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i suppose its good but ..

Posted by mom_of_4 (My Page) on
Thu, Mar 18, 10 at 13:32

I think the last time I was on here about my own situation it was because bm was talking about moving out of the state. well she finished her trade school thing and has been working. She went for about four months with having the kids fairly regularly and things have been calm and easy. Well, the last month she has gone back to the more sporatic having kids that has gone on in the past. Her reasons now is that she is working. Whatever, at least we arent having any problems.

Well, last friday she picked up the kids and took them on a "field trip" since she hadnt seen them all week (her week but she called to cancel because she was working) But, then friday morning I get a call from the kids wanting to know if I wanted to go with them to the museum ... I was thrown off because they were supposed to be going with their mom. I told them I couldnt go because I had a lot of homework (which I did) I thought maybe the kids had brought it up and bm didnt want to be the bad guy so she told them to call me. But, as it turns out it was her idea to have me come along with them.
Then BM was talking to DH yestureday on the phone and told him that she wants all of us her DH me the kids to all go to the zoo together soon.

This is soo weird. Wanting to invite me to go do things with her and the kids... wanting all of us to be one big happy family at the zoo. I mean it's a good thing, I suppose but it is just soooo weird. I dont even know what to think about all of this. I suppose just go with the flow.

I was planning on throwing the girls an end of the year slumber party. I was going to invite bm because it would be sd's first slumber party but I was kind of hoping for the "oh, I cant I have_____ to do" like usual. Now, she may very well show up given her new attitude. How ackward would that be ? Sigh, at least things arent bad right now :-)


Follow-Up Postings:

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RE: i suppose its good but ..

Maybe I'm just a little cynical but I have a bad feeling about this.

~Cat


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

It does smell funny --
But then, I don't know the history.

What is it you're afraid of, exactly?
Note - I'm NOT saying you're either right or wrong, as I don't have enough information to judge.
I'm asking what your SKids' BM's 'usuakl tricks' are.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

is she unstable? if she is normally stable then i guess it is OK thing to do. or maybe she is trying to make up for something or maybe she plans on moving out of the state? unsure what is going on..


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

In some situations this "friendship" can work. My parents did it when I was a kid. I remember my mom and stepdad driving me to my dads house more than once and then staying to have some beers with my dad and stepmom. I even recall the night going so late (or maybe them drinking too much) and then my mom and stepdad actually slept in the extra bedroom at my dads. At one point my stepmom worked for my stepdad's company. They were all fine with this arrangement and seemed quite comfortable.

But in a situation where there has been problems in the past with everyone getting along I would be leary to start this big of a "friendship" with joint slumber parties and zoo outings, etc.

Approach this situation very carefully and keep your eyes wide open!


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

I actually like my Ex's wife, and don't mind at all spending time with her. Of course, my Ex is still a JERK and Hubby can't stand even breathing the same air. He's begged me to not force them to be together, so I've agreed to graduations and weddings only.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

I am friendly with ex, we don't live close by, but when i visit hometown i do things with him and his wife because my ex's insists. If DD is there too, she loves it. I like his wife, she is really nice.

But i would not like doing it all the time, it is just not too comfortable. It is OK since we do not see each other much.

One thing is funny though.

My ex's wife is all over him, touching and hugging and kissing. I find it ridiculous. We've been divorced for 18 years so she has nothing to prove to me.

It got to the point that at a party last year (many different circles of people present) my best friend said a bit too loud "what's up with your ex's wife, what is all this touching for?". lol I think ex's wife overheard it and stopped doing it.

but other than that she is very nice. Like sweeby's ex's wife, she is nicer than ex. hahaha isn't it funny.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

Im not afraid of anything per say(sp?) It is just that it is such an 180 from the past of her talking bad about me/us and dealing with drama just about every day that I suppose it makes me anxious.

I have tried to see the angles but she doesnt really have any that I can see ... she knows I wont feed into the drama I didnt when her and her bf were talking smack literally right behind me at the football games why would I now... and maybe to look good in court (for the possibly moving thing) but the kids are old enough now that all anyone has to do is talk to them to find out the truth. Even the youngest says we live with dad and visit mom sometimes.

It just disrupts my status quo I suppose. I have had a policy of treating her like an employee and now should I try to adjust to being all super friendly.

Actually it just occured to me that she was trying to be all girlfriendish at the last bday party ( i always throw the bday parties) she was chatting with me about DH..like comparing wife sotries type of thing. I joked with DH about it later ...
but now this family outings and hanging out with just her and I and the kids.... its thrown me out in left field.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

Correct if wrong... your SC stay with you 99% of the time you home school one of them ... and your hubby still pays child support to her in order for the kids to stay with him ... if you stop support she takes the kids and he pays again then they are with you for 99% of the time again.

Go with employee and take the time for yourself let her spend sometime with her kids ... guessing they do not behave for her and it would be easier if you were around ....

I like my ex and his wife but no way the 4 of us would hang out like one big happy family ..... his ex ...I wouldn't even go to a rock fight with her.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

My SD's mom and I have never liked each other, but we've tried the 'friends' thing several times over the years. I always do the b-day parties, and I invite BM each year. For SD's 14th bday I took she and 4 girls to stay overnight at a downtown hotel, and offered for BM to stay as well. I never imagined she really would! We spent an evening shopping, drinking wine and chatting about life and my DH. You could tell she wanted a reaction to that but I just laughed along with her. Then to top off the night we pulled out the hide-a-bed and slept on it. Yes. You read that correctly. We shared the bed!
I have always known we could never really be friends and that truce didn't last long. But, the look on SD's face when we were in bed together was worth it. You could tell it was such a relief to not feel torn between us for that special day.
Sadly, SD hardly sees her mom any more (her choice) but she still talks about that party. She appreciates what she knows was awkward for both of us. And I'm able to say I slept with my hubby's ex! ;)


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

psuedo... that is right except within the last few months she finally let go of the child support thing and started to take them every other week... until recently ...now she is going back to seeing them maybe two days out of her week to have them, supposedly because of work but I know several of those days she didnt work. (you really should post things on the internet like I am going to sleep all day when you just said you couldnt pick up your kids because you have to work)

Yeah, I honestly thought the slumber party invite would be turned down but now with her lets be one happy family for the kids ... she very well may show up. That will make for one awkward night.

And I know that they dont behave for her like they do for us...I have even got onto them for talking to her badly on the phone..just very disrespectful. Perhaps, that is the case

I kind of feel like she has used up her friends for now and is lonely. She kind of runs through her friends one at a time. She does things with one chick back to back to back for like a month and then you dont hear about them anymore... then it moves onto a new friend. She has a few old family friends that she will bounce back to but like DH says..he knows those friends and they really only hang out on special occasions more of family responsibility type of thing. Recently she hasnt been hanging out with anyone and just doing things like going to the flea market with the kids...every. single. time. they are over there.


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RE: i suppose its good but ..

Everytime JNM says this

And I'm able to say I slept with my hubby's ex! ;)

It makes me chuckle ....


Thanks silver!!!


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