This is a fun and very enlightening discussion folks! Your story about New Dawn, Kim, seems to support the notion that the extent to which hips interfere with a rose's blooms depend on the "energy" reserves that the rose has to draw upon. Tough as nails roses like Knockout (as Michael mentioned) or the roses Jackie and Zack mentioned have such a reservoir of health and energy that hips are unlikely to affect them much in any climate unless something else interferes with their vitality. Notorious wimps like Tom Brown or Grey Pearl might be killed by one hip any time anywhere, assuming they set any in the first place. In your story of New Dawn, it sounds like the rose was able to build up a greater store of energy reserves in a climate pattern more to its liking, and therefore the hips affected it to a much lesser extent. I was wondering a related question to Michael's - is every rose hip that spontaneously appears on a bush pollinated so as to produce viable seed, and could it matter that you are deliberately trying to get your roses "pregnant" in your breeding efforts, which might take more energy for the rose than a random hip popping up here and there. I'm thinking of the analogy of chickens, and I don't know if it applies here. When chickens have a set of fertilized eggs, they shift all their energies from laying new eggs to brooding and caring for the bunch. The unfertilized eggs that we eat are expected to be "ever-blooming", however, every day or two. I imagine that you're also leaving the hips on the rose far longer than the random hips I encounter, which also makes a difference as you've already said in the recycle rate. Related to your squirrel comment, would it help to tie a netting or panty hose segment over the crosses to keep it on the bush even if the critters mess with it? Exhibitors seem to do something of the sort for show blooms. I could totally see me getting manic if a cross that I've waited years to develop got carried off by a witless tree rat that didn't really want to eat it anyway, and buried it somewhere in my neighbor's yard! Thanks for the enlightenment, everyone! Cynthia

"While you are waiting for your divorce, you should be in therapy to help you figure out what went wrong so that you don't repeat it." Very wise words...the OP would be wise to listen, but probably won't. No one ever thinks they need to get themselves in a good place before they date....seen it a zillion times. Oh and colorcrazy, you said "You don't want your husband to say you left him for another man", not sure if it is different from state to state or anything, but it likely has no bearing on anything. I am in NY, and my ex cheated on me 2X and for all practical purposes left me for the 2nd guy...my lawyer told me it has no impact on anything to do with the divorce, not division of assets, not alimony/child support (unless she married him eventually), not custody. Again, might not be the case everywhere, but I suspect many states are this way. This post was edited by mkroopy on Sat, Jan 4, 14 at 16:44

I see why your husband was upset. Your daughter chose to live with her boyfriend at a way too young age, got pregnant, and now she gets to come home and take away your ss's room! Hardly seems fair! I do not think your daughter should be out on the street. If you make her get her own place with a baby right now then she will probably not get an education and she will probably end up settling for some guy who she thinks will take care of her and start on a bad path. What I suggest is helping her through college. She is not your dependant as far as financial aid is concerned once she becomes a parent. So this will leave her eligible for many grants. I was in the same situation at her age and community college was free to me because of grants and I kept an A average. My dad helped me and I worked full-time at a daycare through college so I got a discount for my son and was still able to spend part of the day with him. Then I went to classes the other part of the day and he stayed at the daycare. Help her get on her feet so she can support herself and the baby. Yes, she should go for child support but you don't want her dependant on it. God knows there are many deadbeat dads and what if hers is one! As for your dh I would work on things with him. Set up a plan together for household rules and a time frame of how long you will help your daughter. As for her sleeping arrangements, sleeping on a couch and putting a crib by it may not work. Maybe she could take the smallest room and the boys could have the largest one?

Hey LouiseDawn, I can at least offer a silver lining of hope that I see in your situation. If SS is in college and SD is in grad school, there is at least some hope that they will be successful and eventually make enough money to finance their own lives. I also believe your situation will get better with time. I look back and I don't know how in the world I got through the last six years with my husband's family, but I did which is the important part. Having no prior experience at all in a step situation as step mother or step child, I was CLUELESS and felt guilt for the feelings of resentment I had and still sometimes have towards them and their father. I at least feel better to know that I am not this evil person for having these feelings anymore. That's a start. It seems that the biggest hurdles towards happiness in these situations most of the time are SDs for SMs. SSs seem to have a different relationship with their fathers that doesn't trigger that "drop everything and go be a hero" button in their fathers like SDs. I finally won the trust of my SD (I think) and she doesn't try to push my buttons anymore to create conflict. She had a bad experience before me with SM #1 so I have tried to take all that into consideration to cut her some slack and focus on the long term goal of all of us getting along. These days SD's biggest offense is using the guilt her father feels to manipulate him into openning the checkbook for her whims. All children manipulate, but steps have an easier time because they can use the guilt of their broken home life to loosen the purse strings. This has been the core of my own turmoil but has nothing to do with the purse at all. There is no reason for their father to feel guilt other than simply building a life with me, which hurts me because I have no regrets and his guilt feels like regret to me. BM left them all when the children were toddlers. There were 12 years between the time BM left and I met my husband so that breakup can't be put in my lap. He's paid for their tuition solely and provides for them to be more than comfortable. Why should he feel guilt? I FORCED him to discuss these feelings this week and it seems to be helping. He's finally recognizing that his guilt isn't all meritted here. Sometimes his children just didn't go to classes that we paid for and sometimes they told us stories that sounded good while they just did their own thing. They are in their 20's and should have some accountability in their lives. Other than walking them to class and doing their homework, I really don't see what else we could have done. He finally seems to also understand that my concerns aren't dollars and cents but the part we are playing in a pattern that insures failure in the future of our children, who just aren't prepared for the world. The biggest part of our job as parents is to prepare our children to become adults in this world (I think women get this where men don't. Men seem to want to be providers or heros.). If they aren't prepared, their growth is stunted and they lack confidence in themselves and their decisions in life. I am hoping that now he is getting past the guilt and focusing on helping to prepare them for the world (NOT dump them, just set boundaries and expectations that aren't forgotten later) we can work together to repair the damage. Is that such a terrible thing to be want for your children? I want that for my own bio son so how can that be a bad thing? I do not "know it all", but I feel like in your case, you should hang in there, support your husband and insist that you communicate on these issues together. Divided you fall, after all. Try to look at everything with honest objectivity. Yes, it is normal to have these feelings of resentment, but then take that knowledge and do something positive with it by feeling a new liberty to discuss it with your husband and grow from it. Understand that your stepkids also have their own feelings they aren't sure how to deal with. (I've found that it has helped me to read some of the few posts on here by stepkids, to understand their perspective.) We should look at what drew us to our husbands in the first place. What we loved about them from the start can't also be a reason to break us up now. In my own case, I had to offer him my trust that he would do the right thing for all of us. I just assumed he would go and make some terrible, crazy decision that would stunt all of our lives. I was asking him to trust me with his children, when I didn't trust him with his children. Again communication helps to work together. Hang in there, girl. I know you are hurting from the behavior of your stepkids right now and you are justified in that. Stepkids are notorious for behaving aggressively towards us at least in the beginning. Be the bigger person, gain their trust and when they have grown enough to hear you, explain your side to them and hear theirs. This takes time and doesn't happen overnight. My husband is a good man. He's worth the time and the strength it takes to get through it. His children are too.