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SD birthday

Posted by MrsProffit25 (My Page) on
Sun, May 22, 11 at 9:49

Hello - so we celebrated SD birthday yesterday the big 7!! DH sent BM a few pics over the phone.. SD with her cake and SD with our DD and some pot belly pigs from her Bday... BM proceeded to send pics of the court order (no we have not recieved ours yet) with it highlighted that DH provides transportation on sat AND sunday depending on the weekend (night over or just 1 day) and I understand - thats 50/50 but neither of us knew because no1 had the court order and i specifically remember BM attorney asking HER what time SHE could PICK up SD on sunday she BM SAID 8AM! Because I remember telling her attorney DH has to work on sunday morning... either way - DH told her thats fine BUT he has to be to work at 8 so (i) my wife will drop her off right after she takes me to work ao around 8:30. We only have 1 car and 8:30 is still earlier then when BM would get her cause the bus runs late. Oh boy BM was nasty yesterday, She was angry because she just ASSUMED we spent 180 dollars on SD cake.. I have no idea how this crazy lady came up with any number because my mom made the cake its amazing it was a double tower pink justin bieber cake with bieber pics and a rock quitar (tried to post a pic but i guess i cant) well He didnt say it was home made he just replied why would it matter... She then got angry because she said to DH on text "Make sure she looks nice" umm DH replied she will be sent to you in clothes you bought her. BM: I dont want her to look like a scrub its her birthday. DH; well when we send her nice clothes you return them all stained or dont return them at all we will send her in last sundays outfit (the jeans that had to be folded because they were to small to button - no we really wouldnt have dont that) BM; ewe no not that sh*t... I want her to look dressy we are going to chucky cheese.. (LOL!!!) DH; well then go buy her something dressy..

I got SD ready today She wore a tinkerbell outfit that her mom bought that actually fits and the shoes her mom bought - she did not look like a scrub my SD never looks bad except when her mom sends her home in crap like last week. meanwhile she didnt text or call me :). TODAY I dropped dh off at work and headed to BM house its like 30 min away. BM called me 4 times even had her BF call and yes i ignored it. She texted me once. SHE EVEN CALLED MY MOTHER!!! seriously.. ok that pissed me off.. WTF IS WRONG WITH THIS GIRL WE TOLD HER SD WOULD BE LATE. I arrived at 8:46... This is why its hard for me to bite my tongue... I lol at chucky cheese because first she promised SD a bounce house - cancelled then it was pool party - cancelled then it was celebration station - cancelled now its good ole chucky cheese like almost every weekend lol. SD will have fun but its just funny to me...


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: SD birthday

I don't know why you expect any other response from her when your DH just rubbed in her face with pictures of what she wasn't involved in.
Your DH had no business sending pictures to BM of a bday party she didn't get to attend. Talk about asking for her claws to come out.

And you might want to make sure that court order doesn't say only DH provides transportation because my new court order is very specific, SM cannot come to my home, or contact me. She can pick up and drop off at school but it says BD only provides transportation to and from myfam during summer.


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RE: SD birthday

Calling to say late is not acceptable. DAD should get the kid back on time.


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RE: SD birthday

All your DH did was antagonize BM by sending pictures. What ever were you thinking?? Let's show BM how much we are doing for little girl!?

I am beginning to think that BM is nuts because she keeps getting beat down. I don't care how much you do for that little girl, thinking it's funny to rub it in her BMs face is very immature. This entire post was immature.

Hey and guess what ... We came up with three different ideas for my DDs bday but they were all too expensive so we ended up doing a party at home. Her dad is taking her on vacation and a waterpark... There is nothing funny about having to downsize your party because you're broke!


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RE: SD birthday

It's fixable. DH has several choices. 1) toss him out in parking lot of work at 7:15 with correct 8am drop off time for SD 2)politely try to work out compromise where late drop off equals made up time in same day 3)ignore CO and appear uncooperative which would be a not wise one to select.

It's good that Dad is now doing the communicating. Good you are ignoring her calls (your mother can ignore her calls also). I'm not sure Dad meant harm by sharing birthday pics, but under the current situation it was likely not the best thing to do. Obviously it *issed BM off. Before just sending something like this again, if the intentions are truly pure and just trying to 'share' then DH should first text and ask if BM would like a few snappies.

Please don't compare parties. Parties are suppose to be fun for the child...if SD enjoys pizza/games I'm sure she'll have had a good time at both events. What is sad about Chuck E Cheese two weeks in a row is not the fact that SD is having her party there, it's more that if BM has skipped the pizza/game outting last weekend she could maye go this weekend and also dress her daughter up nice for the party. The priorities of this BM seem off, but don't fight with her over clothing. I still think you should call around and see where BM could get proper/fitting clothing for free and/or cheap and let Dad be helpful and supportive by letting her know maybe through a conversation he has with the BF. Not in a ha-ha way, but in a true caring/supporting manner. If they don't have much for SD to wear they likely don't have much for the other little girl either. There are organizations out there that can help with this situation.

Now that you have Dad finally doing the communicating the next step that will take you out of the drama and middle is to learn to ignore what is being texted between the two. Dad's a big boy, he does not need to tattle every last thing BM does and says. If you don't know about it to very last little detail it won't bother you and won't toss more logs on your fire. This is between them, the less you have to hear the better off you'll be in focusing on bigger things than what BM is saying/thinking/doing now. Not your problem. All you have to do is get SD up and dressed and out the door...the rest is for Dad and BM to figure out. Remember, don't feed into it and don't get in the middle.


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RE: SD birthday

Mrs. P..... don't get upset because people don't understand. kkny.... dad told the lawyer he couldn't possibly get there by 8. Mrs. P, you should probably take sd to bm before dropping dh off at work to avoid a problem with the courts. Keep a record of everything. If BM is late then write that down. That way you can show that this isn't convenient for you and she's not going to work with you anyway.

My dh always takes pics of my ss and sends them to his bm. She does the same when she has him. That's why we know that she actually bought him some new clothes but didn't send them home with him. I personally think that each parent should get the kids some clothes but that all the clothes should be shared between homes. It's just easier that way. I always send my ds15 with plenty of clothes for his entire visit. His dad doesn't buy him as many as I'd like him to but then again, I don't like his idea of style so I'm ok with it. When my ss came home without any of the clothes his bm bought him I seriously gave it some thought about NOT sending him with any clothes for his summer visit. We will see what I feel like when the time comes. His older step brother over there is smaller then him.... I think they're keeping the clothes there to use for him. That's not fair to my ss because he bm doesn't provide for him much at all.... like someone said before... $56 per week isn't much!!


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RE: court order

I don't understand how BM has copy of plan but Dad does not. I'd think both parents would receive a copy and in a fast time frame. It'd be too easy to forget exact wording and exactly who, when, how things are to be without both having copies.

--" dad told the lawyer he couldn't possibly get there by 8."--

I get that part, but somewhere between what Dad said or thought he agreed to got entered into writing in a plan slightly differently. I don't see how anybody could be expected to follow orders when only one has copy of order and the other one said one thing and got entered as something else.

Now that BM has sent Dad a copy, he has it. If he has questions he can ask his lawyer exactly what this or that means. If something was recorded in the agreement differently than what was actually verbally agreed to these things should have been caught in proof reading the document pre-signing.


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Court order

I just remembered..... when we got the co from my dh getting custody of my ss.... bm had been given 8 weeks visitation during the summer and in the court order it stated 7 weeks. Also, it stated bm had to begin making child support payments January 1, 2010. The order was dated October 28, 2010. Bm's lawyer asked for an ammendment to fix the mistakes. The part about the eight weeks was fixed. The date for child support to begin didn't get fixed... but we all knew that she didn't have to start paying till January 1, 2011. I think your dh needs to talk to his attorney to make sure it's not supposed to be later. If he told them he couldn't be there by 8 then it's most likely a mistake that will be fixed. I think 8 am is REALLY early for a little kid. Most of them don't get up that early on the weekends. Poor girl!


