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anona39

Is it even worth to date anymore?

anona39
13 years ago

Hey everyone - I'm hoping to get some feedback from people who have been through this before as no one I know has ever been through it. I'm currently involved with a wonderful person and the relationship is going great, some ups and downs but nothing out of the ordinary. That's just in our relationship between the two of us. We've dated for about 2 years, and have had the talks in passing about getting married, kids, house, dog, etc but no serious conversations yet. We are both young (her early 30s, me late 20s). There are 2 major obstacles that the person I'm dating brought in and I'm having serious doubts as to if the situation will ever improve. If it wasn't for these two, I would have no doubts about taking the relationship to the next level.

1 - the ex is crazy and won't accept the fact that they are divorced; restraining and no contact order is in place over it. Still holding onto a fake glimmer of hope that there is a chance of reconciliation. Not a chance but the ex will not accept it. Still emails stupid crap since that's the only form of communication allowed (borderline violating the order). I'm keeping a close eye on this situation for any signs of escalation.

2- her teenage son (16). He hates me with a passion due to various reasons; including missteps we took during the initial dating process (I'm the first person she's seriously dating since the divorce 4 years ago, and the first to be introduced so we admit that there were mistakes made including moving too fast), my own refusal to give into his entitlement issues, entitlement issues, normal teenage behavior, and who knows what part in all this the ex is playing, but I'm pretty sure it's no small part. We are both in agreement that more then likely there is some PAS going on with her cheating on the ex (in his mind). There is also some loneliness going on due to losing many friends over his "I'm better then everyone" attitude, and the crazy dad situation. Overall, if he got his head straight, realized the world doesn't revolve around him, and his life could be alot worse, he would turn out alright. And that's where the problem lies.

Given the family attitude (minus his mom - the person I'm dating) of treating him like he's had such a hard life (he hasn't), he's developed the mentality of nothing is ever his fault. His bad grades (failing school), drug usage, know-it-all attitude (even those that he respects), and disrespect beyond the normal teenage range. Getting help for him didn't work as dad (and other family members) are convincing him he's perfect while feeding this entitlement, don't do anything bs attitude. He is forced to do chores at her apartment, so that's a plus but he of course does it cussing up a storm at his mom (c**t, b**tch, etc.). And of course, he tries to threaten me through his mom, but he has yet to say anything to my face (closest was via text). I don't live with them, and am very glad about that one. No idea how bad the situation would be if I did, and I'm in no hurry to find out. I was raised old school in a rough town, so if you made a threat against anyone, you needed to be prepared to back it up (plenty of back yard fights, broken noses, etc.). I don't condone it, but it has definitely shaped me to not trash talk unless your absolutely sure you want to head down that path. No one ever died, and cops very rarely became involved - most of the times, our parents would laugh and say "well I guess you know for next time" then toss us a bag of frozen peas. Not like teens today who run to the cops screaming assault because they can't believe somebody actually did something.

Anyway, from people that have raised or been through it themselves, does the situation with the teenager ever get better? Truthfully, he is the one that has drawn the line in the sand over our relationship and chosen to vilify me (due to the reasons listed above, and his own anger/misunderstanding of the divorce). He refuses to get professional help. I don't get the impression that she will take this forever, but I'm afraid of two things:

1)The situation will continue and this high stress will last for years (past high school graduation)

2)That I am actually tearing the family apart which is something I cannot live with.

I dunno, maybe I'm just rambling - but any feedback, advice, or comments would be appreciated. I'm just not sure if it's worth dating anymore if I am actually destroying the relationship between them or this crap won't ever go away. Other then these two major issues, the relationship is great and has alot of potential.

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