sounds to me here that the teenage stepkids have theproblem and are not forgiving sm here. I'm glad dad opened his eyes. As for forcing...lol....well no one forced the parents here to divorce. Good ole Biomom left for ANOTHER MAN! GREAT example for her mature daughters. It shows soooo much in how they behalf. That must spew hate and insults about another human being. WOW... they have so much respect for another adult eh?;) Guess their mother teaches them loads of respect, honesty and loyalty when someone takes their vows in front of God. Misty, your sons are their blood brothers, half or full and they must accept it. If they dont, the door is open. No one wants to be aroudn a sour puss and they are teenagers learning to become adults. If they choose this path , let them make their decision and let them make themselves excluded. You did not exclude them , they decided that for themselves. No one is forcing anything on anyone. Cause is you say oh poor girls were force into stepfamily well DiDO FOR MOM TOO that has the other man!!! how do they treat him???? better or worse since he had an affair with their mother.? When they come over pictures are of the entire family ...ENTIRE! and if they dont want it , the door is there. My SD and SS are included in pics . We have pics together and we have pics apart...They see them all aruond the house. Their mother tried to instigate this GARBAGE idea of separate and i sat all down. I said ' what happens at your mothers house stays there. Her rules , her ideas, her beliefs STay at her house' how she wants her house run is her business BUt here we are a unit. We communicate if we don't like something. There will be times we will do things together and other times we wont. But that is life. Dont be hurt. Its not done on purpose. You are all brothers and sisters, You are all human and everyone here under this roof must be treated with respect , honesty. This is family...not animals. Blended families are rough from many standpoints. No one forces anything. You fall in love and make the best of this world. ITs hard as it is in a non blended family why would you confuse the kids in this manner. ? All the kids are important...first second third..who cares!

It's good to hear from you, and I'm glad the baby is doing well. I think you're going to be helping SS just by giving he and his mother some time apart, if things are that stressful for them right now. I was wondering if there is some sort of parenting class that you could maybe suggest that you all go to (so it's not so obviously directed at BM.) It could be that SS's behavior is that different at BM's, in which case she could probably use some tips in learning how to parent him (like PO1 said), or it could just be that her expectations/standards are higher than is going to work with SS. Are there any support groups for parents of kids with ADHD/bipolar near BM? If BM could get out to one (if there is one) that might help defuse the tensions a lot. I've noticed sometimes that if SS is doing something particularly aggravating, when I talk to someone about it, it ends up sounding silly and amusing and I feel so much better. Maybe that would work for her as well? What would happen if either you guys or SF worked with SS on a "secret" slightly longer-term project to surprise his mom with? Would SS be able to do that (with adult help)? I can see how it would be really frustrating to BM if she is not seeing any day to day improvement; would it help if SS could do/build/create/learn something new that BM had no part of until the grand unveiling? (Of course, you wouldn't want her to be completely in the dark about it, but parents are very good at being "surprised"!) BM would see the end result without having to handle the day to day struggle involved in the creation, and maybe that would help her and SS to see that he really can make progress. Sort of like when you're on a diet and nobody notices, until you see someone who hasn't seen you for a few months and they notice right away and tell you how great you look.

I feel ya, Ima. What I find amazing is that many times a parent like this can turn what they want to have happen into 'what's best for the child.' Another favorite is, of course, the usage of a child to pi$$ off the other parent. The driving could a good illustration of this, but I admit I am making assumptions based on my own experiences. Mom realized it was a lot of driving with little point, so she initially declined as she didn't really want to do it. Then dad made her angry, so to 'get back' at him she does something she knows he doesn't really think is great plan - pick her up just to bring her back. Now, this could be a case where she wants to take her daughter to a movie premiering Thursday night. But, I would be willing to place a bet that isn't the case. This actually just happened with us yesterday. This would be mom's EOW, but because Mem. Day is *dad's* holiday this year she is with us. When we canceled our beach plans we thought, in light of the improved co-parenting going on, that it would be nice to ask mom if she had any days off this weekend and would like SD. She has Sunday off, so we offered to have her go Sunday AM and be dropped off Monday AM. Mind you, in years past mom would have SD on a Sunday night and have to get her up at 5:00 to bring her here before going to work when her time is really until school starts at 9:00. DH would ask if she could just bring SD home right before bed Sunday night so she could get a full night's sleep - she usually wakes at 7:30, and mom wouldn't put her to bed any earlier on those nights. Mom refused as that would be giving up HER time with SD . . . that they were both sleeping through, and she had to drive by our house on the way to work anyway. "Best interests of the child??" Anyway, this time mom declined because she'd have to get up earlier to drive SD here and we are no longer on the way to work - we're the opposite way. Funny how that sleeping time isn't so important any more . . .

Dear Ceph, I hope for you a long lifetime with the man that you have chosen to be your husband. May he always watch over you and make your feel as though you are the most important woman on earth to him. May your life be filled with wondrous moments of romance, understanding, sharing and excitement for life together. May he always remember what makes you smile, what makes you laugh and what makes you cry. I pray that the home that you make together will always feel like the safest place on earth and may you always make your way their, together. I pray that life's challenges will seem less difficult because you share them with each other. I pray that your life together will be like traveling down a brand new highway and not like taking the back roads after a hard rain. Have a wonderful time, have a blessed marriage.