Dorothy, I never thought of it that way. Although, I have to admit that I enjoy watching DS deal with a two-year-old and it does seem like 'payback' (hee hee) for all the grief he gave us when he was little. So, I guess I'll get to enjoy watching him be on the adult side of the adult-teenager conflict one of these years. Paula, I remember that age well....."dumber than a box of rocks" pretty much sums up what most teenagers think about their parents when those kids reach that age. LOL Aren't you glad they outgrow it? You're raising some little gardeners too, and it reminds me of the old saying "If I'd known grandkids would be so much fun, I would have had them first." Isn't it just the most fun to share those home-grown pumpkins with the kids? I always get the greatest sense of pride from eating/using anything and everything we raised ourselves. And, you should be proud because your grandkids are learning early on just where their food comes from AND how they can be a part of the whole process. Mandy, If your mom says that your daughter's behavior is a little more "intense" than yours was, well, you know what that means.....it means it is your DH's fault because she got the entra fiesty genes from him! LOL I vote for having chickens. We have had them ever since we moved here and there's nothing better than farm fresh eggs. However, you absolutely must have a 100% predator-proof chicken coop and securely fenced chicken run or your kids' hearts will be broken when predators get your birds and your eggs. Every child that comes to our place is simply 100% fascinated with the chickens and their eggs. I know of at least one young boy who wouldn't eat eggs at all until he got to start gathering eggs at our house and taking them home with him. When I hear the name 'Felicity', two images come to mind. One is the TV show, 'Felicity', which was on in the late 1990s-early 2000s and starred Keri Russell in the title role. The other is the American Girls doll, Felicity. So, when I saw your daughter's name, those two pleasant images came to mind and now that you've described her, I can picture her in my mind and I see a darling and spirited young girl who loves to garden and who will, later on in her teens, give you every gray hair you have. I love traditional names too. Dorothy, Love the iron hand in the velvet glove reference. I think it is true, too. As long as those kids know there is an iron hand inside that velvet glove, the iron hand doesn't have to put in an appearance very often because just knowing it is there is quite a deterrence. You know, everyone, raising kids is a lot like raising a garden.....and don't we all know it! Dawn P.S. Mandy, I linked the American Girls website to show you their Felicity. One of our nieces had the 'Molly' doll when she was younger because Molly looked just like her and that was her favorite toy for years. Here is a link that might be useful: The Felicity Doll

Too funny! A few years ago when I went to workout with my trainer, he had his 4yr.old son at his gym with him that day- I was wearing a jog bra under my sweat jacket and shorts. When I took off my jacket his son said. You're naked! I blushed and had to give him the child version of what I was wearing. He still insisted I was "naked".

Oh Pashan ... I am so sorry to hear about you and your daughter. I am so glad that you are feeling better now. Wow ... My SD's response to her friend was that she knows she's different with her mother, but feels she doesn't have a choice. When around her mother, she needs to become who her mother wants her to be, or she gets into trouble. I'm working on those self esteem issues with her, though ... I tell her that she needs to be true to only one person -- HERSELF. That she doesn't have to pretend to be something else just to make anyone else happy, not even her mother. I can't tell you how frustrating it is to have a happy kid one minute then ...ring...ring... it's mommie dearest ... then we have a kid with a stress headache (her words) and whose self confidence has been knocked lower than ant poop. Everything my SD has accomplished goes **poof** for a few hours until she remembers that her mother is 800 miles away and she becomes herself again. And Pashan ... I doubt this woman will ever realize anything is beyond her reach. She's too stupid to get out of her own way ... much less think of what's best for her own kid! Methinks we'll be doing custody battles with her until my SD is old enough to tell her mother "get outta here you nutcase" ... well, maybe not in those words ... but that's how I would say it! LOL! Oh ... and did I mention that my SD observed for herself that her mother is afraid of her new husband? Afraid of him! Some healthy home environment, huh? Hope you get your door put up soon! Sounds like you're back up and working like a tornado with all that painting. Whew! You're making me dizzy ... :-) And yeah ... I know this is the wrong forum .. but how's the new career?