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RE: SD birthday

ok DH ment no harm by sending pic. BM send hi some too as well as me. So scratch that as trying to instigate. We do not share clothes between house holds because to many times they came back ruined and its a waste of money. it would be hard for me to do drop off before taking him to work then i have to wake all the kids up like 6:30... we will deff ask for this to be changed you people need to stop just assuming the worst with every little thing i post. BM told dh over the phone in the morning that she recieved her CO but didnt send pics untill after dh sent her some of sd bday.. Im sure bm will send dh some pics today.. chucky cheese will be 4 years in a row and i am intittled to lol she went on and on about all these extravigant things she was going to do and she said she already booked them already paid for them. they were just lies... so yes i will lol. im sorry you all feel it was all immature but i think if you stop looking it as dh trying to rub it in her face you will see different. those were not his intentions. man this site is really beginning to be more of a stress then a stress relief. even when i take your advice you still find something to bash about.


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RE: SD birthday

My ss bm tells him of all these enormous plans as well and never follows through. I feel bad for him. Once it was that she was going to buy him a flat screen tv and an xbox for his room.... just because, no bday or xmas. Then it was that she was going to take him on a Disney cruise. This was all going to happen after she sold her house and got divorced cause she said she'd be getting $10,000. She told my ss all these things. In the end she couldn't sell her home at asking price, had to pay for divorce etc etc. He did end up with an xbox for Easter because she was in a car accident with him and the insurance company gave her $1000. But he didn't get the tv or the cruise. It always made me so mad that she would get his hopes up for stuff then fall through with it. My ds15's sm also told him that she would buy him a computer for his 15th birthday and it was also for his previous Christmas that they hadn't gotten him anything for. (BTW... his bday is July 4.... so quite a few months in between).... well, his 16th birthday is now coming up and another Christmas has come and gone and he still has no computer. I don't think he needs one of his own so it doesn't bother me that he doesn't have it.... it bothers me when parents or step parents make HUGE promises to a kid and then don't follow through on them. You can think about doing something all you want, just don't let your kids know till it's set in stone so they don't get let down.

Now with my ss, when he tells me that his mom told him something was going to happen or he was going to get something.... I ask him.... do you think that's really going to happen? Usually now he says probably not. The one thing she did pull through on was his IPOD at Christmas.... BUT, she told him in advance that she was getting it for him.... Who does that? That totally ruins the surprise of Christmas!!! She's just a nutty crack head anyway....

Don't worry about the pictures. We all do the same....


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RE: SD birthday

Ok, I just reread this...you have pot belly pigs for a pet? Always thought they were cute little but not so sure what I'd think when they grew up. Think I'll stick to my little pets. I also wanted a goat, not even sure why, but I can't have one due to ordinances (that's probably a good thing LOL, a goat?)

I had to google for images of what a Justin Bieber cake might look like. How cute, if she's a Bieber Girl. Some really creative baker/decorators out there. My DD is not into Bieber so I had no idea there was all the Bieber party stuff. I think it's cool Gma is talented enough to have made one.

There's not a problem sharing pics back and forth as long as it's a routine thing. There was a thread a while ago about a lady who took a photo of her SD and BM went off the wall over it. I think it just depends. ExDIL and I share snappies all the time. As long as it's a mutual enjoyed thing, there's no harm in it and lots of opposite parents enjoy and appreciate it.

To be fair to Myfam's reaction, I understand where pics tossed her for a loop. Her DD's Sm is a real controling woman and not only would that SM never ever send Myfam snappies that one won't even let Myfam's DD mention Myfam or anything while in that SM's home. If Myfam's SM sent a photo it would be to be mean or to kick at Myfam. It's jut not something done in her case. (* waves to Myfam* hope you're feeling better today!)

We don't send clothing back and forth either. GS has clothing at all the houses and as Gma I buy and buy and send stuff to both his parents homes to help out they they keep there. There have been threads here discussing the clothing between houses. Clothing at times gets to be a sticky situation. Some do, some don't. I too would resent sending clothing to share only to get it back ruined. If you've tried the 'sharing' clothes thing and it worked out poorly, BM is just going to have to figure it out on her own. As I said above, there are places that can and will help her.

I do truly hope SD has a great two days. Busy weekend with her having two parties. She'll be wiped out by this evening.

Dh might call his lawyer and see if in final printing up things got messed up in between verbal and written... clerks make mistakes. If no mistake the best DH can hope for is a mutual compromise that DH and BM can work out a doable schedule. Being she knew last night that SD would be arriving late this morning, it was overreaction to make all the phones calls. Four phone calls to you, one from BF to you (why was he calling? I still dislike that guy) and one to your mother was ridiculous as she knew why you were late and that you were indeed on your way. That was childish. If she was trying to prove a point by screaming 'you're breaking the order' it was a poor way to handle it. Between now and next weekend see what can be worked out and if there was an error made in document. With school going to be out soon, maybe Dad can offer her an extra 45 minutes on BM's afternoon visit during the week. If they do work out a mutual agreement make sure you record it so she can't say it was not mutual at a later date.


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RE: SD birthday

I emailed our attorney - she didnt take notes at the mediation/court date which i thought was odd and now i see how bad of an idea it was that she didnt take notes. I told her that we will need to change the drop off time. LOL I do not have pot bellied pigs BUT i plan to get one some day. I was raised with all sorts of animals and hope to one day live in aneighborhood where i can have my chickens and ducks and pigs and another mini horse for the kids. but i live in an apartment so - no can do.. lol I know SD will have fun at BM party. DH and I usually go way out for sd but this year it was very simple because we have learned that no matter how extravagant we go - BM will always top us with her messly chucky cheese.. and thats fine. It was stilla great justin bieber cake! If you click on my profile for this site There is a url to my FB and the main pic is of the cake, it was amazing LOL i just wish i knew how she came up with any sort of number. and she was just angry about it which i dont understand BUT I WOULD NEVER EVER SPEND THAT MUCH ON A CAKE LOL even our wedding cake my mommy made for us. it was a 3 tier cake with purple trim.. :) our attorney said to let BM have sd monday since she cant pick her up tue.. DH hasnt told her about it because i know he isnt to happy about it. but he will let her know tonight.


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RE: SD birthday

I don't understand why BM has CO and dad still does not have his, did he throw it away not knowing what it is? why doesn't he have one? and even if he didn't get his, why doesn't he know what's in it?

I don't see how Justin Bieber cake is awesome, but Chucky Cheese's is measly. How is one better than the other? I actually think that chucky cheeze's is a bit more age appropriate than fascination with teen idol. She is only 7. Why does she need to worship a kid who has girlfriends and sings about love at age 13.

some people don't do any parties, what's the big deal. .so mom does chucky cheezes, who cares, why so much competition

so where did SD get pot belly pigs? you said you don't have any, where did they come from? toys?

Same as myfampg i wonder about maturity level of all parties...how old are dad, BM, SM, BF...


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facebook link

I think you should refrain from having link to a facebook page here.

Do you realize that BM might be reading this (and if not, she will one day) and it would cause a lot of problems for you? She will print all his out and take to her lawyer.

You even disclosed your first and last name and name of your SD. I would get rid of a link in your profile.


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RE: SD birthday

Mrs. Profit.

You are not a party to the CO/Divorce. You do not have an attorney in this matter. Try to remember that.

Dad should be stepping up more here. Not you.


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RE: SD birthday

I say measly because that is where she takes SD almost EVERY WEEKEND.. We have not recieved our order - our attorney has it. Pot bellied pigs were brought to the party. Every girl her age is in love with justin bieber. really? lol and yes i have my opinion and you obviously have yours - i think chucky cheese is measly - its an ordinary thing from BM. Nothing special. If you dont like my opinion then i am sorry. There is no competition - what ever BM does will be better - maybe you should look in my past threads and you will see thats why i joined in the first place. As for ages i have said them in the past BM and I are 25 DH is 27 and B/F is 24. Iswear no matter actions I or DH do its always WRONG. DH texted BM and told her will pick up SD at 7:30 and give her that half an hour since i was late. gees can you think of anything else wrong? IMO i already said SD will enjoy her bday at chuckys i never said she wouldnt - i just think IMO bm could have done something different.. 4 years in a row , every weekend what will happen when SD says she doesnt want to go there?


