DH calls the shot when it comes to final descisions he is the one to tell BM. And even if i were calling the shots that does not justify her choice to try and hide bringing sd to see sex offender. I am able to communicate with BM and does tell me things she wont tell dh. but as far as shot calling - its not my place.

"BM and I had come up with a nice schedule too for visitation if this trial period went well , DH liked it and so did our attorney and BM."

I see an issue here, yes you are married to DH but he has legal responsibility for the child, not you. I agree with myfampg, it comes across that you are the one making decisions and calling the shots. DH and BM must make schedules not you. Maybe dad has difficulty making well-thought decisions (he agreed for you to accompany BM to see sex offfender?) but then his job is to learn, not delegate his responsibilities to you. It would be OK under semi-normal circumstances however these circumstances are nothing but normal.

It is nuts and crazy of BM calling DH names but I think it stems from him being so hands off, not even knowing what he is agreeing to or delegating his wife to do such horrible task as go see sex offenders.

Also if it is decided that SD should be allowed to spend time with sex offenders and someone must supervise, then it must be DH not you. I care about my SDs but I would have a huge problem driving an hour away accompany BM on outings with sex offenders and drug addicts.

Also is grandpa actually convicted registered sex offender, did he serve time, and what exactly did he do?

JustMeToo, I am jealous! I just re-read our stuff on mediation and nope, no references to anything even approaching best interests of the child, just to have parents "be responsible for their own parenting decisions". That said, DH liked the mediator. He felt that she was very good about keeping conversation focused on SS and what was best for him. Then again, DH sometimes does contract negotiations at work and he went in knowing exactly what he wanted most, what he'd compromise on, and what he would not - and he was willing to walk and go to court if he didn't get his "must haves".

It may sounds strange but having Mrs. P in the middle (not in the middle of the SO thing but in the middle of working out schedules) is also not unheard of here - again, picture reasonable parents. My neighbor actually does this with their BM. BM and neighbor have no past history with each other, so they are able to have civil conversations about the child, whereas with BM and Dad it deteriorates into who did what to whom years ago and gets nowhere.

Yeah, my state has come a long way in turning focus on children issues on the children. We're finally not just blabbing about 'children first' but trying hard to make it so. We're still not perfect and I assume there is still much room for improvement but at least the statues have started being geared toward consideration of children not as property but real little humans with rights and deserving of 'best interest' for them.

I can't tell if it is so much a case in this thread of Mrs. P inserting herself and dominating the control as it might be that Mrs. P perhaps might be the only chance this little girl has of getting any 'best interest' and seeing things are carried through. If Dad and BM have little to no use for each other and Dad works until 7ish weeknights including Sundays, Mrs. P just might be the only one with a chance to get through to BM and oversee the transfer of child and knowledge of child's daily needs. I believe perhaps Mrs. P just might know this child better than child's parents do.

But I will agree that because of the absent BM and the majority of the time missing Dad that Mrs. P may have become to think of little girl has her own and have a bit of trouble walking the line. Can't say I really can blame her there. It's gotta be hard to be the major mommy and daddy role care giver here and then relinquish that role when it's time for mommy and daddy to step up and actually communicate and act the parents.

It would not surprise me to hear Mrs. P is the only one of the three that has much clue what this child's schedule is, what school work consist of and when it's due and/or done. Do the parents even know what this child eats for breakfast and lunch? With Dad working the afterschool visit to BM (who has no car or license) is going to fall on Mrs. P. Not such a bad idea Mrs. P be consulted as to if and when this is ok with her and if it works for her along with the other children's schedules.

Don't know about where Mrs. P is but here she would not have been invited into mediation if she was not either wanted or needed in the room...I have a hunch some of the 'agreement' hinged on Mrs. P being ok with arrangements and if the agreements would be possible at all. Here, if she was not a planned role in the discussion and inserted herself where she was troublesome or intrusive and not an active necessary player at meeting she would have been escorted out, door shut in her face and locked. But from what Mrs. P says, BM asks to deal with her and prefers it this way.

We are going to mediation next month and this is a retired family court judge and ALL is set in the best interest of the child. And both spouses were ordered to be involved at the mediation by our current judge.

