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beyond frustrated

Posted by mom_of_4 (My Page) on
Mon, Mar 14, 11 at 16:39

I posted a couple of weeks ago about my two stepsons and their issues with school (lieing about school work, failing because of it, just plain not doing their work) Well, we are down to the last week of the nine weeks, basically their last chance to really work their butts off to bring up their grades. I gave them a big speech last week about this being their last chance and what they needed to do this weekend to be prepared and make sure that they did well on their tests this week so that they can bring their grades up. But, ofcourse they were at their BMs house this weekend and did nothing except play video games. Oldest ss didnt even bring his stuff home to do anything and BMs repsonse... oh dont do it again. But then was okay with them sitting around playing video games. They know they are in trouble for their actions and know darn well that they arent supposed to be playing video games or watching tv... but they go over there and do whatever they want and BM is apparently fine with that. I am so sick of it! She wants to cry and be upset and say "I dont understand why they are doing this" But, there are no consequences at her house ... no frickin wonder they dont care, she doesnt. I am at the end of my rope. I am sick and tired of spending all week and weekend making sure that they are doing everything that they are supposed to be doing and basically having to stand over them to make sure it gets done just so that they can dance on over to ol moms house and do whatever they feel like. It is ridiculous. I dont know what to do anymore. I basically told them this morning that they proved once again that we cant trust them and they knew what they were doing was wrong but chose to do it anyways and that is not okay. But, I dont think it really matters what we say because next week it will be the same thing all over again... go to moms... dont do work... play video games... no consequences. I am so sick of it... I am sick of them ignoring what we say and doing whatever and I am sick of BM not giving a care. It is impossible to fight against.

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: beyond frustrated

One thing I've noticed over & over here is stepmothers having practically all the responsibility & none of the clout or authority.

I'd quit & hand the job back to their father where it belongs.

RE: beyond frustrated

Stop fighting it.

RE: beyond frustrated

I agree.

I feel your frustration but mine is on the other foot. My Daughter does fine in school but HAS to study on Thursday for her Friday test and she goes to dad's on thursdays. Dad isn't home because he works late or whatever and SM tells DD that it's not her 'job' to enforce homework so DD does not always do well. As well as she could do anyway. Why even get her if it's not your 'job'. Ya know? So frustrating!!

I would quit fighting. They are your husbands kids, you get no credit, they don't listen, let them fail. A good ole wake up call never hurt anybody.

RE: beyond frustrated

How does your dh feel about this situation? Maybe he could enforce that they either have to have all homework done before going to bm's on Friday....or they have to come home early on Sundays to get it done. Maybe if homework time starts cutting into bm's visitation she will start making sure homework gets done there?

RE: beyond frustrated

He is just as frustrated as I am in a lot of ways. But I take the brunt of it because I am the one dealing with it on a daily basis. I am the one at home and I am the one that everyone looks at (including BM) to know what is going on with the boys school work.

We cant really cut into her visitation time because it would open up a can of worms that we aren't able to financially back (court issues .. if she goes off the deep end)

As of later today I ended up breaking down a bit with the boys tears and all... didnt really want to but it all just got to me. I feel so helpless and yet responsible at the same time. It's crazy. I told them they need to figure how to do the right thing regardless of where they are at. I don't really know how to teach that though. How do you combat a mom saying its okay if you didnt do your work and you play video games instead when you are dealing with teenage boys?

Perhaps taking a stand with BM and keeping the boys when the they have homework is the only choice. However, it's a battle that scares me because it could have even more drastic reprocussions that would hurt the kids more than just attempting to teach them to do the right thing.

..... I dont know things are just so difficult right now. Like I told the boys today... " I am tired of having this conversation with you. I am frustrated that even though you know how important it was to take your work seriously this weekend you still did not. I am sick of you looking at me like you hate my guts because I am the one making you do your work. I am sick of staying up till late at night to help you with your stuff when you just do what you want to do when we are not there and ignore what we say."

As of right now I told the boys that I am not going to bend over backwards to do things for them if they can not do what we ask. If they want to live their life doing whatever they please then so be it but dont expect me to go out of my way. For example this morning they had a band rehearsal for a concert (btw they have put NO effort into band at all) because of their actions DH said he was not going to go out of his way to take them to school early. The boys came home saying they had to be there tomorrow and the next day to make up for missing today in order to play in the concert...but I told them no. I was not going to do that. They can play in front of their class to get their grade. I am absolutely not going to go out of my way to accomodate them. Younger ss then came out and asked me if I would take him to school early tomorrow so he could make up a take home test he didnt do. I asked him if he studied for it. He said no. So I said then no, why would I waste my time if you didnt bother to study ... without studying you will still fail. You have to put in some effort before I will.

I don't know if it is the right thing but it is all I have left... if someone has a better suggestion I am all ears

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