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helpwiththis

Feeling used and abused--not sf issue

helpwiththis
15 years ago

I am feeling used and abused today. A while back we let my sis and her 2 kids move in because she was/is going through a divorce. Her ex is useless and does not see his kids or keep a job long enough to pay support. She works full-time and is a wonderful mom.

Anyways, when I get home from work she goes to work and I watch her 2 kids. They are young. Before she moved in I told her that she would have to pay us a little rent money and I would expect help around the house with cleaning.

Fastforward a few months and I am miserable. I do all the cooking, most of the cleaning, and am a free babysitter. She barely cleans up behind herself and her children. She never does anything extra like mopping a floor or doing dishes. So I get home from work and am left with homework, dinner, and 4 kids everynight. My dh works during the day and is currently in night school. I am stressed and overwhelmed working full-time on top of doing all this at night.

Whenever I try to talk to my sister about cleaning it turns into a fight. She gets defensive. She cries and I end up feeling bad and let it go.

Today I had enough because I asked her to babysit yesterday for me for a few hours while I went to a wedding shower. I came home to a mess from her kids and mine and her sitting on the couch playing computer games on her laptop. I made a comment about the mess and she blamed it on my girls. I asked her if since she was watching them she thought of asking them to clean up their messes or maybe help them? When I watch her kids I clean up behind them! She cleaned up a thing or two and then she took her kids and went to a superbowl party.

Today I called her from work and told her today that I am done. No more free babysitter and maid. She has 2 weeks to find evening childcare.

I told her she is welcome to live here but since she is not helping clean like I asked that she needs to find a babysitter for her two children at night. I told her that I am overwhelmed and just can not do it all anymore. I told her I am sick of begging for her to help and then having to fight with her to get it. I told her that since she is not helping me that I need the time at night to get some things done around my house instead of chasing after an infant and toddler. She of course cried and said she was moving out. I reminded her that I never said she had to leave and that I love her and her kids but that I am done putting myself out for her and then getting crap from her when I need help. I feel like she only helps me out after my pleas turn into a fight where I remind her of all I do for her.

I hate this. I hate being that person that does good deeds and feels like they have to throw them back in the persons face.

My dh says I am doing the right thing. He said to stick to my guns and let her find childcare and spend the money on it instead of saving it like she has been able to do the last few months. He said then she will realize just how good she had it. He said to at least let her struggle with childcare for a month or so before offering my help again.

What do you all think? I feel like I am enabling her on one hand. On the other I feel like now I am the worst sis ever. I was thinking of making a comprimise and saying I would only watch them 2 out of the 5 days she works.

How would you handle this?

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