Mediation for us is to consist of developing a parenting plan and to set out guidelines/rules that we each must follow in hopes that we won't go on to final trial. If we go to trial because we can't work it out in mediation, the judge is going to decide what she thinks is best for OUR dd. I think we are the best ones to come up with a parenting plan rather than the judge tell us, this is what I am deciding for you weather you agree or not.

I am not optomistic because I know they will not agree to what I want... So I am betting we are going to trial.

JUSTMETOO you said it so much better than i could have. Its like your in my head... and thank you because you just explained our situation.. BM is constantly calling ME texting ME she puts me in the middle not my DH.He tells me there is no hope for her so why bother. But i do bother... being a mother myself i just dont understand her thinking and the way she does things. I guess i feel like maybe i will rub off on her - stupid i know.I dont know where you are but I live in FL. It seems as if the judge could care less he just wants to be paid. He doesnt care to hear our side as to why we want certain things done a way or why we are concerned. All he hears is BM gets only 6 hours with her DD... Today SD and I were doing our easter eggs we made some really cute ones btw.. anywho - BM called MY phone and of course i let her talk to SD. I admitt i do keep it on speaker phone because she does tend to talk trash about us and i dont care she can have her opinion and think what she wants but nothing negative should be said about either parent from either parent. and DH or I would end the conversation. SD was busy doing her eggs and BM was very upset DD didnt really want to talk. She is 6 an expects her to just chit chat for hours. Her attention is just not like that. especially what your rambling on about how you have lost weight lol its just funny to me. BM tried to make SD feel bad for it but thankfully BM phone died then i just shut off my phone...

Unfortunately I think the judge kind of sees that a lot of things are knitpicky. Our judge was the same too. I complaint about some of the same little things that you complain about but they were SO huge to me and I couldn't understand WHY no one wa listening to me. Until I got a little older, took some classes, went to therapy, and finally listened to my attorney. Emotional abuse is SO hard to prove as is parental alienation. She can TRY to alienate the child but it's not considered alienation until the child is alienated and your sd does not appear to be alienated by BM onto you. You cannot punish for a crime that has not yet been committed. I kept trying to keep BD away from dd because I was trying to protect her from what I worried would happen. Until something happened, I had no right to try to protect dd from something that had not happened. I hope I'm making sense. I know our judge would rather the child have a relationship with both parents even if one parent is more fit or can provide a better 'schedule'. A better foundation for life ... But as long as she is OK they aren't going to keep her from her dad. I hate week day visits because they are messing with dd's education when homework isn't completed. But until I had proof that it was effected I haven't been able to do anything. Now I have documentation from the school that it's a problem my chances are better. I honestly believe that to have a parent in their lives that may not be up to our standards in parenting is better than having the parent gone forever.

As far as the sex offender aroun your SD -- does his probation prohibit him from being around children? Is he registered? I'm thinking that you can't keep sd from being around him without the judges ruling on that unless HIS probation states that he can't be around children. And if he can't be around children then you would def. Have grounds to stand on. If he has no restrictions, then what can you do? My ss's Sm was arrested for child endangerment but the charges were dropped. Once the charges were dropped the judge still ordered a 'cooling' off period which lasted 2 years... And then the step up program. She still endangered MY child. She was still arrested but never found 'guilty'. I hate that she is allowed to be near my child but there isn't anything I can do about it.

He is registered. I dont know what he did.. i can look him up but it says some legal abbv. and then the age of 16/17 i dont the actual things he did and i was told he cant be around children frombm b/f but idk... is there a way to find out??

I don't understand. Who was 16/17? he or his victim?

So you only know that he is not allowed around children from that same BF, not from any kind of legal authority? Does your lawyer have any info on that? I would ask your lawyer what grandpa's probation says. I would not base any decisions on what her BFs say, it has to come from a judge.

PO1, he can't be 16/17 if he is BM's father and the six year old's grandfather. But yes, it's a bit confusing to follow some of the information about who is who in some of the postings.

Mrs. P, yes you can learn this information and some of it by online...but please do not share names and areas and details with us here. Saying you live in Florida is ok, but we don't need nor have a 'right' to know personal information. You have to be careful what one puts out online...sharing too much is just not a safe thing to do besides the fact it invades your privacy and may actually violate laws about invading someone else's privacy/rights or legal use of information learned.

With that said...

