Justmetoo actually said it better than I could. I know & I have thought about how drama follows me & have wondered how that is. I LOVED the peace and quiet the entire week SD was gone... a boring life with no drama. I enjoyed the Easter party... even though I was surprised to see my son show up with DIL when he told me he was going out of town the day before. (Again, it felt like they are sneaking behind my back) I know it must be things I do that cause drama to follow me. If I had more time, I would figure it out... I may go back into counseling because I do agree with that. Just for the record.. no, I don't support them being together. I support them both having a relationship with their son ~ separately. They are horrible for each other and if they get together, I'm more likely to have DGS LONGER or forever. Their "marriage" happened because she broke up with him & he decided to "prove" his love for her by taking her in the middle of the night and marrying her. I got countless calls from him in the middle of the night to come get him, she threw him out at the beginning of the marriage. Then calls telling me not to come get him when I was in my car. Finally, after a couple of times, I told him he's married to her & work it out yourself when he called. She was hitting him. He did not want to leave. Within a couple of months, he told me she was pregnant and he had joined the Army. He came to see me one day after they had a fight. She called him repeatedly, telling him that she was going to abort DGS & he would do whatever she said. Just recently, he told me that she really wanted to abort their son but he insisted she continue the pregnancy. He says it was HER idea for him to join the military, not his. Then she used it against him and was angry that he "left" her. While she was pregnant, I took her to birthing classes... trying to be helpful & get along with her since she is going to be my DIL. The question came up, "what do you hope to get from the class?" and she answered, "get this out of me!" referring to the baby. She never rubbed her tummy & showed any excitement like most pregnant ladies and they moved into my house just before he was born because they were planning to move to Georgia. Her parents wanted nothing to do with it. He took her and DGS (just after he was born) to Georgia before he was deployed for 6 months. During that six months, there were several incidents of domestic violence, MP's arrested her & he was disciplined for her behavior. DGS was taken to the ER three times for "falling" when he wasn't even rolling over yet. They destroyed a moving truck when he moved her back just before his deployment (because the military kicked her off and banned her from the base). The truck's transmission was gone... I can only assume she grabbed the gear shift while he was driving. She used to have emotional outbursts over anything... and she has never been "loving" toward my son. They stayed with me for a week before he had to fly back to be deployed. We were going to look for housing for her. She beat him up (put nail marks across his face on one incident that he didn't report) but on Halloween, she got upset with him & started beating on him while he was driving. They had DGS in the car & witnesses called police. She was arrested. A few days later, she was out & they talked before he left. He insisted on her going to the airport so I agreed. After we dropped my son at the airport & returned to my house, where her car was... she told me to keep DGS so she can go look for a house on her own. I didn't see her for days. Weeks passed & I still had DGS so I found an apartment for her (because she said she couldn't take DGS until she had a place to take him) but even after she had the apartment, she left him with me. She had him a day or night here and there. On one of the night visits, she had brought home a guy & at some point during the night she left the apartment (either drunk or got drunk), rolled her car into a ditch and was arrested. She did not tell police she had a baby in her apartment with some guy she met. Fortunately, the guy called some of her friends to come stay with the baby so he could leave and I found out the next day that she was in jail & I went to get the baby. That's how I ended up with Guardianship. She has gotten better with DGS, the older he is but there is no real bond and she doesn't seem to mind the lack of bond. My son does. He wants a bond to exist but I believe it's his lack of maturity to think it's automatic... and doesn't seem to have a desire to put in any time toward it. But, DIL has so many problems... she has been in rehab so many times, she is bi polar, and she recently was diagnosed with an eating disorder.. which is why she had a meltdown over the cake pop. And the only thing I can say is that I made the cake pops because DGS asked me to and he loves them... and I didn't think it was fair for anyone to say no cake pop as they are being handed out to the rest of the kids. Would it kill him? no. Would he get over it? sure. But, the basket of candy he ate.. DIL unwrapped for him and sat with him as he ate didn't seem to bother her. It wasn't out of concern for his health... maybe a power struggle or an unrealistic fear because of her eating disorder and mental illness. Rational parents know a cake pop (not even two bites of cake) is going to cause a disease like diabetes. When she threw the fit, I did not respond to it... other parents seemed to ignore it & walk away. It wasn't given any energy and she ran to her car where my son followed to console her. The questions I posed were because I WANT to include them in events but I do not want to have her outbursts... jeez, one year she started crying hysterically when my son got a plate of food at Thanksgiving. She has mental issues & I get that, but I don't want to walk on eggshells when I plan an event. I got tired of SD causing drama with her grandma and the grief it cause me, so I don't have parties when SD is here anymore. No SD, no drama. With DIL, it's only events that are focused on DGS but those are events that also include kids he's in daycare with & their parents that I know. It's embarrassing. DIL may or may not have a meltdown at any given time over any given thing, which is why I backed off at the birthday party. I realize now that it was a mistake but it was also the first thing she's been to for him. I let lots go & roll off my back to keep the peace for DGS. DIL has given me lots of reasons to want nothing to do with her.. but I have let so much go. As JMT said, they are welcome to plan things for him but they barely spend time with him.. and yes, it bothers me to have my son live less than a mile from my work & not see his son more than a few hours a week. He came over last night & saw him for a couple of hours. Yet, he will drive three hours to see his wife.. and a little more insight into their "marriage". All the time he was gone in the military, there were guys in & out. One of her friends told me she was prostituting from the apartment. He had a girlfriend in Georgia that he dumped the day he moved back here. This "reconcilliation" came out of left field for me, when I envisioned my son coming back & being a dad to his son. DIL told me she wanted nothing to do with him and from the outside perspective, she appears to be torturing him... acts like they are reconcilling and then dumps him. She's done it several times in the last few weeks and he has been very emotional, depressed and suicidal. Then they get back & he's happy. IMO, she's playing games with him. She has emotional detachment problems (I think based on her childhood) and them being together is bad... not ever going to be good for DGS. (unless she deals with her mental issues and he grows up!)

