Hi Pseudo, Heres what I would post on FB if SS didnt read it.....SS made me a CD last week, no title on it, and said here, I made this for you, I thought you d like it...After he went home, I played it, its the one by Cee Lo Green if you know the one I mean ...DH and I laughed til we had tears in our eyes....Sorry kid, no reaction is the best reaction I think, unless he REALLY thought I d like it..I m baffled.....:)

that's the same girl with all the mental issues? apparently not much changed with her...I hope her mental health is better although doesn't sound like that...

wow, and she sure eats a lot

I know the song well dotz well the first few beats hahaha I change it when it comes on the radio ....

I did post :)

Who sings "b!tch is back"???

Elton John LOL

Youtube up The Offspring (entry 6) I AM posting this when Jr has his final CS birthday...BM loves to spy to see if we ve been out of town, on vacation etc...She will see this for sure....

The kids aren't all right???

Always wanted a gnarls barkley ring tone ( i think you're crazy) hahaha

titles of songs .... used to describe what your feeling that day who woulda thought of such a crazy thing

So your sd can behave for months and when she gets what she wants she turns back into a monster? NICE! It must have been so hard to sit back and bite your tongue!

When we got back from our road trip ... I told her that I will remember how she behaved next time we plan something like this and she will not go or anywhere else with us for an extended time. She has chosen to exclude herself from "family vacations".

She says "she can't help it" ... you can behave for months but now you have trouble. We won't stress her out anymore like that its for her own good :).

Kind of why I came here can't/won't post on FB .... rather not share family Bull on there enough whining on FB.

she clearly behaved well so she could go on vacation...this girl is getting worse with age, and she is what 12? suspended, ran away...3 hours on the phone? who is paying for her phone, hope not you, hope it is her BM LOL. I was pretty lenient parent, yet this would not be tolerated.

It does sound like this 12 year old is pushing her limits! What was the consequence for her running away or suspensions or detentions? Please tell me her parents have done something!

I wish I had some advice or insight... but SD's birthday is at the end of the month. DGS had a party for his at the beginning of the month. So, a few months ago I planned to be out of the State the week of her birthday because whether we are getting along or not, I feel guilty not making her a party & this year, I decided to take DGS to see my son for a week & leave the celebrating up to her parents. Well, my birthday was last week (my dad took her shopping). She bought me a floating heart necklace & gave me a card to "mom" and wrote some very sweet stuff.

So, I get the frustration about trusting them because they can "behave" so well & be sweet/normal, but I also fear she will revert back to the way she's been as soon as she gets what she wants. In my case, I've got plane tickets so I'm not changing plans.

I wonder if your SD12 is testing? or just manipulative? We told SD that she won't get a phone or any of the stuff she wants, until she makes some changes to her attitude. So, we're back on the roller coaster.

Wish I had some encouragement but I'm in the same boat, sort of.

I think of you often IMA .... you have to be an "involved caregiver" ... I choose not to be sadly I live by the motto ... "not my kids not my problem" ... unless it effects me directly

yelling at me giving me grief for what their parents did or did not do ... complaining about food I have made ...

Things I choose to care about:
clean dishes
clean common areas
house laundry
meals*
* if they complain about a meal I have made it gets taken away.

SD was 'punished" from her cellphone ...so she used the housephone for 4+ hours ... she was not able to go to cheerleading ONE DAY. Thats it ... lots of yelling from mom and "talking to" from dad.

Mom is a big party planner ... my SKs think their birthdays are national holidays.... everyone owes them a present ... silly.

More kids at your SDs mom's house let her have a party for SD and her extended family over there. :)

We have to stop feeling guilty for not doing for ungrateful people ... I only feel guilt on a very rare occassion ... late for school maybe walking in the rain..other than that the guilt is not something I feel.

I could never understand big fuss over birthdays. Honestly DD never had big birthday parties. It is not that I am mean and denied her fun, she never really cared to have parties.

Yes some people think it should be national Holiday. Ima, I think nothing to feel guilty about, you are going to your son with your grandson. Why do you need to have parties for SD is beyond me. I understand feeling guilty missing college graduation, but a birthday party? Have good time with your son and grandson.

The only reason I have any guilt (because it's not MY responsibility to give her a party) is because two weeks ago, we had the teacher conference, where BM had to call it in because her new baby is sick & was she was on speaker phone. Well, call me slow but it dawned on me that BM didn't hang up because she "didn't care" (well she doesn't seem to care) but BM had no idea SD was sitting in the classroom. Initially, it was me, DH & the school staff. Nobody told BM that SD was sitting there & when the school counselor asked BM "how do you feel about SD being held back?" and without skipping a beat BM said "THAT'S FINE!" like it didn't matter at all to her... because it doesn't. I watched SD's shocked face crumble in front of me... then she began to sob. I think BM hung up when she realized she just threw SD under the bus... and in front of all her teachers. It was the first time, BM can't lie to her & say it's not true, she didn't say that & we are making stuff up.