You can use the Florida Department Law Enforcement's site for Sexual Predators and Offenders (google it)You will find lots of helpful information and also a question and answer section about how you could obtain more. When offense fits the Florida guigelines/statutes these females/males are required to register for life. Status of person is shown also on this site. For example, it name and photo states 'released status' they still must register but are no longer under such and such sanctions. Florida laws still has some restrictions for even 'released' status. I just briefly viewed parts of the information...example work, school zones ect.

If your particular concerned of person is still under sanctions he/she has to follow the orders. There were phone numbers and information to report possible violations for authorities to investigate. It appeared to me that criminal history was public record and could be obtained (site states how).

Not to pick on you, Mrs. P, but DH and you really need to do a bit of your own informative gathering and stop relying on BM's BF for all your information. You just can't be certain how current and reliable Bf's information might be.

Also, even if this particular person is 'released status' you may still be able to work through your mediations to set agreements about person's access and visitations and supervisions of any. Your orders of agreement are going to be as strong and/or loose as DH can manage to get set agreements/arrangements to. I would have assumed DH's lawyer would ahve been aware of this person and history and was already informed as to his status and legal sanctions pre the meetings?

LOL I understand one cannot be grandpa at 16. I didn't say he IS 16/17, I asked if he WAS 16/17 at the age of conviction.

I can gaurantee 100% that if my father was a sex offender my own attorney would warn me to stay clear of him while dd is in my care. I have a long long long time friend that used to smoke pot. I never did and she never did it around me. But while BD and I were married, I would complain about her and how irresponsible she was and so on... But by the time we got divorced she had cleaned up and although she never was around dd, I hung out with her. BD brought it to my attorneys attention trying to just cause me trouble. This person was never arrested and never had any criminal history but my attorney told me to never have dd around her - ever! I was offended. But he was looking out for me and more importantly for dd. I'm so confused that both attorneys are ok with sd having any kind of supervised visits with the sex offender... Especially if he is not allowed to be around children. I would take the advice above and do your own research. It's so easy to find information on the Internet these days and I would report him if you ever find out that he has been near sd. I would also NOT agree to supervise these visits even though you agreed to it in the mediation... I bet if DH is called up on contempt for not allowing sd around the sex offender, he will not be found in contempt.

Furthermore, if you agreed to it, if DH agreed I don't know why you are complaining.... I would get another attorney.

the only source of information that grandpa is not allowed around children comes from BM's BF. Neither attorney seems to be aware of it. MrsP and her DH need to find reliable information that he truly is not CURRENTLY allowed around children as per judge, not as per BF.

I have done ALOT of research on her whole family because they have all been in trouble for all sorts of reasons. I do alot of reasearch with DH. B/f does not give that kind of info just what her plans are for sd per visit if he feels she might be doing somehin dangerous ( ex;goingto see her father) and living arrangment (ex-bed bugs)ect ect. he was complaining to me about BM bringing HIS dd over to see her father and thats when he told me that he doesnt know how BM thinks its ok since her father wasnt even allowed to see her (bm) when she was a minor. I have tried to look him up about being allowed around children i will have to call. We are only complaining because its easter sunday - a holiday -she is supposed to inform us of the visit which she didnt - we cant go to where he lives which is an hour away. He should come here to visit since we need to supervise. This was all part of attorneys plan to show BM willingly allows dd around potentially dangerous people. I am going to look him up more about the stipulations of him being around children. He has to register every year and his victim was 16/17. Trust me DH and I do so much research - i check her family (the convicted backround ones) every month on our county jail site. we try to always stay on top of things ebcause you never know...also - im not using names which is probably why its hard to follow.. im not used to using DH BM SD LOL plus my keyboard is going to crapola and only types half my letters.. sorry for the confusion....

You need to find out if her dad is not allowed around kids NOW, BM was a minor long time ago so maybe things changed.

Also I don't understand why and how BF allows his child to go see sex offender if he is supposedly not allowed around kids? Did BF call the police that grandpa is breaking the law by seeing young children? If BF didn't call the police, then he is condoning violating the law and doesn't mind putting his child in danger, unless of course grandpa IS allowed around children.

I don't know how you are surviving all this day by day, my head is spinning just reading this, what a nightmare.

