Why do people play out all the personal drama on facebook pages? Never made since to me to display for all subjects that should be made face to face (or phone to phone) between the two or three people having the issue. Drama Queens/Kings who display the crap for whatever gains they believe they'll get out is sooooo childish and vindictive.

So now you're the Eeeeevul Stepmom, didn't know a thing about any of it, but anyone befriended to the group of associates/family is now privy to the inside drama. I'm sorry. It's unfair and uncalled for.

Our little high school does not have special seats so I've never had to deal with what you're talking about. I suppose in your case it's rather similar to a wedding with parents in special seats of honor. Here parents, family and friends just come to graduation and sit wherever. Lucky us I guess, because I can see a few families out here doing just what your husband's children/exwife are doing to him if we did.

I just don't understand it all. It's one day, a couple hours. Attend, sit down and shut up (no, that's not addressed to you personally, just my opinion on the family event day drama that some families insist on playing).

I seriously think that some of the traditional issues (like this graduation seating) needs to move on into this century where a large share of children now live in blended families. Schools need to start taking this fact into consideration when planning these events. Why make what should be a 'happy' day and turn it into family fights and who should sit where. If nothing else, I feel the schools should ask children if they will be needing one, two, three or four 'special' seats. It's 2012, not 1950.

Yes, it is total crap!

Here's the thing.... SD can go on facebook & write whatever she wants to her family & friends... she can write about her brother, making him sound like a crying baby.... and blame awful daddy & you. BUT, your SS knows the truth... and the bottom line is, who cares what anyone else thinks? If SD or BM need to go on facebook & post those things to make themselves look better to family & friends, then there isn't a lot you can do. My SD13's mom posts about how we took her daughter away from her & won't let SD go live with her. The truth: BM met her BF & moved on a week that SD was with us. She left her older daughter living with the grandma & told DH he could have custody of SD "temporarily" but has never really sought custody for the last five years. She isn't likely to let SD come live with her, though she makes half hearted offers so she can say we won't let her. She also posts of how abusive I am and how horrible I am. Her friends all rally around her... poor BM, poor SD... mean ol' SM! (It's funny that nobody asks her why she doesn't get custody if I'm so mean & horrible?) BM posts of how proud she is of her girls... yeah, she didn't raise either of them. They lived somewhere else with someone else but she takes the "likes" and I guess it makes her feel better. Her kids know the truth. That's their bone to pick with her, not mine. For a long time, it bothered me too... posting about me & how she is such a loving mom to her girls when I knew the truth. Now, I just feel sorry for her because it really is pathetic. But, anyone that knows you... knows it's not true. Those are the people you should care about and not worry about what strangers think about you. Her family will know the truth about her too... if they are close enough to her to know about her life. If they are distant or don't know, then they are no different than strangers.... and who cares what they think?

Do yourself a favor & don't read your husbands wall because she will probably continue to write a bunch of crap that will only upset you. If it upsets him, then he needs to talk to her & work it out. It's his choice to sit where he wants and it's not important WHERE he sits, it's important that he's there for the graduation... there are lots of kids that don't have anyone there for them.

Well..here's how I see it..and many can agree or many can disagree..lol!

It's 2012..blended families are EVERYWHERE. It's time we are acknowledged as exactly that..blended.

We don't live in the 40's where divorce was not heard of and if it was you were outcast.

I refuse to hide what I feel and have with my husband so his crybaby brat children can feel the presence of what used to be. Their mother cheated on my husband numerous times and decided she was too good for him. THAT should be enough to show that family was destroyed for good.

I had a horrible first marriage..so did my husband. I'm allowed to feel a fairy tale life with a man that loves me and my SD has NO RIGHT in this world to diminish that because she feels left out.

GROW UP! Seriously...GROW UP!

I will not be made to sit in the background like a stranger...or as my husband's daughter refers to me...the "wife".

Boo hoo...

If my SS who is just 2 months away from turning 20 cannot grow up and accept the fact that my DH doesn't want to play house with his mommy anymore...grow the f*&k up. I'm tired of nursing adults like 2 year olds. Get a life and accept the fact that daddy has moved on and is happy.

And.......if they truly cared and loved their father they would be happy for him.

End of story.

If that's how you feel, why are you going to bother going to the graduation? If you don't like the kids, are you going to make a point of "I'm here. You can't ignore me!"? It seems they are perfectly clear in how they feel about you and they are grown... they are entitled to their feelings. Their feelings don't diminish what you have with him unless you or he allows it to. If daddy is nursing them like 2 year old's then it's a husband problem, not a kid problem.

