Fertility issues

15 years ago

I am feeling sad today. Me and dh have been talking about having a child together for over a year now. I went off birth control almost 2 years ago and we have used none since. I know we have 4 children in our home now. But I always wanted lots of children..and definatley more than one biological child. I came from a large family. My dh is a wonderful father and also always wanted a big family.

Anyways my only child was an unplanned pregnancy. My dh said that his first 2 children were unplanned and the third took years to conceive.

So we went to the dr. and they did some tests on him and say his sperm count is low. We got a referral to a fertility doc.

I am nervous and excited. I have been trying to find forums with a lot of activity that are related to this but I can't seem to find one.

I am also sad because it seems like everyone else I see is pregnant right now! It drives me crazy!

So I came to you all...as I do for everything else!!

Anyone else been through trouble conceiving? Anyone know of some good forums for that topic?

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Comments (10)

lovehadley
15 years ago
Me, me, me!

DH and I have been together for 5 years---and I've been off BC for a long time, so I had an inkling something wasn't right. We found out in Oct. that my tubes have some blockage.

I had my DD (unplanned) at 21. They think a laparoscopy surgery I had in 2001, just before I got PG with her might have caused the scarring in my tubes. Sometimes an infection can cause scaring but that usually causes equal damage on both sides, and my scarring is much, much worse on my right tube. Poking around during a lap. can cause this. :(

I go through lots of up and down thoughts.

We did IUIs + Clomid to cause me to ovulate on my left (better) side, and they failed.

We are torn now between IVF and adopting. I ache to be pregnant again, experience that, but I have felt a strange calling towards a Guatemalan adoption recently...we are looking into it. We'll see.

Justmommies.com has an excellent fertility section--I post there.

If your DH has a low count, this is totally workable. Has he been referred to a urologist? That should probably be the next step.

Don't worry, I have seen lots of women are my TTC boards get PG with male-factor infertility.
ceph
15 years ago
Yes! Pick me! A board I go has a subforum about fertility/infertility and alternate methods of makin' babies when it's not going so well.
But since there's a fair bit of my IRL on the site, I don't want to post the address here... So I made a hotmail account that I will probably never login again after I send you the site.
Email me at foryoururl@hotmail.com but tell me that you did it on this board so I know to go reply.
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finedreams
15 years ago
sorry that you are sad. I already shared it here, my cousin couldn't conceive for 5 years, she became very depressed because of that, she did fertility treatment and has tripplets now. Everything is possible.

I cannot have children anymore, I have one, wish I could have more. But it is too late. Do fertility treatment, don't wait too long. Don't wait till you are too old. At the same time we cannot always plan what happens in our lives. Accept what you already have in your life. A lot of my colleagues are pregnant too. But a lot of people are also sick or miserable and you aren't. There is always something others have that we don't, and often it is a good thing ;)
organic_maria
15 years ago
I know EXACTLY HOW YOU FEEL! My first child with my dh was not planned and also an accident. He has 2 kids from a previous marriage and i want another one now.
Suffice it to say, we've been trying for 6 months now and no its not a long time but hey...everyone else is getting pregnant around me so fast..its like they look at each other and get pregant. aNd i'm anxious and want to and get depressed everytime i get my period...and then i say..oh maybe next month.
i spoke with a coworker of mine and he told me it takes usually 1 1/2 years for woman at my age to get preggers....rrrrrrr... i hate waiting...and trying...other people tell me just have fun and not think about it. But its hard. I've seen 5 people so far with bellies and i want one too. i want that pudgy belly!
I understand you sadly...i can relate. My hubby is also 49...we haven't checked sperm count..sooo...and i think i'll bring that up next time if we dont conceive in another 6 months......i share your blues!
But hey, going to a fertility specialist is the first step. Having low count doesn't mean no baby....its low..but maybe they can do invitro..its pricey but it worked for one of my friends. She got 3 daughters from it and it was well worth the price.!
And cheer up...my sister in law tried for 14 years...she finally got her son last year:) another friend tried for 10 years and got one too...so...things will be good for you. You have your health. Let the fertility specialist guide you.
mom_of_4
15 years ago
wow... maybe it just baby fever :-). I have been longing to have another baby myself. Although we have four kids between the two of us... I really want to have another child. A little bit of us. Plus I was so miserable and scared when I was was preggo with my dd (19 preggo by myself very unplanned highly stressed) that I truly did not treasure that time the way I should have. And really I love kids and once you have four one more is easy street :-) Unfortunately, DH had a vasectomy when he was still married to ex... so it's a toss up as to wether or not that will ever happen. It makes me sad too when I see all these pregnant women. I swear sometimes it's almost an ache. I never really though I would feel this way about having another kid but here I am. A good friend of mine is pregnant and it kills me sometimes. C'est la vie. Good luck... I hope all goes well.
doodleboo
15 years ago
Don't get too down. Stress can make it harder to get preggers!