Her b/f is not very smart I cant make excuses for him.. New update - BM said she is staying in town with her mom not going out of the county to see b/f family and her father (b/f family i guess lives minutes away from her dad which was why she was i guess going to visit both) so dh told my attorney and she said offer her DD at 4pm untill 7pm. If she says no then she is obviously still going out of town.. SHE SAID NO!! but atleast we covered out butts with offereing!

Aww totally makes sense now. My attorney ALWAYS does things to get BD to 'hang himself'. Like dd's school project he told me to let bd know about it and then when it wasn't done, he considered that BD 'hanging' himself. We always allow BD extra time or we give in to his requests to show that we are cooperating and when he tells
Me NO... He isn't cooperating... So that makes complete sense now.

"Her b/f is not very smart"-that's for sure, LOL that made me laugh,

glad SD stayed home, but isn't it bizarre mom did not even care to have her for 3 hours

It was bizzar.. I thought for sure she would pick her up or have us drop her off. It did prove the fact that she was still going out of town... When we called for SD to talk to her all she wanted to know was what she got no happy easter or anything.. SD told her we got her a real chic... we didnt!! but she insisted to BM we got her a REAL baby chic... i wonder why..? just a kid thing??

I think SD is probably upset BM does not care about her so she wants to brag a bit what dad got her. Baby chic sounds more impressive than what real stuff she got...

Kids exaggerate. Totally normal. We went through this when dd was your sd's age. You have to correct her and make her tell the truth so she can see that what she is doing is LYING... And that it's wrong. I have a niece who did this and her mother didn't care she laughed at knowing my brother was hearing of all these extravagant gifts... And now at 15 the girl can't tell a lie from the truth-- she believes everything that comes to her mind as the truth. Honestly, all it will take is for one time you get BM on the phone in front of SD and say oh SD needs to tell you that we did not get her a chick ... And so here she is to tell the truth. The embarrassment alone will stop that at her young age. Worked for me!

I must admitt i thought it was pretty funny even though i know its not.. we got her one of those chics with sensors tht peep when its on your hand.. she was begging for a real chic but we cant have that at our apartment other wise i would be so with it! lol I figured i would wait unill bm asked dh about it... Your right i should have her tell BM. She lies to her mom alot actually about normal everyday stuff , were you good in school "ya" what kind of homework did you have "math' when it was spelling.. just real petty stuff... She was arguing with BM tonight on the phone idk what about but she kept flat out telling mom NO..

Today was BM first after school visitaion. She arrived 25 min late to bring her home. To top it off after checking SD homework 10 answers were wrong and DH had to fx them with her. I asked BM why half her homework was wrong and she assured me its no big deal and she wanted her to play with her sister - she said she wants to be the nice mom... NICE?? SD is failing and her homwork is no big deal? We work so hard with SD reading ,homework and tutoring and 1 day of homework is to much for you MOM??? I told her im done trying to teach her to be a good mom - i feel like im always fighting you(bm) to do whats best for her ie: a bed , no bed bugs , no druggies or sex offenders and now i have fight to prove the importance of her education?!? i told her IM DONE I have been doing it for 3 years whats another tuesday... yes maybe i took it to far but dh and i have had it! told her maybe after school visits are not whats best for DD.... she went to bed 40 min late because dh and sd had to fix her homework.. plus , trying to explain to sd why we had to fix them in the first place since mommy said it was right.... ugh...

Oh I'm sorry. You are right. Week nights won't work... This is my same issue... Good for you for telling BM to be a MOM!!!

My mom said i should have photo copied her homework... to bad i didnt think of that.... I told BM its ok you be the nice one and i will be the mean one and make her do her HW right - i will be the one appreciated in the long run

I wonder what Bm thinks will be 'nice' about letting her daughter go off to school and then getting the paper back with an 'F' on it? Poor kid. Here she was thinking Mom helped me, it's done and correct and Mommy is so 'nice' I even got to play too. Then teacher hands back that big old red circle 'F'. What he heck is 'nice' about that? Mom helped me to get an 'F'.

Pfft. Document the homework next time and keep notes about how the one day a week afterschool visits are going. Don't forget to note that Mommy wants to play 'nice' and to heck with the homework and/or if it's done correctly and that chld learns how to do it correctly.

Might as well resign yourself to this one day a week things are going to have to be taken out and checked and likely re-done.