I remember that post, BM is hideous. I could see how you feel sorry for SD. It is embarrassing to have a mother like her.

Well sadly .... they need to know what their mom's really think of them. SD is a royal pain the AM before school she refuses to bring clothes here "becasue she doesn't live here" I have said over and over its a control issue for both mom and daughter ... daughter doesn't bring clothes mom gets to play hero and "bring" her clothes to her ...

Its a new thing before hubby drop SD of at her mom's before school so she could change/get ready then mom would bring her to school but now since "little b!itch gives me (BM) such a hard time in the morning" ... I'll bring her clothes at night this way she doesn't have to come here in the morning ...

SD had to go to moms for something one morning ... BM called hubby screaming because he brought her there in the AM ... because SD went in yelling at mom for who knows what ... its all a power struggle between the 3 of them its their fight and I stay out of it to the best of my ability ... But hubby did tell her to tell SD not to come there in the AM he wasn't doing it its her issue not his.

Don't get me wrong hubby is a factor in all this too and he knows it but its his fight not mine.

So back to my point:

Sadly until they hear from their mom's mouth (what we knew all along) that mom doesn't care. Even then they yell at us for what mom does or doesn't do but expect us to be at their beck and call. SD had to hear it from mom that she doesn't want to see her in the morning hubby was fighting with her all morning about not bringing her to moms but she put up such a hissy fit he gave up and brought her to mom's.

you posted
"I was pretty lenient parent, yet this would not be tolerated."

About SD being on the phone for many hours ....

How would you suggest that I as the SM handle that situation I was the only one here no dad no mom no siblings.... she was punished off her cell phone so she was using the house phone and she could use the house phone to call mom but she was on the phone with her friend.

I did nothing told hubby he did nothing and mom well who knows.

she knew she wasn't supposed to be on the phone she chose show me she didn't care what anyone had to say and that she could just do whatever she wants ... thankfully she is not my child :)

Well, they've made you a eunuch in your own home. I would tell dad and SM that she is not your child and that you will not be stressed by her rule breaking.

If they can't fix it, as in get her to follow their rules, then she needs to live elsewhere. That's what I would say and do. Problem solved.

pseudo, as a SM you probably could not do anything about it. I don't know. You could ask her to hang up, but if she does not listen?

I would tell DD to hang up but I am BM. I mean I would let her use the house phone of course, but not for 4 hours. What if someone is trying to call me, no way.

I mostly meant how do mom and dad tolerate it, not you PER SE.

Well I like the situation I am in if that doesn't sound too stupid ... I don't have to worry about discipline I don't have to worry about bedtimes not following rules

Not my kids not my problem... the school does not call me about their adventures ... the doctors don't give me grief because they are overweight ... I don't have to take phone calls from friends angry parents on how the SKs are a bad influence on their angels...

Main reason for me posting that day was I didn't want to show her any reaction. does it aggrevate me sure but only because her parents have let her get away with everything for so long....her parents and her are in for a rude awakening through out the teenage and young adult years ...

SD when she finally learns the world will not cater to you like your parents have.

and parents when others will not tolerate her anylonger and are tired of the parents excuses for their childs actions

Consequences for their inactions and actions should be fun to chronicle :)

pseudomom, I know what you mean. In fact, I'm going to be doing some of that with my SS. Overall he's a pretty good kid, so it's not the same thing - BUT, there have been recent issues with refusing to follow the rules (rules drawn up by DH!) when it is I who is in charge of him. We have good reason to believe that BM is telling him that he doesn't have to listen to me. Additionally, DH has been making way too many "exceptions" after the fact for my taste.

So, I'm done for the next couple months. So long as SS is not endangering anyone's safety, I'll remind him of the rules, document any continued refusals for DH - and that's it. I'm washing my hands of this for the current time. I have reached my tolerance level of DH and BM expecting me to raise their child, and then back-stabbing me or undermining me when I attempt to do so.

If nothing else it's certainly going to help my stress level - I'm already enjoying it. SS seems a bit taken aback by it all, even though we went over it all with him. Last night he asked me when he should do something regarding homework, and I reminded him that I was no longer involved in that - it was his decision when to do it, he knew the deadline, and if it wasn't done by then he'd be dealing with DH and not me. And strangely, DH, who has spent the past several months excusing away SS's transgressions when it was I who had to deal with them, suddenly seems to have lost so much of the patience which he kept advising me to have. Huh.

I just threw a huge party for my dd's birthday. She had a blast. It was super fun to do for her. But if she acted entitled it would not have happened.

And I agree, b-day parties can be missed. All the kids really care about is if there will be other kids and sugar anyway.

In the phone situation I would have unplugged that one from the wall. No words. Just unplug.

But this is horrible Psudo. I'm sorry.