$25 to SM??? LOL, that gave me an idea... I should make BM pay me to babysit SD after school everyday. (I'm just kidding) I think it's ridiculous for a parent to charge to care for their own child... and a designated stepparent that is watching the child for the parent should not get paid, unless the parent they are doing it for pays them. (ie. dad designates SM because he's working & it's HIS time.. he pays his own wife) To be honest, what I would do: I would tell him "If it's going to cost $25 for SM to watch DD, it might be better to have my mom watch DD because she does it because she loves DD, not for the money." (and I would not tell him what your financial arrangement is with your mom, it's none of his business unless HE is paying for it) He can demand whatever he wants. That's what court orders are for, to determine what you have to say or do... if it's not in the court order, the only thing he can do is go back to court to ask the court to make you do what he wants. If that happens (enough times), the court will put a stop to it by making orders he won't like. The courts (IMO) tend to see who is creating the drama & they know that isn't good for the kids, so they will begin to rule against that parent. (Sometimes it takes a while for a court to see the pattern or determine WHO is making things difficult, especially if both sides are throwing mud) The more cooperative you are and the more demanding he is, will work in your favor. Ignore his stupid requests, consider what's best for your child & give his requests that are in your child's best interest some though & consideration. If he's gone a month without seeing his child & spends more time trying to engage with you to battle him without asking how his child is, then that says a lot & you already know what it's about. The more you ignore him but make your DD available to him... then he will decide to have a relationship with his daughter or go away. It would be nice if all parents put the kids first or eventually have a wake up call so they focus on their kids, but unfortunately, some are just so filled with anger/hate/selfishness that they never do... or by the time they do, the child has resentment towards them. It's very sad.

Myfam, you're communicating fine. We all have insecurities. PO1: I don't think it's typical at age 30 to be insecure. I think there are a multitude of issues that can make a person react certain ways. There are many people who are never insecure about possessions and many who are insecure until the day they die. In your case, Myfam, (as in my mothers) you and X had things, then you broke up, and now he's with someone who is so insecure she needs to show you what you are missing (ie, things). The thing that my SM and Second Wife don't realize is that you and my mom aren't married to their husbands anymore FOR A REASON. SM is constantly trying to shove my dad's money in my mom's face. It's laughable, really. My SM is extremely insecure about money. And selfish with money. And pretentious. It makes me sick. And DH's family has friends who make the same sorts of comments to me. I've had to grow a thicker skin. I used to cry about it. I think a lot of it is just getting experienced enough to stand your ground. One of my childhood friends married a wealthy man, and I was at their house one day and she said "I own X number of acres" and then she asked me how much land I owned. Now, this is not a "classy" question to ask someone unless there are circumstances that preclude such a question. Not something one asks in front of other people at a party. I laughed, and said "hardly any... I live in tract home in suburbia!" And she turned up her little nose. It was amazing to watch. I was laughing outside and screaming inside. I haven't gone back to her house. She doesn't work. She didn't get her college degree. She married a rich guy. I got my degree. I work as a professional. DH and I have a respectable number of assets for our age. Can't buy love, can't buy class. What I've started doing is approaching it with humor. When I said that to my friend it was obvious that quite a few of the older people there were laughing with me because she was so obviously "new money". Remember that only people who are insecure about what they have will put you down for what you have. Those who are secure will rejoice in your happiness and abilities and want to bring you up. And know you are not alone :)

lol, I ignored MIL's friend request. NO WAY!!! But, I was already FB friends with BIL & SIL because they have been on FB since I opened my account, MIL just opened hers. I'd hate to delete it because ONE person wants to write nasty things to me. I know this doesn't sound nasty to most people but the ONLY time she posts anything is to "confront" me about SD. When DH took SD shopping for school clothes (because I refused to take her), I commented something to him like "good luck shopping with a teen girl..lol" and SIL went off on me... even her son who's 15 had something to say.. as if I was writing nasty mean things about SD. Later on, they both said they felt they needed to "protect" SD and defend her. Um, mothers of teen girls write stuff like that all the time.. or worse. I am about to unfriend her. I just don't get why she doesn't unfriend me... obviously she doesn't like me & has nothing nice to say to me. I don't 'not like' her, I don't know her. I have felt sorry for her because of the way MIL talks about her... I know she took the brunt before I came along. It's more about THAT than it being posted on FB. I'm beginning to dread Christmas, which is probably what they want... so I don't go. I may just give them what they want & let DH go alone. My DIL expressed an interest in seeing DGS that day so I may offer to drive him so I have a good reason to not go with DH... I don't really feel I need a reason at all but at least DH can explain to his mom that I had to go instead of it looking like I just don't want to go see them... lol, which I really don't. Grrrr! It does make me angry that I am willing to suck it up & be nice for DH's sake. I ordered personalized gifts for them & was going to go & be gracious/cordial but now I don't know if I could muster a fake smile for that group. I'm pretty sure DH would understand if I don't want to go but they would give him a hard time... and I don't see him standing up to them. He might, but I doubt it. He wants everyone to just get along.