I was NEVER on any bith control my entire life. Well, I was on it for about a month and hated the way it made me feel but other than that I never used anything and I do mean ANYTHING. I didn't have an oopsie all through school. I was married for seven years and never got pregnant.

I was with Jonathan for almost two years and NOTHING! The doctors were pretty much stumped as to what my problem was but it was lookibg like I'd never have a child. My entire family had pretty much decided I'd never concieve. I was beyond depressed but so glad I had the girlies to take care of. I had excepted they would be the closest thing to MINE I would ever have and I become OK with that.

Then one day BOOM! When I least expected it we were pregnant. Now we have a Layla:) Don't give up hope and don't allow trying to become pregnant take over your life. It may stress Hubs out and make him feel cruddy. Just casually go through the treatment process like it's no big thing and get it on as usual. Knock boots because it's FUN and then when you least expect it you'll get the big BOOM too :)

Hugs!!!!!
imamommy
15 years ago
My exBF's 2nd wife had a tubal ligation before they met. She had two kids with her first husband. My exBF had his three from his 1st wife & swore he didn't want more kids. But, after they married, she had her tubal ligation reversed and a year later, they had (fraternal) twins. More proof that anything is possible. A vasectomy is reversible.

I had a tubal ligation at 21 (after my 3rd child) and was so busy in my 20's with my 3 kids (and exBF's), I didn't want more kids. I met DH when I was 35 and briefly thought it would be wonderful to have a child together... I missed out on raising a child WITH someone and I am definitely more prepared financially, emotionally, etc. than I was when I had my kids. We discussed IVF or adoption. Finally decided against it. I love kids but my reasons are selfish. My reasons for wanting another child were just as selfish as why I decided against it. I've been raising kids since I was 17 and as much as I long to share a baby with DH, I also long for DH and I to have our 'alone' time and experience what most have in their 20's... no kids & the freedom to go places and not worry about childcare or all the stuff kids need.

My 22 year old son and his wife just had a baby. After babysitting overnight when he took her to the hospital, it was even more clear to me that, for me, getting up every 2-3 hours all night with a newborn was a lot tougher at 40. It left me wondering how the heck I did this with three little ones at 21? Now, I'm pretty sure I'm going to be satisfied with just being a grandma... I get to play with and spoil but don't have the responsibility. We love traveling and our kids are all at ages they can come with us or stay home (except his daughter but she can stay with her mom) and if we had a new baby.. well, I admitted to being selfish.

I'm not knocking anyone for wanting/having more kids, if that's what you really want... just adding my perspective that, at least for me, there are sometimes other considerations. I agree with lovehadley, your chances are better if there is not a problem with your fertility. My only advice would be to try and relax, not stress out over it and don't let it consume you/r life. Wish you luck!
mom_of_4
15 years ago
... well for me I am only 25 so it is not so much of a stretch. and yes vasectomy's are reversible but for everything I have read it can take a min of two years after reversal before you can conceive and my biggest concern with that is all of our kids will be so much older than the new babe it wouldnt be the same brotherly sisterly atmosphere our kids have and I love that part. (both as a child and now as a parent)
mom2emall
Original Author
15 years ago
Well our youngest is in kindergarten. So our baby (if we have one*fingers crossed*) will be much younger than his/her siblings.

But the upside to that is that the others will be very helpful. We have friends and family with infants and toddlers and our kids just dote over them and it is so cute! Even the boys are so good with babies! They all want to play with the babies and hold them and feed them!

But I will make sure not to make the mistake that I saw others do when I was a kid. I had a few friends who were about 10 years older than a sibling and the parents put way too much responsibility on them for their sibling. They got stuck babysitting a lot and doing too much for their sibling. I vow to never be that kind of parent!
mom2emall
Original Author
15 years ago
Just wanted to let you know I e-mailed you from my yahoo account today to get that site you mentioned. Thanks in advance!

And thanks lovehadley for the site you mentioned.

And I appreciate everyone else's support as well!!

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