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skids go to counseling for first time, I'm so excited

Posted by liesbeth (My Page) on
Wed, Feb 25, 09 at 3:00

So today is THA DAY!! The girls have their first appointment with the counselor tonight. Since BM could not stop us this time she is now adement to prove that she's not the one that's difficult, it's us of course. So she is alll supp-pp-pp-ortive and she wants her darling babies to get the best possible help...blelp blep blep blep..blaahhh

I wonder if she is going to sit in the tiny waiting room to rub knees with us tonight. After all, a Borderline needs to have control so even though we are taking the skids she'll need to be there to somehow have that bit of control. No doubt. No worries. This is not about her, so I'm not going to let it ruin this exciting night!! I'm bringing my knitting so I can be true to the boring image of the goodie-2-shoes:-)

I know I get my hopes up and I know that this is not going to be an istant fix for everything but I'm just SO happy that we finally get to take the girls. If they get something out of it we'll be stoked!!

So now I'm going home and I feel a litlle bit tense because BM will be sitting in our driveway, dropping the skids off. She has to sit there for at least half an hour, and if the skids don't sit with her in the car till SHE says it's ok to go they're in trouble. God she's a piece of work. Pfff

Update tomorrow!!

Follow-Up Postings:

RE: skids go to counseling for first time, I'm so excited

It's a downer sometimes to be such a cynic...
(Hope I'm wrong)

When I was finally able to get my older son in for educational testing one time many years ago (nasty dragged-out mediated agreement because Dad said DS was 'perfect' and I said he was dyslexic and needed help) --
Anyway, the appointment occured during my time with DS, but 'Daddy' showed up anyway to "show support" and spent the entire time in the waiting room talking to 11 year old DS about how "Everything would be OK and there was nothing to worry about and Daddy would be right there the whole time" in a patronizing baby voice. (The kind of voice you'd use on a 2 year old about to have surgery.) DS was perfectly fine when we arrived, but by the time 'Daddy' was done "reassuring" him, he was an anxious mess! (Because clearly this was something awful if Daddy was so anxious!)

Don't be surprised if your skids' BioMom finds a way...

RE: skids go to counseling for first time, I'm so excited

Echoing Sweeby . . .

I would lean more toward intimidation and less toward control here. If your SD's are snything like mine, just having mom there will make certain they don't speak ill of her, less she find out. It took some convincing by SD's Dr. that he wouldn't tell mom and she couldn't hear though the door before she would open up.

I'm hopeful for you though. Keep us posted.

RE: skids go to counseling for first time, I'm so excited

Update! It went well and BM did not show up, excellent!!

The hour flew by and when skids came out SD12 asked us straight away if it was possible to go longer, like maybe 2 hours per session! SD10 was surprised they only talked, she thought the lady was going to question her.

The counselor took FDH aside and told him SD12 had requested to have BM take them from now on (in our time!!). FDH said HE is the one that has made the effort to organise this and he is paying for it as well. And since the counseling is therefore in OUR time we don't want to deviate from the court order, so no.

FDH said he suspected this to be a control issue for BM. Counselor insisted it is SD12's request. We were pretty annoyed to be honest, thinking that once again a counselor is NOT getting it. Aarrgghhh.

So anyway, we came home and when the skids went to bed FDH had a chat to SD12 to explain why we want to take them ourselves. He also said he was confused about her request because SD12 has always said she only wants to go when she is with us, not with her mom (pressure of questioning after). And guess what; we got it totally wrong..

SD12 wants her mom to take them so she can be there and get some help herself. SD12 wants her mom to join in with the sessions. Isn't she a SWEATHEART??? So no alterior motives by BM this time, just a 12yr-old sweetie.
FDH explained that after a couple of sessions the counselor will ask their mom to join in, but we will still bring them ourselves. Everybody happy :-)

RE: skids go to counseling for first time, I'm so excited

I'll keep my fingers crossed --

And how wonderful that SD12 has some good sense!

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