Introducing a Stepmom or Stepdad
athlete2010
14 years ago
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silversword
13 years agokkny
13 years agoRelated Discussions
stepmom
Comments (4)Run! Find yourself someone that wants the same things as you. Some people should not be allowed to have children & your SS's parents are a great example. I agree "poor child". But I must add that you made a poor choice in marrying a guy that acts this way toward you and his child. Why on earth would you want to have a child WITH him? He is proven himself a poor father to one child. Do you think he will be better with YOUR child? He was probably not a very good husband to his child's mother as he's proven to have no respect for women. That's not to say it's all his fault because she obviously has issues where she chooses guys like that proven by her choice to marry her current husband that drinks & cheats. You can't fix someone else's problems. This child had the misfortune to be born into that situation and there is nothing you can do seeing him only every other weekend. Even if he lived with you, it wouldn't make much difference because your husband doesn't support your position. Find a good man that wants children & is prepared to be a parent to them. This guy isn't it. Good luck....See MoreReunite with 'Stepdad' or not?
Comments (41)Thank you Mattie and Justmetoo, that's exactly what I was trying to say. Yes, the incident with my sister happened when we were kids. My point is that when people are fighting there is a chance someone will get hurt unintentionally. I was at a friend's house in college and a couple got in an argument, my friend walked up to see if she could help just as the guy flung out his arms in a gesture of "what the...??" Big arms, her face... she walked into his fist. She got a black eye. Is that abuse? He was not trying to hit her. He was not threatening her. She literally walked right into it. I have volunteered at women's shelters. I know the cycle of poverty, abuse, child care, lack of resources, etc. that perpetuates abuse. I don't condone it. But I will not convict this man of abuse with the facts as presented. Comparing this to rape and short skirts is a straw man and insinuating I do not model proper behavior for my daughter is offensive. The sarcasm regarding Love's injuries and "I'll try not to walk in front of you then" is also offensive. She said she was attacked by X-W. That can in no way be compared to this incident based on information. "I cannot relate to your casual attitude towards poor treatment of women or always blaming women no matter what really happened." Really? I'm ALWAYS blaming women no matter what really happened???? What really happened? Please tell me. I didn't know you were there. I stand by my original statement to OP: "It sounds like you need closure. FB is a good place to get closure because you can always "unfriend" him. I don't know how well you know FB, but you should set your privacy settings on high, not allow him access to your wall or pictures, and not friend him just yet. Send him a message, explain as kindly as you can how you feel. See how he reacts. I think that if he reacts as a man/father or if he reacts as a child/jerk you'll have your answer as to how to proceed. I wouldn't introduce him to anyone or explain who he is at all until you are very clear what his intentions are. "...See Morei don't want to be the evil stepmom
Comments (57)I understand your situation so well. My boyfriend is ultra touchy about his 5 year old too so I know what it feels like to be in a no win situation. And I've often felt like an intrusion myself. My boyfriend can shout very ugly insults to me as well when it comes to his child. I also understand your disappointment about possibly not having children with your husband. I never considered myself maternal, but I fell so madly for my boyfriend that I actually thought one day it would be great to have a child of our own, but that possbility is very small. He's crazy about his son, but his arrival was not planned and I don't think my boyfriend wants to do it again. There are so many negatives to staying in a situation like that for me that I'm considering cutting my loses as hard as it will be. For you, since you are married and in way deeper than I am (at least legally), I would try counselling. Dealing with three children that are not your own, I can only imagine how overwhelming that is. If your husband won't go with you, then go for yourself. But try to do it with your husband because sometimes people are so clouded by what means so much to them (your husband's children) that they can't see what they're doing until a 3rd party points it out. I know it easier said than done because my boyfriend flat out told me he won't do counselling. It really broke my heart. He's extremely cold at times and it's sad. But even if your husband won't go, you still probably need to go for your own sanity....See MoreStepdaughters' lies and blaming stepmom
Comments (22)Hi all, I'm new. I just want to say that many of the issues you mention really aren't YOUR issues. Things like her fraudulant lawsuits for example. I have an ex who's always frauding someone...but it's not my problem. The system will catch up and when it does, they'll have to pay somehow. You need to focus on dealing with the children when they're in your care, and disregard what they do in her care, unless they're in danger. You seem to have stopped the spanking but maybe you should make their Dad handle all the discipline. You could even try a "wait until your father gets home" stance when they are in your care and your husband is away. Once you stop engaging with them, they will stop engaging with you. You've only been married two years, so you have a long road ahead. Your nit-picky issues are just that, little nit-picky issues. I'd blow them off and laugh it off as a jealous bio-mom...those do exists sometimes. You know YOU and those around you know YOU...don't waste your time focusing on what she says or does. Keep documenting everything and always anticipate the worst, but hope for the best. If the relationship with the girls is broken, I'd really try mending it. If you're interested in some ways, let me know, maybe we can get creative. If you plan to stay married, you really need to get along with his kids, they don't go away after they turn 18, only the CS....See Moremattie_gt
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