You mean ol' evil stepmommy you, how dare you not want to make this child happy and be nice and let child flunk. (snark intended)

My ex actually told me once that he didn't want to be pushy with school stuff (and DD didn't even need help with HW) because he does not see her during the week and has her over the weekends only (fun times) and doesn't want to be a mean dad. Nice, so because I have her during the week i have to be a mean mom? what a stupid logic.

I know im such a meanie... How pathetic though - she is the one who faught so hard to be apart/involved with her school... we didnt beg you!! Do the right thing... Granted , homework with SD is very hard she does have some sort of learning disability we are still trying to determine what and to what extent.. keyword "WE" as in step mom and daddy.. i remember in kindergarten we got SD put into speech therapy because seriously you couldnt understand a word... it was aweful - she has improved so much. Anywho - when we told BM about it we got harped on about how she doesnt need it she is just fine! To bad the speech therapy teacher didnt agree huh - everyone is wrong and BM is right... I could only imagine what SD would be like if she lived with BM this whole time.. Not a pretty sight. GOSH i just dont get how a mom could be this ignorant. Makes me realise how blessed i am to have such a wonderful mom who now that I am older is my best friend... I gice my kids an extra kiss at bedtime because I KNOW i will never put them through anything remotely close to this. One thing is for sure though - she is hanging herself!!

Mrs. P, I have another take on this. It struck me as a bit odd that BM would go to the trouble of making sure homework was done (unless SD did that on her own) but not making sure it was done correctly. (Our BM simply would not have had SS do it at all.) Do you think BM was perhaps not aware that the answers were wrong? I realize "first grade homework, even a really stupid adult can help with that" - but not necessarily.

Plus, the kids seem to get such weird homework now - you've been seeing it every day so you're used to the strange "move imaginary shaded blocks around instead of just memorizing addition facts" kind of thing, but if BM hasn't seen it before, she may have been at a complete loss. I know I had days of wondering what on earth they were trying to get the kids to do...

There may be something to your thought, Mattie. Since 1st grade school level worksheets are readily available online to print out, it might be helpful to print some out for BM and SD to work on. Maybe during the weekend visits when there is additional time to do the 'fun/nice' things and still practice together on the studies.

I remeber DD in 1st grade was assigned homework every night including some for weekends. It was nothing 'hard', but it'd been years since my youngest son had been in 1st grade. What was coming home was indeed sheets with doing things and multi things at once in one sheet that seemed 'what the heck, why are they doing it this way' to me. I mean I understood it of course and could get correct answers but DD and I were arriving at answers differently. Both the same answer but not arriving at it in same manner nor using same language to call the method. Where I and my older children learned one thing basically at a time, DD was multi tasking her learning through a single sheet all at once. I did have to sometimes hit the internet for teaching instructions so I could explain to daughter exactly what she was to be learning from this sheet but also so I could use the same term for method that her teacher would be using in class. Several times I would ask the teacher to send home the math book so I could see the way the book wanted DD to grasp the lesson and use the terms teacher would be using in class during lesson. It did me little good to sit down and 'help' DD if we were tackling it in different directions or calling it different terms...we sometimes could not communicate the common goal of not just the right answer but how to get it.

Good points. I am An accountant? How I don't know but for the life of me I can't figure out 4th grade math. And it's not because I'm dumb it's because dd says I don't do it the same as they teach her and she has to show her work ... And they won't allow parents to help. In first grade dd never got graded. They were like E for effort I for incomplete U needs work etc in second they started number and letter grading A B C
I remember that the teachers wanted to know if dd was getting the answers wrong so they could help her more if needed.

I understand your points - trust me i do and i thought thought about... but really? Blak? she knows there is a C in black - best of all black wasnt even an option!!. Burn and fun rythme?... really?... there was a picture of an arm - SD wrote cart... now I know BM knows it was an arm... there was a dog and SD wrote HAND... really? sorry i dont think she took the time to do it with SD so SD rushed so she could play - cant expect a child to really sit down and do HMW at the park...

I am with mattie on this, I thought the same thing but was lazy to post. BM does not sound highly educated to me. I love my SIL but she cannot help no one with any school work, when my niece-9 needs help she waits for my brother to come home.

