Not to compare ... I was not around when SD20 was younger ... I met her at 15 She had already had one SM my youngest skids BM.

But I knew SD's BM left when she was 4 at age 8 fell off the earth .... She was somewhere just no clue where .... at 16 she started wondering about her mom and knocking her mom not knowing her mom at all .... I told her basically her mom did what was best for her and that meant leaving her with her dad ... dad made a bad choice for a SM but he still did right by you. At age 18 once again she was complaining about her BM told her basically mom did her best ... she was your age with a baby and a hubby you can't take care of your dog nevermind another person.

Flash forward to a couple weeks ago SD 20 (almost 21) has some contact with her mom text messages phone calls etc.... found her on myspace last christmas SD20 went to see her mom last summer. So a couple weeks ago mom calls SD what are you doing its about 11pm ... she says oh I am at my BFs getting ready to go to bed. BM flips out on her telling her not to make her a grandmother!!! SD says no worries all taken care of.

So now SD is telling me this story and it takes all my will power tongue biting clenching lips .... not to say...

Don't you have to be a mother before you can be a grandmother!!!!!! now of course she is her mom but she had no part in raising her at all no influence no input, vanished for 10+ years Not aggrevated with the statement ... more of a shock I guess that she wanted no part of the this kid growing up but now she wants to play grandma ...

YOu have to let it play itself out ... her loss on your kids ... as far as the gg's funeral .... how close were they ... she probably just wants to show them off again and they'll know when she starts posing for pictures near the casket.

I don't know if I would even bother letting them go .... if it were one of the grandparents they see alot of ... different scenario... have them send a card to the grandparents and surviving spouse but do they really need to go?

Well bm called me this morning to tell me that they decided to drive from here to the east coast for the services and she wanted to pick the kids up afterschool and take them with. I told her that is a decision for dh and I would call him and ask him. So I called him and as we were talking bm beeped in on his phone, which is funny because her excuse for not calling for a year is she did not have our phone #'s. DH has had the same cell phone number forever and we never gave it to her again so obviously she had it all along!

Anyways dh told her that the kids are not going to spend a day and a half in a car to then spend 2 days crying at services and then get back in the car for another day and a half. He said it is too much on them and they have school anyways. Plus the fact that she does not have enough seatbelts in her vehicle!! She was not pleased dh said. But the funny thing is that when he said no and told her why she said "well I will tell my parents".

Not sure why she said that? Maybe it was her parents idea for her to bring the kids? Either way it was a pretty stupid thing to say!

Funny how she wants to take the kids when it will make her look good....like bringing them to a family function. But the rest of the time she acts as if they don't exist!

And I could totally see the picture opportunity by the casket psuedo! That made me giggle! She has to get that proof everytime she sees the kids so she can flash it around!

Well, pseudo, at least she said *don't* make me a grandmother...

Five days really is too long to take off school for a funeral, especially if 3 of those days are in the car.

I bet the grandmother was just hoping...

I am sure the grandparents were hoping the kids would be there so they could see them. But I just found it wierd that when we told bm no she right away said she would let her parents know we said no. Reminded me of someone who is court ordered to apply for jobs and has to show the judge that they at least tried! Like she didn't really want to deal with bringing them with, but she asked to please her parents. I mean if she brought them with she would be responsible for feeding them for like 5 days! GASP! I am sure bm has other things to do with her hard earned welfare checks besides feed her kids!

mom2emall,
One of my students was told to attend his paternal grandmother's funeral. He has met his father about 5 times in his whole life briefly and saw his grandma once when he was 2, he is 16 now. He told me that he and his sister do not want to attend but his father insists that they attend because there will be dad's family members (whom B_ and his sister have never ever met). B_ mentioned how his father is never around yet all of a sudden wants kids to be present.

After reading this thread I realized why his dad insists on attendance, he wants to show to other people that he takes care of his children. Same with your SKs. What a shame.

Yes, fd for bm it is all about showing other people that she is involved in her kids lives. Or should I say pretending! BM is with her family now and called last nite to tell the kids goodnite and that her flight arrived safely. Funny how she has never called before to say goodnite!

Oh and today she called to see how the kids day at school was! This is also a first. What a great show for her family! She may be up for an academy award for this perfomance!

I can just see her sitting around with her family telling stories of how she sees the kids all the time and talks to them twice a day. Older sd is already catching onto the act.

oh the memories she could share about her children....

... she have to ask you what they are but I bet she would love to share them.

LOL Pseudo!

How utterly pathetic...

Well yesterday bm played the "I am close with my kids" thing going and called again. Too bad the only one home for her to talk to was ss, who lasted about 30 seconds on the phone with her. He is not a phone person at all.

BM wanted to talk to me. Asked where "her girls" were. Said she tried calling their cells first. I told her younger sd was at a sleepover. Older sd was at the movies. Thats probably why they did not answer their cells.

Then bm tries being overly friendly with me and attempted to engage me in a conversation about the girls, still pretending that she talks to them all the time. Saying things like "oh I bet __ is out with ___" but she has no clue who her girls friends are so she just made up random names! It was pathetic!! I did not give her the names of their friends, instead I just responded with "they have never been friends with anyone by that name". BM did not comment, probably still pretending in front of people that she regularly speaks to us all!

Just makes me sick!! I wanted to scream at her and tell her what a fool she sounded like and that she was fooling nobody! But it would be pointless, so I did not.

Well today she headed home and we have not heard from her....not a big surprise. Wonder if her days with family will make her want to be close to her kids, or if the pretending to care is over and done with now. I guess we shall see.

Funny thing is if she plans on being all motherly now and making plans with them I am not sure how it will work. The next few weekends the kids are soo busy. Each weekend day one of them has something going on and I know bm would never be able to take them to their practices, meets, and evnets. She can not even show up to pick them up on time. And I know it might sound bad, but if the kids miss any practices or events I want it to be because we had to miss it. They don't get to miss much because of rules and policies so I don't want bm wasting one of their possible absenses just because she is lazy and does not feel like taking them.

And ss has made it clear he does not like going there without one of his sisters. So this should be interesting.

Oh Lord - she seriously MADE UP NAMES for friends? Move over Ms. Bullock - we have a new Oscar contender. That is really the saddest thing ever.

Honestly, because I'm in my take-no-crap-from-lame-birth-moms mode, I would have started changing the conversation to force her into saying things her family would overhear. My SD's mom tries that same sort of I'm-an-involved-mom crap with her family and it just sends me over the edge. If you want to appear involved, truly be involved. If you can't be bothered, get lost.

Believe me jnm I wanted to say something that would make her respond in front of her family. Unfortunately at the moment I was a little awe struck by her insane performance that I was just about speechless.