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how would you handle?

Posted by mom_of_2.5 (My Page) on
Sat, Mar 28, 09 at 20:32

My DH and his EX are VERY new to communicating about their son. Usually she pretends life at her house is perfect. So, when she called to make us aware that SS9 is not be on or near a computer for 6 weeks we were agreeable and it's not hard to cooperate on this one since we rarely let him on the computer anyway. Seems he was playing games online, and got to a point where he needed to purchase more whatever for the game, so he got his mothers credit card and made the purchase. Personally, I wonder why he is online, unsupervised long enough for all this to happen, but whatever.
So we have SS this weekend and it's snowing. So the kids aren't bored out of their minds I have DH drop them at the library near my work (with my DD 13 1/2) they had an hour to look at books, and I would pick the up when I got off work. So, I walk in and there he is on the computer! I ask my DD and he'd been on the computer the entire time. She had no idea he was grounded and DH forgot the library even had computers. Never crossed his mind he might go in and hop online.
I asked SS "what ya doin?" in a happy, glad to see you tone and he closed all the windows and said he didn't know how he got on the computer or what happend. sheesh. So, he knows he was doin wrong. So, I shared with his Dad the situation and 3 hours later he hasn't said a word to him. I'm about to go rent movies and can't help but feel this "offense" is going unresponded to. Ayone else think the more time goes by he's "getting away with it" in his mind? Do I ask DH if he plans to do anything about it? Should there be a consequence? I'm really confused. Is he supposed to be in trouble here or at his moms?


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: how would you handle?

I think this is a tricky situation. Most times I am not really for having a child take their punishment with them when they spend EOW only with their other parent.

If it is something serious then maybe. But I have rarely asked my ex to punish our son over there for something that happened here.

I think that since your dh did say he would carry over the punishment then he should. At the very least he should talk to his son about what he did.

Nobody told ss that he could not use the library computer, but he did know he was grounded from computers. So I guess that I would add an extra day onto his punishment if it were my son (though I think 6 weeks seems like such a long time already!)


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RE: how would you handle?

I tend to think that I would just ask DH to tell ex about it and see if she wants to handle it on her end. Then I would discuss, for future references, with DH if you guys are going to punish during your visits something that happens at moms.

I think the credit card issue is a serious thing. If he is that brazen who knows what else he might decide to use a credit card for on line? I would be pretty ticked and concerned about that. I do think that 6 weeks is a long time but it's mom call. It does amount to stealing.


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RE: how would you handle?

I think your Dh should punish him. Period. This kid knew what he was doing and i'm sure you guys forgot about the library computers BUT he is old enough to know he is grounded but went ahead and did it.
I would contact the library and speak tothem personally for him to not be allowed on the computers next tiem you drop him off there. OR dont drop him off anywhere near a computer.
I would speak to your DH about this and express your feelings on the fact that you know the deed has been done but if he is not repremanded here then he is 'winning' and he knows he got 'away' with it.
Our SS will soon be in a looong denial of computer and games because he is failing 4 courses. Yes he lives at mommies house who lets him play games all day without study. So while visiting, i think he can catch up on homework and if he doesn't want to do homework that's fine. BUt its my computer and its my PS2 game. and since he is failing, he wont have permission to use it for the next FEW months.
Am i hard *ss with punishment. YUp! I'm a big bleep to it! too bad.
If my kid got a hold of my credit card, bioson or stepson, he would be 'paying' out of his butt for the longest time and i would make sure he would never forget it. Its stealing. He stole from his mother.
And if your DH doesn't do anything about it, i personally would call the exwife and explain what happened. And let her extend the punishment. if your dh doesn't do something its wrong.
I would call his ex and tell your hubby you are doing that. Will it cause a fight, yah, but too bad. Your Dh needs to stepup. And Exwife needs to know regardless of what happened at the library. SHE NEEDS to know. This way she can extend punishment and your SS know's he's being ' watched on both ends' and he cant get away with anything.


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