Exactly!! At MrsP it's so important that you stress to either BM or attorney that right now homework is paving the way for future homework. Homework in elementary is not of any benefit except to get the kids into a routine of having homework so when high school even jr high come, it's not a shock.

Very true and practice is so important because she is not doing well in school. tutoring is already over so homework is all we have ya know. Right now BM is telling SD that next time she wants her to better on her HM um... SHE NEEDS HELP not just told here go do it... I wish there was a law that made it legal to slap stupid people... sorry... didnt mean that ;)I told my attorney and she just said 'bear with it for now" so im hoping she has something up her sleeve....

I see... yes these kind of stuff BM should be able to do but I wonder why SD did everything wrong herself. I know you said she is struggling, has she been evaluated for disability, if not it might be time...wrote cat for arm? That's pretty extreme.

She could be doing it to get MORE one on one with mom. If I do it wrong mom will have to sit with me longer and not pay attention to everyone else... I know kids that do this. When they only get 'negative' attention they keep acting up to get whatever attention they can.

My dd is gifted and makes straight A's but it always seems to be the most hectic nights that she 'neeeeeds' me to help. Especially is my 3 yr old is being needy.

SD may have been doing it to try to get attention - or BM may have told her to "just write anything and get it done". I'm familiar with those drawings for spelling, and they are pretty bad - but confusing a dog with a hand or an arm with a cart(!) is a bit much.

"but really? Blak? she knows there is a C in black " LOL! I wouldn't count on it. I am truly astonished how badly some people spell.

ya i know! Well if it is for attention BM needs to open her eyes and realise DD would appreciate help with her hmw and that attention is better then any form she is obviously getting now. B/F informed me last night that Grandma and Aunt are moving out and BM doesnt even make close to the amount to cover rent and bills (rent is 675).. ok... and you want me to do what? In a previous post a few days maybe even a week ago i mentioned how i do look at the good in BM i mentioned BM had lived in her apartment for a year. Before that apartment she lived in 9 places in only a year. She is very unstable. She moved out of her apartment she had for a year in march. Now she is about to lose it or move again... no stability...

But isn't that what you wanted? Aunt and grandma or at least aunt out? Do you expect her to be able to provide a home that is as stable as yours without help from family? I lived with my parents after my divorce because I could not afford to have a place of my own where dd could have her own room too. Not In a safe, clean place AND paying for child care. So my parents provided me with two rooms in their home where we were safe and clean and happy and BD and Sm were still unhappy. They wouldn't be happy until I was homeless and dd lived with them fulltime and being homeless meant no visitations. So at the time, living with my folks was all I could afford to do... Family help family. Just saying

yes we wanted aunt out. For the 3 1/2 years I have been in my relation with my husband and with my SD never once has she lived on her own. I undertand needing help but she is an adult with 2 kids a "degree" or whatever they get i guess certificate for CNA or something yet she wants to work at a seafood market. Did you plan to live with your family forvere? We wanted aunt out for the drugs - grandma is annoying but we dont care if she is there we rather her be there because she can atleast keep an eye on things. B/F says they are both leaving because they are tired of her sh*t.... She doesnt pay her share of the bills or keep her room clean he said idk. He is moving out too... Ever since she wanted to take SD to see her father her family has been fighting with her. I believe thats what started the whole "moving out" situation. If she does struggle i would say there are so many ways to get help here. there is HUD housing for low income fmailies but she already had that and was kicked off the prgram in 2 months.. MYFAMPG - if you had that oportunity would you have screwed that up? nice home in a nice area RENT FREE?? i know i wouldnt have. Basically my point is - i do not have pitty for her. I dont feel bad she is about to be left in the cold. Obviously her family is finally over the whole situation. In the 3 years this is the second time her fmaily has done this and BM went to live with her friend - her friend had sent me an email how she is kicking her out because her electric bill went form 70 to 140 and BM refuses to help. She burns her bridges and soon no one will want to help her. Cant say i blame them either...

There is a difference between "helping" and "enabling".

Mrs. P, I wonder if maybe you could start a new thread whenever there's an update (please!). This one's getting so long....

Everyone's situations are different. Yes I would have stayed as long as I had to. But the only reason I moved out was because I married my current husband. Without his income, I don't know where I would live.