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RE: SD birthday

so what is wrong with taking SD there every weekend? first you complained mom takes her nowhere, now she she takes her somewhere and you don't approve of it. there were times i could not afford to take DD anywhere, to a library to get books because it was free or to a park, that's it, yet she is professional college graduate living independent successful life. I'd be livid if somebody/anybody judged where i took DD, heck many times we went nowhere, sat at home read books. Do you think that's what parenting is, making big parties?

"4 years in a row , every weekend what will happen when SD says she doesn't want to go there?" why do you care what's going to happen when she doesn't want to go there? My ex likes camping, he camped with DD all the time. obviously they do not camp anymore, eventually SD will not go to chucky cheezes, who cares? I never cared what he does with DD as long as it is nothing criminal.

sometimes you have legitimate complains about BM but sometimes it is just so pointless. I don't think bringing SD late was a big deal, but I also do not think you should bother yourself with where BM takes her DD. It is her daughter, she takes her where she sees fit on her time, dad could do what he wants on his time.

Mrs Proffit, there is a lot of competition between you and BM.

"i just think IMO bm could have done something different.." LOL why? She turned 7, didn't get Nobel Prize. What's the fuss?


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RE: SD birthday

Kkny.... if they are married then yes, I say the attorney is THEIR attorney. Our attorney speaks to both my husband and I. When I call there they also ask... "Is this momof3?" When you are married to someone you help them out. Mrs. P is helping her dh is A LOT of ways. Yes, her dh does need to take control of some issues, she's taking care of that. She is no longer accepting calls or texts from bm. My dh asked me to find him an attorney when we needed one, I did all the initial questions to find the right one. I also scheduled everything and made the monthly payment. Just because Mrs. P is only the sm doesn't mean that any of this doesn't effect her. This is a forum to vent frustrations, why is it that so many people are so negative to people and continually try to bad mouth what they are doing?

Eventually Mrs. P your sd will have to tell her mom that she no longer wants to go to CEC. Untill then don't let it get to you. You had the cool party.... let her have her little one. I don't have any kind of super cool parties for my kids because I can't afford them. (I am having one this year because he turns 16... renting a pool... but that's a special birthday)

Giving her the extra half hour was the right thing to do. Maybe she will allow her to come at 8:45 everytime then since he is accomodating her.

I do agree... you probably shouldn't have your fb connected to this. She could google you and it might come up. I personally have my ss bm blocked from fb, she tried telling me I couldn't be friends with certain people so I just blocked her. Now she can't see any of that. It's peaceful. :)


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cec

PO1.... there is a problem with bm taking child to CEC every weekend if she cannot afford to have a minimum amount of decent clothing for sd to wear. There have to be priorities. Having clothing that fits is far more important then fun at CEC. She doesn't need a lot. She just needs a coule outfits... she could get them at Goodwill or at a second hand store.... or Walmart or even a clearance rack. This BM needs to set priorities. I can totally understand this complaint.... we have had these issues in the past.


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RE: SD birthday

The only reason I was shocked that DH sent BM pictures is because they are NOT in a good place right now. Bm is driving them crazy with her antics and less communication has been the advice everyone has given MrsP. Yes she has stepped back but I'm talking about chitchat all together amongst them all. They do not have a relationship where they are getting along enough to send pics back and forth.

Sending Bm a pic of the better party wasn't going to get an OMG you guys are awesome. Of course she went off about the money. It's called jealousy. And I'm surprised that MrsP and her Dh expected anything more than her going nuts about it.

I think the reason mrsP doesn't always get pats on the back for her behavior or her laughs at BM is because that is not the kind of forum she is on. We don't sit back and laugh at others. We are venting about real issues and she is laughing at this lady and where her party is.

I also agree that weekly visits to chuck e cheese is expensive but it's not MrsP's concern. If that is how BM spends her money then what can you do but get a belly ache??

I just think your laughing is tasteless and immature. You can vent on here, that's what we are here for but you say things sometimes that are just off the wall and show that you are 1. In competition with BM and 2. Not really doing much in the best interest of the child.

Some of your other posts were legitimate complaints and I believe you have a real problem with the court order and you need to get that fixed for sure!! But complaining about BM flipping over a cake when she shouldn't have been sent the picture to begin with. Do you see that you could have saved yourself some trouble if Dh had just excluded her from the picture sharing?


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RE: SD birthday

dh and bm always send pics of important milestones. BM sent DH 6 pics tonight. she had a beautiful little mermaid cake. very cute. SD said she had fun but she just WAS NOT herself when she got in the car - maybe tired idk... I asked whats wrong and she said nothing and I left it alone so did DH i guess if it was bad enough she will tell eventually. She was very quite and just not there - idk. We always send pics back and forth thats a norm. DH told BM she can pick SD up from school tomorrow and he gave BM (after asking her if she wants it) SD old barbie scooter since we bought her a new one for her BDay - so now she has one at both houses. thats like her fav outdoor activity. SD later on tonight (we had to go to walmart) told us she recieved lots of clothes which didnt come home so now BM should have plenty and a lot of justin bieber stuff she may be 7 but i remember being young and obsessed with NSYNC.. "I dont like to go to chucky cheese all the time" we just said ya well sounds like you had alot of fun either way. no i would never let her know that i found it measly even though i did and still do. sorry mfam and justmetoo.. thats my opinion and im entitled. I know she must be getting bored with the fact and yes BM does what she wants on her time - i would never say anything to her about it and niether would DH. Chucky cheese is very age appropriate - but dont complain about not being able to buy underwear or pjs when your walking distance from KMart but can afford how ever many tokens and a pizza from chucky cheese which is actually VERY expensive so no i never said it was because she was broke that she went to chucky cheese - we had our party at a park. My point was she goes every weekend... lord knows the kid must be bored with it and obviously she is if she mentioned it to us while shopping. She said "Mommy said she had a suprise for me but it was to far , I wanted to go there" why even tell SD.. OH a pic sent by BM showed SD in a dress so she must have found something to put her in - she looked cute in what i sent her in either way lol. I never dress her like a scrub. She sent her home with flip flops very cute with sparkles ect but i guess she told SD she can wear them to school - so DH had to break the bad news that she couldnt because we tried sending her in sandles that even had a back - with a spare pair of sneakers but SD always forgot them in her back pack rather then wear them to PE. So idk i guess he was the bad guy but she didnt seem to fuss - maybe deep down she knew she couldnt wear them.. either way SD had fun and thats all that matters. tomorrow i get to stay home all day with my babies and maybe catch a nap because i wont have to get SD from school. MOMOF3 thank you for the support greatly appreciated. BM sent us both a chain text about love and dying without saying i love you to who means the most... seriously lol... i didnt reply


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RE: SD birthday

Omg are you serious? She sent you a text like that? Afraid the rapture is coming? One minute she is your friend and the next she is flipping. See this is why you have to be careful with this woman. Bad vibes with a text like that.
Well I personally hate chuck e cheese and use the 'it's too expensive' excuse when my kids beg to go.. And both of my kids are deathly afraid of the big mouse any way.. It is actually a very boring place.

I see your frustration that BM is spending money in the wrong places and not providing for her daughter in the right places but I think you'll give yourself an ulcer worrying about it. My ex lives in a very nice home in a neighborhood that probably has outstanding HOA dues... But he can't pay medical bills... Damn the luck.
I get frustrated too because they want me to clothe dd on their school days and I remember several years back when I was barely making it and fortunately dd was wearing uniforms to school so shopping was simple ... But they bragged. Ok Sm bragged. That they had just bought all new summer clothes for both girls (her dd too) from gymboree. I had not been able to shop at gymboree in ages because of my financial situation and yes I felt a bit 'jealous' and SM DID rub it in my face but then I realized that crap doesn't matter. What brand clothes ect... Just dumb. Well now apparently Bd and sm must not be on the same financial wave length as they used to because they don't have clothes for dd to wear to school.
Oh and I remember something else. They try sending dd to school in flip flops and she can't partake in PE if she is wearin flip flops. The school won't say anything, dd just has to sit out and read a sports magazine and then write an essay on it.... So dd told them, I have to wear tennis shoes
To school because she got tired of having to sit out and read... I didn't even have to get involved. Also when dd used to wear uniforms, bd took her to school in regular street clothes and I had to leave work to go change her in to her uniform, I was livid. So I get how annoying it is when they tell them they can do something that the 'parent' has no say or control of such as flip flops to school.

