Return to the Stepfamily Forum | Post a Follow-Up

 o
worlds colliding

Posted by thurman (My Page) on
Thu, Apr 18, 13 at 23:35

As many of my friends on this board know, I have a lot of problems with my wife's daughter, who is now an adult. Things have gotten better, but I can't say I'll ever relax or trust her.

She emailed me tonight to ask for my sibling's email (it's business related).
I gave it to her but immediately felt pretty bad about it-- I don't like her being involved with my bio-family and I've been successful keeping her from having involvement with my family or life outside of relationship with her mother and sibling (which I cannot control).

I'm thinking of writing my brother to tell him to ignore her emails, but I don't want to come off as being too controlling.

But I dread her having this contact, particularly if it leads to her getting more involved. I see my bio-family as a sanctuary free from her.


Follow-Up Postings:

 o
RE: worlds colliding

I find this attitude remarkably petty, but it comes as no surprise.
And you're right, it is too controlling. Functional adults accept that other adult have the right to make their own friends and acquaintances and also to make their own judgements about people. Who knows, your brother may find your wife's daughter a delightful person.
Are you afraid that he will, and then wonder why the he// you have such a problem with her?
Look on the (for you) bright side, he may also dislike her and then you'll have an ally to commiserate with.


 o
RE: worlds colliding

--"Things have gotten better, but I can't say I'll ever relax or trust her. "--

A bit of progress? However big or small that is, it's a positive for you, Thurman. Congrats on this part.

If the contact is under business relations, I'd think it would be mostly , well, merely about business. It's not like your sibling will be inviting SD over for Mother's Day or a picnic on Memorial Day. I'm assuming SD will be being billed for sibling's services and the services will be short term.

Leave it alone. You handed out the email, now let sibling on his/her ownn decide whether or not they want to assist SD in whatever her business needs are. Sibling is under no obligation to give business services to SD solely because SD is your SD, and/or if sibling is too busy or does not wish to service family member relations.

If sibling is willing to offer professional services, I doubt it would go any more than perhaps polite small talk besides whatever the actual business it. Afterall, if you've managed to keep your sibling private from SD for over 20 yrs, I doubt it's much of a threat now.


 o
RE: worlds colliding

I don't give out anyone's email but my own, especially the family and friends address. I think it is rude to do that. Call your sibling and tell him what you did, if he needs to be prepared he can be.


 o Post a Follow-Up

Please Note: Only registered members are able to post messages to this forum.

    If you are a member, please log in.

    If you aren't yet a member, join now!


Return to the Stepfamily Forum

Information about Posting

  • You must be logged in to post a message. Once you are logged in, a posting window will appear at the bottom of the messages. If you are not a member, please register for an account.
  • Posting is a two-step process. Once you have composed your message, you will be taken to the preview page. You will then have a chance to review your post, make changes and upload photos.
  • After posting your message, you may need to refresh the forum page in order to see it.
  • Before posting copyrighted material, please read about Copyright and Fair Use.
  • We have a strict no-advertising policy!
  • If you would like to practice posting or uploading photos, please visit our Test forum.
  • If you need assistance, please Contact Us and we will be happy to help.


Learn more about in-text links on this page here