kkny, This thread was starting (and I referred to the other thread because that was where you wrote the line I thought was judgmental on your part) but I wasn't clear in my original post. I have quoted the line that I meant from that thread and I thought it is ridiculous that you are basically saying that SM's have a double standard regarding responsibility when you apparently have never made a mistake, except letting your registration expire. Maybe you are more perfect than I thought, so I apologize for thinking you might have ever done anything wrong or that your DD was a normal teenager with problems that normal teenagers have, I guess I am wrong there too. It must be nice to have a teenage girl that doesn't get moody, talk back occasionally, or do anything wrong, except get B's. Now, I envy you a little. We all have a right to express our opinions and disagree. It is more about the personal attacks against moral character. and I don't think your profession (or socioeconomic status), regardless of what it is, has anything to do with deserving to express your opinion, but perhaps it has been the way you write "I'm a professional" that makes it sound like you are saying you are better than the next person that isn't a "professional", when your being a professional has nothing to do with your opinions on step families. Some of the sleaziest criminals were "professionals" but that didn't make them better than the honest guy picking up garbage for a living. My careers have had some direct influence on my opinions because it's what I have experienced that caused me to have the opinions I have. And it's also my life experiences that I have learned from that formed my opinions, so that is why I have shared them. I made mistakes many years ago and I'm not the same person, I have learned and grown from it. I've been very open and honest about my life. I don't see that you are as open and honest, yet you lump SM's into a group and judge. finedreams, I don't think you were told not to talk about children, but if you only have one (that is problem free) and you use her as an example, then you should realize also that all kids are different. If you work with kids or have other experiences, then use that as an example. and I agree with you on cheating, it is never right. Is it really necessary to personally attack each other?

Hmmm, he told the counselor that it was his wife's fault his kids don't visit him???? and the counselor didn't tell him to grow some cajones/backbone? Then, the counselor suggested he call them every day? I suppose that would be for him to maintain a relationship with them... right? (but finedreams would say that's too frequent for a NCP to call but I disagree. Kids should have that 'how was your day' call, even if it's only a couple of minutes a day) But then you say he doesn't call them and make an excuse for him. It's all so convoluted. You'd take him back because you love him. He's weaseled out of his relationship with his kids, according to YOU. How could you love someone that would do that? Why would you want him back? Nothing you say about the situation as a whole makes much sense. It's like trying to fit pieces from two puzzles together to make one. Nevermind the fact that he had an affair, you excuse it with his 'depression'. Then the fact he doesn't see his kids, it's his wife's fault. A picture of him has been painted that makes him out to be a pathetic, weak, shell of a man that for some reason, has just enough wonderful qualities that you still love him. But you wouldn't want him to end up with your child if anything happened to you. Oh_my, I agree that people make their own decisions. But, I believe that people are also influenced by other things. If a guy is always looking for the easy way, then he might see his kids more if his ex makes it convenient. If it's a headache and battle every time, he may give up and say it's not worth it. I'm not saying it's the ex's fault completely because I wouldn't ever give up seeing my kids no matter who tried to stand in my way. But, the ex that makes it difficult, can influence someone that might otherwise see his kids by making it hard. Then, there are parents that bend over backwards to get the other parent involved to no avail. But, based on the hostility that TOS displays toward the exH's wife (everything's her fault) and the fact that she feels the need to let her kids know the 'truth' about daddy's affair and I'm sure her kids know how she feels about his wife... it's easy to understand why they only go to dinner with him and don't visit in his house. It is likely that when they go to his house, they treat her badly (probably with good reason since they know she's the other woman) and she doesn't want them in her house for that reason. (I'm not saying it's right, but it's understandable.) It would be very interesting to get the 'truth' about the entire situation because there are many things that just don't add up.

I remember helenar all your previous posts and you cheated with this man before he was officially divorced. You are the other woman to begin with. So dont' complain about your Dh not telling his kids he married you. It was a small wedding because the fact is, YOUR THEOTHER WOMAN. So who is going to support this wedding? Obviously a small crowd. I dont care if his marriage was dead for the last 5 years. There are ups and downs in my marriage. Does that give me the right to go F someone else and start seeing someone else while having kids? NO! You signed a iron clad contract. Good for you. I'm not saying you are a gold digger. Cause u signed it. BUT, you didn't want to work and you wanted him to support you. His kids and exwife probably thought you were a leach. I'm not saying you are one. I do not know you well enough to say that about your character. But from your previous posts, about sitting in the back of the church etc.e.tc.. and now complaining that your DH wont show off your marriage to him. It began on questionalbe terms to begin with .I'm surprised he married you . Yes he may have fallen in love. and you may be great together helenar. BUt you both got together while he was still married. Stillunder contract. Your foundations were built on cracked ground. Dont cry wolf now. You built it this way with hiim. Now live with the consequences.

I agree with cawfecup... and so would the courts. If a valid child custody agreement is in place then his time is his time... She has no say in the matter. It doesn't matter whether she is sick or just not wanting to come. Many court are over-turning current custody orders where the non-custodial parent can prove that the custodial parent is trying to damage the parental band between NCP and child. In several cases that I know of personally they went back and turned custody over to NCP! The fact that she wouldn't allow him to speak with his daughter is proof enough that she is obviously lying about her not wanting to come. Also courts have been known to lower child support immensely if the NCP is denied access repeatedly to their child. Your Hubby just needs to make it clear and say "The court order states that I am to pick her up at ___ o'clock on Friday and return her by ___ o'clock on Sun" and then document each time he is denied by BM.