And I bet 1 of 2 things is going on with your sd. 1. Really tire from all day of going and going. 2. She was promised something she didn't get and she is disappointed.
I would not pry. Sounds like sd is going to tell you when she is ready.


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momof3

momof3, if MrsP complained that mom does not even buy decent clothes but take a kid to chucky cheezes, I would see her point.

But her complaint is that mom is doing same thing every week like chucky cheezes, and does not do anything fancier for her birthday. in fact if she did anything fancier, she would be spending even more money. so her complain has nothing to stand on, just keep competing who does what for a kid


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myfam

myfamp, I don't think Mrsp is concerned about expense of weekly visits to chucky cheezes, she called it "measly". and she wanted BM to do somehting fancier for SD, so how much money was spent is not an issue


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RE: SD birthday

chain text about love, what the heck.

I still think being so concerned what BM does on her time, is counterproductive. as long as there is no abuse and neglect. if she does not pay CS, dad should talk to his lawyer, other than that who cares.

and in in most families children aren't entertained weekly.


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RE: SD birthday

Well, in my family children are entertained weekly. I suppose it depends on what one's take on 'entertained' is. If it means one has to take and spend spend spend...then no, I don't do that kind of entertaining on a weekly basis. If it means I assure I spend quaulity time with the kids , whether that be lunch at the park or reading a book outloud to each other...then yes, weekly entertainment. We have plenty of quiet 'me' time too. From riding bikes to fishing to hiking through the timber trails, it's all a part of our normal lifes in my family. Sometimes it's nothing more than laying on our backs on the ground watching stars or cloud shapes.

I would think CEC gets old after a while and shows a lack of imagination on BM's part as what else to do on these afternoons. Or maybe it's a simple fact that BM/BF are the ones that enjoy the games...who knows, it really does not matter. You can't control what the other house does. Does not mean one can't have a personal opinion over it though. But keep that opinion far away from the child and certainly don't inform the other house they are doing everything all wrong. But even personal opinions becomes unhealthy to duel on what you can't control or can't change.

The sandals sound cute. My daughter is a little shoe nut. But my little nut only gets to wear certain shoes to school, the rest have to been for nonschool times. Our district has in the student handbook the shoe issue addressed. Kids have to bring a pair of PE shoes at beginning of year that stay at school on the shelf above their coat rack in the classroom. K-5 must wear shoes suitable for playground. There were way too many accidents happening out on the playground so the school enforced the shoe bit about six years ago. We had kids on the play ground with very impractical footwear for the activity and they were getting hurt. So my little shoe nut has to wear shoes that are flat (like traditional schhol mary janes or PE shoes fashion boots with flat soles)and totally cover the foot area.

If my mother or someone purchased a pair of shoes for daughter, DD would know without having to ask if she could wear them to school or not. Just like she would know the student handbook says no spaghetti strap tops, no tummies hanging out blah blah.

It does sound like SD had a nice party with her BM. Even if it was the same old place BM went and got a cute cake and special clothing to set the event off in her own way. I have one son who is not a cake eater. He always request a simple chocolate cream pie for his birthday. How boring and easy for me was that? But he likes and wants it.


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RE: SD birthday

Momof3 said: "I personally think that each parent should get the kids some clothes but that all the clothes should be shared between homes."

Hahaha. If only!
We tried that. And tried it again. And again. Then we gave up.
One winter (keep in mind this is Saskatchewan winter; it's really cold), we sent SS to BM's in nice pants and got him back with old pants that had holes in the knees... No less than 7 times. He was 8 at the time, so this wasn't a fashion statement by him or anything.

Now there was no way I was going to send him to school with his legs exposed in January, so I just started patching the jeans. She actually complained about this and said "Tell Ceph to stop patching SS's pants. People will think we're poor." Baffling.

Anyhow, MrsP, it looks like things kind of worked out. Maybe BM had a bee in her bonnet about something else and the pics just rubbed her the wrong way that day?


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RE: SD birthday

". They do not have a relationship where they are getting along enough to send pics back and forth."

100% agree. I don't care if you BD and BM typically send pictures back and forth. OP, I would encourage your DH to NOT do that. It's too volatile of a situation and even the slightest thing can rock the boat.

It's like there is all this animosity between the two but then it's uber-chummy at the same time. Reminds me of how my DH was with BM many years ago.

DH needs to disengage. It would be one thing if BM flat out ASKED for pictures but, otherwise, there is no need to send them. She can take plenty of pictures on her own time and so can DH.

This all seems like petty middle school game playing to me, all these texts and pictures and accusations. Chuck E Cheese? Who's party is better? Who dresses SD better? Who paid for what for which cake?

WHO CARES?!

Disengage. You will feel so much better!


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eta

ETA---I meant Whose party is better?

Still half asleep this morning! ;-)


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RE: SD birthday

In my state Chuckie Cheese serves beer, so a lot of parents take the kids there so they dont have to get a babysitter.....Deplorable...


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RE: SD birthday

"DH and I usually go way out for sd but this year it was very simple because we have learned that no matter how extravagant we go - BM will always top us with her messly chucky cheese.. "

I don't understand most of the post, but this is what stuck out for me.

I agree with PO1, that Justin B. is a little mature for a 7 year old but that's JMO.

The competition is killing me.


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RE: SD birthday

SD loves justin beieber and the only song she knows is oh baby and i have listened to it and its descent. SD asked for a little mermaid bday or justin bieber bday BM had already told us she was doing little mermaid so why would we want to do the same thing. They serve beer here at chuckys too. i think its terrible but its so expensive we never really see anyone drinking when we do go.. i keep getting bashed about thinking chucky cheese is measly - it wont change my opinion i think and im sure sd would have liked something different for a change i already said i would never say anything to sd or BM because NO there is NOTHING wrong with chucky cheese i never said there was - just that she goes all the time. its the same ole thing. if you dont like my opninion stop bringing it up cause it wont change. The pic sharing - its only on holidays or special milestones - the last pic i sent to her was like 4 months ago while I was leasing a horse for the girls and it was SD leading horse around. I barely ever send pics because i also agree BM can take her own pics. On BM fb she has pics of sd and MY KIDS even pics of ME so many - this was before i smartened up and made my page private... I hate that she has MY KIDS up there but she says it also has her daughter in it so she will keep them up - what makes me most angry is people are commenting saying 'awe you got cute girls' or whatever and she says thanks... this happened like 8 months ago but she does have some of my new baby from my default photo. my page is private so is DH she is always trying to add us but i never accept. now i went of track - ok im sure there will be more 'OMG WHAT ARE YOU THINKING' anywho like i said SD had fun and thats all that matters.. I forgot BM was picking sd up from school and sent her one of her brand new outfits so i hope it returns... if not we will drive to her home and pick it up ourselves....


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RE: SD birthday

If you don't want BM to have pictures of your girls on her FB page (which I agree, I wouldn't like, either) you can solve that by not giving her ACCESS to them. I personally wouldn't email/text ANY pictures to her, but that's just me. I think in your specific situation it's like throwing gasoline on a fire. Any litle thing is likely to set off her jealousy or insecurity. So why egg it on?


But if DH absolutely must share pictures with her, he should not include pictures that have your kids in them.


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calm

"I forgot BM was picking sd up from school and sent her one of her brand new outfits so i hope it returns... if not we will drive to her home and pick it up ourselves...."

Ima would know what that's like. Remember the grandma with the pants story?! That's all I have to say about that.

Okay. I do have more to say. Believe me, I understand the frustration over clothes/toys/items getting lost into a black hole at the other parent's home. I get it.

But don't drive over there with the sole intention of getting some clothes. That makes YOU look like the crazy one. Your job, your role in all this should be to be a presence of calm and stability. Be mature and be the bigger person. THAT is what will make you win in the end. And by "win," I mean gaining a sense of peace and serenity that comes through disengaging from the drama.


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RE: SD birthday

Those *damned pants*!!!!

LOL. Forgot all about those.

Agree with Love, it will only make you look crazy.

