Has anyone here, ever gotten this line????

15 years ago

Bm in my case last year told sd she will have to live with her until 18 years of age and then after she can go live with her dad?

I dont know about you but i clearly told my hubby that i know he loves his daughter but i will not have her moving in with us at the age of 18.

why? because i would feel used why?

1. Bm tells her ot go because gov checks stop at 18.

2. she's an adult so instead of dealing with her she'll shlep her off to us???

i know you can still claim someone as dependant while they aer in school but why the heck would you tell your own daughter this? only after 18???

I dont want her at 18. If she didn't want to live with her dad at an earlier age i see no reason at this young adult age she should make herself at home while these years she doens't concider us as family. ANd i have accepted that i am not family to her.

We are both ok with one another. But i know living with her would be difficult because she would fight with her father. Like a cat and dog! ANd i like a peaceful house so i have already spoken with hubby about it.

He thinks it wont happen but what if it does? I know as afather i would not want to turn out my own daughter but they fight when she stays longer weekends and i see it.

We've spoken several times and i've said no. He can help her with an apartment but she will not live with us. She hasn't been raised with our values. She's been raised with her mother values...and it shows.

ANy thoughts?

Comments (7)

ashley1979
15 years ago
Isn't it nice when BM makes a decision for YOUR home??? Love it! I honestly don't blame you for mot wanting to reap the consequences of BM's parenting. Maybe SD should stay with mom until she's ready to be on her own........

The closest I have is my X telling my DS that he will come live with him when he turns 12. Well I've got news for him.....a judge must decide that and my home is WAY more stable than his.
lovehadley
15 years ago
LOL, we have not had that particular issue. We tend to have the other way around--when BM is angry with us, she has been known to tell SS that when he gets older, he can choose for himself where he wants to live. Sigh.

What exactly is your DH saying about this? I definitely think you and DH need to iron everything out BEFORE his daughter shows up at your door, suitcases and boxes in tow.
Related Discussions
has anyone here ever delayed echinacea bloom?
Q
Comments (3)
Hmm, interesting idea. Maye I'll give it a shot next year. I always wonder why echinacea is touted as a "late summer" bloomer when it's in bloom in early to mid-July. Late summer to me is September, not July. Off the top of my head, I'd guess Ohio is zone 6 or 5 or both, depending where in Ohio she is. I've never read her book (think I'm the only gardener who hasn't, lol!) but goodness, she must say what zone she's in, no? :) Dee
...See More
Has anyone here ever heard of the 'Egg rooting method'?
Q
Comments (26)
Bob Walsh covers Mimi's egg-rooting method in his book on "How to grow plumeria-frangipani anytime anywhere", btw. Still miss the "Aloha Plumeria" forum though...and Mimi, too. I hope she's happy in her life, and stress-free. I'm currently rooting a bonus plumeria with an egg, and an Oahu Star cutting w/o one, -since I only had one egg available when potting them up. The bonus cutting is showing tip changes on it, already, but I can't consider this a fair test, as the Oahu Star cutting was considerably thicker than the mystery (gift) cutting was, when I rec'd them. To do a fair comparative test, I think I'd have to use 2 cuttings from the same source and root them the same way, (except for placing an egg under only one of them).
...See More
Has anyone here ever donated a kidney?
Q
Comments (4)
My DH is a cadaver kidney recipient. He lost his due to 22 years of diabetes. I can walk you thru what we went through, during the decision process. His siblings were climbing all over each other to donate theirs, but since diabetes is prevalent in his family, he decided to decline (both his brother and sister who offered have kids of their own and he thought if the parents end up with diabetes, their only remaining kidney would be at risk and he didn't want their kids to risk losing parents). At that time we didn't have kids yet. I didn't get tested for some of the same reasons. First, I also have a lot of diabetes risk due to family history, and second, we knew we'd eventually want to have kids, and though you can have kids with one kidney, the risk of carrying a child is greatly increased. Finally, Emory University was initiating kidney-pancreas transplants. The thought was, if you still have diabetes after you receive the transplant, the life expectancy of the donated organ is lower than if you were not diabetic. So why not try to see if the pancreas would work? We figured we didn't have anything to lose by trying (normally cadaver pancreas is not utilized). DH was the third KP transplant Emory did. They now do over 200 a year. He lost the initial pancreas, but 2 years later, he got a secondary pancreas only transplant, and it succeeded. So in his case, he's been normal-blood-sugar since 1998. In theory, his new kidney should last as long as a non-diabetic person's kidneys would. The dialysys and wait for the initial transplant was nearly two years, but only a little over a year of that were we actually on the waiting list (it takes some time to treat initial renal failure, then some time to get approved for a transplant). We are very grateful to both of his cadaver donors. We also knew the person who received the liver from the same donor we got the second pancreas from, and I saw that liver work a true miracle in that family's lives. SIDE NOTE TO OUR DONORS: THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU WHOEVER YOU WERE! And thanks to your loved ones and families who made such a phenomenally difficult decision. Know that we now have a 7 year old daughter we would not have without that kidney, and also that DH takes great care of himself, and is doing wonderfully. So far, his sister has developed thyroid disease, and his brother developed Type 2 diabetes, so we do not regret turning their generous offer away.
...See More
Has anyone here ever visited the Natural Bridge in Virginia?
Q
Comments (9)
I was there as a kid. I think we checked it out later and remember it being VERY expensive for what you get. You can buy tickets for just the bridge or bridge and the caverns etc. Now Luray Caverns is pretty interesting. Just off the highway-slightly toursity. We were there about a year ago with my kids and loved it. Now I will warn you inside the caverns the walk is not perfectly flat or dry. Can be tricky if you aren't steady on your feet. They give audio headsets to listen to a tour. It takes about 45-60 minutes. But it's visually amazing!! You also get admisson to a antique car show next door. There is also a garden maze, but it's extra cost. I also have a discount tip for Luray Caverns. Are you near a Giant Grocery store?? Get a bonus card from them and you save half off one admission! They also take AAA cards for a small discount.
...See More
finedreams
15 years ago
where does SD want to live at 18? Is she planning for college?
imamommy
15 years ago
Sounds like her mom's use of her is done when she turns 18 and if she gets gov. money, it will be done.... no need for kid anymore.

