"BM makes more money and says things like "I've already consulted an attorney"." Call her bluff... say "so have we" She may have consulted an attorney, but it is a tactic she is using to intimidate your DH into relenting and not going after his rights. For YEARS, BM told DH that she had called "J", her attorney that handled her divorce...(remember, the divorce she still hasn't had FINALIZED!) DH didn't have money for an attorney & didn't think a father would be heard... he envisioned himself getting to see his daughter every other weekend and paying a hefty child support to BM, while their agreement outside of court at the time was they shared 50/50 with no support... each paid for her expenses when she was with them. IF BM needed anything for SD, she'd tell DH and he would pay if he could. If he couldn't, she would threaten to call "J". It worked for years and when I met him, I told him what the law is.. that courts WANT both parents involved if they want to be and are good parents. He asked for an order after her last threat and she automatically asked for full custody and support. We were living in a house & SD had her own room, BM was living with her mom & sharing a room with both of her daughters... and having her boyfriend stay when he came to town. After a trial, the court gave DH his order to continue the 50/50 arrangement and ordered him to pay her a small amount of child support because he works & she doesn't. (I thought it was wrong, only because she was living with her mom & testified she paid no rent, utilities or groceries... and we bought SD's clothes & school stuff) But the point is that the court didn't care that she is the mother (that didn't get special consideration); but the court also didn't seem to care that she had men sleeping with her in front of her girls... the court stated that it was best for SD to have as much involvement by both parents. BTW, BM had tried to complain to the court about MY involvement with HER daughter and in his ruling, the Judge told her that she is lucky that her daughter has a SM like me.. and he went on to praise all I do for SD, which infuriated BM & she stormed out of the courtroom. DH was thrilled to have an order that BM couldn't threaten him with "J" ever again. [of course, she moved away three weeks later & left SD with us, but she still threatens to take him back to court.. now he tells her 'go ahead' but we are following the order until then] Courts only care about the CHILD'S best interest.. not how it makes the other parent FEEL... the other parent's FEARS are usually irrelevant unless they can show an actual threat to the CHILD. Such in an abused wife's fear he will mistreat the child without her there to protect the child. The court may recognize that a husband that may abuse his wife/ex, but not his children. The abuse against the wife is relevant if it is in front of the children or it can be proven that he also abuses the children. Of course, every state has their own laws and courts are sometimes allowed to use broad discretion.... so I am speaking in general.