And I wasn't "bashing" you that you said CEC is "measly". What I'm commenting on, that stuck out for me, was that you used to go all out, but now you don't because... "this year it was very simple because we have learned that no matter how extravagant we go - BM will always top us".

It's competition. And that's what I'm finding distasteful.

And my DD is 9, and she isn't in love with (anyone) let alone Justin B. I too find the cake inappropriate for a 7 year old (surely there are other interests that could be encouraged?) but that's just a difference in parenting styles, I think.


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RE: SD birthday

I was suggesting your Bm may be taking SD to CC to drink...I have no opinion of the place personally other than the fact ya shouldnt take the tots out drinkin with ya....


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RE: SD birthday

You know, Mrs. P, I have tried to keep giving you/DH the benefit of the doubt...but you're certainly starting to make it real hard to continue to do so.

--" I forgot BM was picking sd up from school and sent her one of her brand new outfits so i hope it returns... if not we will drive to her home and pick it up ourselves...."--

That's really really hard to believe. You just forgot? You already told us DH was not happy to have SD going today at your lawyer's advice that she go. You spent all day yesterday upset or giggling over clothes and Chuck E Cheese, right up to bedtime...then you get up and oops, it all just slips your mind and now 'we' will drive over there and pick it up....

Why will 'we' drive right over there? Maybe I'm being overly suspicious today, but it almost sounds as if the clothing were a deliberate 'test' and set-up for a possible confrontation.

Eight months ago you were annoyed over facebook pictures, but four months ago you sent her more (look we're horse riding now)and then no more until 'looky at our party' which included even photos of your children.

You know what really made me laugh out loud just now? All this Chucky E Cheese crap and on and on about BM takes her every week rant rant, how silly...yet then tell us that when BM is not taking her there your family is also taking her there.

Whether you're really instigating possible trouble or it really is all so innocent, I have no clue. We here for the most part advised you to have DH do the communicating...I now think we were all wrong to do that. Rereading their text exchange above from Saturday evening about the drop-off and what to wear and the cake photo...it appears he may be egging her right on. They don't know how to communicate or he was truly egging her on. His response to her questioning the cake price was a jab not helpful proper mature response given in a meaningful communitive nature...it was indeed rubbing in her face and asking for trouble 'I can afford this you can't na-na'.

I think the less ALL you people communicate the better off ALL will be. Text pick up, drop off, child sick...stick to the extreme basics and stop all the nonsense.


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RE: SD birthday

I would want the clothes back because those are from dh and I she has very few shorts (she is very petite and kinda fit wierd) and these are super cute so i hope they do return. and im trying to explain there is no competition - why compete it i know it wont equal BM. I will be the first to admit we used to feel we had to top her but it was pointless and not worth the effort. like i said we have come to realise that even if we took sd to disney she would appreciate cec more, this once again goes back to my very first thread i believe i brought this up. i do not compete - if someone were to come up to sd and ask how her birthday went and what all she got - she would only mention cec and what BM got her. nothing from us or where we went , thats what im trying to say. It used to bother me so much. I dont put pics of my SD as my default any long on fb. I have deff learned that lesson. Every little girl in her class that have given sd bday invites have been justin bieber - all her friends sing his songs and maybe you find it inappropriate but it think its fine. I have heard no one complain or share an opinion as it being inappropriate from ANYONE except on here. Maybe if it was lady gaga or BSpears... Its like some people i know let there children watch family guy - that is not allowed in my house. Justin bieber is a norm around here. she has already had tinkerbell , ariel last year and this year with BM , she has already disney princess she said bieber or ariel... this way she had both


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RE: SD birthday

Damn those New Kids on the Block!! I was in 4th grade and so in LOVE!! Granted I was pregnant and married before I could drink.. So maybe my mom shouldn't have let me sing about anybody having 'the right stuff BABY girl you really turn me on!'.

Dd is 10 and not in love with JB. We have one cd because we got it as a gift. I think her only infatuation ever has been Hannah Montana and she grew out of that quick -- but the girls at her school are all about Beiber fever.

This is not anything towards you MrsP at all this is just my opinion on the idolization of these teen pop stars. I think it's our responsibility as parents to keep a lid on our girls going nuts over these teen boys when they are so young. They are so much older than our girls and when they do things in real life like making out with their girlfriends and getting caught on camera, what kind of role model is that?

I'm going to promote a book that I think is wonderful to read. Keeping the 'little' in your girl. It's about morals and keeping them innocent in a not so innocent world. It's Christian based so if you aren't of the faith you might not enjoy reading it.


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RE: SD birthday

" I think it's our responsibility as parents to keep a lid on our girls going nuts over these teen boys when they are so young."

Amen to that! My DD just turned 9 and I am so thankful she's not into the "Bieber fever" that so many of the girls her age are. I think it's one thing to enjoy/dance to/sing along with someone's music but when you have these LITTLE girls wearing t-shirts with a teenage boy's picture on it and screaming/swooning at concerts....it's disturbing.

Would love to toss in another great book suggestion for moms of girls. It's called Reviving Ophelia by Mary Pipher. It's a fabulous book about protecting our daughters in a society that has a distorted "ideal body" image, encourages early/oversexualization of young girls, glamorizes violence, etc.

I highly recommend it!


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RE: SD birthday

"Every little girl in her class that have given sd bday invites have been justin bieber - all her friends sing his songs and maybe you find it inappropriate but it think its fine. I have heard no one complain or share an opinion as it being inappropriate from ANYONE except on here."

Could it be that the crowd you associate with in real life differs from crowd on this forum?

We aren't talking about 15-year-old teens, we are talking about 7-year-old child! You and dad should not be promoting her fascination with a much older teenager who is already dating and sings "oh babby oh babbby". And how is it decent for 7-year-old?

The whole point is that you critisize BM's parenting skills but frankly some of dad's and yours parenting is far from perfect either. I suggest you all take parenting classes.

I also question maturity level of all parties, seems like a high school drama to me. First it was drugs and sex offenders but now it is just whatever you can come up with.


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RE: SD birthday

I have taken SD to chucky cheese a hand ful of times - i also have a 2 year old who enjoys it as well - I HAVE NEVER SAID SHE SHOULDNT TAKE HER it is to expensive for us to go all the time infact i have been since my dd was 17 months old she is now 28 months. and yes i did SERIOIUSLY forget. you must remember this new order is NEW and she has never gotten her on a monday I wake up 20 min before SD so yes i forgot... you always just assume the worst in us and its odd to me that you are so negative about everything. Nothing I have ever posted has been good in your eyes. and im not the first person to say so. it was an honest mistake not a test - why would i risk her new clothes/ seriously?..whatever i can come up with? I DID NOT MENTON THIS TO BM OR EVEN OUR ATTORNEY JUST THE PHONE CALLS AND CALL TO MY MOTHER AND THAT I BROUGHT SD LATE SO WE LET HER STAY LATE TO MAKE UP FOR IT I WAS SHARING MY OPINION. get over it. Who knew that my SD having a favorite singer and and beiber theme for a bday part would be so controvertial.. She beat up bieber ya thats right she had a bieber pinata - feel better now she beat him up? geez.. im done i will be back when something else happends thats if i even feel comfortable with you guys you are a terrible advice giver or mentor try to be a little more positive.... you have your opinion and i have mine... let me just be over controling and tell sd who she can n cant like and be a mean sm and not throw her a party she wanted... she has one JB shirt 1 JB doll and knows 1 song - get over the topic.


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RE: SD birthday

"I think it's our responsibility as parents to keep a lid on our girls going nuts over these teen boys when they are so young."

amen.

I take my dd to CEC. And sometimes, yes, I have drank a beer while I'm there. Just as I will do when I'm at a restaurant or Sea World. There is nothing wrong with either CEC or beer, IMO.

I think PO1 said it: who you hang out with IRL is probably a very different crowd than you will find other places. Not that one is better or worse, just different.

I'm not anti-Bieber, I just don't think he's an appropriate role model for a child so young. But then, I try very hard to keep my dd innocent as long as possible. There's plenty of time for oh babeeee to be sung in her ear.