I'm 43 & my dad married my SM when I was 18. My brother & I happened to like her, my sisters did not. Her children also had mixed feelings over it. We were all entitled to our feelings and whatever his (or her) adult children thought of it, did not define their relationship. If your husband does not stand up for you, that is not his children's fault. It's his. (when my sister talked down to or cursed out my SM, my dad put her in her place & told her he would not see or talk to her until she knew how to be nice/cordial/respectful to his wife. The children didn't pick you and yes, they should be happy their dad is happy but they don't need to...just as dad may not be happy with their choices in partners just because they are happy. (though we may choose to accept our children's partner because we want our children to be happy... kids don't always have the maturity to do that)

But after your second post, I have to wonder why you would torture yourself to make a point when it's going to make you upset. Regardless of their feelings, if it's going to cause you to feel anger or resentment, why do that to yourself? It doesn't seem that you will enjoy yourself... you don't like the son that's graduating or the daughter that doesn't like you. I thought you wanted to go because you raised the son & had a decent relationship with him. Your husband can go see his son graduate and sit wherever he likes... he doesn't have to sit in the designated seat his daughter thinks he should.

The after-graduation cookout should be real , uh, interesting at your house if nothing else. So why do it?

Yeah, again, I 'get' the openhouse thing is pretty traditional. Celebrate the kiddie getting through high school, beginning his life as a young man, perhaps getting ready to go off to college blah blah blah. But you all can't even get through the graduation ceremony itself without drama...why put yourself through the zombie daddy bit afterwards?

Father and you (if you want to go) could just do something like a special dinner in a nice restaurant. A small 'family' dinner (or a very downsized backyard cookout). Why invite people to a after-graduation cookout at your home where you'll have to do all the work and act the happy family? Mom of course is welcome to hostess anything she likes at her house for her son and invite anyone she pleases. Nothing says she can't celebrate this day also and be as proud of her son as she wants to be...she does not need to weedle herself into your plans, she can be 'proud' all on her own.

I reread the postings from Thanksgiving. How SD's husband was not welcome/invited by husband's family. Perhaps all the drama now with SD making the 'who sits where' stink is her acting out on her father for her husband being rejected. Kinda like, 'my husband is not welcome so neither is your wife'? Sad part being all her acting out and drama is putting her brother smack in the middle of it all.

This day is suppose to be about the son. Not 'Mom', not 'Dad' and certainly not about SD. But here she is making it all about 'Mom' (and as an extension, herself), and pitting Mom, Dad and you all against how things 'should be' at her brother's graduation. For pete's sake, somebody take the power away from this woman beast. She has far too much power involving herself into the personal lifes of everyone else.

If husband said son was fine with Dad attending and sitting where Dad pleased, but suddenly is now all upset and 'crying like a baby', my guess would be the change in attitude came about because SD made a huge issue out of it and forced her feelings/opinions onto the brother. She put brother into the middle and used him to manipulate the event into her own agenda. And here now you all are wrapped in the drama and hard feelings of the stink she has caused.

I suggest Dad sit son down and discuss the fact Dad is proud of son for graduating, he does not need to sit in a 'special' seat for Dad to be proud. No matter where Dad is at ceremony, he loves the son and is proud of him...a seat does not change that blah blah blah. That is day is suppose to be about son and all son's hard efforts, that all the fighting over who sits where is distracting from that. That Dad will be there and be proud no matter where he is sitting or who he is sitting with blah blah blah. And then I'd tell kid if the drama does not cease he does not feel a ookout is in the best interest of the spirit of the day that has now been set-up (but that's just my opinion, why cause more room for additional drama).

"I refuse to hide what I feel and have with my husband so his crybaby brat children can feel the presence of what used to be."

But SS told your DH it was fine, right? It's just SD behaving badly? Don't misplace your anger at SD on SS too - sounds like he's being perfectly reasonable about this.

And of course there's drama all over Facebook! It's the absolutely perfect place for lying, deceitful, drama queens to post their fantasy versions of their lives and have it taken seriously, because one of their 1,200 "friends" who hasn't seen them since high school, who has absolutely no idea of the truth or the real circumstances, and who doesn't really care enough anyway to bother to read any previous postings to notice the contradictions, will come along and "Like" based on just one comment. Sure, you may have moments where you want to post this huge truthful missive and then let the chips fall where they may - but you won't, because you are a normal, rational human being. So the delusional "feel sorry for me!" silliness can just go on and on...

