Sorry hon, I've got nothing to tell you except kids NEVER go looking where the cleaning supplies are stored. :-)

You need to think about the kids first....it would be mean spirited to "lose" the phone, especially when it IS Easter.

well you could and should say no to them picking her up...

but that is my more mature response ... my first response was they dont look in the dirty clothes either :-)

You posted your own answer:

"Middle sd has been clutching her cell phone for days "

They will be totally beside themselves that the phone is missing, because 'their mom is going to call'. Their Easter will be ruined, because they won't rest until they find it. If they don't find it they will be distraught the entire day.

It just stinks because I would like BM to not be able to get a hold of the kids this time. I would like her to be beside herself because she can not talk to "her babies" (as she calls them!) I would like the holiday to go by without her having that right since she decides to give away her rights to them the rest of the time and leave them to us.

You know...the rights to:
*financially support the kids
*run the kids to places they need to go
*take care of the homework
*attend all their activities and school functions
*cook for them
*clean up after them
*do their laundry
*take care of them when they are sick
*show them consequences of their actions
*be the bad guy and say no to things

Well I did not give into my evil temptations. SD had her phone.

BM did not even end up calling! Been 2 1/2 months and now a holiday and still no call! Grandparents and cousins on bm's side called the kids on Easter and none mentioned bm. So I am assuming she is fine...just not thinking about her children.

I feel bad because I was having such mean thoughts and was almost happy that she just stayed away. I know it is not what my skids want. But in a way I think it is better when she is gone. They don't have the emotional rollercoaster and we have no drama.

I'm glad you didn't succumb to the temptation because 1) the motivation was for you to get some pleasure/satisfaction out of it, and it would not have benefitted the kids
2) it would have made YOU the bad person, and you would have lost the high road.

Frustrating as it is, the best thing you can do is NEVER EVER bad mouth the bm, not even in front of the kids because you are just creating an 'aura' if you wish, of negativity which the kids etc will pick up on. Be the adult, be supportive and just be there for the kids. Don't get into a discussion or debate about the bm with the kids, field their questions and be as honest as you can without being brutal - don't volunteer anything and don't say more than you need.

Lead by example, as you know, you're the parent. If bm isn't, I guess unfortunately you have to be for her too.

You're right in leaving that door open in case something is up with her, could you discreetly call her or text her, and just ask if she is ok?

If no-one else has been in contact with her, you just never know. Better still, if you know a family member or close friend of hers, maybe you should ask if they know she is ok. You don't have to mention the kids because then it gets all emotionally charged, as one human being to another we ought to be concerned for the other's welfare. If you can do it as neutrally as that, you never know - it might improve things.

I only found out my ex had a new live-in partner when my daughter 'casually' mentioned she was losing another father (he was terminally ill with weeks to live), she had kept it secret from me for several years. I was upset in as much as I felt I had some right to know if my daughters had a 'new man' living in the house with them, and I was annoyed that daughter had either been pressured to keep it quiet or had taken it on herself to do so. On the other hand, what her mother does is none of my business EXCEPT where it does affect my kids, which clearly it does.

The issue is clouded more by me being estranged from my youngest daughter, so, in the end all I did was be supportive to my daughter, and when I had to email my ex on another matter, I expressed my sympathy. I had to admit to thinking some cruel thoughts on karma with her initially, but it was clearly the right thing to be sympathetic and non-b*tchy and try to do what was best for the girls.

That's my take on it anyhow.

My SD bio didn't call her on Easter either, but that was totally expected. After all....she is "suicidal" now that she knows how my SD feels (see Update on counseling post etc).
When DH called to rip them a new one, about not calling when her brothers pregnant g/f sent SD a nasty letter, they said they probably wouldn't call her for a month or so.......thinking that would make things soooo much better. OMG they are idiots!!!
DH had talked to the step dad, and before he said they wouldn't call her for all that time, he was screaming and yelling at DH about the letter SD wrote to her mom, that she let everyone read. Saying it was just "mud throwing" blah blah blah....but didn't realize that her counselor wanted her to write it.
But I guess they really wouldn't know that she was in counseling because her freakin mom never calls her to talk to her about anything going on in her life.
I mean GEEZ get a clue!!
Then he was trying to back track, and not sound like such an A**hole, but it so didn't work. I mean, to tell us that they do not plan on talking her for a month or so....WTF?!!!
I just plain ole do not get it.
But we have to luxury now of not having to worry about when that crazy woman is going to call or wont lol. SD doesn't want to hear from her so it is all good in that dept. here.