Consider divorce over step kids
dell123
11 years ago
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colleenoz
11 years agosylviatexas1
11 years agoRelated Discussions
Advice needed about where to draw boundaries with step kids.
Comments (49)Serenity...I see what you're saying, but I don't think I'm going to ask for a copy of the divorce certificate, I think that would sound like I don't trust him and I always like to trust someone until they prove otherwise. Work and gossip is not an issue, we live an hour apart in a big city and have very different lines of work so that will never get mixed up. I know I'm not their step mother, I'm Daddy's gf, but I'm the only one so I don't think it's too traumatic for them having me around. Their mom has a new man now and from the sounds of it is trying to buy their affection with day trips and half the gift shop. Good luck with that. Bunglogrl...I asked him if he had been playing the field a bit since he'd been separated (hoping he had!) and he said he hasn't dated anyone. I agree, he should have been seeing different women but the fact is he was alone for a year or so and didn't. He's just not that type of person. I know another recently separated man with 2 small children and he has been sleeping with about every 3rd woman he meets if the rumours are true. Some people need to, some don't. My bf is a relationship person, and that is not such a bad thing, having been cheated on by my last boyfriend, it is attractive for me to be with a man that sustained a relationship for so long. Obviously he is not like my ex that just wanted to go and screw around. I do see the point when people say he is just looking for a replacement wife and here I am! Well, is that such a bad thing? He likes having me round and making me dinner and buys me little gifts (something I am not used to either). I haven't come across many people that like to be alone. I have done all the things you do in your 20's, college, work, travel, a few boyfriends, and I know I'm ready now to settle down and I'd like to get married (but not desperate to, I never had the "princess day" fantasy about the white dress haha) and have my own baby soon. I don't mind helping out with his kids and he does frequently ask me for advice about parenting. He knows I'm not a parent but I tell him what I know and it usually works if he does it. He told me he has done his grieving for the relationship, and wants to move on, so if a new wife is what he wants, then that's not such a bad thing. I'm very independent, I work full time, pay my own way and I still travel without him, so it's not like I'm going to slot right into to being his housekeeper, chef and babysitter. We are both respectful to each other and know we are lucky to have met each other. There are a few reasons we want to move in together. He can't pay his mortgage alone and I can't afford to buy a house on my own (house prices have skyrocketed in the last few years in my city). Plus we live an hour apart so with our jobs, the nights he has his kids, the gym and social committments we don't get to see each other very often. I know it sounds like a rush but it doesn't feel like it. It takes months to buy/move houses anyway so it likely won't happen until the new year. Anyway, I'm working it out with the kids, and I have told me I want to help him and I can, if he asks but he has permission to tell me to shut up if I go overboard or offend him. Thanks for all the advice......See MoreDH & ex have been divorced over 40 yrs, ex entering back into his
Comments (11)Mary 1956, whoever said that there is something wrong with you because it bothers you that your husband's ex-wife is included in his family in a way you aren't has obviously never experienced this kind of hurtful treatment. I have! I am not sure why people act as they do, but a friend of mine told me that many people just don't have the ability to think about other people's feelings like "we" do. I am not sure I agree, but I do see it on a daily basis. Why your husband's ex-wife doesn't see how inappropriate her attendance at his family functions is eludes me. My guess is that she doesn't give a rat's a__ about your husband or you. She must not have any pride. Maybe she does it to hurt your husband and you. Even if your husband says something to his family, it may not help. I am in almost the identical situation, and although my husband and I haven't been married for as long as you, his ex-wife attends many of his families events. To make matters worse, she had an affair that ended their relationship about 15 years ago, and his family seems to not care. She has driven a wedge between him and his kids, and they don't seem to care about that either. And she has done everything she can to prevent me from having a relationship with his adult kids, and for some reason these kids just allow themselves to be manipulated. I hate to say this, but there is probably not much you can do about the situation unless your husband can influence his family. In my mind, they shouldn't have to understand why it bother's you, they should just accept that it does, that YOU are part of the family, and that they should make things comfortable for YOU. Good luck and let us know how things work out!...See MoreMy fiance is divorced with kids - help!