I'd bet money that SD's Facebook rantings are not directed only at you or your DH. I'd guess that she has bosses, neighbors, random strangers on the subway, teachers, cashiers in the grocery store, social workers, voices in her head, etc., all of whom are horribly mean and unfair to her, and all of whom she's complained about on Facebook.

All it is is an exercise in creative writing from someone who views herself as a perpetual victim.

Here is a solution for you: don't worry about what other friends and family think after reading a facebook rant by a 20 yr old. People that mind don't matter and people that matter don't mind. If they care about you and are a true friend they know the truth and the rest don't matter.

Second, on graduation day, go to the spa. Get a nice massage and pedicure and maybe even a facial. You don't want to go to the 'crybaby brat child's' graduation anyway or else you wouldn't see him as such ... Bow out, have a day to yourself and forget the crybaby brats. Just because you were the 'mom' of the house for the last 4 years doesn't mean you have to go be miserable with the drama. My stepmom felt betrayed by me too for whatever the reason and she didn't go to my graduation. It was a blessing for me because I didn't have the added drama and conflict that was a constant in my life between the adults in my life. In the end my dad did ruin my day by making inappropriate comments but at least at that point it was only half the drama and not full blown. Just stay home. They are brats any way right?

And I logged on for this...

They are brats anyway right...yep. You got it. No denial on that one. SD more than SS though...that's a given. SS is just plain childish.

A 21 year old woman that steals from her own father and his wife then creates such drama as being abused and having brain tumors that suddenly go away when we demand to know the doctor that told her this BS and we threaten to call this doctor...yep...brat.

Then creates drama every occasion...yep..brat.

Then an almost 20 year old man that is finally graduating high school that has been honestly trying to change for the better but can't seem to do it because Mommy and Sissy pull him down to their level by stealing and lying...maybe not so much a brat per say...but someone that needs to grow a pair is possibly the words I should use.

To be honest in this WHOLE BS mess...I was honestly looking forward to this graduation. I have seen my DH..the ONLY parent out of SS's 2 - try to do everything possible to get this grown man through high school. I know how hard it's been on everyone in my home..the suspensions, bad grades, conflicts..and to know it was thisclose to being over..it was almost exhilarating. A small party was planned and the day seemed like it was growing closer.

Then to find out all this drama was being played underneath it all and once again SS was being pulled in the direction of playing the helpless victim his sister wants him to be..it's disgusting. Like I said..grow a pair.

If he truly didn't care in the beginning and now suddenly cares because mommy and sissy have him upset...that's utterly ridiculous.

My own beef with him is that he cannot..like my DH..stand up to these women for anything. They treat him like crap..and would literally slit his throat for anything that benefited them.

I saw a picture of him last year at his mother's for Christmas..he was wearing a pair of Spongebob Squarepants pajamas about to open about 200 gifts that she purchased from PayDay loans that she's never paid back and is now getting sued for. His cheeks were red and rosy excited like he was 2 years old again. He tore his gifts open in the video he showed me looking like a child. There were actual toys wrapped up for him...and he was so happy he was almost in tears.

Know what we got him..? A winter coat and some jeans..and a watch. He was 19...who in the world goes that overboard for a grown man ? He even berated his father for not overbuying like his mother did. Sorry..not in this house. You are an adult and you'll get treated like one.

I will not tolerate being made into an evil person because SD is an unhappy magpie. Always so worried about herself that she would crap on anyone's lawn to show she's number one. This man cannot even plan to graduate without it being turned into her own selfish BS. I don't feel betrayed by him at all..I'm just tired of him being a doormat and not being a man to these women.

His mother has her kids convinced she's been dying of cancer for going on 8 years now yet no test has ever been produced to show or prove it. She's robbed gas stations and sells narcotics on the streets. What my husband and I have makes her insane and she whines to her daughter..who in turn is just like her so the drama begins on any given time she sees the opportunity.

Such as her own brother's graduation....it's never ending.

And if I choose to stand up for myself and speak out over it..too bad. I won't bow down to a spoiled selfish brat that is totally useless to anyone.

I see it like this...in the past folks have been silent due to it being his daughter..they learned if they do, they stay in her good graces and she is easy on them. But if you're like me and you see right through her and do NOT take her BS and call her out, then suddenly YOU are the one that is the evil horrible stepparent. Screw that noise. I could care less if the little trite likes me or not. Won't end my world I can tell you that.

I have cut any and all communication from her..she is blocked and cannot call my phone. Nor can she text, email, or Facebook me. The only time drama is known to me about her is - oh yes - when family functions come about and I watch everyone run around like rats when the lights get turned on. And they all don't know how to handle it because suddenly the DIVA is not happy. They wonder "Gee..what can we do to make sure she's happy in this situation...?" And the situation not even be about her...great eh?

