Stepmoms and Weddings
LongTimeStep
11 years ago
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sylviatexas1
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoVivian Kaufman
11 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
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Comments (24)I do hope Carl IS enjoying his retirement. His daughter tells me that he has a "new lady friend", and that they are taking ball room dancing lessons. I find that just entertaining as heck, Carl doing the waltz instead of packing beef! I observed a moment or so of silence in Carl's honor. His brother, Dallas, will still do my slaughter for me, but I've got to find a new place to do the actual cutting and packaging. That means that at least my animals, for now, will not have to be trucked or shipped or handled by anyone except me, and their eventual end will be the same process as it has always been, and performed as quickly and humanely as possible. Annie...See MoreStepmom not invited to stepson's Phd graduation
Comments (17)Happy endings are always nice! It turned out that SS29 did not know that the University sent out invitations to his graduation. His father phoned him saying that I was very hurt that my name was not on the invitation. SS29 phoned me the same day and apologized for the mistake. That meant alot to me. He asked me to come out and see him graduate. Surprisingly, even with only 11 days notice we were able to book flights from Milwaukee to San Francisco for only $182 round trip! My husband and I both attended, we had a wonderful visit. We were able to take SS29 and his family out for a nice dinner while we were there, and had time to attend all of the festivities on campus, and then had to fly back home to be back at work Monday morning. It was a very short visit. I am so glad that I went, and shared this moment with the family. It was awesome to see SS29 being hooded at the Phd ceremony. We got it on video. He tried to give us a tour of his laboratory, but I didn't understand anything. I'm a registered nurse, and I have had college level chemistry, microbiology, etc and it was still all way over my head! Again, happy endings are nice....See MoreNew step-mom here...
Comments (11)It's so funny how I KNOW everything you're saying but how different it sounds coming from someone else and not myself. And you are 100% correct that she tricked him into it. BOTH times. 1st was for marriage, the second was the first talk of divorce. I know how important it is for him to plan our "trying." I've been on pre-natals since November but we've pushed it back from this past Feb. to this coming Sept. I am willing to compromise to whatever his needs (reasonably) so that he is 100% ready for it to happen if/when it does. And he's voiced how excited he is to try for a girl - he's an amazing dad and I know she'd be a total "daddy's girl" which worries him that I want my own baby so bad and she'd be more about him than me *LOL* :) I know part of my issues are jealousy and part are this insecure part of me that doesn't like to be new at something. I'm the youngest and vividly recall feeling stupid for not knowing information or how to do something that the older kids could. I hear people talk about the life changing "wow we have a baby; what now?" affect. My friend was talking about how she and her husband were married 5 years before having their oldest. She said they wanted it, tried for it, but still came home from the hospital, put him in his bouncy chair and just looked at each other like, "now what?" It really bothers me that he will never have that "let's figure this out together" thing with me. He already knows what to do with a baby. It's even more upsetting as a woman that my husband could answer my pg/baby questions. It's actually nauseating to me. The other part is that I can't even confide in the one woman I never felt stupid "not knowing" around - my mom - because she passed away 6 years ago this June. I'm close with my MIL, she's a lovely lady, I just miss what I had with my mom. I think that's why I want a girl so badly. My sister and I are very different people but she understands me and also had her 1st after the death of our mom. I know she will be there for me (and she's had two girls and is a SM of a 15-year-old boy.) It's nice to have supports (you all included!) Jessegirl, I actually had such a difficulty adjusting to my whole situation (5000 mi. away from anyone I know, stay-at-home mom from previous working woman, dealing with the emotions of "step-mom" "second wife") and wondered if I really want to "start over" since they will both be in school next year. But then that thought angers me; That I'm burnt out on being a mom and I've never felt a baby kick. I already gave up on the possibility of multiple kids of my own but really feel that I NEED a baby of my own. I think I deserve that. Fortunately, so does my DH. And it will be amazing to create life from love instead of manipulation. I just wish I could OWN what you all have said. I know I'm the mom here and I know I'm the one the boys will think back to and I know I've been put here for a reason and that those boys need me. And I need them...it's just so strange the way the head and heart have this strange disconnect feature between them, y'know? MIL is a twin and sometimes I hope to have twins myself because I KNOW that will be different for him! How juvenile is that?!?!?! Well...Thanks for listening guys... The in-laws arrived safely and I must return downstairs. The puter' is in our room, which is theirs for the next two weeks so my apologies in advance for not being around much! J...See Morestepmom of bride to wear black?
Comments (17)I don't know; I think it's a mistake to focus too much on the photos. The photos are supposed to be a memory of the day -- how it really was, how the people looked. The day's not supposed to be a setup for perfect photos. It's one thing to ask the attendants to match (although lately I prefer it when even they don't). For others not in the wedding party, even though they will be in photos, I think it's too much to dictate their clothes (beyond the usual formality guidelines you put on the invitation for all guests) to the point of asking them to choose harmonizing colors. Even at weddings in our community, where the parents stand up with the couple through the whole ceremony, they don't wear matching clothes, and it always looks fine -- like real people dressed in their best for an important occasion. Another thing to consider: this seems to be the bride's father asking what his wife, the bride's stepmother, should wear. I would be very careful to consider whether even she, let alone he, should start asking about having her dress look good in photos; it may be misunderstood. When I got married, my mother-in-law (she's wonderful, by the way) would not stop asking me about what she should wear, what my mom was wearing, and EXACTLY what shade the attendants were wearing so she could match them. No matter how many times everyone told her it didn't matter WHAT color she wore, she kept at it. She sounded ridiculous, like she was trying to play bridesmaid, or at the very least rather narcissistic, as if what she looked like at the wedding should be everyone's chief concern. This is a different situation, but I think that if there is any kind of discomfort or touchy feelings, the OP (or his wife) should at least be careful in how they phrase any questions like this so it won't be seen by anyone as the stepmother trying to make herself more a central character than they want her to be. That may not be the slightest issue in this family, but in case it is, I'd keep it in mind. I note that the OP didn't ask whether they should ask the bride about the stepmother's clothes, just whether black with teal jewelry would be okay. In my opinion, sure -- more women guests at dressy weddings seem to wear black than any other color. Just avoid looking like you are dressed either for a funeral (= "I disapprove of this marriage"), all white (= "Look at ME, not the bride"), or for picking up sailors (= "This is a beer blast, not a solemn occasion"). But in any event, as a general rule, I don't think that the mothers and grandmothers (or fathers -- horrors, what if someone wears a clashing tie?) need to ask about their clothes. If it's so important to you later that everyone in the photos look matchy-matchy, photoshop their clothes later (or use B&W prints)....See MoreLongTimeStep
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