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RE: SD birthday

--" you always just assume the worst in us and its odd to me that you are so negative about everything. "--

No, Mrs. P, it was an attempt to break through to you to be aware and sensitive of how indeed BM may see or think of all these actions between the houses. I think you really mean well, but you need to stop and realize how it all appears (or may be appearing) to BM. For just a few minutes, stop reacting to what we are thinking/saying and put yourself in BM's shoes. How do you think she sees it all? How do you think the communication/problems can be dealt with to not make mountains out of mole hills, so to say?

It's part of what I like most about all the regulars here and all the newbies who come and stay...they make one stop and think. They make one try to see what the opposite person may be seeing and hearing it. It's not all about 'bashing' or trying to deliberately be 'negative'. It's more all about really trying to help each other out through all the difficult things we all face, have faced, and giving each other a chance to really try and get through it and view it as others might really be 'hearing' you. It's more like 'hey, they are taking me all wrong, they just don't get it'....if we all are misunderstanding and/or suspicious of what may be actually happening vs the way the poster is presenting it, then stop and think about how the person you are writing about may be taking it.


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RE: SD birthday

one might not like what people say here, but one might learn something..

for example you have removed your link to a facebook page from your profile after I explained to you the consequences of it. so even if you don't like most of our advice, something will resonate. and you'll make some changes!

and you are only 25, so there is plenty to learn. you are almost my DD's age and I have hard time imagining her dealing with someone else's 7-year-old child. it is a tough work and unfamiliar land for you, so don't dismiss what others are telling you...

people here often disagree on things but every regular member here is intelligent enough to advice something productive and wise. most of the time you won't get dumb advice here, even if you disagree.


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RE: SD birthday

BM sent DH A text while he was work... "can anyone give me 2 stamps so i can file my taxes and you can have your backpay childsupport" of course its text so idk if that was with attitude but i truley dont feel we should provide dang stamps.. its already so late we would be lucky to get a dime after penalty.sd came home with a packet or practice fcat sheets... not even one done -sd said she couldnt do it there because bm doesnt have a pencil... so i guess next year dh has to buy school supplies for school and bm...


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RE: SD birthday

And another shoe drops.


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oh babby

You know you love me
I know you care
Just shout whenever,
And I'll be there
You want my love
You want my heart
And we would never, ever, ever be apart

Are we an item?
Girl quit playin'
We're just friends,
What are you sayin'?
Said there's another as you look right in my eyes
My first love, broke my heart for the first time

And I was like
Baby, baby, baby ooh
Like
Baby, baby, baby noo
Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like
Baby, baby, baby noo
Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Oh oh For you, I would have done whatever
And I just can't believe we ain't together
And I wanna play it cool
But I'm losin' you
I'll buy you anything
I'll buy you any ring
Cause I'm in pieces
Baby fix me
And just shake me till you wake me from this bad dream
I'm goin down, down, down, down
And I just can't believe my first love won't be around

And I'm like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like
Baby, baby, baby noo

[ From: http://www.metrolyrics.com/justin-lyrics-justin-bieber.html ]

Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)
Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like
Baby, baby, baby noo
Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

(Luda)
When I was 13, I had my first love
There was nobody compared to my baby
And nobody came between us, no one could ever come above
She had me going crazy, oh I was star-struck,
She woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks(Woo! )
She made my heart pound, I skip a beat when I see her in the street
And at school on the playground but I really wanna see her on the weekend
She knows she got me dazing cuz she was so amazing
And now my heart is breaking but I just keep on saying...

Baby, baby, baby ohh
Like
Baby, baby, baby noo
Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I thought you'd always be mine (mine)

Baby, baby, baby ohhh
Like
Baby, baby, baby, noo
Like
Baby, baby, baby ohh
I though you'd always be mine (mine)

I'm gone
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeahhh
Now I'm all gone
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeahhh
Now I'm all gone
Yeahh, yeah, yeah
Yeahh, yeahhh
Now I'm all gone, gone, gone
I'm gone


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stamps?

BM has no pencil and asks for stamps? I actually am not surprised about lack of basic supplies, I deal with it all the time, but stamps situation is weird, not having 2 stamps?


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RE: SD birthday

Po1 you crack me up. I actually already knew the words but thanks for laying them out for me. Lol


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RE: SD birthday

I was laughing too, but I'd never seen the lyrics. That sobered me up a bit.

My DD9 just asked for "yellow submarine" after singing 'here comes the sun' so we're a little out of the loop. We sing Girl Scout songs and silly songs and religious songs. I suppose many a 7 year would call us dorks but I don't mind.


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RE: SD birthday

We are the same way Silver. Ds3 goes to a private Christian preschool and he started singing a song I generally hear on the christian radio station but apparently he learned it at school.

The most 'idoling' we get is the wiggles or yo gabba gabba. Po1 goggle yo gabba gabba that will throw you for a good one lol


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RE: SD birthday

yo gabba gabba....that'll get me changing the channel fast...lol
i don't think there is anything wrong with kids liking justin beiber. that is the target audience, small kids. my son is in jk and he's only four and he hears justin beiber at school and comes home telling me he's gonna be justin when he grows up so all the girls will like him because they smell nice. i guess it depends where you live and what type of stuff you are into. we aren't into the whole church thing so we obviously aren't devoting all that time and effort into that and the extra time fills in with other culturally relivant things. i'd be concerned if it was eminem on the cake or something but beiber is music for kids. no explicit lyrics or curse words.


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RE: SD birthday

what's interesting I looked up many JB songs last night and they talk about money in regards to men and buying stuff for women: "my money is yours" (yes one actually said that) "I'll buy anything" "I'll buy you any ring" hmmm I am not sure that the message is for a young girl, pretty explicit to me...

then one song said "if you play by my rules, and you do what i say you might become my girlfriend," exactly the message we don't want to promote for young girls.

Now of course when they become teens you cannot control what they are into, but at 7? Certainly you can at least prevent promotion of it at home.

My DD also went nuts over music, in teenage years. She had extreme case of fascination with David Bowie (not him, he is not per se teen idol LOL but his singing), she had every single t-shirt, poster, CD, then when he visited with the tour, I bought her concert ticket for birthday gifts, and I thought she would have a heart attack from excitement. Then we went through a stage of sticking Libertines pictures all over her walls. I mean it is typical for a teenager, isn't? Plus it is hard to control what they are into, plus why would you? heck some Eminem songs are not that bad.

At 7 DD played with stuffed animals, she was in a folk song group, they traveled singing old-fashioned folk songs in Children's home and hospitals, she is not a great singer though so she didn't pursue any further. But at home we had children's song tapes, and we played them a lot, we had a tape with songs from children's cartoons. My niece is 9, she plays piano and also sings, she sings in a choir, I know they sing children's songs. If she likes JB, I don't know, but I know it is not promoted at home.

At any age people have preferences for things. I have a colleague who goes to every Bon Jovi concert. No problem. I almost fell of the chair in excitement that Sade is doing her tour after 10 years break. She was here 10 years ago and it was a wonderful concert, she comes here again!! I can't hardly wait to buy a ticket. My dad is crazy about Madonna, when she came here with the concert, my parents were willing to shell any amount of money. It is normal to like certain things.

But I think these musical preferences have nothing to do with young girls being crazy about Justin Bieber. It is not about music. The issue is not that his music is good or bad, it promotes wrong message for young girls.


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RE: SD birthday

It was a cake ... move on! it wasn't ICP ... its justin beiber ... there are worse things out there to listen to ... at 7 they don't listen or understand the words they are singing nor do they care they like because all their friends do ...

one of my bus kids ... 7 is in love with lady gaga ...

bigger things to worry about it.


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RE: SD birthday

"it wasn't ICP ... its justin beiber ..." Pseudo_mom, LOL!

The little girls in SS's class were all into Justin Beiber last year, and they would have been 7 and 8 year olds. Now SS comes home sometimes singing pop songs that had me baffled as to where he was hearing them, and I found out that his bus driver has the radio on (with a very inappropriate morning show, btw) in the morning.

We're not too concerned about it, to be honest, because DH and I listen to a lot of music, of different genres. SS listens to all of it. So he may be walking around singing Lady Gaga, or he may be humming Habanera from Carmen - the other day I realized he was singing Dance Me to the End of Love by Leonard Cohen. Hopefully they'll all cancel each other out.