If everyone just ignored her and didn't allow her to have her way...all would be well.

Like I said..this man cannot even graduate without drama. Very sad individual. I'd be extremely ashamed if I were this "adult".

I'm truly tired of my home being in an uproar ONLY when it concerns SD. I have never in my life had such happiness with a man. If she wants to destroy someone's life she can gladly destroy her own. Grow up and get over yourself already..if she ever decided to do this...it'll be a better world I can assure you.

Done venting...:)

Mattie has a good point as well. Rarely do I see a person ONLY complain about one unfair person in their life. The complainers complain about everyone! in their life. I have been hurt by Facebook rants by a co-worker and even by a family member and I would just say its not work worrying about what other people say or think, it only matters what you think of yourself and how the people that are important to you feel. It's highly unlikely that this sd is going to be a real big part of your life so just move her from your head and try to get on with your life with your husband. And for goodness sakes don't visit her fb page. I stay clear of people I know might hurt me with their rants.

So what did you come here for? I'm just curious. Just to vent? Which is absolutely fine of course but you said you wanted some thoughts and advice but seems like you have it worked out. Are you going to sit in the back or will you be sitting with your husband. Now I would not care but deep down I know that I would want my husband to sit with me. Like its been said above. It's 2012. There are more children in blended families than there are children in intact families. It's ridiculous really that your husband would have to sit with his ex wife instead of his current wife. So what are you going to do?

As far as the after party. Mom needs not be there. She can have her own party. No way will my ex be at my party he can have his own ...

And who cares what gifts she buys her son and with what money. Who cares!? Find joy in knowing YOU do not have that debt and that you don't have to worry about the collection calls. She gets to deal with that. I feel the same way about my ex. They have this real nice house that I have always felt a bit 'jealous' of but I don't have to pay those taxes every year and that makes me feel very secure in what I do have. And now that my ex has exhausted his means... His house was foreclosed and he is renting ... So see... I am still very happy in my little house that costs me what I can afford and I don't have collectors calling me every day. His debt and how he buys my daughter (annoying as it may be) not my problem!

--"Then an almost 20 year old man that is finally graduating high school that has been honestly trying to change for the better but can't seem to do it because Mommy and Sissy pull him down to their level by stealing and lying...maybe not so much a brat per say...but someone that needs to grow a pair is possibly the words I should use."--

I think 'growing the pair' for the son is perhaps a bit easier said than done. Which I think might be the biggest part of your frustration? Every tiny inch of progress DH/you make with the son, Mom/SD drag him back two. It is natural that the son loves both his parents and here he is getting pulled in two different directions. One side realizing the son is pushing 20 and needs to go forward, the other trying to keep the son under their influence and a pawn in their own unhealthy agenda.

Too bad the son does not have the grades to be able to go off to university and get out of the grips of his mother/sister. What is next for the son? Any idea on what happens the morning after graduation? A year later?

I think the OP does have it 'worked out' as far as the SD, but I think OP still has some hope that the son will be able to raise above and move forward...get out of the grasp of the dysfunction that is his mother/sister. The SD/Mom sound is if they have some serious issues otherthan just being 'brats' and a 'diva'. Mental instability springs to mind. Bi-polar? Narcissistic? I think a psych eval would be extremely enlightening, but unfortunately will not likely be happening.

Husband might be able to put a stop to the graduation seating drama. Perhaps if he personally called the superintendent of the school and spoke to him/her a reasonable solution could be arrived at. I'd simply tell the superintendent that son will be needing three seats in the 'honor' seating, two together and one in another row (or whatever). Call the school out on their insensitivity to reality of 2012. Very politely explain to him/her that the current arrangement set up by the school fails to take into consideration today's families and encourages discord rather than pleasant celebrating atmospheres. Husband might just give this tactic a try, it can't hurt to try and it certainly would put a stop to the BS...husband just might be pleasantly surprised to learn he is not the only father in this boat and the school just might accomadate if asked.

I think if I got nowhere with the school superintendent, I might even go over his/her head and approach the school board. This is 2012 afterall and I just might think it's time the schools acknowledge it. Depends I guess on how strongly DH feels about this.

But I will ask. If it is possible for Mom to sit 'somewhere' in honor seating and Dad/you to sit 'somewhere' in honor seating , where will Little Miss Sh*t Stirrer sit and what will she do next for her drama kick?

Yes..I do come here to vent actually.