I dont see your "kick *ss" as being helpful because it is pretty clear Dad wont agree to this and all you are doing is making OP feel crummy becuase her options are limited. It is also IMHO unacceptable to use this type of language when recommending how to deal with children. kkny, Oh my GOD! You better go back and read this thread again, because I'M not the one who said that! That was a quote from ANOTHER poster. In my post, I was simply AGREEING with her, and validating her point! We are NOT our fathers, and neither one of us were even talking to you! And as far as your "IMHO" goes regarding language? Who cares! My parents did a great job of rasing us, as evidences by the fact that all of my siblings and I are financially secure, married, college degreed professionals, with families, lovely homes, and we all love each other and worship the ground our parents walk on. I'd say they got it right! And MySpace already DOES deny service for those who violate their TOS agreement, especially to teens. It's how they've managed to avoid the many lawsuits that have been filed against them! Their legal argument, which has prevailed in court thus far, is that someone has to register a COMPLAINT before they can investigate violations of the TOS agreements! MySpace is facing a whole slew of lawsuits right now on allegations they failed to protect minors, oh aside from one in Texas involving another minor who committed suicide after being raped by a Myspace predator. Oh no, MySpace doesn't pose any dangers for children! And I never said that PROFANITY in and of itself that violates MySpace and other TOS agreements necessarily either. It's the purpose and intent for which they are used! Even obscenities can be used in ways which are reasonably nonoffensive--as Howard Stern more or less demonstrated many long years ago. Why don't you try going back and reading the actual portions of the MySPace TOS and see if you can comprehend what actually says, and WHY neither the words "obscenity" or "profanity" are used. After doing so, if you're still having comprehensive problems, please let me know and I'll try to provide further clarification. If I'm still in the general mood, that is. Have you ever given some consideration to taking some adult literacy classes? I mean, how do you manage to communicate with anyone? Or DO you know better and are really the one here who's been "phrasing arguments to suit yourself?" Yeah, that's about what I thought. Oh, and in case you're also not aware, record companies have been filing lawsuits for BILLIONS of dollars for copyright infringement directly against CHILD as young as 12 for converting music into MP3s and distributing it for free on internet sites such as "Napster", who was also sued and settled the suit for somewhere around the neighborhood of $400 million and agreeing never to do it again! There are still internet sites that engage in this practice in countries currently not under US jurisdiction--but under international treaties, the record companies are hard at work going after them as well, while kids in this country are still posting their MP3, never imagining that one day, they might get slapped with a lawsuit too! And when and if that day comes, guess who's going to get to pay? So don't try telling me it's never going to happen--it already IS! As far as "limited options" go, almost EVRERYONE's options are limited! Otherwise instead of getting up to go to work in the morning, we'd all live in mansions, while cruising the world, and sunning at the beach! And just because her husband hasn't "stepped up to the plate" YET, don't go assuming he won't! I "chose my battles wisely" and ignored most things, but at one point, instigated by their psychotic mother's desire to get my husband back, their behavior became somewhat abusive. Before it even went that far, husband sat them both down and informed them in no uncertain terms that he never even knew he was capable of loving anyone as much as he loved me. That they would be starting their own lives soon, but him and I were FOREVER, so they better not even think of abusing "MY WIFE" again! It was a great speech, I was very proud of him! Oh, and 2 days after he PRIVATELY told his X what would happen if she ever tried pulling that crap again, she ran off over 1,000 miles away to escape his wrath! Oh, she came back, always does. She's so predictable. And as far as your snotty little insinuations regarding "intimidating" my SDs go? Yeah? I spent 2 hours on the phone with my youngest this morning, who's also coming over tonight for dinner with her BF, and his sister's been knocking herself out trying to get me to TALK to her again! She's currently banned from our home for attempting to con my husband into agreeing to "sneak" BM into HIS mother's funeral behind my back. That's when we got a lawyer to inform his X that if she tried showing up, not only would she be thrown out, but we would file legal action against her. He didn't talk to his daughter for quite a while after that either, and she's been sending me flowers and cards trying to apologize ever since. And I'll accept it--when I'm pretty sure I won't say anything to her I might regret later. And it's not like I'm even that mad at her. We always kept our problems with her mother PRIVATE, so I'm not even positive if she's aware of her mother's true agenda, which never had anything to do with them anyway. Only reason I'm even on this board is because my husband's out-of-town, working with her and her husband, in the business we helped them start! But that's business, and my God! The money's phenomenal! Which is also the REAL reason loser bum BM wants MY husband back, and also what I'm afraid of letting slip to SD that I might regret later. She's already in counseling and several different medications, but that's because her husband finally got tired of her mother MOOCHING off them, and threw her out on her sorry rear. Is this your real problem? Has your X moved on and is living a life of bliss with his new wife, and won't allow your bitterness to intrude on their happiness? Have they shut you out and won't listen to a single word you say, leaving you with the only "option" of taking out your frustrations on the SMs on this board instead? Tell me, how am I doing here?

You don't need to have any kind of relationship with your stepdaughter other than cordial respect. The relationship with the problem is the one between father and his daughter. You can offer emotional support to your husband, but leave it at that. The two of them are going to have to work this out between themselves. If they try to drag you into it, say you are staying out of it. How does your husband feel about his relationship with his daughter?

SS is inconsiderate ... Mom and Dad don't care ... stop stressing yourself out over stupid stuff. So what if he goes to live with mom then she can let him harass her for not being on-time, she can let him wither away in his room. After a few weeks of him ignoring her and not helping out around the house she will be calling saying he needs counseling if not her the school will tell her about it. Let it go enjoy yourself and your time with your daughter. Let hubby worry about his kid yeah you will have to deal with it again but until then let it go.