"Get straight or get gone honey"

Abso-freakin-lutely!

Doodle, I think you and J are doing the right thing 100%, no doubt. This woman is a drug addict, her boyfriend is a violent, abusive drug addict and criminal, and there is just NO REASON for these poor girls to be around ANY of it.

There is no reason for their mom to EVER see them again unless she is going to get clean and STAY clean. I'm sorry to say that, but I totally agree with you---this relationship is MORE TOXIC than it is beneficial for the girls, hands down. Aside from the emotional aspect of things, I truly think these girls are put in jeopardy for their lives everytime they are around BM, with or without her BF there.

Drugs + violence+ criminal record + communicable diseases = BAD NEWS!

"She isn't taking the girls for anymore rides on the Bio-polar Express."

I completely understand why you want bm to have no contact with the girls.

But you guys have no court order saying J even has custody...do you? Couldn't she end up saying you and J kidnapped them if you cut off all contact?

Is it possible just to go get an order of protection against her for the girls?? Then go ahead and move, etc because it will be irrelevant if she knows where they live or not then because she can not see them.

Are the girls going to be transferring schools? If not then she will still know where they are going to school...and isn't it possible for them to get a new address from the school??

Maybe she will just stay away...I hope for their sake she does. Just don't want you and J to get in trouble in the meantime!

And congrats on finding a house to move into!!

Thanks for the support Love.

Mom2-

The thing with Ga. law is there is no police officer in the state that can FORCE J to surrender the girls to her...even if she had FULL custody. We were told this by a lawyer and two police officers. As of right now it is joint. She would have to take him to court. Since she is in a worse financial state than us..there is no danger of that happening and even if it did I don't believe any judge in his right frame of thinking would blame us. She knows taking us to court would only backfire on her and she'd lose custody and possibly wind up with supervised visitation. I don't think she could push the kidnapping issue since they have lived with us for a year and a half and she's the one who left the state without them.

J is atually thinking about representing himself since she seems so determined to make herself look totally unstable. She is making it easy for us by acting the way she is acting. He thinks he should be able to file for custody and speak on his own behalf since she has gone so far down hill.

The girls will be going to a different school next year...HOORAY! We will NOT be telling her where they are attending. Protection orders are only granted if the child in question lives with the acused. Since they live with us the Department of Families and Children will not get involved. We've tried. If they lived with HER we could report her. Isn't that jacked up?! The child has to be in total danger before anyone will do anything. The system sucks.

"The child has to be in total danger before anyone will do anything. The system sucks"

It is totally backwards!

We had the same problem on Tuesday when I got my order of protection. DH filed for one on his son's behalf ( a child order of protection) and even with the incident that happened and a POLICE REPORT stating that BM was trying to drive with her child while intoxicated...the judge denied the motion and set a hearing date. Her reason? She cannot overturn/trump the custody order that is already in place until more evidence is presented.

SO if in the meantime, before the hearing, BM drives drunk with SS in the car and something, GOD FORBID, happens---it will be on the judge's conscience!

Ludicrous.

I'm sorry that things worked out this way, for everyone. However you and J are absolutely doing the right thing.

On another note, I would like to nominate "The Bio-polar Express" to the Stepfamily Forum Hall of Fame.
Right next to "Where are the damned pants?!!!"

Hugs, how much stress because of her do people have to endure?....Awful...and her guy..

I think you need to file for full custody and show documentation. I don't know if you can legally deny her rights to see her or talk to her kids (even if she is unfit mother) unless you have full custody and she has supervised visitation only. I understand filing for custody costs money but maybe borrow from anyone, and file. She can easily find where you live, it is not that hard. So get papers in place. what a mess.

It is nice to see that someone is putting those kids first. You are doing the right thing. The kids deserve to be safe and stable, and that is obviously not going to happen with BM in the picture the way she is. It may take a very long time, if ever, that BM wakes up from her drug induced stupor long enough to realize what she is doing. You've given her chance after chance and so much more support than many of us would have. She needs to tkae care of herself; you just worry about those poor children. Best of luck to you.

