Went through the same thing with my DH daugther. but she was 6 or 7ish at the time. Its understandable. She feels now she is competeing with you and is expressing it like a 13 year old. Dont let it bother you. Always keep open communication with her and your bf. Dotn think too far like having kids now. Keep dating and live together , take it one day at a time. More important. You and your Bf have to be on the same page and stick to your relationship. His daughter does not dictate your time or how you date your bf. You are the adult.You are in control with your BF. Let him speak to his daughter, let him keep at it with her. You keep your cool and at her age, the teen years she is also going through alot of emotions. Give her space and give her time. If she acts out during vacation let her father deal with it. Dont let it get you down. When she acts like a baby, then leave her with her dad to deal with and you get out and enjoy yourself. You make sure you show her that her behaviour is not nice and that it wont get your down. She wants to behalf nasty then she will have to deal with the consequences. My SD doesn have text messaging and i wouldn't accept it either between me and her. Just gives her power and i do not let her have any since now adays she is being rude. She's a teen:) Thats how they are. Deosnt matter if they are biokids or stepkids or adopted kids...its the age! But it doesn't mean you have to put up with it. Stand your ground and you keep telling her how you feel. BUT if she gets a rise out of you being hurt then you ignore her tactics and say its a wonderful day and your are soooo happy. :) There will be many games , and many ups and downs..i'm sure she does like you . She just needs to adjust and really understand that she doesn't have to be threatened by you. This is what it is. She feels that now that her dad has someone, he wont be as close with her even though the times of seeing her haven't changed. Over time you will prove yourself with your actions and words. Be friends but if she resists..don't force it. you can only be friends with her...not her mother. So if she doesn't want to be friends with you..its ok. I told my SD...if she doesn't want to be friends that's fine with me. I have alot of friends. But you be respectful towards antoher human being..if not..the door is there. Swing both ways..I dont care who you are related to.

Its easy for people to say run and get out of this relationship, but if you're truly in love with him, it's not an easy thing to do. I'm sure you already know that. I think you have to do a few things. First, if you can't accept that he has a child and you're not "his first", then move on because it is what it is and it's not going to change. There is a child involved and it's not fair if you go into this relationship with some bitterness that could affect this child later on. If you are truly in love with this man and can't live without him, then accept that he has a child, accept that you need to be a loving stepmom to this child and have a heart to heart sit down with your fiance to let him know that and most of all, that there can be no more lying/deception. I'm not making excuses for his lying at all, but it's possible that he knew how you would react and how you want to be his first and that's why he was embarrassed and scared to say anything. If you let him know that you're supportive of the fact that he now has a child, hopefully he'll be more forthcoming in the future. If not, move on. And I'd also wait a while if you do get married, before having a child. Wait and see how he does with being a father to this other child before you put another child into the picture. If he's not a loving, supportive father to his first child, do you really want him to father your child? I would think not. Bottom line, you can't re-write history, accept the current situation or move on. Good luck to you, I wish you the best.