Mainly because I don't want to be saying and spewing these things at my DH. And that's because deep down no matter how I feel towards his daughter..that's still his daughter. No matter what her lies or deceptions are..she's still his child. At one time a child that cared but I believe she no longer exists. What's replaced that caring person is a very unhappy individual that is jealous and controlling and protects her mother at all costs, fearless of who she hurts with her lies. And I've watched people very afraid of saying anything for fear she starts in on them.

With me..you either like me or dislike me. There is no in between. I'm colorful, blunt, and to the point like no one you've met before. I don't hold back words and if you lie to me - you get told you're lying. I don't excuse/condone lying for any reason. I have a 21 year old daughter myself and I've never condoned it from her.

Big difference though..my daughter adores my DH. Respects him, loves him, and treats him like he's part of her family. Maybe there's a part of me that was hurt in the beginning because I've never understood what I did to deserve his daughter acting like I was such an intruder when my own child is so accepting of him. She buys him gifts on Fathers Day and you can tell she cares deeply for him.

That's just it..she's accepting.

My DH's family let me in VERY quick from day 1 his daughter was a total nightmare. RAN to me with it. I let them know that I was not the local pansy and anything she threw at me she better be able to back up her lies.

And call her out I have done..many times.
Just recently I'll give you an example...2 months ago she came in my house and proceeded to go on and on about the huge college university she is 'attending'. Told my DH that in 2 quarters she will be a full fledged teacher..do you know of a degree like that? I have heard my DH brag of her college BS a few times before this...so I let her talk.

I then proceed to tell her that I work with a young man that goes to that same university and works part time in Student Services. He could not find her on the student registry..this quarter or any other quarter for that matter. As usual, her face became flushed because she knew what was coming. I told her I could go to the computer and look up the schedule..of course if she 'attends' class 4 days a week by now she knows by heart her courses and professers. I told her to tell what class she attends on Monday..? Tuesday..?

Her silence said it all..she knew she was caught once again. So as usual she left saying she was being judged and will come back once it stops.

You know what's sad..? My DH actually THANKED me for it..I honestly think he WANTS to call her out but does not either know how or does not want to be the bad guy. Honey...dump it on me. I have no hesitation or reservation in being the bad guy when it comes to lying.

But you know the saddest part of all? This is not the first time she has said this lie..she has recycled the same lie 3 times before. At other universities...thing is she has never even gotten a high school diploma.

Seriously...if you want to come to my house..then come. Bring your husband..your kids. Sit down and talk...DO NOT BRING YOUR BS INTO MY HOME. Talk about your day..your kids..your thoughts..the latest TV show you like. But don't come into my home with such crap as what she makes up and expecting my husband to turn to jelly and tell you he's proud of you for something you aren't even doing.

Because if you do...I'm here to remind you that BS is not welcome here. Very respectfully of course, mind you..but you will get called on it.

Life is too short to have such drama floating around. I adore and fiercely protect my DH and our marriage. And I am not going to have it so up in the air from BS from his daughter. Who wants that? And why is it fair to say it's allowed because she's his daughter?

Like I said..it's 2012. Get over the fact that blended families are happening everywhere and she may not like it. Like it or not..she's part of a broken family. And that family has since moved on and she's still in the background trying everything she can to gain attention from mommy and daddy. Grow up already.

We went putt putt golfing last summer and she proclaimed she was going to stop because 'no was was watching her'. And I watched as my DH asked all of us to watch a 21 year old women putt her little golf ball..or she was going to quit. My answer? "Well, then make sure you put your club back at the stand at the beginning....I'm sure no employee wants to clean up a club thrown by an adult in anger over not being watched. Who's next?"

I feel very secure in what I have...and again I refuse to let his daughter think she can destroy that. Because of the statement justmetoo made - "For pete's sake, somebody take the power away from this woman beast. She has far too much power involving herself into the personal lifes of everyone else. "

Bingo. My thoughts exactly.

I think continuing to call her out on her lies and exagerations is going to help more than hurt anything so keep doing that. Its possible she won't stop lying to other's but she is surely going to stop lying to you and dh about her successes if she believes for a minute that you will research to call her out on it. She probably won't at this point grow out of her game playing. Her own mother isn't growing out of it and well she has many years on her. As for the rest I agree about contacting whoever and getting seats for you and dh seperate. No reason you shouldn't be in the honor seating. You are a part of the custodial household.

Good luck and keep venting!

Thanks myfampg! I truly appreciate the comments and insights you've offered..maybe even more than you know. And from all the other gals too...I truly feel blessed to be able to come here and rant. Good for the soul! Thanks girls and have a wonderful Easter! :)