Wondering...your Mom most likely feels close to her son...they share a home now...why should she want to see him homeless upon her death? If she buys his cigs and booze..he must be doing enough household duties to get those things..she may buy them whether he did or did not do anything for her....have you ever gone there to help out? Run errands, take her to dr....all those things that adult kids do for parents?? Maybe...your brother feels obligated to live there....be her housemate because he does not see anyone else stepping up to do the maintenance that she may need to run a house...I have seen this arrangement for years with men who live with parents... They give up certain life events such as dating, marrying and sometimes holding a good job because demands at home do not allow it...when my father was ill...I could not work....I had my own home but had to stay at home just to be able to care for my fathers transportation needs to drs ofc. My mother would not do it.... It sometimes appears as if the brother has a great time, but have you actually thought of the things he may have to deal with...maybe that is why the booze...is your concern having the will favor you some? I think your mom might see you as someone who she cannot depend on...I have a mother who made it public knowledge that she favored her boys over her daughters....she even said it as I was carting her a** around town running errands...while my oldest bro...her favorite did not lift a finger for her...ever..that I saw.... My middle bro owns the house...mother is not that crazy about him...but she will leave anything she has to my younger bro....older bro has his own money too....I do not go to my mothers house because when I did my brothers wete verbally hateful....you never knew what they would say....my mother basically kicked me to the curb 14 years ago when I started working full time....if I could not do things for her...she had no reason to talk to me..as she had done to all five of daughters....when my older sister passed away...she did not want to really talk to me after all that time...nephew passed away several months prior and I sat next to her after 12 yrs and she got up and left room. When my sister passed away she started speaking to me only to get a ride to funeral home...after that..nothing...about 2 yrs later after a conversation with another sister about problems in my marriage...my mother calls about a month or so later.....only to hear the details...thinking I would tell her anything...when I did not give her what she wanted...she stopped calling...my mother was just vacant emotionally to her daughters...not much better with sons but she treated them better.... If you are smart...you will let your brother be with this issue....some women thrive on seeing their kids fight..mine did....I have nothing to say to my mother that would mean anything at this point...she raised her kids half a**ed...but we all turned out good.....the girls all have had marital problems...and dependence on husbands because we were forced to leave home by the time we were sixteen....I did not go to clg till I was an adult and had no op to have a real career... I say all this because some women are just born to make trouble for their kids...they will play one off on the other....thats likely what she is doing now...her way of saying..."see what i did"...

Few things/ideas here: 1. Buy don't make treats. Have that grocery list on the fridge and put the treat on the list (or always have one on hand so you can grab it in the mornign when you go SHOOT I NEED A TREAT TODAY..makes you look organized!!! 2. Outside looks are not what inside households are. The households that look perfect can have wife beaters and alcholoics in them. 3. Who cares what others think, it's what you feel about you child that counts!!! NEVER FORGET THIS ONE!!! All of this comes from the mother that bought treats rarely if ever made them, had the "perfect family" from the outside, only my best friends knew about the struggles I had with drug abuse my daughter went through, etc. and finally learned to not care about what others thought (okay I always cared what my best friends thought, but they knew, and understood!!!) Vickey-MN

:) There seem to be a lot of conversation going on about my age and the fact that I moved out at 16. Now by all means I was NOT advertising it was a good idea it was something I had to do : problems with my mom. And yes you can dissaprove and yes you can find it weird but I don't think this is the point here. Anyways I didn't move in and try to change everything. Tell me finedreams... you deceide to go and have a bath or a shower... and then you realise there is hair all over the bath/shower. What do you do? Obviously you tell the person who did it to clean it up. Which at first I did ask DH to go and tell to SD because I didn't think it was 'right' for me to go and ask her... but I still wanted my shower and I might be weird I don't know but I do not like to take a shower with a mess of someoneelse's hair at the bottom. And after a while waiting and nothing's happening I just gave in and cleaned it myself because I was sick of waiting for SD to get up her arse and clean it. After all I WAS waiting after that to take my shower. This is a comun example of everyday. I do not clean after themselves because I WANT but because I NEED to. If I want to cook in a pan and the pan is encrusted with food because they can't cook properly and let it burn... I still need to clean that pan because they don't listen to DH when he tells them to go clean it so I can use it... so I end up having to clean it because I NEED to use it. After a while of living here... I got tired of it. I started going to ask them (I was asking nicely) and at the start it did work. They were actually listening to me. But then they stoped and it was back to square 1. And then this is my problem. I KNOW it is DH's job to tell them... but they don't listen to him and they don't listen to me obviously. I personally think he should dicipline them as in... well if you don't do it there will be consequences (not dicipline as a slap in the wrist as everybody seem to think I'm talking about). But who am I to tell him how to raise his children. Yabber seem to have gotten what I was going on about... should I tell him he should dicipline them or should what? should I just wait and wait and wait for my shower until they decide to listen to him. You know? And these are only few examples. They are slobs yes but I'm not trying to change to house or change them... it's just I cannot live the way they live so we obviously need to meet in the middle somewhere. DH wants a clean house but has given up on them because they are slobs and because they don't listen to him. And I just feel I'm the one cleaning the mess. Anyways, as I said previously I think I will take some time away from this place... time for me to think. Again thank you all for your responses. As blaming as they sound they do help... every little bit helps. Ocarina PS finedreams I do believe sometimes they are doing it on purpose... I feel very low these times because obviously I feel like I'm a wiked evil step mom or that they think I hate them, which I don't trust me. I would just like them to make a bit more effort so we can all live in peace but I don't know... I moved in because as I said previously I thought I could maybe 'fix' it. I did clean the kitchen top to bottom and was more than HAPPY to do it. I thought I was helping everyone here. Who in hell would say no to a free cleanup of their kitchen? But I just thought they would help me keep it that way. Or at least not make it worst you know.

Of course he can go out. He does all the time. The point is he did not come home that night or has not been back since last Wednesday. He did bring the car backt until the next day on Thursday evening. But if he can't pay for the gas then he should be smart enough know he can't drive around until it goes out of gase. THEN ask his littler brother for help.... Never said he was a loser. He uses the victim card too much. His mother left him 4 years ago. I have been married for 4 years. I was a single a parent for 18 years and never had this type of problem....You can't force a 21 year old to get his degree, get up, go to school, do your homework, don't stay up too late. etc etc. He is older enough now to make choices. The youngest one does......He claims he is in Colorado and the husband sister sent the ticket. However, no word from any of them...But his dad thinks he is lying. Keep in mind Dad is in China. If he was here I wouldn't even worry about it.......YES I am thrilled that there is piece in our apartment right now....I am just thrilled.....But it saddens me when my wonderful husband is hurt....This happened beyond his control. So the 21 year old wants to act up while his dad is away. HOW CONVENIENT...I asked his family and told my husband that he would not respect me and would be doing something like this. Well GUESS WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!When we move into the house that is my request. You want to act like an adult go be an adult.......My husband and I are soo close, best friends etc. There is nothing that will come between us. So I am not worried about that............I guess I see where there is gaps and now I can see where people did not understand. However, I think asking the questions that could put the pieces together is just fine. But when you make this down right rude comments of this and that. I guess it shows something about you..NOT I......