I wish the biggest concern we had for SS was listening to something completely inappropriate like ICP.


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RE: SD birthday

I agree, all this about Justin Bieber is kind of rediculous. My boys are 8, 10, 11 and 15. The three smaller ones HATE Justin Bieber as does my 9 year old niece. So we tease them that they LOVE him. They just say ewww NO! Haha! They pick up songs that they love and hate from everywhere. You can't really control what they like. Now, I don't listen to heavy metal and neither does my husband, therefore they don't either. I'm happy about that. My kids LOVE Living on a prayer by Bon Jovi. I also listen to country, my ring tone is Lady Antebellum, "Need you now" .... my ss heard it and declared that that's his favorite song. I'm the only one of all his parents that listens to country... so I'm sure the lyrics to this song are not exactly appropriate for a 10 year old... but it's on the radio. I am not going to tell him he can't listen to it. Most of the time they have NO idea what the lyrics mean anyway. They also LOVE Johnny Cash Ring of Fire. They got that from my dh. They are going to hear all kinds of songs and love what they love. This is really kind of a silly debate.


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RE: SD birthday

Most of us have FB ... check the "likes" .. for Rhianna's new song ... S & M ... tag line is "sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains excite me" .. REALLY? ... a lot worse things out there than Justin Beiber ... Elvis shook his HIPS!!! ...Barbara Eden showed her belly button, Fonzie was a greaser... how backwards do you want to go ???

The stamps ... well its your DH's fault she can't pay her back child support after all he never gave her the stamps!!!

Now if DH can get on board with no contact unless its about the child ... your lives will get easier ... do not send any pictures let Mom make her own "memories" ... I would be contacting FB and getting my kids removed from her page ... personally I have BM blocked her BF all of her relatives who I know are on FB the kids have limited access to my FB ... I protect myself at all turns ... I do not want mom knowing any of my business .... not even if I "like" Justin Bieber!!!

Oh BTW have you seen him on SNL he is a funny kid and a pretty good singer ... jus sayin!


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RE: SD birthday

To each their own, of course.... I was also very into David Bowie PO1. That's funny.

This isn't a dis on anyone. It's just different parenting styles and I feel pretty strongly that there is so much music out there(and by music, I mean MUSIC, not some cute tween with a stylish haircut and an ok voice singing someone else's song to synthesized chords), why subject your impressionable children to the lowest common denominator?

"we aren't into the whole church...so the extra time fills in with other culturally relivant things.

"culturally relevant"?

Justin Bieber is culturally relevant? When a person creates that culture for their children I suppose it would be. I prefer for my daughter to have a different culture base from which to relate her experiences and determine relevance. Bieber is about as relevant to our lives as a surfboard to an Eskimo.

"I'd be concerned if it was eminem on the cake or something but beiber is music for kids. no explicit lyrics or curse words."

Honestly, I have a different view. Beiber is not music for kids. Free to be you and me is music for kids. Rainbow connection is music for kids. Raffi is music for kids. Disney soundtracks, Sound of Music, Mary Poppins, etc.

Songs about first love? For tweens/teens.

I get it. People listen to it, they think it's for kids. But why? I don't see the cultural significance of a 7 year old singing "I need somebody to love, uh-uh, I need somebody".

A 7 year old HAS somebody to love. Mom and Dad. I don't think Beiber or Lady Gaga or Madonna or any of the shockers of our generations is going to hurt a kid. I just think there is plenty of time to expand the hero base. Slow it down.

Just my .02


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RE: SD birthday

True silver ... but this is 50+ posting on the topic of how bad JB is ...

And yes some parties get the court papers ahead of others ..... BM usually had papers one business day before hubby did ... she lived closer to the post office (guessing) and her mail came at 9 am ours at 430pm... and the few times he had a lawyer ... he had to wait for the court to mail it to the lawyer and the lawyer to mail it to him .... nothing was set in stone as they were leaving court ... the judge would file his ruling later in the day and mail it out when he got around to it.


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RE: I dunno...

We're just talking, right? I didn't hear anyone saying JB is "bad" just that some (including me) don't think he's appropriate for a 7 year old's birthday. That's all.

I guess we could keep talking about BM's inability to locate a pencil and stamps but that's just flabbergasting. I suppose it must be a lot to handle though. I can't imagine being 25 with a 7 year old.

Here's the thing. This child who has been encouraged to hit her mom's BF (who is 24? am I right?), whose mother is getting high so that her BF can have sex 'with her' could probably use a little less "culturally relevant" influences.

I suppose this is her culture base though, so it doesn't really matter all that much.

And I can pull this over to a new thread so OP doesn't think I'm bashing her cake.

It's not the cake. It's the whole package.


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RE: SD birthday

It's not the cake. It's the whole package. ...
things I thought were off base

I thought sending mom pics was more innappropriate than the JB cake ...

I thought getting into a tit for tat text w/ bm was an issue

SM & dad trying to one up BM on a b-day party ... and by that I mean whatever you do MOM IS GOING TO BE OFFENDED... so stop doing anything... that would bring her into your life.

BM asking for stamps trade in some CEC tokens see if that helps her budget.

You cannot control what goes on at the other parents house ... if mom wants to go to CEC every day who cares atleast the kid is moving around not sitting around doing nothing. Its not like at 15yo they will still be going there every sunday...

MrsP is doing better now to get hubby on board ... now if we can help them to stop gloating so much over mom's failures ... her life will be a heck of a lot easier ...


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RE: SD birthday

1) I think a lot of this has to do with maturity. No offense, at all Mrs. Proffit, but the need is for you all to over-share, only to have the ensuing drama happen, is likely due to all of you being fairly young. I did the same things with my X when we were your age. DH did them with his X, too. But over time, we have both been burned enough that we try keep things about about what communication is required. Really, (at least for me) it isn't about witholding pictures or any part of DS' life, but about disengaging from the other party's personal life. X knows when DS' birthday is. If he wants to be involved, he will ask. I have a feeling that if your SD's BM wanted to know about the party or wanted some pics, she would've asked. Let her take her own pics of her daughter, and you keep the ones you take to yourselves. That way you lessen the drama.

2) As far as CO goes, I mentioned previously that my CO got all messed up. X and I divorced in January, but the judge didn't sign the papers til the end of April. I had no idea I had to actually ask for visitation during X's 30 days in the summer (I assumed I would at least have the weekends he had the rest of the year). Nope! When we finally got our papers, they stated that I had to give written notice to X by April 15 of a year if I wanted to have visitation during that 30 days (side note...why any CP would want to go 30 days without seeing their child is beyond me). Because we didn't receive our papers until the first week of May, X enforced that I wouldn't get to see DS for 30 days. I was heartbroken, so I signed him up for t-ball so I could at least see him at practices and games.

Another way I got bit was that X didn't pay CP until August that year when I filed for comtempt for not paying CS. A couple years later when I had CS revised, I wanted to include the time X didn't pay from the date of the divorce in arrears. The OAG wouldn't do it. They said I lost that money and CS wouldn't be counted before that August date and that I can thank my attorney and the judge for that.

I can totally udnerstand the CO fiasco, and I feel for you. I'm sure you feel powerless and taken advantage of. Hopefully you'll get your copy soon.


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RE: SD birthday

Ashley that happened to me too with the summer thing. It was after the date so he got his 30 days and I had no contact with dd. That will never happen again. I am sitting at the post office from April 1-15 to insure my rights. Not literally just saying

And about JB.. We were just talking. Sharing our kids music tastes.

My mom called me Sunday to say the music awards were on and lady gaga was to perform. I was too busy but as a 'dancing' family we really enjoy the dancing part of these awards, however I have to record and watch on my own first. If it were just ds3 I wouldn't really worry about the dancing he sees. (I forgot to mention that ds loves to watch Michael Jackson dance) but with dd we have to be so careful because she is impressionable. The Rhianna song gave me chills the first time I listened to the lyrics. Dd's nickname is nana (ds made up) and so in the beginning it says nananana come on come on nanananana and dd thought that was going to be 'her' song ... But then I heard what it was about OMG I can't let her walk around singing 'sex in the air I love the smell of it'

Wow

But JB is not as bad and does not talk about sex by using the word, he talks about love.
I watched an interview with Usher once, whom we also love to watch dance ... He said he was singing about making love and having sex at 15 and he had no idea what he was singing about. He regrets that he sang the songs they told him to sing rather than his own music. He says himself he was TOO young.