Thanks fo all the support and kind words ladies. That woman is a mess.

We have decided that once the move is complete and we are nice and settled J is going to look into what it would take to require the paperwork and file for custody. He has decided he is going before the judge with or without a lawyer. I don't know if BM would even show up for a hearing. Her BF probably won't even allow for her to make phone calls after she dared to leave for two weeks. I can't feel sorry for her anymore though because she had to know this is what it was going to be like if she went back.

On the upside, the girls are so excited about Easter and going to church in their new dresses and hunting for eggs that they seem to have forgotten she told them she'd get them saturday. THANK GOD!

As far as whether or not it's legal to cut her off....the system can kiss our a$$. We arn't sending them any where with her as long as she's with that jerk off and if she has a problem with it she can take us to court. She is so busy defending herself against FELONY DRUG CHARGES that she won't have time. I almost wonder if that man would even allow her contact with the girls after this. He hates J and I so he may not want her calling even to speak to her kids.

He doesn't like us because we called him out for what he
is and we keep telling her she needs to leave him and go to rehab. That's precisely what he DOESN'T want her to do. He really really REALLY hates us. That's another reason why I don't trust her with the girls. He could try and talk her into running with them just becasue he knows it would hurt us. Then he would abuse the girls just like he does their mother.

I really wish they would re-desighn the child welfare system. Children are not pieces of property...they are PEOPLE. The system treats them like a friggin house or car. They shouldn't be a part of a divorce stimulus package. It's sick how the rights of a parent are considered before the physical safety of the child. The courts do not SEE the situations for what they really are. We should be able to report her but since the girls live with us we can't. That is such BS. There should be a point system in place that determines whether a parent is with in their rights to withhold visitation rights. Drug/Achohol use, violence, criminal charges, living conditions, mental stability, moral character of live in BF or GF....all these things should be taken into consideration. At the end of the day, if the situation isn't healthy for the children then the stable parent should have the right to make a call with out a court writting them a permission slip.

Dear BM,

Pleas excuse R------ and N------ form visitation today since you are a total disaster.

Thank You
Geargia State Courts

Give me a damn break.

Sometimes I think I'm a cynical rationalist, & then sometimes...

remember when we were all moaning about how awful it was that you were having to move?

& it turns out that moving is the best thing that could have happened, & the timing is perfect-after the baby was born, after you found out all this stuff, before you told the girls' mother your new address.

sending you good thoughts for strength & luck & a guardian fairy angel godmother (or do you/he/the girls already have one?).

doodleboo..you guys are doing the right thing. Keep the girls safe and as for mommy dear she left the state without them...they've lived one and half years with you...Even though its joint...essencially she has 'abondonned' them. You can easily go for full custody and if she wants to see them, its under strict visitation under supervision.
And yes the system is total F'd when the child in question has to be in mortal danger for them to do anything.
I understand you cannot charge people on the 'what if factor'. BUT look at previous conditions , situations and base the actions that may happen on probability and chance...which would swing quite high to danger . In the end, people should protect children from danger...even in the what if factor. It shouldnt' matter if something hasn't happened, it should focus on the preventative measures.
When you are working in a nuclear plant, you take preventative measures. you dont take the measures after the explosion. The damage is done after that adn its too late. GOd forbit anything should happen to those girls because their mother wants this loser.

Sylvia-

You're right...us having to move happened for a reason. We just didn't know it yet. I am so so so glad we are in a different location now.

Maria-

I think it's bogus as well. Like I said there should be a point system in place to gauge potentially dangerous situations BEFORE anything terrible happens to a child. If the kid is killed in a crash because mom was driving drunk it's too late.

Imagine how the OTHER parent would feel knowing they did nothing to prevent it or WORSE that their hands were tied by the courts and they were unable to prevent it! I can't even imagine. The courts don't care about the kids....they just follow whatever has been set forth by past legislation. They are following a script! They don't really consider each situation or whats trully best for the children. They just consult their stupid book of rules. Lame.