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Update

Posted by silversword (My Page) on
Mon, Apr 23, 12 at 13:17

Hi everyone,
It looks like there are a lot of new faces on here :) I haven't posted in a while... life has been so incredibly busy.

Background: Married four years, together 6, second marriage, one SD12 one DD10.

Currently, I'm getting a divorce, my husband moved out a month ago. There were so many signs...

If I can tell any advice, it would be this. Look very carefully at how a potential husband interacts with his biological children before even introducing him to your children.

Pay close attention to how he speaks of his ex-wife/mother of his children. This will speak volumes of the kind of man he is.

In retrospect, my husband showed me so many signs. He would buy things for himself but say he didn't have money to visit his daughter.

BIG BAD SIGN

He wanted to be with me, and he'd rather be just us together ALL THE TIME rather than be a family.

BIG BAD SIGN

He would override me when I laid down rules for my daughter. He would make arbitrary decisions regarding her that would contradict what I said, then guilt trip me when I confronted him on it.

I could go on. The absolute last straw was when she was chewing at the table, I guess not to his satisfaction. I was in the kitchen and didn't see what happened to spark the issue... but all of a sudden he says, "go ahead, I'd love to spank the snot out of you".

I was FURIOUS. And do you know what he said "if you saw what she did..." and I said "I don't care what she did, nothing she could have done would warrant that response".

Abusive.

Watch carefully ladies, and gentlemen too. I think I got out just before things could have gotten physically abusive. My blinders were on. Hopefully someone can learn from my mistake and not make the same one.

~Silver


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Update

"go ahead, I'd love to spank the snot out of you".

Whoa, looks like you've made the right decision.

Yeah, hindsight is always 20/20. The only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes and not repeat them.


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RE: Update

Thank goodness you & your daughter are rid of that one!

I think we women are all on a sort of continuum when it comes to believing what men present to us.

The difference between what "good mothers" will tolerate & what "bad mothers" will tolerate is in degree & not in kind.

I think we all have the susceptibility to be misled & to believe untruths, & we're very very lucky when we see the flaws & lies & dangers "in time".

You may have had blinders on, but maybe not;
maybe you just ran into a guy who knew how to keep his true character hidden until he felt like he
1) had the hook securely in your mouth so you couldn't escape and/or
2) had established so much credibility that you'd believe anything he said, no matter what your child reported to you.

I wish you & your daughter the best for the rest of your renewed lives!


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RE: Update

I think it's a bit of both Sylvia. He was very very convincing, and I didn't want to believe he wasn't what he said he was.


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RE: Update

The very best to you and Little Silver.

Hugs,
JMT


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RE: Update

"He was very very convincing, and I didn't want to believe he wasn't what he said he was."

I'm so sorry.

Again, thank goodness he's in the past, & I wish you the best.


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RE: Update

Thank you JMT. It's so amazing to be rid of him and see how other men in DD's life are around her. Joyous, happy to be with her, happy to play.

It doesn't have to be like it was with him. Thank goodness.


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RE: Update

I'm so sorry this happened to you Silver but glad you are safe and starting a new life with your DD.

Yes, hindsight is 20/20 but you will be more cautious going into the future. I wish you all the happiness in the world!

~Cat


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RE: Update

Oh Silver - it's so good to see your name here (I don't come here often anymore) but I'm sorry to hear your news and of what you have been through.

This is what I always want to say to women who bash the ex wife based on what the new man in their life tells them. If he is willing to say these things about the woman of his child, he will say it about you when the roses are gone.

I'm glad it did not get out of hand further and that you are safe. Hope you will still catch up from time to time. You are one of my many favorite online friends. ;) good luck to you and your daughter in the next chapter of your life. May you have many blessings and much happiness.


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