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Feeling very invalidated

Posted by lovehadley (My Page) on
Thu, Apr 9, 09 at 10:37

I cannot press charges.

Well--I CAN--but it just means that I will get a ticket, too.

I went into the station last night to press charges and had a long talk with one of the officers who was on duty that night.

He was VERY compassionate and took a long time to explain the facts to me. Basically, he said that they DID believe me, and that the REASON they did not issue any sort of report about the assault was because BM was claiming I hit her three times over the head with my cell phone. YES, that's right, with the cell phone that I DROPPED as I was running from her, and that SHE threw and broke. The cell phone that my poor SS went and FOUND for me later on--the one that he kept apologizing to me about how he was so sorry his mom broke it, and how he wanted to buy me a new one for my birthday. :(

So--not only is BM a drunk and a bad mother and a violent person---but she is also a LIAR. Why am I surprised?

Note to self--next time you are assaulted, make sure it is in a public place with plenty of witnesses.

One thing that really didn't help my case was the fact that I LET her in the house and admitted to that. If I had called the cops right off the bat and she'd assaulted me then and there, it may have been a different story. But she told them (truthfully) that I did let her in, and we were talking and she made it seem like it was more of a fight than anything else. :( I hurt my "case" by letting her into the house...it really sucks because the REASON I did not call the police intiially was to AVOID a SCENE. Lesson learned.

The officer was very kind and said they truly did believe me. But that ANYTIME there is anything domestic with no witnesses, and both parties are saying they were assaulted, it is no longer assault but is "fighting." He said if they had reported my claim, they would have to report hers, as well, and we BOTH would have been ticketed. He said they honestly were trying to help ME by not doing that. He assured me that I was the best thing SS had going for him that night. He said all the cops were saying how "awesome" I was, and that SS was fortunate to have had me protecting him. He said the most important thing is that I did not allow her to drive with him.

He said I COULD press charges, but then they would have to notify BM and because of HER complaint against me, however bogus, they'd have to ticket both of us and it would go before a judge. Honestly--I COULD do that and let the facts show for themselves: BM was drunk, trying to drive with a child, I was trying to protect him, etc. BUT--it sounds like a HUGE hassle.

I AM angry that this can happen. I was ASSAULTED on my own property and because BM LIED, there's not much I can do about it.

Later on, when I got home, DH called the station and talked to the officer, as well--he was pretty angry and wanted an explanation firsthand. Again, the officer was super duper nice---explained that they really were trying to look out for me and not cause any problems for me. He said they KNEW BM was at fault and lying, and that she was drunk and that's WHY they left HER son in MY care--they knew who was the responsible, loving adult.

He also said that she sat at the station for an hour and a half waiting for a ride, and swore at him the whole time. He said he kind of hopes she comes back and violates the RO--because he would love nothing more than to arrest her with the state of MO backing him up. :)

I don't know. I am angry that the law works this way. Just because I had no WITNESSES, aside from a 7 year old, I can be ASSAULTED on my own property while trying to protect my SS from his drunk MOTHER---and there's really nothing to be done about it.

BUT--I feel good knowing the police thought I did the right thing, and it was nice hearing that they felt I protected SS well. AND I have gotten my temp. order and Iwill do WHATEVER I have to to get the full year-long order.

It's ironic---my bruise is actually worse today, but it doesn't hurt at all anymore.

I am just now very anxious for this hearing in 2 weeks so we can get SS protected, get me and my DD protected and hopefully force BM into some kind of treatment program.

Here's another pic of today.

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Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: Feeling very invalidated

It does look a lot worse today.

Not much you can do now. At least you got a restraining order against her which is another strike against her.


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

Oh, your eye looks bad. Lucky there's no "real" damage. I'm so sorry for your troubles. Sometimes the law is bogus. At least the officer validated that 1. they believe you and 2. they trust you to be the more stable influence and 3. that they hope she violates the order so they can get her.

Feel validated. You are believed, trusted and considered a good parent!!!


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

I'm so sorry about that ---
And it has to be infuriating for you.
It's infuriating for me, just reading about it.

I do hope you can get BM into treatment. SS deserves that much.


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

Ahhh I am so sorry, but I am glad you at least checked into it anyway. She is a train wreck waiting to happen. She has hers coming to her. You didn't have to kick her A$$ sounds like she kicks her own everyday. I would hate to think that my husband who I was so unhappy with that I had to get drunk and go cry on my ex's new wifes shoulder to see my kids being better cared for and then have to call my sorry husband to come bail my dumb self out of jail. What a happy life she is living. She is a real winner!!


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

You did good. Much better than i would have. I have a temper and i'm not the one who runs , i usually lose it and attack back.
BUt you did the right thing for your ss. The order should hold up for a year. And BM will get what is comng too her. If she goes drinking and driving....now that the cops know...you never know, they may check in from time to time if they are nice and nail her on a DUI.
ANd bm is living her hell now. She' s a drunk, her son knows she's a loser and her husband is leaving her. She will get worse and once she is getting a divorce , she will get worse and its a good thing that protective order is in place.
I'm sorry to hear that if you press charges it will get messier...and from the sounds of it, i dont think you want to deal with it in that manner ...
Me personally, i would go ahead and get it messier. I know its she said you said and you would get ticketed...but me personally i'm a scrapper.
In the end, it is what makes you happy and comfortable. And i think your ss does love you and appreciates you LH.


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

you have evidences of her hitting you: your bruise. There is no evdience you hit her wiht the cell phone, so how can they ticket you, what for? there was no fight. She hit you and you have a bruise. I do not udnerstand this. She can say whatever, there is no proof. keep taking pictures and saving them for the hearing. I would still press charges for assult.


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RE: Feeling very invalidated

Get a can of pepper spray and a baseball bat...

Then sign up for a self-defense course...


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