a certain time of the day, and then her phone calls become less regular, setting him up for just another disappointment." How did I handle the EOW mom when I did more of the parenting than her? At first I HELPED my husband out a lot... I did the transport, doctor visits, teacher stuff, homework stuff, and then SD would go visit her mom for a weekend, DH would get a call from mom p!ss!ng & moaning about how SD didn't like this or that, or how I was doing things wrong, or I have no business doing "mom" things. I grew to resent that I am getting up doing everything for a kid whose mother got to sleep in & not work or pay support while I worked two jobs in addition to raising her daughter. She even got confrontational with me during an exchange that I was doing to help out my husband. That was the last exchange as I began to distance myself from interacting with the EOW deadbeat mom. (It really did reduce the stress in my life by removing myself from the mix. If you have any negative feelings toward her ~and it sounds as if you might~ then I highly recommend leaving it to your husband... even if he has to drive more than you'd like him to have to.) He chose to have a child with her. It's HIS responsibility and the fact that you are asking how to deal with HIS ex when it's really HIS problem, implies that you don't exactly like her or get along with her... not that you aren't cordial & kind... but you harbor feelings that she isn't doing her job, you are. That my friend is the beginning of bigger resentment. Trust me on that. As for the phone calls... Well, my SD's mom felt entitled to call whenever she wanted. The problem was that she only wanted to call when we were actually busy doing something... like at an amusement park or on a trip. Otherwise, SD would want to call her but she would never answer her phone. If she did answer it, she would say how she was too busy to talk.. you know, taking her new boyfriend's kids to baseball or taking the dogs to the vet. Then I got to listen to SD cry over it. I got to deal with the disappointment every time she couldn't get through to her mom or her mom would say she'd call back but didn't. Try putting a kid to bed when they are waiting for a call from mom... because mom promised. Of course, my SD didn't like me. Well, I don't know if that's true because she asked if she could call me mom a couple of times and said she loved me at other times, but her actions said differently. To be honest, I have no idea how she felt toward me but I took the brunt of her anger toward her mom. She lied about me. She lied to me. She manipulated every situation. and in the end, I split up the marriage because my husband allowed his ex to involve herself in our marriage by proxy... her daughter. In the beginning, he was wonderfully supportive of me, very appreciative except he never stood up to his ex. She would start something with me and he would tell me how much he appreciated me & all I do for him. Eventually his daughter treated me the same way his ex did, and he would not do anything about it. (I don't know if he could have made her stop but he never made any real attempt... she rolled over him like a mack truck!) But you see, in retrospect it wasn't SD's or BM's fault. It was my DH's fault because HE was the parent. It was HIS job to raise his daughter, not mine. He delegated it over to me and put me in a position to deal with the crap he didn't want to... his ex & his daughter. That's why I am divorcing him. I thought I was doing what a loving wife should do, help him out & take care of his child so he could work & we could "be a family". It didn't work out for me, I hope it works out for you but I wouldn't hold my breath. The bottom line is that you are on TWO forums asking for advice on how to deal with something that isn't your problem. I am sure that many stepparents have a good relationship with their stepchild and even like/get along with the BM. And if that were the case, I don't know why you'd be asking for advice on how to deal with an EOW mom & her annoying phone calls that interrupt your family bonding time. The unfortunate truth is that she is a part of your family whether you like it or not. She can choose to do whatever she wants every other weekend... junk food, inappropriate movies, video's, etc. My SD wore make up & spent days at a river with a boy and no adult. She was allowed to eat whatever & always gained weight there & stayed up as late as she wanted. And then come home to our rules and as she got older, she became more & more rebellious about it. She resented that I was doing what she wanted her mom to do and I didn't allow her the freedom her mom gave her. In my situation, it was a recipe for disaster & had my husband been more supportive, I might have hung in there longer and stayed married... but I guarantee you that I would have been miserable until the day she moved out or decided to like me & be nice. As soon as she turned 13, she upped the ante because she felt she was now a "teenager". By that time, I had taken on the responsibility of raising my infant grandson & it got to the point that I did not want him influenced by her bad behavior. I guess my point is that you have no control over how much peace you will have in your life. You can get along with the mom & child but if either of them decide to make it hard for you, well it's just something you have to deal with when you sign on to be married to someone that has children from a prior relationship. You accept there is an ex that is going to be the other parent to the children & sometimes you luck out with someone that likes and accepts you as the stepparent.. but I think more often than not it doesn't work out that way. Perhaps because women are sometimes possessive of their children or the role of "mother" so when a stepparent is doing everything for the child as a custodial stepmother, she may feel the mother is not doing enough or is a substandard mother because she doesn't have custody or just doesn't agree with how the mother chooses to parent. And it is probably difficult for a lot of mother's to have an EOW stepmother trying to bond & influence their child when they disagree on values or parenting style. But, those are the pitfalls of subsequent marriages (or I should say relationsips that involve someone that already has children) It's a package deal & it isn't always what it appears to be when you sign up (as in the case of someone that has a completely absent parent that reappears after you're married) It's just something you have to deal with or walk away. There is no advice on how to make the EOW mother do anything and it's not your job to deal with her... if it's a problem that you feel you have to figure out how to deal with her, give it back to the person that is obligated to deal with her.. and that's your husband. It's nice that you want to help him out & if you can do so without feeling put out or put upon to deal with this woman... great! I love hearing a happy ending where everyone can get along. Or I could give this advice if you really insist on being the one to deal with her: 1. Drive the child. 2. Keep your mouth shut. 3. Turn a blind eye to what she says or does with her child. Because you are not going to change her. You are not going to change how she parents. You are not going to remove her from the child's life, nor her influence. You are never going to be the real mom. If you're lucky, he will grow up to love & respect you & appreciate all you've done for him but even he has no obligation to do any of that. He didn't ask for a stepmom. He didn't ask for you to be his custodian. and while you are doing his dad a favor, you may be doing him a disservice. Boys learn to be men from their male role model. His father is modeling how to be gone most of the time & leave the bulk of the parenting to the woman. That's just some food for thought, but you & dad should be aware of what message it is sending to this boy on how to be a man someday. (my dad was a workaholic & now my brother is too... it's very powerful how a father doesn't have to actively spend time with a child to teach him behaviors that will follow him throughout his life.