Don't knock the seafood market... Where exactly do you work again? Oh that's right... BM is working crappy job while you are stay at home
Mom to her daughter ... Not knocking you but be careful knocking what kinds of jobs are 'good enough' or not. A job is a job.

Mrs. P, going to go out on the edge and suggest BM was not too overly successful as an CNA. Not up on Florida guidelines for certification but it is not a long deal and many here use it as a step on up into LPN and up. Gives them a chance to work while continues to attend schooling.

This BM may not have met standards of care or any number of things to make her cease working through her certification. She also has to keep her training and certificate up to date.

It is not an easy job to do and they are the heavy lifting and 'dirty' work. I don't know what BM's case is but many who begin there are not cut out for it. It takes a dedicated caring person especially in certain settings. Pay to start (depending on area) is not all that great either...yes more than min. wage but starters won't start out earning much. A lot of the younger single mothers up here do start out doing the CNA courses as they have to train as they can enter the work force to be able to continue on with state support and assistance.

Sad as it might be some of moms have a hard time once they do train and begin...if they begin to earn too much for assistance benefits are affected, yet they might not make enough to cover all living expense. The goal is to get them started and then the ladies move on and up into a nursing career.

True, Myfam. I work, my ex's GF stays home... so when my DD is there she is SAHM. If she said word one about the job(s) I work I'd be livid.

I supported our family for 2 years working at a gas station. My husband was laid off and i did it. I am a stay at home mother because after paying child care for 2 kids what would i have left? nothing. Seafood market fine but when she doesnt have money dont call my husband(which she has). she has never used her certificate as a CNA. Why waste her time and the states money of schooling TWICE and not use it? I worked 65 hours a week - if it benifited our family i would be working - trust me. Being home all day can be drepressing. If the job you have does not help support your family or help you to be on your own feet why not atleast attempt looking for another? Why always depend on others? Like i said i just have no pitty for her. This weekend is SD first overnight and I will pack her a bag b/c BM doesnt not have pk's or toothbrush ect.. Hope it goes well , i dont feel as worried about it as i thought i would... probabaly just come to realise its out of our control....

Myfampg, help is nice when it is available but i do not see why is it so difficult to provide a stable living for ONE child when you are single? Plenty of people do it even without child support.

There is no requirement to live in a fancy house but it is affordable to rent 2 bedroom apartment for a single prson with a child. I got divorced DD was 4, and i rented 2 bedroom apartment (in a very nice upscale neighbourhoods) most of my adult life, my ex rented a two bedroom apartment by himself as well until DD was 11 and he purchased condo and got into long term relationship.

I don't think it is necessary or common to move in with family members after you divorce, maybe if you have many kids, but one?

I agree with others, bad idea to critisize where people work. I live in the area of high unemployment and people work anywhere they can get a job no matter what qualifications they have.

Mrs. P how and why is working on a gas station is better than working in a seafood market is beyond me???

You don't know why she didn't use her ceritification. I know older lady who is a waitress, she got her dental assistant's credentials, she struggled all the way though and when she was done and started working she realized it was nto for her, she couldn't cope, so she went back to waitressing.

I understand BM is a mess but I see a lot of unreasonable judgements being passed

I agree with you for the most part PO1 except there are other little things that aren't considered. I started working a low paying job for the first time when I divorced exdh... And I didn't make enough for childcare, my rent, utilities and the vehicle I got stuck with. I ended up moving in with my parents not long after I rented a 2 bedroom apartment. I'm against well fare so I won't go in to that. Why not let my parents help me than have the tax payers pay my way if my parents were offering the help. AND it was major brownie points with the judge honestly. She liked that my parents were helping me. I brought home $700 ever two weeks and daycare was $200/week.... Get my drift? Not much room to eat..

I don't think everyone's situation is the same.

that makes sense myfampg. I hear you. I guess i didn't consider different circumstances in everyone's situation. I just thought you were saying no one can support themselves as a single parent without living with family. That didn't make any sense to em. I was a single parent my whole life, I NEVER remarried and only recently moved in with SO (DD was long gone and on her own).

I lived alone with DD since she was 4 and I had no problem providing stable home in a stable place. Not everyone lives with a man or is married and has 2 incomes. Some of us stayed single and raise the kids/kid just fine. I didn't even date most of my life. BM is trash, uneducated loser, not every BM is like this.

I guess I took your post personally.