No, dad might help pay for apartment but if he takes her in, he will not be able to 'change' her into the kind of kid he wants because she has been raised with different values and the only way she will change is if she wants to change and that's better done on her own, not disrupting your life and marriage. If she wanted to live with him before she turns 18, she would but she chooses to live with mom and mom's values.

I have teenage/young adult kids that live with me. I told my son to go live with his dad if he doesn't want to live with my rules. That is what I told him and he never knew his dad until he was 18. Of course he isn't going to go live with him because his dad would not want him to come there BECAUSE he can't get along at my house and follow my rules... regardless of whether he raised him or not. Who wants a grown kid to move in because they can't get along with the other parent?

I would not subject my husband for any length of time to be around a disrespectful or disobedient grown kid. My adult son moved in for three weeks, he left last week and it was tough on DH. My son is not disrespectful at all but he is a slob and it was annoying to have to remind him to pick up after himself, etc. He put up with it because it was temporary but when there is no light at the end of the tunnel, I would probably say no.
sweeby
15 years ago
"The closest I have is my X telling my DS that he will come live with him when he turns 12. Well I've got news for him.....a judge must decide that and my home is WAY more stable than his."

Don't be too sure about that... In my state, the kid gets to choose as soon as he's 12.
finedreams
15 years ago
which son is it? one lived with you going to college locally, the other is married, in the army and has a child (or expecting). which son moved in for three weeks and moved out now?
organic_maria
Original Author
15 years ago
The child can choose at 12 but you cannot force the parent to take him in. This happened to an adult friend of mine. Her parents split and when she turned 12 she wanted to live with her dad. THey had to go to court because it needs to be legalized. Well dad said no to the judge that he has no interest in his daughter living with him. So of course she was devastated.
So sweeby, the child can choose but so can the parent.

As for my sd , yes she wants to go to college, university.

My husband believes that with all the poisoning BM has done saying where we live is dangerous and evil that she will still with mom for sure till18 and mostly likely wont move in after that. So he is in denial from my perspective.
My SM said that most likely she will find a boyfriend and live with him.
And with the value that bm has taught her....that sounds like more plausible outcome.
And the home i will purchase will be outside of the city...so...will have to go to live with roommates or dormatory for university. That is anotehr option.
There is nothing i can do until the moment comes except make it clear and remind my dh from time to time.
I've also stated to him that when they come for an extented period of time, he loses his patience and the visit a few months ago ended badly with her and him fighting.
Its not me who wotn get along with her...its my dh and i dont want to be stress because he is stressed.
LH - you can't really iron it out. Because nothing has happened yet but the line was thrown from bm.
I remember my Sd telling me it...and i said...what if you want to stay until you are ready to leave from moms? and i also told her that by the time i was 15 i had a fulltime job and a place of my own.
The thing that disgusts me, is that this line just proves that all she wants is money....all that counts is money. Not her childs emotions, education , well being....all about the money and how much she can gouge out of my Dh.
I'm just so disgusted with her and im happy i never deal with her. No communication what so ever hallaluya!
Have i told you BM is a substance abuser? and has no job now? the substance she hides very well and so far the only thing we see and hear is she has mood swings...but apart from that, kids are fine. But they really do not say much about their household. Ours is very stable and its day and night between the two homes.
Her new husband swears at the kids from time to time..yah we all lose our temper but even my sd friends do not like this guy. And if my husband ever told me to F off...oh nelly! Where is the shovel!?

Has anyone here, ever gotten this line????

Comments (7)

ashley1979

lovehadley

Related Discussions

finedreams

imamommy

sweeby

finedreams

organic_maria
Original Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

Has anyone here, ever gotten this line????

Comments (7)

ashley1979

lovehadley

Related Discussions

finedreams

imamommy

sweeby

finedreams

organic_mariaOriginal Author

COMPANY

BUSINESS SERVICES

GET HELP

CONNECT WITH US

organic_maria
Original Author