It has been like a fist-in-the-gut...just unbelievable. So senseless. He went to Mom's work (nail salon) demanding money. She said she didn't have any more (had given him what she had that morning). Verbal altercation at work. He left stating she was going to regret it. Yes, Marda. Literally in my back yard. Two of the angels were found about 5 miles from my home. My grands go to school with cousins. The young man across the street (volunteer fire department) has been on the recovery team and you can see the stress on his whole being. It is impossible for an adult to grasp but the kids can make no sense of it whatsoever. Christian has had numerous tearful breaks and needed lots of reassurance. The family announced the family service will be Saturday morning, public service Saturday afternoon, with the family hosting an appreciation dinner held Sunday evening for all volunteers. Jan, You know the bridge. It's the one you, Gillian, Christian, and I went over going to Dauphin Island. He has been wearing a bulletproof vest whenever going to court, being transferred, etc. there have been so many threats on his life (most from the public).

Eema, I hear you. Good for you too for wading through the emotions to look for Wild's point. I still disagree with it, in this case. The harsh reality is this. A very small percentage of our population has a psychological impairment referred to as Antisocial Personality Disorder. Now, I don't know if Josh had that, but the truth is, that with that many people walking the earth who have not an ounce of caring for other humans, the likelihood of attrocious acts occurring is very high. Not common, but it's gonna happen. And it will happen whether we spend every tax cent on social programs or not. These people do NOT care, about me, or you, or babies, or missing mothers, or anything. For "normal" humans like you and I, it is difficult to fathom this. So we think that if we control situations with rules, and regulations, that we can avoid these awful things. Reality, we cannot. He killed those kids, and the case worker could not have done a thing, nor could have police, or anyone else. I'm grateful they did not have to meet in a public place, because I am quite convinced that he was going to die and take those kids with him regardless of the situation. And when you have a missing wife, and you make as many ridiculous decisions as he did, you are going to have a lot of people hating on you. It just is the nature of humans. If he hadn't killed her, I'm fairly certain he wouldn't have needed to do all the stupid stuff he did. I'm not worried that an innocent man took his life that day. I'm not feeling too guilty that I, or society, or the system forced him to do something horrible. He's part of that 1% that we have to consider humanity's handicap.

You bet they'll call you a homewrecker just to make sure the kids hate you!!! AHAHHA.. I met my husband 1 1/2 years after he divorced his wife. (14 year marriage) And she did that..she told her daugther that i was cheating with her dad. Thank God my SD is the type to ask upfront and i told nope diddn't cheat with your dad. unless i can have S*x from another province hey i'ld be a millionaire!! lol..and when i met her dad he was married and i was engaged to another man:) And then i told her i was not raised to be like that...so no, your mother can use another excuse for you not to like me...lol... My sk know their mother is jealous. THey have come forth repeatedly and said they'r mother is jealous and they cannot understand why she doesn't like me. I ahve todl them and my husband that its her personal reasons and she has to get over the divorce and move on...(keep in mind she was married again just as the divorced was finalized eh...) so what's good for the goose and is not good for the gander eh???mmmmm Talk about double standards!!! I have never doen my skids any harm and have always been very kind to them unless they've been ill to me i'll give it back to them. I've even had my SD defend me once with her brother.....they are good kids just wish i had a more open less manipulative from their mom, relationship with them. I think it could have worked if both my husband and his exwife were civil. Too bad EIther way, Heather do not rush meeting his kids or rushing into tyring to develope your relationship with them. the son is too young and will probably be the only one receptive to you because he never knew mom and dad together...the girl is 10...and she may resent you for a while..but maybe when she gets older she may not. This all depends on how her mother raises her and if she was a good mother...and i do mean good , she shouldn't go around saying you are a homewrecker etc..etc..this only damages the child psychee...but hey...i see many woman who it ...and guess what!? they're kids hate them after a while ..( my skids do not like both their parents...they love them...but they do nto like them..resentful...) So, its early in your relationship. Do not focus onthe kids, focus on your new bf and then after a while..say another 2 years or so, if you guys are still together and serious ...let sd come to you.....dont force any relationship here. You can function separately....depends on how you want to go about your relationship heather. I know people who are married and live in separate houses with their kids...its wierd..but they,if it makes both sides happy and less every day headaches..why not????? BUt if You are not happy be apart and want the 'family' thing...then you will have a problem. She may never accept you and you will have to accept that. I think their will be a time you will meet, and you and your bf will have to reassure her that you are not here to steal her dad or replace her mother...that you are not her mother and you can only be a friend to her. In time , let the relationship develope and take it day by day. Dont expect things or demand things.

Your situation is sort of similar to mine. I didnâÂÂt have a problem if my BF mentioned something about one of my daughterâÂÂs behavior. But if I ever mentioned something about his sonâÂÂs behavior, heâÂÂd get defensive and it would cause an argument. The problem is the two of you have different parenting styles. Your BF is a wimp. He is scared to discipline his children. He does not enforce visitation. It doesnâÂÂt matter if the kids donâÂÂt want to come, he should make them come. BM is violating a court order if she does not allow the kids to visit. Also, you have no problem with your BF discipling your kids, but he has a problem with you correcting his. This is a double standard that is not going to work. You are in a situation where your children see someone their age disrespect their elders and get away with it. It will eat you up inside, not only will you have to put up with a sullen, disrespectful teenager, but you will feel the unfairness towards your own children who do behave. This was one of my concerns with my exBF. I knew it was not fair to my kids to live with someone who was allowed to misbehave while they were punished for the same offenses. I also cannot tolerate bad behavior in children, any child for that matter. And living with a child who constantly back talked and didnâÂÂt mind would be very stressful for me. On top of that, having to keep quiet about all the bad behavior would drive me insane. You are trying to make excuses for your BFâÂÂs poor parenting, but in the end you know he is to blame. He is the one that does not want you to discipline his son. He is the one that allows his son to get away with things. Good parents donâÂÂt worry theyâÂÂre going to push their children away when they discipline them. They arenâÂÂt scared to discipline their children when they need it. There are legal remedies your BF can take if the BM is trying to turn the children against their father or denying visitation, so thatâÂÂs no excuse. Your SS knows he has the upper hand with his father and has no respect for him. On top of that, he sees his dad telling you not to discipline him, giving the child even more power. It sounds like your BF does not agree with your kind of parenting. For my relationship, we both tried to compromise but even when I tried to relax and he tried to be stricter we still couldn't come close enough for the relationship to work. Differences in parenting cause breakups even in intact families. This post was edited by Amber3902 on Tue, Jul 16, 13 at 10:29