Of course she's going to throw a fit if her father is out of the room;
she's an 18-month-old baby.

Babies don't realize that if you leave the room, you're just out of the room;
for all they know, you're *gone*.
forever.

& babies' memories are short;
I doubt that she remembers you from one week-end to the next, so every time he leaves her with you, she thinks he's *gone*, & she's been left with a stranger.

In fact, it'll get worse before it gets better;
at around age 2, children become aware of themselves.
They literally become "self-conscious", & even babies who were gregarious become stranger-shy.

If 8 hours a week-end makes you unhappy,
& if you're hung up on your firstborn being your husband's firstborn,
& if child support makes you as waspish as it sounds like it does,
I'd say cut bait;

The 8 hours a week-end will increase,
the financial support will increase,
(sounds like the child's mother cannot work, & children just cost more as they grow),
& no baby that you bear will be this guy's "first".

Another thing to think about is that, should her mother's condition deteriorate, the little one may come to live with her dad.

I wish you the best.

"The mom is severe bi-polar, doesnÂt work, and has never even attempted to put her in a crib."

Do you want to try to co-parent with a woman who is severely mentally ill? If she really is bi-polar, that's serious business. If she's merely a drama-queen, that's bad enough... (Ever had a toxic person in your life?)

Do you want to help raise a child whose primary parent doesn't have a job and will therefore push for every penny of child support she can get? A parent who is likely to not have health insurance? To be able to pay for day care, school activities and other extras? To never be able to afford a nice place in a good neighborhood with good schools and nice kids? (Sure, it might not turn out that way -- but what do you think?)

Do you want to be the stepmother of a child whose mother doesn't want the father to have any meaningful role in his daughter's life? And just how meaningful a role do you think BioMom wants you to have? And how far do you think she will go to keep your role minimal?

Do you really want to spend your life dealing with the behavior problems stemming from a child raised by a mother with questionable judgement? I know it's too soon to tell for sure, but what do you think? I haven't bothered to look for proof, but I suspect most bad parents raise difficult children.

I'm sure you've heard all of the lines about how when you sleep with someone, you are also exposing yourself to everyone he/she has ever been with. Well, marrying a man with a child is like that. I imagine you've made the connection that the man and his daughter are a 'package deal'. Please also realize that this package deal also comes bundled with a crazy BioMom -- you get her too.

Is this really the best you can do for your future?

I am having a similar problem. I too feel like I walk on eggshells when my partners son is around. He is 5. The world stops when he enters the house. They play from the time he comes in till he goes to bed at whatever time. And most of the time my partner sleeps in the bed with him. Its getting really old. Plus there is constant communication with the ex, which I feel is really excessive. They talk and text all the time. I recently found the phone records and couldnt believe my eyes. Plus he believes the sone can do no wrong. Of course any parent I guess thinks that. He continues to get in trouble in school. Its hard....good luck