Get him out of there, pronto.

I understand he's a difficult child. But surely you can see why he's acting out this way? Your husband doesn't want him around and is abusing him. You need to change things now and learn how to parent that boy more effectively. If he's in this much trouble at age 10, just imagine where he's going to be at age 14? at 18?

Get some help Cylince. Talk to his teachers, the school counselor, Social Services. And don't stop until you get that boy the help he needs. Are the boy's father or grandparents in the picture?

You've been given some good advice on this forum, I hope you take it, for the sake of your children.

Then the authorities *have* to get involved;
they have no choice, they can't tell you that your situation isn't important enough.

They'll have to get you & your son & your other children out of a dangerous environment.

What *you* have to do, once you've escaped & you're safe from him, is *stay* safe.

Never never never go back to that insect.
Never speak to him, never tell him where you are, never give him a phone number.

Get help to divorce him & get child support for the 3 that are his biologically.
I don't know what state you are in, but here, if the non-custodial parent seems likely to not pay voluntarily, the judge can have child support withheld from a his/her paycheck (assuming he isn't in jail!).

Once you are out of there & in a safe place, get your social worker/attorney/counsellor to help you get your eldest son into a supportive school, to get him medically evaluated, & to get him into therapy or counselling.

Whatever the cause of his behavior, whenever it started, he needs help *now* to keep from becoming a tragic statistic.

I wish you the best.

What matters is getting yourself & your children into a safe place.

No one can do it alone;
please call the police & work with them & with social services to get some help.

I'm holding you in my thoughts & in my heart.

Take one step at a time, & keep on taking one step after another.

Please prevent yourself from having further children.

I think you know the right thing to do in your situation, its obviously very difficult for you.

Please listen to Sylviatexas who has given you good advice.

Your children will grow up like the father, because he is teaching them how to deal with problems, (this is bad), keep that in mind.

All the best to you, keep posting it is a way for you to cope in your difficult situation.

P

I too face a similar situation my bf is very critical of my 4yo son, calls him names to his face and to me behind his back. loses his temper with him easily and has no time for him when his children are with us. I don't really know how to deal with it btw. I try talking to him but the change is erratic and doesn't last long. the most recent was two saturdays ago when I told him i was leaving if things don't seriously and realistically start to change, last weekend was just horrid for other reasons ( see my post 'favouritism of our children') I am now thinking of going to my mums at weekends to get away from the issue other than that I think my relationship is heading down the pan.

All you can do is your best I struggle with the idea of leaving I am too not in a financial position to just up and leave but I can't ask my bf to be responsbile for his childrens destiny if I am not willing to do that for mine either.

If you have not spoken to your hub/bf then try starting there, try explaining how you feel when he behaves the way he does to your son and try explaining that he behaviour has a direct influence on your son negatively leading to them eventually talking and setting grounds between them they their can work too. firstly try working with him to conbat his frustration with your son. I have tried this with mine bf i'm not saying it works but the more people tell to leave the more you determine yourself to make it work!

If this is the case, then work hard work is the only option. however hard it maybe to hear the greiveance your hub has with your son, let him vent to you instead of your son and then try and work at a solution. it is only when you (like me) have tried every path to change this unwanted behaviour will you be ready and willing to leave no matter what the consequences. feel free to talk to me anytime, hugs and strength x

I'm Catholic and we have the Archbishops Charity Drive each year to support the Archbishop's charities, many of which are shelters. We also, at our church, give food coupons to the local grocery stores for anyone who asks - something I didn't know much about until I became a Sunday School teacher. No questions asked, the gift certificates are given out to anyone who comes to the church office.

Here, we have something affiliated w/ the church that runs the boys' school, which is Methodist. It's called "The Shepherd's Way" and it's for homeless families (all have small kids - and I know of very few small kids who are 'obedient' so don't take what the shelter said to heart.) They have several small individual houses, counseling for the parents and children, etc.

Finally, can you confide in your OB? I'm sure he/she would have a few clues as to where you could go.

Is there anyone in the family who is traveling and would let you house sit. It's a stretch to find someone who'd allow young kids in the house, but worth asking. Some people don't want to leave the house alone...neighbors of your mom's.

Is your dad in the picture? An aunt, g-parent, anyone?

I'm so sorry you have to deal w/ this, but make no mistake - you did do the right thing by leaving.

You shouldn't have this on your plate w/ the pg'cy and all. But, your kids need you to stay strong. Could you take a babysitting position to earn some money and keep your kids there, too?

Is your oldest in counseling? Keep disciplining him/them to the best of your ability. Say what you mean and mean what you say w/ kids.

Call Dr. Phil or Oprah, email them, too - worth a shot for some advice or to get your story heard.

I will pray for you.
Dana