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i m a father?

12 years ago

I just recently found out that I supposedly fathered a child when i was younger. She is now 33 and has children of her own. I contacted the mother and she said "we" dont want any contact. I did recieve information on the daughter, full name ,etc etc. she was adopted by the mothers first husband( now divorced and remarried).

I am at a loss... do I contact her ? I am married and have a happy family of my own. It h as been 33 years. I dont know if the mother told her I am dead or she doesnt know who the father is... do I let it go and forget it since its been so long... maybe the girl wants to know who her birth father is? maybe not? I dont want to ruin her life or mine .. like my name says im attaloss

Comments (4)

Catnipped
12 years ago
If you did Father this young woman then you are a biological father.Since she is adopted her adopted Father is her legal Father.

Maybe contact the daughter and ask her if she would like contact?If she says no,respect it.Only you can make the choice to contact or not.

Were any DNA tests done to prove you are indeed the biological father?If not then it is up in the air if you are really her biological father.Is her Mother a person who can be trusted to be truthful or is it possible someone else may have fathered her?

I would also talk to your wife and other children about their feelings on this as it will effect their lives as well.If you do contact this daughter I'd approach it very gently and carefully.If it was me and this young woman does want a relationship I'd do testing to find out if you two are biologically connected.
Attaloss
Original Author
12 years ago
well after thinking about it.. and thinking about it... ive decided it is rather weird to find this out after so long a time. part of me would like to know for sure but at what cost? the only thing i can think of is that someone else was the father and I was used as a scape goat of sorts. I am not going to try to contact the person who is or might be my daughter. I have my family here and am content with that. its been 33 years after all. as the saying goes " let a sleeping dog lie" I am forgetting and moving on.
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readinglady
12 years ago
The only factor you might want to consider is if there are significant medical issues that run in your family.

If that is the case, then, assuming the young woman is indeed your daughter, providing a medical history would be beneficial.

But that could be done through an objective third-party like a lawyer.
sweeby
12 years ago
After all this time, how did you find out? And is it possible that whoever it was that told you would tell her?

It's fine to take a bit of time to sort things through -- but if she finds out you knew and did nothing, then she might very well feel abandoned 'all over again'...

I'd be inclined to contact her in a letter -- explain that you *just* found out, and volunteer to follow her lead as to whether or not she would like to meet you.

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