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my future step children hate

Posted by paiggey (My Page) on
Thu, Apr 8, 10 at 12:52

I need help. My boyfriend has two children( 11 and 6 both boys) and at first everything was great we all got along. However when my boyfriend and i moved in together everything changed his kids became disrespectful and rude, down right mean and just act like little brats. If my boyfriend is gone and his children are left with me, they yell and scream at me, they dont do anything i ask them to do. the 6 year old yells at me and says " I hate you and i hate being here, Im never coming back to daddys if your still here." I know their insane BM is telling them they dont have to listen to me because I am younger then their dad. my boyfriend is 33 and Im 21 but I do everything for these kids and get zero respect in return. my boyfriend doesnt help me sovle this issue were having. The children are creating a wedge between us. When my boyfriend and i talk about getting married and having children the 11 year old says " your NOT going to marry my dad and I am NOT going to have a little brother or sister." The childrens BM has a boyfriend and i asked the kids if they talked to her boyfriend like they talk to me and of course im the only one they hate. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO! I love my boyfriend but his children are going to ruin us. What can i do?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: my future step children hate

My DD is 22 and is not prepared to take care of 11 and 6-year-olds. I had a child myself when I was 21, but it was my own planned child and I was married and finishing my degree.

Are you in college? If not, you should be going to school, not taking care of his children.


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RE: my future step children hate

You aren't the one who shoulc be handling this;
your boyfriend & his ex should be dealing with their children's behavior.

You're a very convenient built-in babysitter for this guy.

Regardless of age, this is a good place to get out of.

I'm sorry.


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RE: my future step children hate

"my boyfriend doesnt help me sovle this issue were having. "

If he doesn't help you now he probably won't help you later. Tell him what you need/want and look toward your own future. At 20 there didn't seem much difference between 20 and 30 to me, but now that I'm 30.... I realize those 10 years are so important for learning who you are and developing as a person.


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RE: my future step children hate

"Im 21 but I do everything for these kids and get zero respect in return. my boyfriend doesnt help me sovle this issue were having."

There are FAR BETTER fish in the sea.
Settle for this one, and you've had a pretty good preview of what's in store in the future. Sure, it would probably get a little better -- but not without a lot of backup from your boyfriend.


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RE: my future step children hate

If your BF was willing to back you when it comes to respect from his kids, I'd say that this is just a stumbling block... But if he's unwilling to take charge of the way his kids are behaving, then this is MUCH more than a stumbling block.


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RE: my future step children hate

Get out while the gettin's good!! You are WAY too young for this. You need to enjoy your early adulthood because believe me, if these boys are like this now they will be much worse as they get older. I agree that you are a built-in babysitter for this man and I know what that's like from personal experience. If you're not in college or haven't completed it yet, you definitely need to do that...don't rely on any man to take care of you. That's exactly what I tell my daughters. These boys need to be brought into line by your BF and their BM. If it hasn't happened yet, it won't.


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RE: my future step children hate

LISTEN TO EVERYONE!!!!! I wish this forum had existed when I was 21. Why are you babysitting this man's children? These are not YOUR issues, they are birth parent issues.

Do yourself a huge favor and take a day to read through some of the old posts on here...you can get a pretty good idea of what your life will be like if you choose to stay with this man and have your own children with him...


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RE: my future step children hate

I'm sorry to say but it doesn't get better over time.

If you have a child together it will be more difficult to leave, with more consequences.

Unfortunately we only realize these thing in retrospect.


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RE: my future step children hate

yea I am in school and am finishing this year. I dont want to leave, because I do love my boyfriend. But I dont know how to stay without be completely miserable all the time


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RE: my future step children hate

Have you ever been in love before?
I've been in love several times, and I don't think that's at all unusual...

The thing you need to ask yourself is if you want to invest everything in THIS relationship with it's known (and serious) problems,
or move on to another relationship with better odds of long-term happiness.
If you drop this relationship, even though it means dropping a guy you love, you can and will find another.
It's not like you're giving up your only chance at happiness...
And at your age and stage, the odds of finding some other equally-lovable guy without all that baggage are really, really good.
(That is, unless you waste years hanging around dead-end guys.)


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RE: my future step children hate

paiggey,

Why don't you just keep him as a boyfriend? Meaning you do not take over as a stepparent and you live on your own. What's the rush at 22. You love him, well if he loves you and you tell him you are not ready to take on his kids he might understand.

Like everyone else said, this is a lot of baggage. And, if the kids are disrespecting you and your boyfriend isn't doing anything about it you have a bigger problem, your boyfriend!


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RE: my future step children hate

'Love' is the most OVERUSED and MISUSED word in the entire English language. 'Love' is a verb...not a noun. It's not a feeling; it's a decision. A concious, everyday decision to put someone else's needs before your own. Love is hard. It is not something that comes at first sight or from moving in with someone or from having sex. Love develops over time getting to know someone. How long have you been dating him?

What about this relationship says 'love' to you? Forget tingly feelings and butterflies in your stomach. Those go away over time. If you think tingley feelings are 'love', you will always be very disappointed.

Does the way he allows his kids to disrespect you show you he loves you?

My SD was like that when she was 8-9 (halfway betwen the ages of your BF's kids). I KNEW DH loved me when he had the balls enough to talk to BM about it. His point was she didn't have to treat me as a mother-figure, but she had to respect me as an adult, just like she would a teacher at school or any other adult. BM agreed and talked to SD.

You are 22 years old and in college. You have too much to focus on to busy yourself with some guy and his kids. Dating is the process by which we weed out the unsuitable suitors to get to the suitable ones. So mark him as unsuitable and move on.


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RE: my future step children hate

Before you make a committment to this lifestyle, you should do one thing. After graduation, take a few months and go travelling. Backpack around Europe or South America. Do something to get out in the world and see some new places. You'll meet some young people like yourself travelling around. You are at the right age to do this type of trip, and if your boyfriend is a decent guy, he won't stand in your way. Then, come the fall, go back and take a look at your life with your boyfriend.

If this is the right situation for you, then you will want to rush back (to him and the kids). If not, we won't be hearing from you again.


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