Keep copies of school records showing the son has residency with dad. He can petition the court on his own to modify the support order as well as the custody order. If he did that, would the BM run to scoop up her son & resume being CP? If she is busy & really can't take him back, she is stuck with it. The courts generally want a support order as both parents are obligated to support the child. Or as in CA, it says the child is entitled to be supported by both parents. Either way, BM may end up having to pay something. Dad can't "waive" child support but he can say he makes enough money to provide well for his child and that he does not need the money and putting mom under an order could cause undue hardship on her and that would adversely affect the parent-child relationship between mom & son... and it could affect her ability to afford frequent & continuing visitation, which he doesn't want to upset. He can make a case for not putting mom under an order if he wants to just remove HIS obligation while the child lives with him. At the same time, a court may be inclined to put in the order that dad has custody based on the living arrangements, if dad wants. When BM did the same thing.. moved away & told DH in an email that he can have custody. I, right away, drafted a judicial council form that is used for agreements in family law, stating that DH has custody & BM has visitation... specified the days/times as well as holidays. BM signed it, DH signed it. Legally, it meant nothing until it was submitted to the court & a Judge reviewed it & signed it. That happened a few months later. However it did not address the issue of child support. DH left the child support order alone for 9 long months where I worried that BM would drag him in to collect on 9 months worth of support and make DH look like a deadbeat when he was the one that actually had the child. So, he filed a modification... and poof, BM wanted custody back but after 9 months of SD living with us & the agreement she signed & had been converted to a court order by the Judge, she could not instantly ask for custody back without showing a significant change in circumstance, which is required in CA. Of course by then, it had gotten nasty between DH & BM so they were not in agreement on anything. The court then modified the support order & issued a judgment against BM & made sure it included wording to keep her from claiming any back support for periods when SD lived with us. If the son is going to live with dad, then I would suggest that he first address the issue of getting it in writing for legal purposes. He can say he needs it for medical care or school, which is true. If the school were to find out BM actually has custody... they might feel at risk of some sort of liability & have a problem with it. Once he has something in writing (notarized is good, submitted to the court is better), then he has a better leg to stand on when he asks to modify support... and less worry that mom will come back at him to take custody back. The courts do not want children being used as pawns or meal tickets. IF mom sends child to live with dad for whatever reasons, the court will assume that mom had good reason & felt dad was the appropriate place. If they suddenly want to change it during a support proceeding, it becomes suspect that mom is more concerned about the money than what is best for the child. In my DH's case, BM making accusations that I am abusing SD in her response to being served with support papers was as transparent as can be. The court was not very sympathetic with her at all. It's hard to say who the better parent would be. Raising kids is frustrating at times and yelling at kids or getting frustrated is not a reason to change custody... if it were I could say that I see kids every day that would be going to live with someone else. It is very sad to me that children are shuffled around because the parents want to do their own thing, want some convenience, have their own agendas. When you have children, the child becomes the main priority in life but I see that is not always the case. I would suggest parenting classes for the parents that are frustrated. I've found it helpful for myself. AS for your original concerns... why you feel this way? I think it may be because you really have no control over what is going on. You are on the outside looking in & dad tells you what he doesn't like about mom, then does the same thing. But him having his son is also going to change his schedule, his finances, his whole life which you are a part of and YOU have no control over it... or much say in the decisions, if any. That would be very hard to take for anyone. And they may not be raising their child the way you would if it were YOUR child. That is one thing I know is true in my situation & why I get frustrated when I'm expected to contribute (financially, emotionally, or physically) to the raising of a child that my input is very limited. (or even when I am allowed greater latitude with my input, it is disregarded by the child or her mother)

Our family found a different solution. Our children live in the PacNW; usually we go up there to visit them. But a few years ago we had our get-together here. We have a very small home, two bedrooms and baths; the only other place to sleep would be on an air mattress in the living room. Not doing that at my age. So we had the house cleaned spic and span, all polished up, and stocked the fridge (all of them are excellent cooks) and I also made welcome baskets with goodies for each son and wife and our DGS. Assigned the front bedroom to DS1 and DIL and the master suite to DS2 and DIL and DGS, with its adjacent laundry room. For ourselves, DH and I took a comfortable room in a nearby motel, thereby putting the sons and families together in comfort, but no one squashed anywhere. We would come to the house between 9 and 10 a.m.i, and have an all day visit, going here and there, then dinner either at home or out together. Then around 6 - 7 p.m. DH and I returned to the motel for a long relaxed evening of unwinding and having some quiet. It was wonderful! We all agreed that it was one of the best family visits ever! We did this for 5 days and no one got tired of anyone else and there wasn't a single harsh word...We hope to do it again this year. I would allow my sister (if I were lucky enough to have a sister) and niece to be comfortable with their sleeping plans, and would not fret about being together 24/7.