Hiyall. This is a first for me. I am a stepdad to a now 19year old daughter. I have been married to her mother for 12 years now. Well the upshot is that she does not, has never, really accepted me. Yes, I know, that was a long time coming...but things have come to a head. Once about six years ago she said "You are not my Dad".
Now I have a son who is almost 17, from a previous marriage, so there are four of us in the family, not including stepdaughter's dog.
Now recently, my wife started telling me that her daughter was severely depressed.And one of the main reasons was my cussing. Now it is true I cuss using the f- word occasionally. But that is occasionally. Also the s**t word. But funny thing was, around the time of the complaint, I don't recall swearing at all for a long time, coz it had been brought to my attention by my wife before. Now that was about two weeks ago, and I just accepted the criticisms as I figured it was the only thing to do to preserve harmony. But I do recall a smoldering resentment deep down, as I could not recall actually doing anything wrong, including swearing.
But it came to a head yesterday. I was asleep and got a call on my mobile phone from wife who was stuck at work in a big store over here like your Walmart. There were some bad people hanging around the back of the store and the night staff could not get out. They called store security who had yet to arrive. Now I went to get the phone to call the local police and the phone was dead. That got me angry, stepdaughter had pulled the plug in order to use another applicance and had not put it back. Then I went to get the spare car keys and they were not there, so I went to ask stepdaughter but the hall door was locked. Stepdaughter had boyfriend in her room. Said studying but from the laughter sounded like anything but. I lost the plot and started banging on the hall door (not her room door), open the eff- ing door where are the car keys why is the phone turned off... I completely lost the plot as we say over here. The stepdaughter came out indignant and we shouted at each other she said she didn't have the keys...I looked for them and threw all the stuff off the sideboard before she went back to her room and found the car keys. I was too upset to drive to work and she was no doubt upset as well. I just tidied up the mess and got a call from wife who said she was on her way home. Long story short, stepdaughter is moving out now... and I am to blame. But I feel this has all been too easy...like it is a set-up.
And there is another thing which I have realized recently which is worrying me. You see, when I met my wife, the story was that her husband had tried to kill himself but partially succeeded... It goes like this... She came home and her best friend ran out of the house naked. Husband said it was a set up. Said your friend was bad all along. My wife left the house that night and did not return. Husband went crazy pleading innocence. Wife tells me he was innocent, her friend was actually evil, had been secretly fraternizing with many businessmen and was jealous of wife. Entered house and stripped in order to destroy the marriage. Knew wife would soon be home. Well the upshot was that during the separation, the husband contrived to get the false friend and a bunch of businesspeople into a car and tried to drive the car into a tree. A few men died, the false friend became a cripple, and my wife's first husband became a wheelchair-bound vegetable. Wife cared for him for three years, found out the truth ... that he had never cheated on her, had been set up. But she eventually after spending their fortune on vainly seeking a cure, left him to start a new life overseas, which is where I come in.
Problem is, I don't know if it is true or not. You see, the word is he eventually died, but maybe didn't. Also that his twin brother comes over to our country sometimes to see the daughter. Maybe it's true. And that the daughter (my stepdaughter) has never been told her father is a wheelchair bound vegetable or even maybe dead. And I am never, ever to tell her either. So the stepdaughter says "You're not my Dad, he is in [x country]".
There is another possibility - that the husband had cheated, and that the husband is alive and well, and my wife just wished ill upon him and left him with the daughter. And lied to me about it. And it is the real bio-father that visits the daughter. But I haven't been told that.
This circumstance is the long-term background for my current problems. Thoughts anyone?
parent_of_one
incognitomom
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