Consider divorce over step kids
dell123
11 years ago
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Comments (10)
colleenoz
11 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agoRelated Discussions
anyone ever get divorced over trees?
Comments (48)Well, it seems there is something larger and more ominous at work here. The trees in our yard, almost all of the oaks, are dead or dying. There must be something like 8 or 9 totally dead and that many more now in various stages of disease. They all seem infested with galls once they finally keel over, but I have read that galls don't kill a tree and assume then that this is a consequence of the disease and not a cause. We procrastinated about having the service come in and take the hazard trees out and now I am glad we did because it's going to be an ongoing thing. I guess the only recourse is to call someone from the agricultural extension office about coming out to check for blight or oak wilt or something, and from what I have read about these diseases there is really not much that can be done. Like I have mentioned before, our yard is not like a tree here and a tree there interspersed with grass---it's nothing BUT trees. 20 acres of them to be exact. But that's getting ready to change because regardless of the cause, when these dying ones are down the canopy is sure going to be different. I've become a shade-loving creature and that will certainly be a big change. I wonder what is happening here. And if it's oak wilt,any diseased tree can pass the pathogen on to the next through the roots, so we could possibly be looking at a huge loss of trees here....See Morestep kids/ex wives/babysitters oh my!
Comments (3)Thanks for the words of advice and encouragement. Somedays it is really hard to know what the best thing to do is. I used to try and suggest things directly to my dh's ex, but I am always met with "you don't know what it's like because you've never been a mother" Which is true I don't and won't be having children of my own..dh had the operation after the youngest was born-due to complications he does not want to reverse it-we talked extensively about this prior to our marriage, so it was not a surprise. Maybe it has had the effect of me wanting to be closer to my step daughters knowing that they are the closest to children I will have, I just don't know how to do it without upseting her. The thing is that I can in some aspects sympathize with her-I understand that things have not been easy for her in life either. Her father died when she was young, she got pregnant at 17 (dh was 22-the man she left for was older than my dh-I suspect she has spent her life looking for a father type figure-as by accounts by dh & her sister-she did not accept her step dad) Ex is actually a couple years younger than me. Back to the point....My oldest sd was a twin; they were born at 26 weeks. The oldest twin suffered a brain tumor and the doctors felt it was best to take her off life support. Dh feels that his ex never forgave him as she feels that he forced her to consent to let their child die. I can understand this somewhat, (I know as a sister losing is not the same as a mother) my own family dealt with this when my mother became pregnant with twins (which were born at about 26-27 weeks-unfortunately within a year both passed away) when I was 13. I just feel that if bm would lose some of her anger that it could make all of our lives easier. Not that I am saying it is all her fault either-as I mentioned the conversations between dh & ex would turn into shouting matches...I know my dh still holds a resentment at coming home twice to find that she emptied out their home and moved into an apartment with another man. I just can't understand why she has to make things so hard when all dh wants to do is what's best for his daughters and have a good relationship with them. I have tried being friendly, I've tried staying out of her way, but I really don't know what it will take to make her happy-maybe if I disappeared of the face of the earth? I once asked her if her bf's ex made her feel wrong for wanting to do things with his sons...she said that her bf's ex treated her awfully and all she wanted to do was nice things for her ss, but I guess it didn't register that when it comes to her daughters I am in the same position. Hopefully it will get better!! In the meantime I just love my sds when they are with us, do things with them, but also ensure that they have quality alone time with dad as well, and try to always be honest with them....and pray A lot!!...See MoreStep daughter destroying peaceful divorce
Comments (14)I would just document the fact that you called left messages etc etc... if he is choosing not to exercise the rights just make sure you can say well I called you at x time x number of times... you didnt show your own fault. This way if, for some reason, he tried to go to court and say that you weren't allowing visitation you have specific times and dates to tell the judge. And, if daughter was ordered to attend anger management classes by social services and did not go i would make darn sure social services is aware of this. I simply can not fathom a child hurting his/her sibling in this way without severe issues. The girl needs as much help as your son needs to be protected. And, the fact that the father is allowing an adult in his home (his child or not) to hurt his other child and not enforcing what social services stated is definately something the courts will look at to change visitation. At this point, it is an adult abusing a child ... even if the adult is related it is still an adult abusing a child. And, no different than if a parent was standing by while his/her gf, bf, dh, or dw abused their child. And, at this point, with the age difference there should be no such thing as sibling spats in the terms that we are used to .. ie the 11 and 12 yr old brothers getting into a fight and hitting each other. Both are still children are there is a lot of growing up to do. Not a 19 year old hitting a 10 year old... if this were anything other than a sister hitting a brother ... say a 19 yr old neighbor beating up on a 10 year old neighbor... there would be no question. And, you never have an obligation to place your child in harms way. One of the first things our lawyer said to us is we never should have let the kids go back. He told us one of the first things the judge will say if you didnt feel it was safe why did you let your child go. You can always file for emergency custody (I believe that is the phrase) if that becomes an issue as well....See MoreStep parenting help!! Step kids :(
Comments (3)M. Martin, plenty of SPs have been in your position. Being a SP is not an easy task, at all. Many who are both bio-parents and SPs say the step-parenting has been by far the more difficult. Dismissive attitudes from many, including counselors, unfortunately, are not all that uncommon either. Many have been taught or trained to think only from the perspective of the bio-parents and their children, and therefore don’t take SPs thoughts, feelings or rights (yes, SPs do have rights) into consideration much, if at all. One thing you could do that might help, is make sure you see a counselor well-experienced in blended families or one who is a SP him or herself. But, sometimes even that is questionable. Sometimes SPs get “lucky” and have both a supportive bio-mom and spouse/DH and sometimes they may just have a supportive spouse. The term supportive in this case means that your role as DH’s wife and step-mom is accepted AND enforced. However, some SMs have pretty much zero support from anyone, including their own husbands. This is the bucket you seem to be falling into. Your DH doesn’t support you in your role with his children, so his children don’t support you either. If the kids were younger, you’d need to focus on turning your DH around, so he can turn his kids around. But, since the SKs are now adults and your DH has allowed this for quite some time, if you want to stay married to your DH, options are fewer. I’d still recommend trying to find a different counselor. Some are starting to see that SM does have a side now and a side that needs to be respected by all, starting with DH. Once DH sees this, then he needs to pass this “SM needs to be respected” along to his kids (and it needs to come from him!). BM you have less control over, but it seems she is not an issue here. However, in your case, I could make an argument that your husband LET his daughter or daughters take on the anti-SM role that some BMs take from time to time. I’m going to give you a couple of words to look up and you can see if they apply to your situation and go from there. One is the term Mini-wife. The other term is Disengagement. Since your DH won’t change, it seems, and your SKs are adults now, your only option if you want to stay married but not have to put up with being treated like sloppy seconds or thirds may be disengagement. There are other step-parenting websites out there. You can either vent or get opinions there too. Look around, do research, decide what YOU want to do. Keep in mind, you will probably never have the stereotypical happy blended family, but personally I don’t think most do. I think most maybe have the OK blended family. But, sometimes given the dynamics, even OK may be out of reach, and it is a question of letting the initial family do what they may, to a point, and trying to disengage or ignore their clouded, seemingly backwards judgement and actions the best you can. Instead, focus on your own family’s wants and needs. Best of luck to you...See Moreknoco_18
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agotrentbeitz12
8 years agoHU-172008193
5 years agocolleenoz
5 years agoKaren Peltier
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoSunny Daze
4 years agoNicola Vaughan
last yearlast modified: last year
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