I think whomever said that it's not that JB is inappropriate but that thus family has issues, a different role model would be better for this child and her situation but really it's not eminem and hey PO1 I disagree , his music is awful and if I have control, his music does not play in my car but I can't control what goes on outside of my control.

Dd wanted to be lady gaga for Halloween. She doesn't know who lady gaga Is but the girls at school do. So I showed her a pic.. She wanted to make her own 'hair piece' and she did. She wore 2009's high school musical wig with a flower girl dress and her white Mary janes and she made a huge concoction for the top of her head and viola she was lady gaga at 9...


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RE: SD birthday

My ss is going to his bm's for 7 straight weeks... so my dh won't see him for that long. He'll get to talk to him but not see him. It's definately going to be hard for him.


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RE: SD birthday

I am so glad that we do not have to go that long anymore. Bd's visits are only 1 1/2 weeks long now. But he gets to choose when he exercises them.


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RE: SD birthday

So someone posted about the stamps.. DH should give them to her??? DH did not reply and he also sent her a text a few days ago i belive after that poem to not text or call unless its about DD. I still have had no communication with her. I understand about the pics but i guess it was a lapse of judgement since thats just what we have always done. Like i said she also sent some so im not so sure if it really was the pics that made her upset idk. I am very frustated - she owes dh 2600 in just arrears not to mention the delinquent... but watch nothing will happen but a slap on the hand but if the roles were reversed - dh would be in deep sh*t.. she doesnt help out more than she HAS to... and i think thats a shame. SD will see it one day.. im sure she will... 2 stamps 88 cents... a pencil 25 cents... seriously?... I agree I am young and I am not perfect and I dont always make the right decisions.. thank you to whom understands that JB is not that bad...


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RE: SD birthday

I'm wondering how she adressed her envelope to mail without at least a pen...of course you don't have to give her stamps. She can get a whole package of pencils at dollar store.

Dh does not have to answer all this silliness when BM texts. Stick to the child necessary basics. BM will get the hint when no responses are forth coming except for texts pertaining to child necessary ones.


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RE: SD birthday

there is nothing wrong with the cake itself, the point was that BM is wrong for taking kid to Chucky Cheezes yet SM is right with JB stuff??

pseudo, I do agree people are in all kind of things. But we are not talking about people who are posting on FB (presumably over 14) but about a girl who just turned 7. If she was a teenager, it would be a different story.

yes sending pics was wrong in that situation, and when BM commented on expensive cake saying "so what" was wrong too. I think the whole problem is that both sides make poor choices yet no one wants to take responsibility for anything or learn new ways.


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add

"This child who has been encouraged to hit her mom's BF (who is 24? am I right?), whose mother is getting high so that her BF can have sex 'with her' could probably use a little less "culturally relevant" influences."

yeap, this child is already exposed to too many inappropriate things, there is no need to promote another one.


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RE: SD birthday

bm didnt say so what - she wanted to know if we spent 180 dollars... i think everyone has already showed thier opinion on jb and the cake... kinda going over board now... i get it - some people dont think he is a good role model.. got it... and i do believe i have learned alot and made alot of changes.. While sd was on the phone we heard her say " and i didnt get to bring cupcakes to school" in a very sad tone... We never ever mentioned to sd that we would do that.. so how she must have had it in her head though and im thinking BM told her that because she only mentioned it to bm - not to me or dh at all... i kinda felt bad... we did go to mcdonalds and stayed for almost 2 hours and sd and dd got to play in the big jungle/tunnel play area. then we had ice cream.. She told BM she didnt have cake today or any presents.... :( just like back to my very first post - never enough....


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RE: SD birthday

That kid is playing you She is playing all of you. To see who is going to jump first to do what she wants you to do... And who will break their necks to do it faster. We never do cupcakes for my kids at school. That is why we have 'birthday' 'parties'. I know most parents do and that is absolutely fine. I am not knocking it. But she wants 7 birthday parties at your expense, BM's expense. You guys are at such odds, sd is figuring out how to use it to her advantage.


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RE: SD birthday

EXACTLY myfam.

and Mrs. P, I'm not so *old* myself. We all make mistakes.


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RE: SD birthday

i wish i had some wise Internet forum when I was 25 and raising DD

I think all these competition between mom and dad gives SD a permission to ask for more stuff, she gets smarter by day :) just wait when she starts asking for IPods, computers, cars...
both families have to stop competing and focus on what's important. she struggles at school, 1st grade, it does not get better unless someone does something about it right now...


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thoughts

"both families have to stop competing and focus on what's important."

100% agree.

As far as JB not being a good role model, that wasn't exactly my issue. I think his songs are typical/fine/ for tweens and young teens. I just don't like (and this is a jab at society in general, not YOU, Mrs. P) encouraging such little girls to swoon over him or ANY other *teen idol.*

It's not that I think there's anything terrible about him or his music. Every generation has a JB. In mine, it was New Kids on the Block.

But I think the ages at which girls are often encouraged, either through the media or even their families/friends, to be interested and have crushes on these singers is getting younger and younger.

I went to my first concert--NKOTB---when I was 10 and in 5th grade. Now you have girls in first grade acting all lovestruck.

THAT is my issue, not Justin Bieber himself. There will always be the Justin Biebers out there and I think it's fine for tweens/teens to swoon over those guys. It's all part of hormone crazed adolescence, I get it.

But why rush it? Our little girls have plenty of time for that. I prefer to keep my daughter as young and innocent as long as possible.

It's the whole *attitude* that bothers me. It reminds me of my dad's girlfriend with her DD, who is now 11. I remember back when this little girl was maybe 5 or 6, GF would laugh and say, "Shake your booty, girlfriend! Sexy girl!"

It was all said in a joking way and she and her family would laugh as this little girl danced doing a "booty shake" but to me, it was just so....unnecessary. Why does a 5 or 6 year old little girl need to be called sexy, or encouraged to shake her butt while she dances?

It's THAT attitude I dislike and I think, unfortunately, it's becoming more prevalent.


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RE: SD birthday

Love- I LOVE NKOTB!!! I was 9 and 4th grade at my first concert. I took dd to a Jonas bros concert and all those screaming girls-- wew it's one of those errors in judgement and you realize ok I made a mistake ... I won't do this again. But dd also was not swooning and in love. She liked their music and she liked the show 'Camp Rock'. She knows that being in 'love' with them is unrealistic. I don't even think she was excited about th concert. I remember feeling like I had wasted my money.


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RE: SD birthday

I've taken DD to concerts. Ones that I enjoy, ones that I've always wanted to go to, ones with real musicians who haven't been grown in a Disney lab.

But then, I'm not my dd's "friend" either. I'm her mom, and I feel pretty strongly that it's my job to introduce her to quality music, experiences, etc. She'll have plenty of friends to introduce her to puppy infatuation over pubescent boys.

I don't let her watch Hannah Montana because I think it's trivial and ridiculous. She can watch Sound of Music and Anne of Green Gables. Maybe I'm a bit old fashioned but I just don't see the value in a lot of the "entertainment" geared toward tweens/kids. It's shallow, simplistic, pandering and materialistic.

Plenty of time for that kind of stuff. Why start so young?


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Sounds of Music

DD still knows words of every song from Sound of Music. But guess, what when Sound of Music Broadway musical was visiting here and we went to see we were disappointed, kids were played by adults (35-year-old male played a little boy). And some of the songs weren't part of the musical, I guess they were only done for a movie. We didn't like it, too bad, movie is good.


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RE: SD birthday

Dd loves sound of music!!

I remember when I was a kid my grandma had the records, you know old vinyls lol and I would sing the songs with my hair brush in front of the mirror. Lol dork


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RE: SD birthday

omg I had the record too. and a chorus line and chicago. I used to dance to 'tits and a$$' with the hairbrush. talk about inappropriate!


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