I always do the no-dig lasagna method making a new bed, it works evn on such tough weeds as euonymous and bermuda grass. I put down a thick layer of newspapers and /or cardboard, top it off with a thick layer of mushroom compost, or other manure based compost, plus a layer of garden soil, then one of leaf compost. After it sits over the winter, I'll go around the edges with Roundup to kill any grass that comes up in a six-inch strip. Then I can plant and mulch it with wood chips or other compost of my choice. I've been doing this for years. I hate digging up beds in this rocky soil, and this method smothers weeds and grasses as well as making a nice rich soil for planting most anything I want. Any weeds that come up on top are easily pulled out. Weed barrier is such a mess, it only provides a surface for weed seeds to germinate in and weed roots get tangled and impacted in it making them difficult if not impossible to remove. I only use it under paths and patio areas where I can spray surface weeds. Henbit and chick weed are winter annuals, not much we can do about them other than pulling them as they get big enough, if you don't use weed killers; except for weed preventers (Miracle Gro makes one) that you put down in the fall. I don't use those as I like some wildflowers like columbine, black-eyed susans, coneflowers, species petunias and others to reseed and weed preventers also keep them from germinating. Sandy

Sure Myfam. I can relate. I'm a full time BM and a part time SM. And a SD several times over. There is no "one size fits all". That's why I'm not on the side of the parent or the stepparent or about bashing the DH who "isn't there" because I know the other side of that, being a kid whose mother said "daddy doesn't care" and finding out she really just made him jump through so many hoops it was hurting me and he just frickin' gave up. I know that perspective from a child. I know how that game works. And, I know about neglectful dads. My sister had one of those. He was never there. So I know all about the guilt that comes from having a sister whose dad is never there and having a dad who tries his hardest to be there for me. People, parents, can be messed up. No matter what role they are playing. One has to assume though, given no other information, that people are trying their hardest.... right? @PO1: how dare you presume what this particular BM is thinking/perceiving/reacting to?? I can't even do that and I know the woman!! Of course it's not as simple as mom withholding information. It's an incredible spiderweb of emotions that happened way before I got in the picture. How can anyone presume to know what is going on with either of them!!?? Frickin' parents anyway. DH and BM have their own issues. I try not to get involved. My focus is not on their issues but on how I can support my absolutely wonderful SD when she IS HERE. And part of that leaves me bewildered that her BM would be so frazzled that she would forget to tell me/us her DD is menstrating but would remember to tell us all about her hyperallergenic soap and spend no less than five calls per day "hi how are you here's your little sibling on the phone we miss you". blather. I know how this works. I send DD out to her dad several times a year. And he comes out here. I know how to tell him the crucial stuff and somehow it all gets across. DD also spends time with other family members and somehow they all know if she has medicine to take or if she had a cough or to remind her to pee. And let's not make this into "dad's a lousy guy" because I'm not taking any husband bashing right now. It's not about him. It's about simple communication. And if you can't get that, I have nothing more to say.

If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead.

The first thing I notice in your post is that there might be some unrealistic expectations. The behavior of your older stepkids is somewhat typical for their ages.. I have three kids that are 22, 20 & 19 and if I don't remind my son constantly, he won't clean up after himself. My 19yo is a girl and I don't have that problem with her. My 22yo is also married & out of the home.. but he also left at 18 because I was with my DH and planning to get married. Since he has gotten married and had a child, he doesn't focus too much on my marriage. I told him when he said he didn't want me to get married that someday he will meet someone and whether I like her or not, I will respect his choice because I love him.. and I expect him to at least respect my choice. He doesn't have to like my husband but he needs to be respectful and that is something I laid down to him when he was 18. He's now almost 23 and has matured & has been respectful the last couple of years. My 20 year old has also given DH lots of crap and doesn't like that we have rules because DH had input in the rules. We have rules like keep your room clean.. clean up after yourself.. be in by a certain time.. and if you want to eat whatever you want, go buy your own stuff.. If he's in school, he lives there for free. If he isn't in school, he is charged $50 a week 'rent'. But, I am the one that brings the rules to him, not DH. I am the one that says something when he isn't following the rules, not DH. I am the one that has to do it because I am his parent and if DH says anything to him.. it turns into a battle with my son becoming rebellious just because DH is saying it. He doesn't have the relationship necessary, I do. My daughter is a totally different story. She calls DH dad and when he tells her she's doing things wrong... she doesn't like it but she is respectful and if she doesn't agree with him, she will talk to him respectfully and plead her case. My son won't do that. He will start name calling. It has more to do with different personalities, but my point is that your DH needs to be the one to set limit, boundaries, and enforce them with his own kids. I won't tolerate my kids treating DH with disrespect... just as I wouldn't tolerate them being mean to the other kids in school or if they didn't like a teacher, they were not allowed to be disrespectful. "treat others the way you would like to be treated" If they have nothing nice to say, they don't need to say anything, but they have to be respectful and that includes rolling eyes, making faces, or ignoring. I have had that problem with my SD because my DH has not had that expectation from his DD and I have a hard time when she treats me that way... because I won't allow my kids to do that to anyone. In regard to your small kids... teenagers don't typically get excited to have new siblings. They don't want to think of their parents as having sex.. and a baby is in their face proof that dad had sex. Yes, they probably know it happens... they just don't want to be reminded or think about it. Again, dad should be the one to expect them to treat their siblings with respect, which includes gift giving. I wouldn't expect a grown kid to come to a kids party but they should acknowledge their sibling. You can't make people do what you like and all you can tell your children when they get older and ask (and it may be a non issue if the older kids get better about it as they get older) is that you don't know why... because unless your stepkids tell you why they don't buy gifts, you really do not know why. My SD's mom does crappy things like she sends her mom to pick up SD instead of getting her herself or she cuts visits short and while I have my own opinion on why she does it, I don't know for sure and if SD asks.. the only true answer is "I don't know". Then, it was pretty insensitive to say "are you not happy that your dad is finally happy. Because we were very happy and so much in love." because that implies that dad was not happy with their mother or as a single parent with them before you came along... that YOU are responsible for any happiness he has. I would not like being told that. Personally, I was very happy when I was a single parent, just me and my kids. I love my husband and we are very happy together now... as far as relationships go, I never knew I could be so happy with someone. But, I would not want that tossed into my kids' face and him taking credit for all my happiness. I would find a way to be happy whether he is in my life or not. I'm sure he was very happy with his ex wife or when his children were born and he was raising them. If he wasn't.. his kids are the last people you want to tell. Besides, they lived it and they will already know whether they have seen him happy or not. It might help your situation to find a way to apologize to his kids for saying that. (I also thought it wasn't necessary to explain you are not responsible for their parent's divorce, if they were divorced 2 years before you came along, the kids know you didn't cause the divorce. They likely just want their parents together or to not have to go through seeing dad with someone new. It isn't personal, they would probably feel that way about anyone he's with) The best advice I can give you is to back off. It wasn't until my husband backed off and I stepped up to being the ONLY one to enforce things... and I have to be consistent, which has been a problem for me in the past (and yes, DH does remind me in private when I'm not being consistent) but it wasn't until I handled my grown kids 100% that it got better. I also stand up for the kids when I think he's being unreasonable.