Thanks to everyone who took the time to respond and give me good advice. You pretty much confirmed that what we are doing is right--just "being there," keeping things light, not making a big deal out of this to DSS. KKNY, you don't know me, yet you read the worst into what I said, in the meantime, ignoring all of the clearly positive aspects of it. Perhaps I should read the worst into your post to point out that you did nothing more than take an opportunity to further what appears to be your "mission" to attack the SMs here. If you really wanted to help, as a BM, you could offer some constructive advice. But if you did that, you might actually help IMPROVE a step situation, which would REALLY run counter to your "mission," now wouldn't it?? For your information, and for anyone else who is wondering, I made the point that they are not "good enough" to make their middle school team (yes, they had try-outs and DID NOT make it) to show that this "team" they are on is just a step above "pick-up basketball" in the neighborhood. It is something they do for fun and exercise, but b-ball is not a sport that either of them particularly excel at, nor is this league something that is that important to them vs. time with their father, which they need, NOW MORE THAN EVER, IMO. It would be like DH telling them he can't do visitation one weekend b/c he has a church league b-ball game. If DH has to miss visitation for work (which almost never happens, as even though DH is a lawyer and works MANY hours a week, he puts in extra hours during the week so he can take off the weekends and be with DSSs), or if DSSs have to miss for school, church or some other activity that is really important to them, that is another matter. And this is not MY original sentiment--I am actually parroting what DH says, and HE certainly is allowed to make statements w/o having bad motives ascribed, ISN"T HE, KKNY??? The point I was trying to make is, there are some activities that really "justify" missing visitation, and others do not and are an "excuse" which is a symptom of a problem. If we suddenly agree to skip visitation everytime there is something going on that one of them could possibly do, we might as well tell them to "have a nice life" as I suggested above. I probably should have mentioned that DSSs have played in this league for years and have NEVER had a problem missing Sat. games for visitation, so it seems obvious it was an "excuse" this year. Also, they both are VERY VERY good at other things, and we support them. DSS 14's soccer team went to the state championships last year. DSS 12 has only lost a few wrestling matches IN HIS LIFE! So, when it comes to soccer and wrestling, we understand that they can't miss and work around those things. Someone mentioned "walking on eggshells" around SKs. That is the real irony of KKNY ascribing bad motives to me. For 9 years, I have gone out of my way to try not to say anything that would be upsetting to DSSs. When they do things that I would correct my son on in a minute (like eat chocolate chip cookies, brownies, etc. dropping crumbs all over the kitchen instead of over the counter, pouring a large glass of the last milk we have in the house so that there is none for anyone else) I do not say ONE WORD. I remind myself that I am glad they like my cookies, and I'm glad their drink of choice is MILK over soda. Of course, I would think nothing of telling DS 6 not to do that or anything else. But I don't want to do anything to make them feel "picked on" at our house. So it is almost LAUGHABLE to me that someone here would say I made a "dig" at DSS 14 over not being good enough to make the middle school team. Also, I feel badly for DH b/c he is truly one of the best dads one could imagine. Someone asked that recently on another thread. My DH is a wonderful DH and an amazing dad. When DSSs were little guys, he bathed them, dressed them, complete care. (He bathes our 2, does diaper changes, etc.) DSS 14 plays guitar and when his band played for his school recently, DH took the morning off work to be there. (4+ hours round trip for a 15 minute assembly, but again, he loved every minute of it.) He also takes DSSs INDIVIDUALLY on father-son weekends each summer. (For past 3 years, DSS 12 and he have gone to father-son wrestling camp; DSS 14 and he have been to father-son baseball camp and pro football Hall of fame.) DH loves to laugh and has a very witty sense of humor and always keeps things light. I just read this response to DH in its entirety and he agrees with everything I've said. I think I'm going to end this with the sentiment that the fact that DH and I are on the same page and have a STRONG, HEALTHY, HAPPY marriage will get us through this. Thanks again for all who posted on this. Have a good day.