My 2 cents suggest you back off a bit more. This is husband's relationship/s to make or break. If these younger siblings are adolescents (one going to college soon) they are old enough to focus on building ''bonds' with their brother without having to have Dad and SmIL always in the middle. If one is always busy with sport events, take advantage of that. Hubby can go to an event now and then and show some interest in what little sister is doing. Maybe invite the younger one along on occassion...event and a pizza afterwards. Give them all a chance to just meet up and hang a bit without pressure or agenda. A phone call now and then to the sisters or a text. Simple things. "I saw you won your event, congrats". "Good luck Saturday on your _______, will be thinking of you". One does not necessarily always have to be in someone's face, so to say, to reach out and just say 'hey'. Summer is approaching, maybe one afternoon plan a backyard BBQ, no special reason to gather, no pressure just "we'd love for you to join us". You really can't compare how things are in your own family to how things are in husband's family. Each family is different and do things in different ways. You can't force yourself in and expect them to be or even want to be exactly the way your own family is. What ever dynamics buildup husband's family have been in place likely a long time. it's very likely who they are, so to say, and how they desire to function in their family role. You've not noted how much time husband spent with his father and SM while growing up. For instance was husband a 50/50 visitor, a three weeks in summer and Christmas break blah blah. Whatever it was, however closeness and amounts of it could all be playing roles in what and how the relationship is today. They obviously love their son. They helped toss the wedding and do show a willingness to share companionship...they just don't seem to be doing it up to your preset standards and expectations.

southernlights, I can see that you would be hurt (as anyone would be) to have loved someone who has made such a public rejections of you. No one would say that you should not feel hurt. But, LongTimeStep's issues were that she didn't receive a corsage, her step daughter had some photos taken with her bioparents which didn't include her, and her daughter (who was not close to her stepsister and who herself was not upset) was not asked to be a bridesmaid. In all other ways she was treated as the other immediate family members were. The corsage is really a non-issue- I bet no one at the wedding noticed- , the photo thing is also a non-issue because at weddings they take all kinds of different groupings which include some and not others, and similarly the bridesmaid thing is a non-issue because there's no rule about which if any family members should be included in the wedding party- that is for close friends/family of the bride and groom. If they feel closer to a friend than a family member then there is no requirement to have the family member anyway. Her other issue was the bride being given away by her bio-parents. So what? It doesn't mean that they are/should still be married. It just means they are the bio-parents and the bride was close to both. The Dad was hardly going to walk down the aisle with his ex-wife and suddenly think, Oh, I should be married to this woman and ditch LongTimeStep. Some people feel the need to find a slight in everything others do, when it isn't there. They would be happier if they didn't assume everything someone else does is a deliberate dig at them. But yes, having a step daughter stand up and publicly announce that you mean nothing to her is hard to misinterpret- and totally bitchy on the part of the stepdaughter. Also totally unnecessary- why does anyone need to know this? I think you are completely justified in feeling very hurt and in dissociating yourself from this witch.

Ima- How sad and frustrating! I went through a similar situation with my father and half sisters. I had a toddler and a night job when dad got sick. He came home from the hospital in a PVS. His GF and I were his caregivers, 24/7 until GF had enough and left after 14 months. I give her credit for staying at all. I had to take an unpaid leave from work. Not one sister offered to come help care for their own father! After about 17 months, one came over at 10PM, drunk. She sat by Dad's side for an hour crying and talking. After she went home and sobered up, she called another sister and complained about my living room being a mess. My DS and friend's daughter had left toys scattered about, so yes, it was messy. By this time, I was getting pretty worn out myself. Sorry that a picture-perfect home was not the priority. These women had no clue how much work is involved in caring for a grown man who is in a PVS. I said nothing to them; if they gave 2 hoots about their dad or his house they might have dropped by sooner! When our father passed away, 2 came to the visitation, not the funeral. One never came at all-to the hospital, home or funeral. My father knew his children well. He had planned his estate 6 months before getting sick. He made sure those who did nothing did not get a dime. You are a good SD. Shame on the BC.

My parents were married for 25 yrs when they divorced. Their marriage didn't come first at all. I don't know that even us kids came first...LOL. My mother has not re-married, but my father has. I have been on both sides of the fence with step-families. I was an adult when my father remarried. I have taken my approach with my SS's from what I have learned as a child of divorce, and from the mistakes his wife has made. 1. The marriage to my DH is of equal importance as his children. 2. The children need one on one time with their father regardless of how good our relationship is as a family. Whether intact or not, children need one on one time with each parent. 3. If anything were to happen to my DH, the chilren will recieve all monies from his life insurance policy, any items of his that they want, etc. It has been made clear to me and my siblings that we are not welcome to a personal relationship with our father. We are allowed to have one with him AND his wife (which is fine, but sometimes you need one on one with your parents) When I got married the first time, my father was dating his now wife. He brought her to my wedding. That was the first time I met her. They had come from out of state (about 1,000 miles) to our wedding. I welcomed her openly. She was awful. Very rude to my brothers, my mother, and disrespectful to my grandparents. She made it clear that she didn't feel that I was old enough to get married, and that she would never allow her daughter (same age as me) to get married. (I was young...21) Six months later, her daughter married a meth addict. Nice.... Anyway, over the years she's pulled some pretty crazy stuff. Alienating one of my brothers totally, and pi$$ing of the rest of us. Here's the thing. I still invite her to all family functions becuase she's my fathers wife. I remarried a while back, and she was invited to the wedding, and she sat with my in-laws, etc. I would never dream of treating her with any disrespect. I don't have to like what she does, but she is my father's wife, and that is the choice he made. My relationship with my father isn't what it use to be, and that's pretty sad, but that is his choice. I love him regardless. So, understanding both side of things, my goal is to foster a positive, fulfulling relationship between my DH and SS's. They all deserve it. What's funny, is that my DH would never allow me (or anyone else for that matter) to come between him and his kids. Nor would he allow my SS's to be disrespectful to me. I've been lucky, my SS's are very good to me. I don't know what I'd do if they weren't. I know I'd be crushed. I just don't think it's ever OK to exclude a bio OR step parent. When my SS had his 12th b-day party, he was mad at his mother still (he had moved in with us a yr before)and I told him "you invite your Mom, or no party...period". He got the message. We're teaching him tolerance. It can go a long way, just like manners.