Backstabbing Adult Stepchildren
ericsdarlin
18 years ago
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kk sc
5 years agokk sc
5 years agoRelated Discussions
My stepkids hate me, frustrated and broken
Comments (11)If you are going to school full time, AND working part time...do the hours add up to less than working full time? Just wondering... I do understand that you want/need to finish your degree since you are very close to finishing. I also understand that you now have a home for your children, that you may or may not be able to provide without his help. I also understand how valuable it is to have someone to share your life with, and help you raise your children, instead of trying to raise them alone. Especially since he is a good man, who treats your children well. And "I get" that his children have a choice in their behavior, and they are making your family life miserable. However...as a parent, do you understand that if he turns his back on his children, he has failed in his role as a father and a parent? That these next 6 years are the most crutial years in the development of his kids, and will determine who they will be as adults? That as he chooses you and your children over his children (both he and his children will understand that he chose you over them) that will in and of itself create "issues" for both he and his children. Raising teenagers is enormously difficult for ALOT of people, even those with intact families. His children are acting out, of the anger and pain of what has happened in their life... I understand that you feel that they should not "win" and ruin what you and your fiancee' are trying to build...that their bad behavior should not be rewarded by getting them what they want...which is you and your children to leave. However, as a father and a man of integrity and honor...he must fight to hang in there and finish raising his children...whether he feels like it or not. Perhaps they do need to live with their mother...I don't know. But he should not give up on them because it is hard. And he is right in demanding that they treat others with respect, and that includes you and your children...but it also includes their teachers and others, or life will be hard for them...because in life, we must treat people we work with, and for, with respect, whether we like them or not. This is tough because their mother is teaching them one thing...but he needs to teach them what he sees as important...and do his best. The rest will one day be up to them. I wish you the best as you try and do what is right for you, your children, and your fiancee' (and his children). He is in such a tough spot because he loves you, and does not want to lose you...and yet his own children need him...but their behavior is destroying everything he wants, and the life you two are trying to build. But as the kind and good man you know him to be...which makes him a man of honor trying to do what is right...by both you and as a parent. What a hard, hard spot to be in. He will need to be strong, wise and walk through this. I wish you both better times ahead....See MoreAdult stepchildren, my spouse and our young child
Comments (6)Agree with the other posts. Why the he// do you stay with someone who, according to you, is wonderful, loving and generous with everyone else including his (not related to him) friends and employees, and treats you and your child like carp? And who expects you to pay for pretty well everything as well as doing all the housework? You're not only a skivvy, but a skivvy who supports this ingrate and enables him to be Mr Generosity to everyone else. I'd be moving back to my place and cutting all ties with this creep. You say you want your children to have a father, but this guy surely cannot possibly be the father you wanted for them, one who gives them the example that Mom is the household slave and who ignores them (forgetting to pick up one from day care???) in favour of others. You may not get child support but then it won't be an unfamiliar situation- you're not getting it now. This guy isn't a husband and father, he's a millstone. Time to slip your neck out of the hole, breathe free and have the chance to find someone who appreciates you, if that's what you want....See MoreAdult Stepchildren.......AAARRRGGGHHH!
Comments (8)At 23 he is an adult and is responsible for his own life. I agree I would not let him move back into my home. You have 2 young children and are exposed to a potentially dangerous situation. A counselor will tell you and DH the same thing. I had a situation where I met with a counselor specializing with drugs and I learned a lot. They are very manipulative people and are only concerned with getting their next high. They are also 'me' people, they only think of themselves. If he doesn't have money to get drugs he will start stealing and you are the easiest target and the least likely to report him to the police. You can NOT force him into rehab and if you find a way (I did!!) he will not cooperate so it's a huge waste of time and money. I was also blamed as the reason he took drugs. It hurts, but don't fall to their level by playing the game. Sounds like DH feels much guilt and is to close to the problem, so you need to find a person you can trust that is objective and will give you good advice. Most successful rehabs take years, and many relapses in between. My friend's 16 yo nephew died this past weekend. He was a good student and just starting his senior year. He came over to her house Saturday night and did not wake up the next day. Very sad and such a waste of a young life that showed so much promise. Our newspaper had front page statistics of drug overdoses Sunday. The drug of choice now is prescription pain killers and they are very addictive and take too many and you just go to sleep and don't wake up. It is a very stressful situation and I wish you and yours the best. Remember he will only change when he wants too, you can't make him....See MoreAdult Stepchildren
Comments (10)These are not little children, nor are they really all grown up ready to be on their own as 'adults'. Sure, age wise might say they are, but reality shows the boys have been allowed (encouraged?) to more or less have things the way they like. I imagine living with Dad and/or dividing their time between Mom's home and Dad's home has been pretty much extremely enjoyable for the boys. Best of both worlds per a teens view: man cave with Dad and Mom herself never personally moving on...the boys have not had to adjust. No, they don't want or need you as a 'mother figure'. They have a mother. Nope, they aren't taking well to a lady now living in Dad's man cave either...pfff, here comes this lady raining on their parade. Dad has made numerous blunders. "Well yeah", pretty much sealed evil as forever being a part of stepmother for you. But it also clearly states that your husband is not perhaps entirely in agreement with you and the changes you desire and are attempting to make. More, he's willing to let you make some changes to please you...but he was pretty much happy the way his home was before you decided their should be expectations and rules. Buying a new home overall for husband and you to start out in and create 'your' home (you/DH) would have perhaps been better and easier for all. A house the boys are not as familar with and don't think of as 'their' house and you the outsider crashing their man cave. Is it too late to consider buying a house and starting the newly married couple home afresh? And no, sending a letter to Mom is bad idea. It will amount to striking a match and tossing another log onto her already burning fire. Don't give her more fuel. Husband needs to discuss whatever with Mom, and husband needs to be the one doing the communicating with her. If he's not willing to tell Mom that he's capable of running his own home, you've got another whole new problem. Whatever for whatever reason is between them needs to be dealt with between them. If he can't stand up to her, he either does not want to or is afraid to. He's got to learn (or grow the b*lls) to defend himself and stand as a man in control of his own life...you can't do that for him....See Morekk sc
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