grown step child

15 years ago

Hi, i need some advise. I have been married to a wonderful man for almost 3 years (next month). He has a 25 year old daughter here is where the problem is let me explain

i have guardianship of her 5 year old son, due to her sleeping with a 14 yr old boy last year. She does not know who the grandsons father is so my husband and i stepped up and took guardianship so grandson would not go into the legal system. Stepdaughter how do i explain, one day she is fine and the next time we see her she is babbling off the wall. I have taken our grandson to the docs and to make a long story short he has odd and rad due to the way she raised him. One visit with him she is loving, and the next she is yelling as she walks thru the door. Stepdaughter and grandson did live with us when husband and i first got married and she just mooched off of us. She finally moved out after many arguments about her not helping clean up after her and her son, doing anything around the house, sleeping while her child was up with no supervision, etc. Now during the year she lived with us she did pay us 20 yes twenty dollars. She meet a guy in sept and he moved in 3 weeks later, he went to basic for the army reserves two weeks later. He came home for christmas and the got married. (only know each other 4 months at this time) he is back from basic training

and still does not have a job and she is pregant. She does have a job.

Now with that said, they come over 3-4 times a week

expect us to feed them without helping with food or anything he sits on the couch saying nothing and it depends on the day for stepdaughter how she is.

last night grandson was in a play and stepdaughter went to my husband and told time her husband does not like to come over because he gets annoyed at me i really do not care

if he is annoyed at me or not, but how do i handle this for the grandson? and the poor relationship of my husband and his daughter

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Comments (7)

nikemama
15 years ago
She sounds pretty frickle. I would pretend like it wasn't said and go about your business. She may not even act on or recall what she said. If he comes over for his freeby dinner put extra salt in his or put a hair in it just for fun...lol. Just kidding. When Christopher decided that he didn't like me anymore I just try to pretend like I don't know it and be nice as I can. They will either come around or they won't but I imagen you haven't done anything to bring this on so there isn't much you can do to change it.
organic_maria
15 years ago
I would go about taking care of grandson and let him drown in his perceptions..lol..coming over for free dinners but gets annoyed at you??? Let him feel that way, my guess is that he inside he has guilt and low selfesteem that he has no job, wife is preggers and he is not 'man' enough to take care of them coming over to your house so often.
So, that being said, if he doenst' want to come around then too bad, no free dinners and one less persons face in the house.
As for yoru relationship with sd and her father. That is between them, let his carry that burden. you have alot on your plate takign care of the grandson and keeping him happy. He's more important than what is happening between dad and his daugther and daugther and her new husband. You cannot control them. But you can control what happens in your house and i agree with nikemama, say nothing for now. No stirring. Not yet. Lets see how everything unfolds.
And her new husband doesn't sound like a gem, and yes who cares about him. You've taken the right attitude there.
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Oh my God...with the exception of a few sane people out there, I am absolutely shocked at this Woman's feelings toward this little girl, as well as the selfish people who agree with her. I got on here looking for advice for my 6 year old SS who has some issues with back-talking and innappropriate behavior (a legitimate concern considering that the behavior has been brought up in parent/teacher conferences). I have to say I got all the help I need. My eight year old son and 6 year old SS hit each other sometimes, my wife and I do not condone it and punish accordingly, but we in no way think either one of them is bad, they are KIDS! They do stuff like that. I think the issue is deeply emotional and complex. First off, like all of us, we are predisposed to look after our own offspring, which tends to create conflict in our step-families, but, that is what seperates humans from the animal kingdom, we have the ability to observe the situation, understand why we feel like we do and handle the situation based off of morals and values and what is best for the children that we have agreed to HELP raise. In my opinion that is what the issue is here, mom doesn't want this little girl taking resources from her, her child and their new baby. Secondly, maybe the girl does need to be set straight, get her butt whipped, shown she is loved and the situation explained. Maybe, Dad needs to live closer, and maybe, just maybe this child should be treated as part of your new family instead of the little monster who is trying to mess the whole thing up. I got news for ya honey, your little boy is no angel, and neither is SD, she may have some behavioral issues that need corrected but your little boy is in no way better than she is...how would you feel if Dad acted with that kind of resentment towards yours...you'd probably be divorced by now. After reading all this I know what I'm going to do...I'm going to be a little more understanding of everyone's feelings in my family. Although we do have to work out my SS issues with behavior...I think I'm going to go home and give him a big hug, just to let him know I love him. Geez...some people.
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mom2emall
15 years ago
What does her hubby get annoyed with you about? Is it because your raising her son after her bad choices lost him? Or maybe it is those free dinners you prepare for them? Or is it that you probably clean up after serving them those free dinners?

Gee...I can see why he would be annoyed! Poor guy is stuck sitting on the couch all the time (even at home since he is jobless!)

LOL

I say who cares if he is annoyed by you!!! Probably just an excuse for her hubby to have some control over his wife...alienate her from her family so he can have total control. And keep her away from her son so she can focus on him and baby and he can pretend son does not exist!
finedreams
15 years ago
stop cooking free dinners, they can come over see the kid, but no need to feed them. she needs to kiss your feet for taking care of her child.
greeneyedcat
Original Author
15 years ago
thank you, i know deep in my heart that his been annoyed with me is his problem. My main concern is our grandson
but it makes me feel better knowing i am just not being mean.
pjb999
15 years ago
Sounds like the daughter has psychological issues, from what you've said.
greeneyedcat
Original Author
15 years ago
my husband said she was on anti-depressents when she was younger. I know of her cutting herself when she is upset.
I have told her/asked her/ suggested to her, that she needs to be in counsling. And now with her expecting I dont think she can be on any thing, of course I am not sure, i am just guessing on that one. But my husband and i had a long talk, at this time neither one of us are going to enable her and her husband any longer. Our number one concern is the grandson and if they stop coming over, so be it. If and when they do come over, if sd is ranting I am going to remind her she is at my house to visit her son.
If sd and her hubby are over and just sitting/watching tv/all their normal stuff, i will suggest again to do something with grandson and if i get attitude i will remind them it is my house and they are welcome to leave.

grown step child

Comments (7)

nikemama

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grown step child

Comments (7)

nikemama

organic_maria

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