Comments (10)bnicebkind Please read my posting carefully and dont misunderstand or assume things. I did write that it is the husband that should tell her. Her 'business' is limited as well. What she does in her house is her business and what i do in mine is mine. In most situations, the biomom is jealous of the relationship adn has left over emotional baggage that has not been dealt with. I'm a very understanding person and please dont tell me to take the high road. I've given millions of chances to my husbands exwife and all i've become is an escape goat to everythign when seh doesn't get her way. And no she doesn't think of her kids. She doesn't even appreciate on how well i treat them help them in homework and i'm always considerate of her and never talk bad. But all i get to hear is how the kids love me and how she hates me for that. I understand but i am the one being the big person here. Not the biomom. Considering she is also a druggie i dont think highly of her either but i never say anything bad of her in front of the kids. She is the one who is controlling and to the point where she will damage her kids in the process without a second thought. You do not know my situation and Like i wrote before. Please read carefully. If you did , you would know i am married already. and havea child of my own. My eyes are very wide open and have been since young. I've lost my mom to cancer at the age of 11 years old. Have had two stepmoms. So i have much experience and knowledge. Plus not everyoen is understanding or kind. Take that into consideration for your thoughts. People who are jealous dont give a hoot about anything but themselves and this is waht this biomom is. If cookie is worried that the ex is going to snap then there is obvious reason to worry. Its biomoms business to know who will be involved with her kids. But beyond that, especially if she is purposely sabotaging relationships, it is NONE of her business. If she wants to know something she may ask her husband but chances are when the tables are reversed and her exhusband asks her, she will tell him its none of her businesses. You see, people like this, are not understanding. Therefore there is not much you can do. It would be great to all get along in this world. But its reality here. Not a dream....See MoreIs it better when step kids are Older or Younger?
Comments (19)Bonnie, It only gets better when they get older if they are taught from the beginning HOW to behave properly. If they are allowed to treat people like crap, they won't wake up one morning & realize they shouldn't act that way. However if the parents are drilling into them to treat people nice, they may wake up one day & realize the parents were right. Usually it happens when they become parents themselves. (and maybe they appreciate or realize how hard it is to be a stepparent when they become one or see a situation that opens their eyes to it) As you can see in other threads, every kid & every situation is different. I read Pseudo's thread where her SD has an about face & now wants to be "friends" with Pseudo after years of animosity. My first inclination is that the SD is going to use her "friendliness" with SM as a weapon to hurt a mom she is angry at, rather than an epiphany that she now realizes how great SM is and loves her for it. I'm not saying she doesn't realize how great Pseudo is, because she does realize Pseudo doesn't treat her as bad as her own mom... but in my opinion, it's more likely a manipulation. My point is that kids do get older & figure things out, form their own opinions, and maybe even stick up for themselves.... but do you really want to go through what Pseudo is going through? Or JustNotMartha? Or me? or any of the other SM's that are in similar situations? We all had the best intentions, have given endlessly & ended up, in one way or another, stressed out & frustrated. and the stress takes it's toll... on our relationships, physical health, mental health, and quality of work. I'm envious of those that can toss back a few drinks, even though I abstain from alcohol because my mom is an alcoholic & I have health problems I don't want to make worse... but I've been on medication, take stress management, go to counseling, and have gained weight because I'm a stress eater. For me, it just keeps getting worse. My SD is 12 now. She knows her mom is full of BS. She knows all I've done for her. But, there are people in their 30's, 40's, and older that can STILL be manipulated. There is no magical age where that ends... it ends when a person decides they are being manipulated and no longer wants to allow someone else to manipulate them. My SD's grandma is in her 70's and still allows BM to tell her what to do. That is what dysfunction is all about. Perhaps there is something in your past that draws you into the situation because that is where you're comfortable?...See Moreknoco_18
8 years agolast modified: 8 years agotrentbeitz12
8 years agoHU-172008193
5 years agocolleenoz
5 years agoKaren Peltier
5 years agolast modified: 5 years agoSunny Daze
4 years agoNicola Vaughan
last yearlast modified: last year
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