It's true that you can almost program an appliance to live a specific number of years. I don't mind paying a premium price for an appliance (Well, I mind, but I will do it) if I know it's of really good quality and will last. I remember the days of the repair shops and fixing them if you needed to. But, in the last decade or two, appliances are made much more cheaply and the parts to fix them are priced in such a way the consumer is encouraged to just pitch their broken appliance and buy a new one. Shame, shame, shame on the manufacturers. When I married my husband, both he and I had a refridgerator, so I sold mine, rather than move it. He had in his kitchen a 20 year old model and it was still running well. We kept it another five years, and it was so ancient, the interior disintegrated before the working guts died. That's how well it was made. Twenty five years old and still running! Since the compressor was fine, I was able to donate it to one of our utility companies to be recycled. Win/win. If I have X dollars to spend, I'd really rather get a very basic model of something with no bells and whistles, but made of really good components. It's hard to buy basic anythings anymore...........it's all designed with extraneous stuff many people won't even use with plastic bodies and nylon gears. Whomever came up with the idea of making gears out of nylon should have been committed!

Not one of us is capable of telling another when "it's OK" to throw in the towel and say, "I've had enough". Reaching that conclusion is something everyone in this group has to do for themselves, and not one of us will arrive at the decision "easily". Mum has been with me for just over 2 years now. And I'm wondering if it is ever going to end for me and the helpmeet. I am not a "caregiver", either. But she's my mother and she's not so far gone that her needs cannot be met by me, the helpmeet, and my brother. It's plenty "inconvenient", but we've accomodated elderly pets this much... . She's able to walk with her cane, she reads, enjoys the (real) cats, and maintains her sense of humor even if she forgets a lot of things. Here's what's permitted me to keep my nose above the water: 1.) Mum operates on MY schedule. I work full time, as does the helpmeet. Mum has to get up with us and she goes to bed when we do. I have to get her up every morning and help her "get on course"... she unhooks herself from the night urostomy jug, gets washed up and dressed. We make her bed together and then I clean and disinfect the jug. Then she comes up and has breakfast and her pills. Twice weekly I change the urostomy appliance for her because she is no longer able to do it for herself. 2.) I hired a woman to come in 3 times/wk. to bathe her and help her select her clothing. This Mum's special time. 3.) I schedule doctors' app'ts. at MY pleasure and my convenience. We see doctors I like. If I don't like them or get a good "vibe" we go to someone else. I'm Mum's advocate and if I don't like the way a doctor relates to her, I speak up on her behalf. (I think her new doctor is great; he's YOUNG, dialled into the importance of diet and exercise, and keeping medications to a MINIMUM). 4.) Insisting my brother take her for 2-3 wks. at a shot to give us a break. It's not the day to day "chores" that wear you down, it's the MONOTONY of your days. Water will wear stone smooth given enough time... look what it did to the Grand Canyon... I won't lie to you, I want my "old" life back! I'm sick of an existence that revolves around pills, pee, and water. But this is the hand I accepted and it's the one I'm playing. It's not time to "fold", yet. When it is, I will do so. And will suffer all the guilt pangs and regrets you have now. You'll make a good choice; don't be afraid to say, "enough". Putting yourself first on the list is not a "bad" thing... "hair shirts" have been out of fashion since about the 1300s... you know? Life is for the living. ;)

Of course I don't want to hurt her, I love her. She has told me that her mom does not like it that she calls me mom (her mom also sent me an e-mail explaining to me that she is SDs' mom, NOT me) I feel like SD is torn between being loyal to her mom and not hurting me. Because of the loyalty to her mom (and I understand and accept that)I end up getting hurt and she ends ups feeling "bad". She doesn't need that kind of pressure, she goes through enough with the guilt trips her mom puts on her. I need to find a way to be a good role model for her and show her I love her without getting so involved. I don't think her mom is a good role model for her. SD (who is only 14) has told me about her mother discussing the importance of penis size with her (SHOCKING!)she has also told me that her mom acts inappropriate around men and just "wants to go to bed with them" Oh there's more, I just don't want to get into it. But now you can see that she needs someone to talk to. It's very difficult because I just want to tell her that her mom is a horrible person and she should not model herself after her in any way, but of course I can't say that. It would make SD feel awful. Anyway, I think I'm getting off the subject here. I take the brunt and get the disrespect because I am the stepmom. When I think of the word mom, respect, love and kindness come to mind, guilt and disrespect do not. It may sound like I'm being selfish, or making a mountain out of a molehill, but it just bothers me. Thank you all again for your advise.

Hi, I am new to this forum but reading everyone's comments made me feel so much better about the way I feel. I have been with my fiance for 11 years since his son was 2 years old. His ex is a psychopath, she has tried to kill herself multiple times in front of the child and suffers from bipolar and depression. We have been to court multiple times and everytime her family swoops in to protect her and the child says he wants to stay with his mom. We just got finished wasting $6k on an attorney for family court because she broke up with her boyfriend, went out drinking and got a dwi and then told the cops she was going to kill herself so she spent the weekend handcuffed to a hospital bed. She has manipulated her son into thinking that everything is his father's fault. He is now 13 years old and just called up my fiance to tell him he doesnt want to talk to him or see him anymore, and my fiance is beside himself. We have done so much, he is such a wonderful father, he never says a bad word about his ex to his child and has done everything to try to make up for the stress his mother puts him through and this is how he is repaid. I have spent the past 11 years giving up my weekends to have his son here, we sold our house last year to buy a house in his school district because she couldn't find am apartment I'm the district. We have gone above and beyond, I just can't take anymore. Now I have to see all of the pain my fiance is going through and there is nothing I can do. I feel helpless and deep down in side I'm happy to get a break. I just feel like I have never had a life with my fiance that didn't involve his son and his ex and now I could possibly have a chance but he is so broken over his son. I feel horrible saying this but I dont care if he doesnt come over anymore on the weekends the only reason I care is because it hurts my fiance so badly. I also fear how it will be when his son decides to come back around because I am angry for what he has done to his father and have a lot of resentment. Sometimes I feel like just giving up.